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May 2019 · 329
12 AM thoughts
Rain May 2019
And here we go again;
So why don’t you just go ahead?
Tell me why I'm wrong
And that you’re strong
and that you long
For better days with me
That will never leave your days with me
Right before you slam the door and leave with me
With me and leave me behind
My heart and my soul intertwined with yours and i can’t quite
Take back what you stole
And you throw it away
Away and away little bluebird fly away
He swears he never meant to hurt you this way
But he did
And you can’t fix it
And he can’t fix it
So just write, little bird, write
Until the pain fades away.
Be careful who you give your heart to -  A Knight in shining armor may be yet another captor in disguise; without teeth, but with tongue just as sharp.
Mar 2019 · 677
Thought of Tomorrow
Rain Mar 2019
Gasping,
Internally
Dying.
The air’s too thick
Too sweet

I claw at my face with broken nails
Glass shards peirce my hands
The thought of tomorrow,
Burns my skin.

There will be no last battle,
no moment of salvation
My broken body
is covered in ****** stains
By my own hand I was slain

My legs are pumped with lead
Heart beating slow, now
So slow...

Tears ***** my eyes, burning like hot liquid fire
Even yet I do no cry out
To cry out would be to move

       And I can’t move, not now

Trapped in a cage of my own design
I sit paralyzed
Muscles struck stiff
But as the knife tears through me like paper,

                 I finally scream.

Cool hands touch my skin now
I hear a soft voice saying that
It’s OK, all ok now
but it’s too late, far too late for me.
    
            It was always too late.
Sometimes, when my anxiety is especially bad, the only way I can force myself to calm down is to picture myself being hurt. The violence is like... Fulfillment, like my imperfection is suddenly ok, because I’ve been sufficiently punished. And I’m a Believer, so I know that it doesn’t really help, and that it’s unhealthy, and that it would never be enough to make up for my sins anyway, but some days it’s all I can do to function. I know it needs to change, but today I just... I can’t.
Feb 2019 · 849
How do We Choose?
Rain Feb 2019
I can't solve all the problems in the world, I know,
So how do I choose which ones to fix?
To truly help them, I must let go
of my own selfish happiness

Instead, I will strive to mend what is broken,
Though broken is what I may be
Simply living is indeed a heavy token
A token of which I admit, I wish I was free

So how do I choose who to throw a lifeline to?
Because
Each lifeline takes a piece of me too
And I'm not sure how many pieces I have left

But in bringing others joy,
One must often sacrifice their own happiness
Yet I

I can't save every starfish,
but in saving a few I  must watch the rest die
As I selfishly choose which ones to let live and let lie
:(
I see my friends hurting, and I want to be there, but I can't heal every person  I meet in need of my help. I'm afraid that someday the weight of all their burdens will crush me, once and for all, but until that time, I'll guess I'll keep trudging onward, cracks, broken pieces and all, until the day I just can't move any farther.
Feb 2019 · 7.8k
A City on the Outside
Rain Feb 2019
It’s a city from the outside,
Shining on a hill
But from the inside looking out
It’s just another jail
It sometimes feels like the city walls are pressing in, suffocating me, but I can’t leave, at least not yet. Soon, though, I’ll be leaving; soon... I just have to remember to breathe long enough to get there.
Feb 2019 · 1.3k
Red Blue
Rain Feb 2019
“Roses
are red,
violets are blue.
I hope
you love me,
because I really
love you.”

But when the roses are done
And the violets do fade
I turn my head
To hide this facade
And we’ll go on living
Like we are in love
When really there’s nothing
Nothing but dust
This is an addition to a poem titled “Roses are Red” by a wonderful poet called Masha Yurkevich (she wrote what’s in quotes). She’s a great writer, and you guys should go check her out!
Feb 2019 · 850
Lies Are
Rain Feb 2019
Lies are
A soft velvet cover we wrap around
Glass shards of truth
Hiding their vicious gleam
Dulling their jagged edges
And though you cannot see what is beneath
Would you really want to?
After all, those that claim to have seen all that lies beyond the world’s lies
Bear the worst scars.
Knowledge is power, but ignorance is bliss, so choose what you would know with care.
Jan 2019 · 2.7k
We Run
Rain Jan 2019
The Smog is a thick blanket tonight,
The moon just visible through its veil
Toxic, smothering us in the dark
As we run beneath the stars

Every breath in piercing, clotting, cloying
We grit our teeth and grin as mad
We are one, we sprint
We are mad,
As we run beneath the stars

Cubicle, so tiny
A cage so confining
School, so tiring
Walls made of iron
Home, so clean
Polluted air so pristine
Hate and venom, clear oxygen
No one else can smell this fear

Outside, a breath
Noxious fumes, a little death
Fumes inhaled
Less deadly yet

And so we run.
We race and we choke
Taking life as we go
We throw off our masks,
Oxygen filtered out
Who needs to breathe?

Suffocation outside is a better kind of sting.

