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6.8k · Dec 2014
Flowers
Argentum Dec 2014
The spectrum of colors
carpet the garden
Flowers can mean anything to us
Flowers can be
Hope
Love
Mourning
Joy
Peace
Rebellion
Family.
But in the end,flowers are only flowers
Innocent and oblivious to
human whims
They grow for the sake of the flowers,
and only the flowers.
We coax them and tame them and pick them and give them meaning
but they don't understand us.
How would they?
We do not speak the tongue of the flowers
And if we did,would they have words for human emotion?
They wouldn't care
Anyway
They don't need to understand us
We would still make flowers our symbols
And they would look on
As if we were beneath them.
3.4k · Jan 2015
Escape
Argentum Jan 2015
when the sun surrendered
to the moon's seductive words of sleep
into my mind did
I delve deep--
I visited my memories
Piled carelessly on shelves
An endless library of my emotions,actions and reactions
which with every new day evolved
"Tell me,"I ask,"what is happiness again?for I've forgotten
what it's like to be free
Of gloom,to be unburdened."
"You still know joy,"my memories whispered,"we know you remember.
"We see what you see,hear what you hear,and make it somewhat sadder or sweeter."
"It's almost left my life,"I retort.
"I am idle with indifference,
I can't feel pain nor joy;why chance
pain by living your life at all
when you cannot feel other emotions?Why not just die?
Why bother?"
"Because there is always a way out,"
my memories reply."There's a door,
a ladder,a vent,a reaching hand.You
may be imprisoned,but there's more
to a prison than hopelessness and locks.all locks have keys,now you
must find yours;before you lose your way;there's no going back if you do."

with that in mind,I went home and dreamed of leaving;leaving the confines of the system,leaving my
sorrows behind me.
2.8k · Jun 2017
At the aquarium.
Argentum Jun 2017
When they get to the aquarium, the  kid asks if they have a Great White shark exhibit.


The volunteer says no, we don’t.


The kid asks, “Why? are you afraid he might try to eat people?”


The volunteer chuckles at this and tells him no. no aquarium has successfully held a Great White shark live for more than a few days.


You see, in order to stay alive, Great Whites and other sharks, like hammerheads, swim on their own continuously through the ocean, never stopping, never slowing, tramping a perpetual journey with many miles to go before they finally reach “sleep”. If they stop, the oxygen rich water around them no longer flows over their gills and into their bodies and they suffocate from the strain of being at rest. So they keep going, like lost children searching for their parents in a very large amusement park.


This need to keep moving, this need for space, has made it extremely difficult to keep them in our meager glass human death cages. When the Monterey bay aquarium managed to capture a juvenile that didn’t thrash itself to death like the adult sharks they netted before, it bashed its head against the tank’s sturdy walls until the shock of being dragged out of its home and put in the equivalent of a coffin killed it.


But, the volunteer continued cheerfully, we have other kinds of sharks here. We have zebra sharks, which don’t need to swim nonstop. In their natural habitat, they just lie on the ocean floor all day. The kid agrees to go see them


The zebra sharks are not lying on the floor nor do they look like zebras. They swim slowly  past him, leopard spots dotting their ridges on their backs, their fins, their long tails. “They’re called zebra sharks because of the zebra like patterns of the juveniles,” the volunteer explains. The ones we have here are adults.When they become adults, they get the spots and those ridges you see. Sometimes people mistake them for leopard sharks, which are a totally different species.”
The kid stares at the zebra sharks for a full ten minutes, looking for a sign of resignation at being called something they weren’t anymore, at collectively being referred to by a childhood nickname they had long outgrown. They did not seem to care.