We run, we fly beneath the stars
Laughing, roaring
Fulfilling this ache
Inhaling the toxins,
Letting them keep us awake

We may cough and we may sputter,
But this is the pain we choose
So much better than any other

And so we run.
The non-literal suffocation of life at home, at work, and in school can be, in my mind, so much greater than the suffering one experiences when going out into the polluted streets (the "throw off our masks" line has a double meaning, one of mask as in hiding who you are elsewhere, and mask as in a mask against toxins in the air), and sometimes it’s worth it to simply let go.
Jan 2019 · 747
Monster
Rain Jan 2019
Maybe we cut
Because the monster we've tried so hard to be rid of
Isn't hunting us,
Isn't near us,
Isn't lurking around the corner to come get us
But is in us

It is Us
We run so fast and so far to escape our monsters, but more often than not we find that _we_ are what we’ve despised.
Jan 2019 · 167
War
Rain Jan 2019
War
Pain.
So much pain
It flows all around me, all-encompassing
Like a thick, viscous syrup
The dust hangs heavy in the air, no wind to blow it away
The flies, they swarm in clouds
Surrounding and enhancing the stink of death
Their incessant buzzing fills my ears

I look to my left and see a soldier boy’s broken body lying in the dirt, his face marred with scars
Can hear his ragged, sharp intakes as he fights for his life
Slowly trailing off into wet, ****** gurgles.
I’ve never seen death before, but somehow I know that this,
This is it
And I realize he’s close to it
I’ve never felt grief before
But I know its stabbing ache now,
Harsher with every crippled body I see
Growing gradually into an unnatural stillness
I beg for the soldier boy to hold out, I plead silently for him to live
But I know in my heart that he won’t.

Suddenly he chokes out a single word-
“Water!” He gasps
I startle and he falls back again, into the blood-soaked mud
I shift, starting toward him, when liquid fire shoots up my arm
Hissing breath,
White spots
I can hardly see
Can barely breathe

Nearly immobilized by anguish, I move once more to help him
Water trickles into his open mouth,
And then, for the first time, I see the light of life leave someone’s eyes

I slump onto the hard, unforgiving soil
Down, down, my eyes travel
Roaming over what’s left of my arm
Flesh and shards of bone
My gaze swivels around to the ****** landscape
Shredded bodies, torn horses kicking at the air
Death, so much death.
For long hours I lay baking in the sun, surrounded by devastation
At last, long last, far beyond the point of hope,
The Giver brings me back.
I turn my sunken stare to him, and he hides his stricken face
For showing all that I now know
“Forgive me,” he whispers
I nod absently
So.
That was War.
This was written as an assignment for English class, and is about Jonas' first interaction with war and tragedy, from the book The Giver.
Rain Jan 2019
"Do you ever wonder if a painter ever tires of his colors?"

Does a painter ever tire of his colors?

Well, here is what I consider;
Does a bird ever tire to sing?
Does an instrument ever tire of its tune?
Indeed, does a poet ever tire of his words?

I, though I am surely no expert, say that it is not so
For as a bird may sing a hundred songs yet speak no lyrics,
As the instrument may contain a thousand songs therein, whilst keeping its tunes the same,
As a poet may conceive of an abundance of lyrical wonders, poems so sad or sweet to make a grown man weep, but only the order of the words he uses may change

As all of this is so, I say this:
A painter may yet tire of his colors, but all artists are only given so much
So if a painter and a creator he truly is,
They shall surely find again a new way to use that which they were gifted
For colors, words, tunes- these are all limited, and infinity does not present itself in any
Yet that is the unique power granted to artists,
they create a multitude of works from the most limited material

And isn't that what sets us artists apart?
The ability to make something beautiful from but a few colors, from but a few words, from but a few tunes

Essentially,
To be able to carve infinity from something finite.

So again, I say it is not so - a painter should never tire of his colors, but only think longer on how he should next arrange them.
This was written in response to poet Eleanor Sinclair's work titled "Wonder", which asked the question of whether or not one thought a painter ever got tired of his colors. You guys should totally go check out her other poems - they're really good!!
Dec 2018 · 2.2k
Effects of School
Rain Dec 2018
Stress.

























































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Oh, and education, I guess.
Pretty much sums it up.
Nov 2018 · 297
What I Say & What I Think
Rain Nov 2018
“Yeah?”
Don’t do it.
“You really think I care?”
This isn’t you
“I hate you!”
Stop, be done and let it rest
You make me miserable, not them.”
End it, you’ll only cause damage and pain, you’re blind with anger and you should walk away
”You make me wish I were dead."
Said in deadpan, voice with no inflection, yet packed with emotion
There it is, you've done it now.  See their tears? See the way they threaten to fall?
Please, see me! I don't mean it
Yes I do
No I don't!
Please!
Please...
I stand there, helpless in rage, even as unwanted tears roll down my cheeks

As I watch I see their fury slowly die
Replaced by hurt and anguish
And soon my anger, too, fades away
Yet the words are already out

I feel as if I were an insect caught fast in a web
The more I thrash and strike, the more I am ensnared

They turn away, their face is hidden
Yet still I stand here inert
Inside something cracks and shatters
Yet I do not reach out my hand

Slowly they draw themselves up
Pointed away
Away from my piercing words
Away from the dagger that has become my tongue
Away from my bullets disguised as speech
Away, away, away
Away from me

Suddenly I stagger forwards,
calling out their name!
"Wait! I... I..."
Nothing.
The sentence hangs, it must have caught between my heart and mouth

Please, I didn't mean it!
I want to howl
Please, don't listen to me
I was trapped in the heat of my fury, and fool enough to let it show

I want to scream after them
"Please, see me
Not my words
Please... please, don't walk away"
I would quietly beg
My voice hoarse and expression haggard, I would stand there limply
And they would walk briskly back and we would embrace and all would be well and and and...

But no.
I could not speak any of this
And so away they walked
Into the gloomy night

And me, still standing there
My heart so loud yet my mouth too slow, too slow and too fast

Finally, I too turn away, eyes damp and heart heavy, full of words unsaid
I climb numbly up, back to my room
And write all the things I wish I would say
Distantly hoping that next time, they might find their way out sooner

Maybe there will be another chance,
Maybe it's too late
Maybe they will forgive me
Maybe they're too far gone
Maybe, maybe, maybe...

Maybe my mind will work better tomorrow
But if not, at least
I have the words down now
Finally set in ink and paper
Will they ever see this poem, I wonder?
I wonder...
Sometimes we all get caught up in our emotions. Some less, some more, but everyone has, and it's hard when there are all these thoughts inside but you Just. Can't. get them out.
Aug 2018 · 322
Trust Not the World
Rain Aug 2018
I keep my age and name hidden
Locked away indeed
Can't have internet strangers
searching through my feed
Looking for girls naive enough
Trusting enough
Pretty enough
Young enough

Watching, waiting
Anticipating a catch
Clever leeches
******* away our vitality
Ensnaring the lovely
Making money off friends,
Siblings
Daughters
Success from our blind innocence

Need it be this way?
Whether it does or no, I shall hide my name and age
And in safety I will stay

But I know many who do not,
I cannot be with them forever
And I fear that one day, somehow
The evil that has beset so many others
May then take them too,
Simply another stupid teen
Too dumb to realize that the world was crouching,
waiting to ****** them away
Forever, never to be seen talking or laughing again

I hate this.
I haven't written in a while, but I needed a place to vent. How can people be so awful? Be careful who you put your trust in, especially on the internet, and if you see someone else making bad decisions, stop them. Do not let the world be an even darker place then it already is.
Jul 2018 · 454
Exquisitely Normal
Rain Jul 2018
If everyone had superhuman abilities, then guess what we would all be called?
Normal.
If every single person could lift a thousand pounds, then it would be no longer considered extraordinary;
It would be deemed merely
Normal.
You are stunningly beautiful, talented, and smart
As is your neighbor, your friend, and everyone surrounding you.
All display their talents in different ways,
Some in jobs
Some in science
Some in love
And it is all, completely, 100%,
Normal.
We are all superhuman in my mind, and I look at each person with astonished amazement, constantly wondering how they could ever be considered
Normal
But I think
We have all been exposed to so much talent and brilliance
That we have become desensitized to it
So I say,
If this is what is considered Normal, then I too wish to be Normal
So
I am Normal
You are Normal
And congratulations to the both of us
I found one of my old entries in a journal that I'd totally forgotten about, but here it is (I changed it a bit, but the main point is the same). Looking back among my darker thoughts and wishes at that time, re-reading something hopeful instead was somewhat refreshing, and I hope you find it so as well.
Jun 2018 · 896
Anxiety Is
Rain Jun 2018
Anxiety is
A twelve page essay
Due eternally tomorrow
Truth.
Jun 2018 · 720
I'm. Not. Broken.
Rain Jun 2018
My heart is not slashed through,
Not shattered into a thousand shards, still sharp
It is only bruised, but it will heal, it will recover

My mind is not fragmented,
Is not a rubber band pulled taut, ready to snap at any moment
It is only chipped, a small piece of sanity missing from a masterpiece of calculation, but it will heal, it will recover

My will is not crushed,
Not flattened into submission, never again to be raised in objection
It was only lying low in fear, hidden from your mirthless laughter, your jarring words spouting from a mouth of lies,
but it will heal, it will recover

My hope has not been stolen,
Is not a brief flare, quickly doused by tears shed solely because of you
No, the flame of hope has only wavered, flickering on the edge of extinguishment, but it has survived, and is here now as I finally gather my scattered courage to face you
No more!
My hope is no longer the tender flame atop a candle, but is now a roaring inferno
Pushing, shoving back against the tyranny of your control
No more!

And I am healing, I am recovering
And I will make it through.
I will become whole once more
Without you.
This isn't written about a lover, but rather an abusive or suppressive parent. Please remember that even if an experience changed you, even if a truly monstrous situation were to befall you, there is still hope for healing. No, things may never be the same, but human hearts don't work that way- we don't go through something and come out unscathed, but you can decide how something will change you. You can choose to stay strong, even if strong sometimes means crying long into the night, or getting help, if that's what you need. Strong is choosing to continue to fight, even when it seems like life is conspiring against you. Please remember that.
Jun 2018 · 2.3k
A Burning Sunshine Smile
Rain Jun 2018
His smile was as warm as the sun,
And yet his heart was as cold as ice
But I was still reeling from his scorching gaze,
to busy to notice
The trail of broken hearts
Left both burned and chilled
Scarred
Never quite right
And if you look past his touch
Nearly scalding in nature,
You might begin to see
His own frozen soul, sapping the heat from yours
So however alluring his grin may be,
His eyes blazing into mine
I fear that I must, for my own sake
Turn to him the cold shoulder,
To preserve the heat of my own soul.
Wait for the one that will treat you right
Jun 2018 · 880
Switchblade Love
Rain Jun 2018
I’d swear she had a switchblade, on either end of her love was a knife
Her love stung, speared and sliced with its serrated edge,
And still I loved her more than life.
I loved her so entirely I made her a pledge;