He gets bored and goes to other exhibits, the split fin flashlight fish blinking on and off in their darkened tank, the touch pool, the medusa jellyfish with their trailing tentacles. But the sharks are what he remembers when he leaves, and they’re what he remember when he returns three months later, six months later, two years later, three, five, ten, this is what stays with him, the sharks in our tanks and the sharks in the ocean.
This was for school
2.1k · Feb 2015
smiley face
Argentum Feb 2015
oh look
a smiley face--
I didn't expect
such blatant cheerfulness
in so gloomy a place

where did it come from?
is it a relic of better times,
of a time when there was
less grief
and people smiled
because they were happy to
be here?
Or did someone
who ached for
something better
idly leave their mark?
if the latter
I would like to
shake this rebel's hand
and ask them
how to survive the madness.

what happened to us
the seemingly solid life we led
melted and blurred
like crayons left
in the heat
I grasp at anything I can
but nothing is solid enough
to pull myself up with
I shall fall off the precipice shortly
so I'm glad
not everyone has been
dragged down yet.
2.0k · Apr 2015
Puppets
Argentum Apr 2015
we're all puppets
strangling in strings:
many puppeteers pull
at the strings
tugging us toward
Different destinations
the puppeteers choose us puppets--
or do us puppets choose them?

      and they

use us in their shows,their
Meticulously
planned out games
of desire,
needs and wants
victory and
defeat.

                sometimes!

    some mysterious string
drags us away kicking and screaming
or maybe
we follow that string curiously

and our other strings break,
leaving the puppeteers with the
bitter taste of disappointment

and that other strings leads to the
                                                 painful
               Truth

we refuse
to face;
the Truth
we chose
to avoid
at the price
of freedom.
1.7k · Feb 2016
re-useless
Argentum Feb 2016
each emotional wound becomes an inkwell of blood.  each crack in my unstable mind lets in sunlight.  each dent in my ego catches rainwater and dreams.   everything is repurposed,all lemons squeezed dry for my metaphorical lemonade.

but no matter what/
I'm not
made of talent
but/ no matter what I'm /

still inferior/
no matter what,  I'll still be/
a shell of wasted/

potential,  each mile / traversed
there's two ran away/
no matter how I /

use and abuse myself,  I /
am still
useless
in their eyes.   /
villanelle are too hard
1.6k · Dec 2014
Not My Fault
Argentum Dec 2014
my brain wants to do something and
my body tries to comply and i
***** up time after time and
sometimes
                  it's
                        all my fault
      
but sometimes
                           the colossal mess
Belongs to someone else

and
as long as it's not
in my territory i'll tolerate other's
sloppiness
but if they ***** up my business
why then
if they stand close enough that i can see them,i would rip them open
without a thought
because they should have done it a
Little ******* better
so they don't ***** with people's
Stuff.

Yes,I'm talking to you.You smart ***.
Argentum Dec 2014
I spend
hours
listening to
music
that no one
else likes.
I draw on myself:
my arms,my clothes are
covered in pen

When I younger,
I would eat the
junk food
my grandma gave me
when driving me home
from school.
I lied to my parents
about eating the food;
"No,Mom,
no,Dad,
I didn't eat
what Grandma gave
me."
I always lied to my parents
but they found out anyway
and they never believed me
again.

My sweetest addiction
is lies,
sugary fantasies
that never fill you up
The gluttony just makes you hungrier
for the
truth.
Today I am
an honest person,
but I still crave lies.

But
if I crave lies,
why do I also
want the
truth?
1.2k · Jul 2015
Cold.
Argentum Jul 2015
Your icy glaze
Freezes everything
I snap my jacket collar up
against the cold,but
no use;
your cold beauty
freezes me in my tracks
a thin layer
Of frost
makes everything glitter
with malice
And a hint of
quiet suffering.
Don't worry
Be happy
Argentum Mar 2016
fact: our subconscious decides actions half a second before your conscious even wraps itself around the situation.

fact: peer pressure can make people do the craziest ****.

fact: jellyfish are immortal. certain species can revert to an infantile, earlier stage of their life cycle when needed.

fact: humans cannot. this is one of many causes of our obsession with life and death, innocence, time, and many other subjects pertaining to similar matters; this inability is one of many forces propelling and pulling us towards the great unknown.

fact: this makes humans bitter and jaded and contemplative. this is something to continue to investigate.



fact: my subconscious is cruel and strange, having fed on a great deal of dark poetry and books I was too young to read.

fact: I get angry sometimes, and easily.

fact: I do stupid things, but it's not always peer pressure.

fact: I am bitter and jaded and contemplative sometimes, but not being a jellyfish is only one of many forces propelling and pulling me towards the great unknown.

fact: I hate you.  fact: I love you.

fact: facts aren't always true.

fact: I'm sorry.

request: Please forgive me.

fact: it's okay if you don't.
I can feel myself changing and bending under the Fate's gaze
1.2k · Jan 2015
Lawnmower
Argentum Jan 2015
if no one's going to respect who I am and that I'm actually trying I might as well just **** myself and erase every trace of my existence because if I'm that unimportant and you don't need me then I guess I don't need to be here but I can't go anywhere else so I'll just die
maybe I'll just delete and burn everything I ever created because it's all crap good for nothing crap and no one wants me
don't feed me a ton of pretty lies about how I'm necessary and wanted and all that **** because I've heard all that crap before
other people always ***** me over and I want to SCREAM
mark my words because no matter how lonely you are,company always makes it worse.
If anyone says ANYTHING about how irrelevant the title is I will climb into your window at night.
1.2k · Dec 2014
Wish
Argentum Dec 2014
I wish I was still a good writer sometimes,
when I'm somewhere
where my words
would be useful
but now
my one talent
has floated away
like the Lorax once did
now I have nothing
and my strength has
dissipated
I can't write anymore
No more essays and witticisms
for me.
but my soul somehow dug
these words up
and my brain strung them together
and now I have my poems to cling to
when I miss my talent for words
1.1k · Mar 2016
burnt letters
Argentum Mar 2016
people always talk too much
and I try to sleep anyway
but silence is hard to come by
and you must silence
everything
with a knife.

(purebred aggressiveness
is preferable to casual ******)

even when solace arrives
in the morning,
as punctual as the mail,
your bloodstained hands
have still come away empty
and you still want to be held.
(too bad you don't let nobody
touch you, too bad they get the idea
after the riposte to the heart)
Of course they have survived it;
we lived in a civilized day and age,
after all,but they will still
steal furtive glances at you,
like they're waiting for something to
drain away the remaining time
until you next explode.
it's a fair price to pay
for the skill to breathe words
like mere ambient gases,
for free thought
and a good pen.
at least , I fell for it.
I was never good at bartering,
and what more could I ask
than to wield words?



and so the cycle continues!
life,death,ashes to egg,egg to
firebird,
firebird to ashes.
people will continue to
misjudge where they've stabbed you
and you will continue to
obediently burn all letters
and end up
listening
to Thom Yorke sing about
cheap *** and sad films.
I've given up on coherence
1.0k · Apr 2016
lesson
Argentum Apr 2016
The world will tattoo your secrets
Onto the palms of your hands
To teach you
To sleep with fists closed
And to never show anyone
What you hold in your hands
It is to teach you
Sleight of hand
It is to teach you
How to hide in plain sight.

The world will carve your regrets
Onto the inside of your eyelids
So every time
You close your eyes,
Everything you need
To just forget is
Burning bright and fierce in your face.
It is to teach you
To keep your eyes open
It is to teach you
How to never even blink.

The world will stamp your mistakes
Onto your tongue
To teach you
To keep your mouth shut
And to always think before you speak
It is to teach you
The power of words
It is to teach you
How to choose your words carefully.

The world will write your weaknesses
On the walls of your heart
So every time
You let someone
Steal it and break it,
Your flaws all spill out
On the ground for everyone to see.
It is to teach you
To be coldhearted and cautious
It is to teach you
How to keep your heart safe.

The world will graft wings
Onto your ankles
To teach you
When to run away
And when to stand your ground.
It is to teach you
speed;
It is to teach you
How to escape.

The world will brand road maps
Onto the soles of your feet
So every time
You’re looking for
A way out (or in),
your feet already know the way there.
It is to teach you
direction
It is to teach you
How to navigate the world.