A pledge that no matter what
I'd stay true by her side
Through thick and thin
Yet her words formed wounds, she spoke to cut
Cut through my defenses-
Calvary of logic, king is my heart, and walls made of skin

No, this time I'm not winning, and the king is dethroned

Her affection had an edge, one so thin that at first I couldn’t see
Every time I would leave, I would go with bandages anew
No, I couldn’t see even as she had begun to destroy me
Her love was as bright as flames, and as deadly too

So be careful with your love, Love, and take a moment to see
That what is but a twist of the wrist to you
Is a dagger in the heart to me
This is the first poem I've written on the subject of love from the perspective of a guy, so any creative criticism would be greatly appreciated <3
Jun 2018 · 230
Faith in Death
Rain Jun 2018
Broken,
Laying alone in my bed
My health is failing me
The chemo, they said it would work
The chemo, oh how it hurts
But not nearly as hard as the sight,
The sight of my daughters, looking up at me with eyes open wide
And I never have the answers that they need
“Why daddy? How could God let this happen? Why would God let this happen?”
Cutting me open with their innocent gazes
I don’t have the answers, but if I did,
My words are slurred, and they don’t understand a word I speak anyway
But I’m still alive
For now
And I don’t know why this is happening, sweet little children
But I know this isn’t God’s plan
And I know he’s there for you
He’s got it all in His hands
And is looking out for you
And I don’t know the answers, it’s true
But that doesn’t mean they’re not out there
So when I’m gone, remember this-
That your good ol’ papa stayed strong to the end
And his faith, it never bent
So please
Live,
For my sake.
A friend of mine has cancer, and the doctors have just told him he has about 6 months to live. It’s so, so hard, but I know that we, and his family, will make it through together.
Jun 2018 · 289
An Ocean of Thought
Rain Jun 2018
My thoughts are boats,
Sailing out on a river of words
Over the horizon of ideas and notions
But sometimes,
I have a million vessels
All stuck in the harbor of my mind
And my rivers run dry
So they sit
And they sit
And they sit
And no one hears a thing
We feel so many things, it’s a wonder we haven’t yet all drowned.
Rain Jun 2018
This Fire burns
This Fire scorches
This Fire brings pain to any too close to its tongues

And Yet

Fire brightens
Fire revives
Fire drives away a winter's bitter night

And Love,
Love can twist
Love can mangle
Love oft leaves many a bruise and tangle

And Yet

Real Love can heal
Real Love can lull
Real Love can dull the sharp edges of one's hate,
Prone to slice others
Thereby protecting the ones
That we come to cherish

So Fire and Love, as you can see
May not be as different as we believe
And pain and despair
Ring true of both
Yet so does hope

So if you light a match of love, you walk a dangerous line
Between agony and euphoria
On either side of this narrow tightrope we walk
Either could make us,
But either could break us

And just imagine, the destruction that could ensue!
If two loved as vehemently as a roaring flame
But imagine also
Of how many hearts could be warmed
If only
We took the time to love
Love can hurt, but it can be worth it. And I have found that that constant lonesome feeling is worse by far, and I would much rather have my heart in the danger that is love than have it grow cold from cutting off everyone else.
May 2018 · 638
Sacrifice
Rain May 2018
Is it more of a sacrifice,
To love life, and die for someone other than oneself?
Or is it perhaps harder
To hate life and yearn for death,
Yet live for the sake of one you love?
I'm thinking it's the latter,
Because clinging to life here in misery for their sake
Hurts so much more than choosing to leave forever.
You do not only have to stay alive for you. Sometimes it is enough to stay alive for your mom, your brother your S.O, anyone. If you have no one but your cats, then stay alive for them! If you have a dog, think of how much pain you'd cause him/her if you left. Point is, find something, anything, even a temporary thing, to live for, and live for it! If you must, find a new something/one to live for. Just don't give up.
May 2018 · 3.7k
Too Tired
Rain May 2018
I have all these thoughts
Filling my mind
My brain overloaded with
Pictures,
Memories,
Emotions.
I have too many words, bouncing back and forth, back and forth,
But I'm too tired to express
Any of them.
It hurts,
each time one of these ideas ricochets inside my skull
But I'm too tired
Too tired to write it all down,
Too tired to care
Too tired, even, to sleep
Now isn't that ironic?
I have a million and one things to say
With every idea caught in the thick jelly of my mind
And by the time the words reach my mouth
They've lost their momentum
And have no energy to carry out as sentences
But in the end, it doesn't really matter, does it?
Because I'm really
Just
Too
Tired
For this
We've all felt in need of motivation; just hang in there. We're all trying
May 2018 · 251
At Least
Rain May 2018
It can
**** your soul
Crush your spirit
Build your want
Fuel your need
It will
Take your innocence
Your friends
Your family
Your mind
But
At least liquor feels good,
Right?
Alcoholism is a very real problem in Kyrgyzstan, and I will do everything I can to help that change
May 2018 · 236
Suicide Song
Rain May 2018
I once had a friend who said
He wanted to die
And his friends, they would laugh at his “queer” humor
But I saw him.

He would sing songs of depression and death on his piano
The keys in tune with his heart

But they chided him
Asking what kind of a role model he was for their kids

Ignored how, though he joked of despair,
Inconspicuously left for a therapy session
Every now and then

But he would always sing, no matter where he was
And the songs that he sang were odd, both hopless and uplifting at once

And sometimes
I thought I could see his eyes just a little brighter in song
Just a bit
Less heavy
Less dark
With a spark of what might be

But again he was scolded, for the songs that he sang
Spoke of cut souls and hurt
And he sang them aloud!

And yet when the others had turned
And walked far enough away
He would once more begin his expression of death
In song

And I, for one, hope that when the world weighs him down like lead
He will sing loud as he wants
Or otherwise,
He might just wind up dead.

But for now, he will continue
To push back his sorrow with lyrics sung in rhyme
Barely making it through each day, but making it through still,
continuing

With a song on his lips
And music at his fingertips
He is surviving
And for now, that is enough.
This friend is real, and I hope he will keep on singing. Please remember, that even if it seems like no one would miss you if died right now, think of all the people you have yet to meet and influence, and how many future friends have yet to meet you. One day, you will look back on your life, see all of its struggles and hardships, and smile. Smile at what you have now, and smile for what you will have, but whatever you do, keep pushing forward. “This too shall pass”
May 2018 · 218
Emotionless Fear
Rain May 2018
I’m hurting, I’m hurting, but deep down inside
I think I’m beginning to
Feel nothing;
Nothing at all.
And though that should scare me, I’ve found I face this lack of emotion with
Blank acceptance
But now,
I am scared
Of my own detachment.
So here I am now
Clingig to this fragile feeling of fear
Acting as my rope
Tying my mind to sanity
But its ties are fraying
No!
And as distressed agitation steadily slips into
Apathy
My grip on this rope
Is also
Slowly
Slipping,
And into
Insanity
I go
In this world, I have to wonder-  would it be truly crazy to go insane?
May 2018 · 238
Deceptive Fireflies
Rain May 2018
Far away in the distance I see
Fireflies, each one tiny, and brighter than the morning sun
Like suspended lanterns they sparkle
Coming ever closer,
Alluring; glittering, dazzling wings beating faster than the eye can follow

Suddenly they gather, more and more of them
A whirlwind around me
Surrounding, beautiful, stunning
These hypnotizing fireflies come closer, brushing up against me
Tiny stars blotting out a velvet sky above

And then all at once a dream turns to a nightmare
As a hundred minute creatures swarming up in magnificently terrifying clusters
Press against me, making it impossible to move
Pigmy devils, to be sure
Choking me, stealing my breath away
Swirling up into my eyes, my nose, my mouth
I can’t breathe, I can’t think!
Suddenly their lights are too bright, no longer simple stars but supernovas
I am blind and deaf to the world,
And stumble to my knees,
Sinking haltingly to the ground
The world
Slowly...
Fading...
To Black.

But then as quickly as they’d come, they vanish
I draw in a mouthful of sweet, sweet air
Forever to be haunted by the memory of a million insect legs, crawling, buzzing and blocking out my world

Yet still I am alive.

I get up warily and look about- not a soul to be seen.
I turn, and in a daze,
Begin to trudge the long hike back,

Back to anywhere with insect repellent.
Not everything is as it appears. A word of advice- Approach with caution anything that at first glance appears enticing
May 2018 · 294
A Houseless Home
Rain May 2018
Why must home
be where you're born?

I feel at home laying on the summer grass
Up atop the windswept mountain pass
The shepherds herd
their cattle down below
But the life of a shepherd is not one I know

Because I was not born here.

I sigh as I look up from the valley where I stand
Don't have paper- jot down this poem on my hand
The river surges by my little brother and me
And we grin at this amazing feeling of being free

But we were not born here

They say my home is a house, a house will grey walls
But I feel my home is outside its dreary halls
I say a home is a place where you're wanted, and where you want to be
Then why can't this be home, to me?

I feel at home, beneath the gray sky
I focus on my poems as I sit (at least I try)
As I sit by the stream,
By the brook that gurgles along
Pray tell me if I'm wrong,
But

This feels like home
I'm from the U.S, but Kyrgyzstan is where my heart is, and I wouldn't live anywhere else for the world.
May 2018 · 249
Broken Lantern
Rain May 2018
Light is required for freedom to flourish
And that light I cherish
Because most days there's sun but no light

To stay awake is a fight
Gotta struggle for my life
Through the silence, sharp as a knife

So I cover that wound with noise
Go out and party with the boys
Sensualize,
Never empathize
Because honestly? There's too many
Lonely people
with
Broken,
Shattered pieces;
Dark Souls
with
No hope
I'm supposed to be the "Light in the Dark"
But how can I possibly shine a light for them
When I myself can't see?