By the time
the world is done with you,
It will have left its marks.
Wear these marks
Not with shame,
But pride,
As I have failed to do.
Might make this longer later
999 · Dec 2014
Guardian(Part I)
Argentum Dec 2014
don't cry,darling
say what you need to say
it's okay
if you hurt them back
I'll hold you up
when the world's overwhelming you
you don't need to know how
to deal with this
because I'll teach you
to fly away
from your troubles
you'll grow silver wings
like mine
and
we'll glide
                away
                          together.

I'll protect you from all harm
and grant your vengeful wishes
because I was once like you,
alone in the world
wanting to
strike back,
wanting to fly away.

Everyone needs a guardian,
for the world is
a cruel place.
968 · Apr 2016
eggs
Argentum Apr 2016
what's inside?
a fish? a duck? a bird of paradise? candy? lizards?
or something more exotic -
a dragon?
a platypus?
a firebird?
pterodactyl? sea serpent? roc?
maybe a village, or a girl, or a death, or all three?
eggs are wild cards. fate puts a baby [_] inside, and it claws its way out when gets impatient of sitting pretty. we are all basically eggs waiting to assume a shape and shake off a shell of past dreams and childhood nicknames.
yes they're delicate. so they can break apart when needed. so they can enclose themselves gently around a realm of potential, but it is a maze, not a prison. escape is the ultimate end. birth is the ultimate end.
I found a chicken egg at the car rental in Hawaii.
850 · Mar 2015
emotional minefields
Argentum Mar 2015
most try not to come too close
daring only to stand in front of the
barbedWire fence
those familiar with the minefields
know to tread lightly,
know where to step
creeping between along an unseen path
the mines sense the slightest touch
and explode
unpredictably
the shrapnel stings all but
the largest of hearts
and the
most minuscule
Of egos

i wish i could cease
to exist
i wish i could disable mines but

I'm only a stupid artist.
845 · Dec 2014
Guardian(Part II)
Argentum Dec 2014
why did you disappear
I still need you
by my side
the monsters creep closer
and I can't fight them any longer
I'm fading away
As I'm losing my grip
on reality.

where has my angel gone?
back up to heaven,
recalled by God from
his mission so he can attend
to more important matters?
maybe I was dreaming all
the while
and you weren't ever real,
just a wisp of smoke
blown away by the wind.
the wind,the cruel wind of reality
who blew my empty glass heart away
and cracked it
I'll become strong enough
to hide my heart
far from cruel Reality
so it doesn't shatter like
the sheer window pane
separating Innocence
from Darkness.

come back soon!
for
my innocence wanes amidst the
sadness
and I don't want to lose you,too.
813 · Feb 2016
Post-False-Apocalypse
Argentum Feb 2016
infection
infection
infection
infection
infection spreads among innocents
even faster than ever
The world goes inside out
falling apart in a great collapse
of our childish dreams
Hope acts as Novacain
for all the jaded
but no matter what,the feelings
have faded
We
****** the masses
then raise them
again
again
again
we fall all over again.

crying in bathrooms
I slam the panic button
but they disconnected the wires
Or did they disconnect me?
I pray for others' sins at night--
why pray for mine?

not like they'll be forgiven now.

Kairos has passed;
it's too late to fix it
or even dream of the future
(we could've had)