I don't know, but I've been blind in the dark before
So I guess
I will fight their fight once more
A dim light though I may be,
I will stand here, so anyone close enough can see
That even a broken lantern
Can shine through its cracks
You are never too broken, have never been hurt too bad, are not too far gone, to be a light to someone. I'm not saying you need to "Shine for the World" or some other overused mantra, but please remember that sometimes, it's only the broken who can heal broken.
May 2018 · 214
Die or No?
Rain May 2018
If I had the chance to **** myself, would I?
Of course not!
I don't want to die
But, there's a constant longing, tugging at the edge of my mind
That wants me to be free
The voice is soft and sweet - kind.
But I don't know that the voice is wrong
And that scares me
Because although the voice is soft, it is strong
Telling, urging me to be free... Forever

Would I, could I, **** myself?
If only I had strength for the endeavor
To fight Life itself
And win

If I had the chance to **** myself, would I?
I might.
What's there to say?
May 2018 · 352
I love you dad
Rain May 2018
Dad, you're my best friend
Even when everyone’s leaving, your love doesn’t end
Most everyone has a dad, it’s true
But of those, there are no dads like you
Though we argue (Sometimes it seems we fight all the time)
I could never find the just right words to put in a line,
A perfect enough way to describe my love for you,
Because when the tests are too hard, and the world is too heavy,
who’s still there when I look behind, ready to catch me?
Who?
You.
Safe; but confident is also how I feel around you.
Because I know that even if I don’t believe in me, you do

So for all of those times that I’ve turned your hair grey,
When I’ve woken up too groggy to even say “Hey”
When you’ve had Indian, and I stole the last bite
Or kept you up talking, late into the night

I love you dad, as I hope you know,
even when you’ve sung “Whip your hair”
About a couple dozen times or so,
we make a perfect pair,
You and I
And I have never, not once, had to lie
When I’ve said that of the hundreds of thousands of dads there are, it’s no great feat that
I would choose you over any of them in a heartbeat.
I love you dad
<3
It's my dad's birthday today, so I made him this! I hope you enjoy reading it too. Love your dads, guys, and don't forget that nobody's perfect. Love them anyways.  <3
May 2018 · 243
All in a Title
Rain May 2018
A title is everything
"Ocean Sunsets"
Is a poem you may care to check
But would you read "Untitled" just as readily?

Don't judge a book by its cover, but a book's cover is made to be judged
Don't judge a poem by its title, but a poem's title is meant to be judged
Don't judge a person by their skin, but their skin is meant to be...
Wait
No,
It's not.

If a black man came up for a chat, would you?
Would you trust him long enough to hear him speak?

If a white girl spoke, would you assume she was dumb?
Would you assume she was as capable as anyone, or that she cared for nothing but her Instagram feed?

If this poem was "untitled" would you care to read it?
Probably not.

Please, I urge you, judge books by their covers,
But not people
Love your neighbor as yourself, whether they be Caucasian, African, Russian, Hispanic, Asian, etc. It's not the skin that counts, because that skin doesn't define a person, so please, don't judge someone at first glance.
May 2018 · 1.9k
Why Must Hurting Hurt?
Rain May 2018
Why does it hurt so bad, to be angry?
Why is it painful to want to cause someone the pain they caused me?
They wronged me, I want to show them what it's like!
But inside it's tearing me apart, slicing my heart as I bruise theirs; yet still I srike
I lash out in anger! And it feels as if I've hit a wall
Yes it does them damage, but it hurts me most of all
It's excruciating, my verbal retaliations are taking their toll
Yes my words accomplish their goal,
But in cutting them down, I batter my own soul
I want to scream, I want to fight,
I want to crawl away in fright
I want to cry into the night,
Oh wait, that I already do.
But please, tell me who
Invented the act of hurting others, also hurting you?
"But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them." 1 John 2:11 -I've felt this way many a time
May 2018 · 223
Night Storm
Rain May 2018
The surging storm thunders above us, BOOM, CLAP
And I glance down at my sister, doll in her lap

This storm is fierce, whipping trees back and forth- Wild
But I’ve never feared them, even as a small child

We should be afraid of the storm, my sister and I
But many a storm has come, and passed us by

So now we sit and stare at this wondrous sight
At clouds so dark you’d think it was night
And as the others crawl away in fright,

We stare.
We gaze out at the world, the two of us a pair

And as the storm continues to rage on,
Stirring up leaves and twigs from our lawn
We sit and we watch, till dawn.

When the storm passes us by once again,
I glance up from my paper and pen

And I turn to my sister, still watching the sky
And we sit and we stare, my sister and I
Please comment below what you think I should call this poem. I appreciate any and all ideas, so please feel free to add yours
Rain May 2018
I've created a short one instead
One you can take in at a glace,
trying to cram in emotion-filled words,
something real, something substantial,
in ten lines or less
Feels like I'm trying to stuff all my feelings,
my memories,
my aspirations,
into a box they won't fit
Because that's all you'll read
Sometimes I feel like if I don't say what I have to say quick, that it soon becomes irrelevant, and no one wants to be a part of something in the past
May 2018 · 229
Glittering Poem
Rain May 2018
Poems are like jewels, each one sparkling, dazzling, bright
Each one a precious gem, yet non are alike
Every poem is different, so is every gem. But more precious than either are people, who differ even further from one another. So let’s celebrate our differences, like celebrating a multi-jeweled ring
May 2018 · 298
Dancing is Poetry in Motion
Rain May 2018
Dancing, carry you out to space
Dancing, frees your mind out to the sky
Dancing, can take you from place to place
Dancing, can let your thoughts fly high

Dance with all of your emotions
People will hear the story in your dance
Imagine you’re lost in the oceans
And finally you see the chance

Dance like no one’s watching
Cause then you’ll lose your mind
Dance like someone is catching
So that you won’t be left behind

Dance out the story of your own
So that your value will be shown.
PLEASE READ!!! I take no credit for this poem, as it was all done by my fabulous friend YaQi, who believes she's no good at poetry. I disagree, and decided to post her wonderful poem here. Enjoy! : ))
May 2018 · 808
Soul Music
Rain May 2018
Music can get a whole crowd jumping
Screaming to the beat that a DJ plays
It can get their hearts pumping
And whip them into a frenzied craze

But music, too, can pull your thoughts down
Drag your empathy out, however unwilling
Tug the edges of your mouth to frown
And cause tears welling up in your eyes, then spilling

Yet music can be also the reason a girl puts down the knife at night
Giving her courage and telling her there is more to life,
So don’t give up the fight
Songs lifting her soul, replacing her strife

So music, you see, is a powerful tool
And he who says it’s nothing more than noise is a fool
This is my first sonnet, so I hope you guys enjoy! (And please remember that I really appreciate any creative criticism you have to offer, so please, do offer it!)
May 2018 · 361
Never Thought
Rain May 2018
I thought that I would never see
A person as lovely as me

But then I looked in a mirror
Haha, just kidding :P This just popped into my head so I decided to share it with you guys
May 2018 · 933
In a Bottle
Rain May 2018
Beer in a bottle
Lost soul in a bottle
Broken family in a bottle
Headache in a bottle
Heavy heart in a bottle
Dependence in a bottle
Slow mind in a bottle
"Can't stop" in a bottle

Drowning at the bottom of a bottle
Drinking away fear by
downing bottle, after bottle, after bottle
Of beer in a bottle
Please drink sensibly, friends
May 2018 · 188
More than a Lover
Rain May 2018
How do I tell you I love you?

Not in a romantic, I-want-to-kiss-you sort of way
But in an I-want-to-catch-frogs with you way

I know it sounds odd
But you’re the sort of person
I can be me with

I know every poem you like,
Every class you hate,
Every song you listen to, in fact we both know the lines

But how do I tell you I love you?

You’re my best friend, have been from birth
We used to dig ditches together, while the sun scorched our backs
And as we grew out of make-believe, we moved into an age when friends could become more than that
But that was never us

Though we became closer, like siblings but not, we never were more
Except we are so much more
I’m here for you, when the world breaks your heart
And you wish you had never been born
You’re there for me, when the stress piles up past the sky, and I feel that I may lose my mind

We’re always there, waiting to catch one another, each of us holding the other’s broken heart together
So yes, we are so much more

But how do I tell you I love you?

How do I say that when the heat of hatred is swirling around us, when it hits me so hard I can’t breathe, that you’re my shield?
You, with your too-loud laugh and your crooked smile
You, who holds me deep into the night when life’s hardships are too much to be taken on alone
You, who were willing to bake me cookies (oatmeal chip) knowing they were my favorite kind?

So no, I don’t love you like that, but I love you as more
More than a sibling, more than a friend, more than a lover

So now tell me, how do I tell you all that?
You don't need to be interested in someone romantically to love them. Love first, be a lover second <3
May 2018 · 162
Please like this Poem
Rain May 2018
To write liked poems, has become an urge,
The want to see the little “love” symbol tick higher
Somehow, my outlet has become my obsession
Trying to find satisfaction in
All these empty words
Just to raise my status
This isn’t true for me on hellopoetry, but on other sites (and I know I’m not the only one) I can get so caught up in trying to get likes that I lose sight of what’s really important. Please remember that likes aren’t the world <3
Apr 2018 · 183
Potential
Rain Apr 2018
Often those of us with the greatest potential
Have the deepest flaws
#potential #flaw
Apr 2018 · 871
I am Me
Rain Apr 2018
I am who I am, nothing less, nothing more
I can change, but what for?
I love me, and I won't change on just anyone's whim,
so show me
Are you worth changing for?
It's important to know that you can change, but equally so to know what (or who) is worth changing for. Never change just because someone doesn't love you for you <3
Apr 2018 · 256
Kaleidoscope Eyes
Rain Apr 2018
A cat's eyes are as wild as they come, yet hypnotic just the same
They can be warm and sweet, like honey in the sun,
but they can be also orange, like flame;
Because cats, you see, have never been tame
Red, blue, sapphire, jade,
Like iridescent kaleidoscopes, their eyes sparkle,
And can shine like the moon at night
And when dinnertime comes, well, their eyes are as big as plates
I don't know about you guys, but my cat's eyes are suspiciously biggest right around dinner : P
Apr 2018 · 170
Out of Time
Rain Apr 2018
Hyperventilating, stinging eyes, sweat pouring down my back
Head throbbing from staring so long
My mind slipping, going blank
Terror worming it’s way inside my mind
The clock is ticking
Tick…
Tock...
I can’t think, I can’t breathe, there’s a voice inside my head,
Screaming at me to hurry up, to finish
Tick…
Tock…
Fear wells up inside me, my time is almost up
Tick…
Tock…
Just one more minute, just 10 more seconds!
Tick…
Tock.
Times up, and I must turn in my test.
Ughh, finals
Apr 2018 · 255
An Ode to My Amazing Kitten
Rain Apr 2018
Her purr slowly rumbles up from deep within her throat, vibrating her entire body, yet quieter than the mice she refuses to catch.
She looks mischievously up at me as she walks by, and I could’ve sworn she winked.
Her eyes are shaped as almonds, copper with flecks of gold, and wiser than a cat’s should be.
Hypnotic, to say the least
You may even think, looking into them, that she understands you with a certain clarity many a human does not possess