So I guess I'll remember you instead.
Experiment with style
Argentum Mar 2016
I read this poem once that said
if you run fast enough
you can leave your loneliness behind
Yet sometimes trundling along
some winding country road,where the
power lines split the night sky into sections and the fog
blurs and obscures all the other cars
so just the headlights cut through the dark,you suddenly find your loneliness sitting next to you in the car.)especially if you have sad music on.Loneliness finds you in the oddest places,doesn't it?at parties,when you sit against the wall and break away from the hubbub of people.in a car with your family.public places,just walking around watching people.)But sometimes I find trees are better than people.sometimes books make good companions.sometimes the loneliest places are the most beautiful.I don't know;that's how I feel sometimes.I don't know about you. I don't even know your name.(but--and I know this sounds cheesy--maybe we can be lonely together,and suddenly realize the other is lonely,too,and wonder where the other person is in this strange lonely world.
I wrote this a while ago but forgot to post it
715 · May 2015
Icarus
Argentum May 2015
sun in your eyes
tilt your face to
the sun,keep the nose
up!flick your wrist and
release it gently,watch
it soar on fragile
white paper wings
Little Paper Icarus
giddy with freedom
from the labyrinth
of broken friendships
Free from the walls
of rejection
but little paper
                               Icarus’s fragile wings fall away and with him  my heart drowns in a sea of sadness and regret
696 · Jun 2016
LOL
Argentum Jun 2016
LOL
laughter: a mask
and a medicine for his pain. they pay him no mind.
to them ,
he is barely a person, a tool. his
flesh melts into metal, his arms levers, his face flat and featureless.
he mocks his fears and flaws,
his pain,
secretly hoping that
will make them
a mere joke,
a fantasy.
it fails, it always fails, but the smiley faces stenciled on his exoskeleton
of reassurance of his state of mind
are still there.
so he clatters on, joking, grinning,
his laughter his mask and his medicine.
For a friend of mine
677 · Aug 2015
Summer Rain
Argentum Aug 2015
teen angst drips leisurely
from every clause,every verse
I read and hear here,
like bittersweet honey
metaphors pooling on the
sidewalk like
Summer rain.
  >how fitting.sadness and hurt raining on our savage revels of youth that were doomed from the start.

I remember watching
the Summer rain fog up and blur
the car windows as
Grandma drove me home
on the last day of sixth grade,
breathing more freely already,
now that the burden of
fake smiles and schoolwork was over.
I thought back to last summer.
Oh,that homely bookshop in Columbus
was a reader's paradise.
a labyrinth of books,endless fantasy worlds to dive into.I wanted to stay a little longer,just a little more,
more,
more--

I was so naive .
Maybe I still am.
But you can't hide behind
what isn't real)

paper is simply so onionskin thin,and raindrops
are so cold and wet and heavy.

>We left eventually,
strolling back to the hotel in the
Summer rain .
I keep forgetting to post this
630 · Jan 2015
Hide 'n Seek
Argentum Jan 2015
did you know
that
the space between
a hedge and a wall
is just enough
space
for someone to hide?
when playing
hide 'n seek
I don't think
it's fair to have
two seekers on bikes
after one
barefoot
hider
but then again,
what can you
expect
from someone who
ignores their
"friends"?
579 · Apr 2016
I'm not so sure anymore
Argentum Apr 2016
everything is arbitrary. we novelists survive on chance encounters and sad books. I move like a stray cat between library bookshelves and keep my head down. no I am not a poet by choice. no I don't like being one. I don't like bleeding. it hurts and so does writing sometimes. sometimes writing hurts less than usual. fate is still pale and thin and twisty, like the tentative whorls of a mushroom's root system. I'm still like a stray cat, nosing around libraries and parks. I'm still hungry. this book still doesn't make sense. I don't feel like I learned much. mostly I feel tired, like the tiredness is pulling down into the pillow. maybe I should sleep. maybe I shouldn't.
I'm dying here
534 · Feb 2016
wound
Argentum Feb 2016
Why is the only way to get some sleep
ripping up anything and everything in the room that breathes?Why do you find it so hard to believe that slicing open my head with figurative pointy objects(memories,criticism) is a great way to get yourself writing?Writing is like bleeding anyway.
518 · Jun 2016
types of solitude
Argentum Jun 2016
i.
lone wolves wear solitude around their necks like a medallion, but also a chain, a collar, tying their strength down.

ii.
some hide solitude in their ribcages or build forts, ***** walls. the desperation shines through the cracks.

iii.
many wear the solitude on their shoulders like heavy cloaks, attempting to block out the cold and rain, but only weighing themselves down.

iv.
people have dragged it around like a troublesome child. they want to be rid of it, shove on someone else to deal with, but they grip it tight.

v.
i've seen some spin solitude into a thread so fine you can barely see it, and tie it around their life like a noose. pulling it tight, they use this solitude to stitch their life into a tidy package .
Argentum Mar 2016
either I'm sick or someone else is cuz I feel like something deep inside is collapsing like an umbrella in a storm, or maybe I'm just a romantic

this song feels like rain and nostalgia, which despite what the local papers
have told you, fits its name like a glove

what is sanity anyway

I should go to sleep and let the twisted narrative of this world writhe and wind around below,on its own, like the root network of some insane mushroom
Eugh
499 · Feb 2016
hemoglobin
Argentum Feb 2016
The facade of happiness crashes down again like everything else ever built on lies.I fall down another metaphorical hole today,just like yesterday,just like that last time Fate ******* me over.if only depression was an equation I knew how to solve without a shrink and a calculator.suffient satisfaction for the lithe,hungry beast within me is as scarce as absolute trust.but this flood of 'if only's will drown my sanity(or whatever this mindset is) out.

late nights of Radiohead,bad capitalization,and venting have taken their toll.prose and verse trickle out of me a little smoother when in darkness,anyway.writing is so much like bleeding it scares me.nonetheless,I told myself I'd keep writing in third grade and I haven't stopped since.all humans bleed,it's natural.the most ******-up part,though, is our wanting to leave stains so not every trace of our existences are lost to the void.
My style changes again whoa
483 · Nov 2015
Light
Argentum Nov 2015
sometimes I still wonder how the light gets into my eyes/bouncing off invisible particles in a soundless rush/the photons dance on my eyelids and blur through the stupid tears that come when you look at something that's too bright and wonderful/like the sun/like happily glowing streetlamps/and your eyes tear up because there are too many photons that traversed lightyears of space just to fall softly on your face and in your eyes/when you don't deserve it/and it is too much to comprehend the many photons of light and the distance between their home and your retinas/so the tears leak out/

I think it is better to be happy and learn as you go/to evolve and die progressively/to be foolish and hungry and wondering/so there is room for the simple pleasure of finally getting it right/and eventually we will all die/leaving a trail of emotions and insignificant traces of a life almost well lived/but we still lust for more/even when we have enough/so live fully/live like the movies did/live as fleeting as happiness and as unpredictable as weather/because that's all the life we imperfect beings will get/as long as we are infinite in each other's eyes/we will be immortal/or something very much like it/like light/fall softly upon the earth/like light/linger on the fringes of life
Wanted to try a new format
you should read Vango,it's a good book
481 · Nov 2015
Requiem For A Band Geek
Argentum Nov 2015
6/8 timing
Breathe in,breathe out
don't make eye contact
Golden squares of precious sunlight
fall staggered on the table in the morning
don't cry at beautiful things
pianissimo,false cadence
a major chord unfolds like a bird's wings
close your eyes and lift your head
to the sky
keep a low profile and
let your deeds speak for themselves
the countermelody fades in and out
sneaking out the
back door before they realize
it came in
swallow the fury scalding your tongue
and keep it down,
and try to keep your face straight
even as it festers and burns your insides
staccato sixteenth notes
the spaces wedged neatly
between each one
Karma is only an anime character,
but justice runs invariably
in the marrow of our bones.
even if you hold the world
in the palm of your hand
you cannot hold onto it forever.
time eats everything you have,
so savor it while you can.
enjoy this life;
they don't have room for mortals
in paradise.
Keep walking,keep playing,
until the end of your line
with one eye on the conductor
and one on your music
with your heart on your sleeve,
as your very soul flows through each note.
Yes,there's an actual anime character called Karma.He lives up to his name well.
475 · May 2016
let's say
Argentum May 2016
The world is a string of bubbles. Each bubble is a smaller world and within each one is another world until all you have is a tiny spherical sheer shiny egg-bubble holding a person, separate yet connected to the rest of the world. Mostly separate. When a bubble pops another bubble already has encased its contents. When you look through the layers of filmy greasy dream-colored skin of bubble within bubble within bubble within bubble within bubble, reality gets blurred, filtered, distorted by perspective. This is why you can't see my pained grimace when you laugh forcedly and loudly, why I can't see why you're so cold at times. This is why isolation is inescapable.
By the way, how the doodly ******* are centaur spines supposed to work?
459 · Jun 2016
claustrophilia
Argentum Jun 2016
Words gone unsaid, hanging in the air like overripe fruit waiting to fall; a sickly sweet guillotine made of things past their prime, cutting through the awkward silence. Pen and sword are equally sharp, being two sides of one coin. Crying disguised as fatigue tears melt into the crowd of rain and sweat; blend in don't smile don't laugh. clouds hide skyfuls of hurt I hide my face in my hands I hide my smile, tuck it away to be used later. happiness preserved for special occasions sadness used only in private. changing faces like changing clothes has become second nature, but I cannot hide from my emotions .