Her fur is as thick as a bears, downy as a chick’s, and as soft as velvet
Which you can feel as she rubs up against you, letting you know her food bowl is sadly bare
And unlike dogs, who love just anyone, a cat’s love is selective,
And makes you feel as if you’ve won the lottery if given to you
Unless there’s food, when suddenly she’s everyone’s best friend

My kitten’s belly is fluffy as a cloud, but beware its lure,
Though she may love you as much as she is able,
That will not stop her mauling if you get too near

And she’s smart, smart enough to know who gives the most treats, and who’d shoo her away
Who will let her lay in their bed, who will push her off
Who loves her presence, who can’t stand her
And then decides to stay with the one person in the room who pulls away

Her whiskers are long, and stiff as straw
According to Sage “Ticklish noodles”

Sensing something nearby, her sensitive whiskers twitch

She crouches low to the ground as she slinks toward unsuspecting prey
Padding quitely forward on silent paws
Lean muscles help her to pounce upon her quarry and pin it there
Claws, sharp as knives, used to help her grab and hold
A well-oiled killing machine in miniature, she glares down proudly at her catch
However, my kitten is a dufus, and it is not a mouse, it is a moth

But despite all her quirks, maybe because of them, my kitten is one in a million, and I wouldn’t trade her for the world :)
My kitten was hit by a car, and no one thought she would survive, but here she is, alive and breathing! So here's a poem to celebrate her :)
Apr 2018 · 144
Insanity!
Rain Apr 2018
Insanity, insanity,
I’m going crazy!
Am I?
Are you?
Great! Then we can lose our sanity together!
Can you help me find it? I’ll help you find yours
If you’ll  help me find mine
Look under the chair,
No wait! Look over there!
Maybe it’s gone?
But I’ll help you through it, whilst our sanities stray,
And then, maybe, we can get through it that way
Together we can get through this...
Bout
Of
Insanity
Alive.
Sometimes you need an equally crazy friend to help you make it through your insanity
Apr 2018 · 134
A Wolf’s Song
Rain Apr 2018
Pitter patter, pitter patter, soft feet race
Through the woods, snow white hares what they chase

Howling, howling, they hunt as one
Suddenly, bang! They hear a gun

Scatter, scatter, the huntsman’s near
They all dash away in fear

But a wolf’s cunning is not to be matched,
The huntsman knows this, so keeps his door latched

And so their time they do bide,
Learning from last night’s hide,
Until again they smoothly glide

Off again, off again they take flight,
Flitting silently through the night

Dead of winter, pitch black,
As they run, they see a shack

It’s warm inside, but they have learned
To shy from mans’ homes, lest they be burned
By a bullet intended to keep them from food unearned

Howling, howling at the moon,
Stars the only audience to their tune

But, if you’re lucky, if you’re near,
You too may get to hear
This song of theirs, that is so queer,
Filling mountainsides with sound, crystal, clear

A song of freedom, a song of pride,
A song that through years has never died-

The song of the wolf.
Apr 2018 · 185
Beautiful Ocean Foe
Rain Apr 2018
Once my dad and I were in Hawaii atop the rocky cliffs
Laughing in the sun, ignoring the drifts

“Out, come on out!”  My dad would call
“Don’t be afraid, the waves are small”
So out I went, clothes and all

I liked it out there, in the wet waves
But the thing about the ocean, is that it never behaves

Out, out into the water I did go
But then, the water, the opposite way it began to flow

I noticed not,
For the sun was hot,
And the water cool
Ah! I was such a fool
To not know that the ocean, though alluring, can be cruel

I got swept out to sea,
and so did he
My dad and I
Beneath the sky
Drifting out
No one about
To hear us shout

We were caught fast
In a current that could last
For miles, kilometers, or more
We’d been pulled, dragged, torn out from shore

In a panic, I thought we were through
We were but kites in a storm, I knew
The winds, oh how they blew!
Causing cresting waves, awakening terror anew

Each breath was a battle fought uphill
Each wave crashing upon the rocks was strong enough to ****

I know I should turn to God in times of fright,
But it was then dusk, and would soon turn night
In a panic, we had no time to pray
We only hoped we’d live long enough to see the dawn of another day

At last, at last, we made our way
Through the swells, through the spray
Until our feet hit sand, hooray
We dragged ourselves up, and then did lay
On the scratchy black sand of the bay

As we laid there heaving,
Just happy to be breathing,
We waited a moment, then thought of the ocean we were just leaving

It seems vast, glittering, and lovely - beautiful
But be aware, it’s crucial
That the watcher knows,
That oceans can be ruthless and fierce, as soon as the wind blows
So beware being caught in its throes

And isn’t that like life?
That sometimes things that look good on the outside,
Are really troubles hide
So like a taking a dip in a dangerous riptide
Sometimes, it’s best to look at the outcome first,
Lest all your good intentions be submersed

And as the crests beneath our feet broke
We spoke

And we said to each other -
“At least there weren’t sharks”
A true story; beware the ocean
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