a child with a heart as red and raw and open as a wounded hand, goes the story, but this is not a story and this is a wound that won't heal. I stem the flow of ******, red hot emotion and hope for the best. It's claustrophilia, not agoraphobia; look under the table and you will see my private pains, my jealousy pressed between the pages of this book, emotion folded up small and placed in a niche no one can reach. I was meant for moonlight, the low road, "a heartbeat in a volley of heartbeats", so to speak. I used to think solace and solitude meant the same thing and they do. To me.
447 · Jul 2016
love me
Argentum Jul 2016
somewhere within myself I am/there is a little girl crying,
love me
love me

into the dark.
I keep moving and
don't look back,
don't look down
and try to grow stronger
so my self cannot be pierced
and hurt the little girl I am/inside.
skin colored armor becomes thicker,
until I am the armor itself,
folding in on myself into a package
of impenetrability.
I am full of holes,
full of contradictions, though,
and I cry myself to sleep, crying
love me
love me

into the dark.
it is the quiet kind of crying
that tries not to bother you
don't mind me
it mumbles
don't mind me
the words claw out of
my skin-colored armor
and are too tired to be loud when they emerge

when this happens
I hide under my blankets
so the words are birthed out of my voice into the warmth and the dark, like a child should come into the world. in the dark it is easier for me to pretend everything is okay. it is easier to fall asleep/in love in the dark.
the only times I am not afraid of the dark are when
I am too sad and tired to
be afraid of what might be there.
when I am no longer afraid, it means I finally embrace what waits in the shadows . it means I give up. it means
I surrender to my weakness.
it means I'm tired of being armor, being protector, and want to be protected,
to be
loved.
441 · May 2016
wandering
Argentum May 2016
in circles trying to figure out centaur spines. thinking about bleeding in the cold green sea as waves crash and collapse against each other like lovers hungrily falling into each other's embrace. listening to old songs I've heard many times before. reading old books I've read many more times before. waiting for summer. not suntan-watermelon-bikini-beachfront summer. mountain-heatwaves-at-home-forest summer. I want to pretend it lasts for ever and then ends. I'm bored, so kiss me goodbye before I leave.
437 · Jul 2016
"catch me if you can."
Argentum Jul 2016
i.
a girl in a dress the color and texture of storm clouds and cigarette smoke, which whips around her ankles in the wind. black hair in her face, you watch her twirl. her feet bleed on the dry cracked earth.

ii.
days pass and she's still not home. no one worries. no one cares. she'll be fine.

iii.
once, in spring, on a weekend, she dragged you to the beach and you waded waist deep into the cold Pacific. she dares you to go farther and her reckless ravenous joy makes you grin.

iv.
she will never love you back. you understand and stand back. she is storm clouds and cigarette smoke, and you are meatspace and books.

v.
'you read too much,' she tells you. 'and always fiction. that's why your head's in the clouds all the time. what's wrong with this world?'

vi.
'i don't think she's coming back this time.'

he lifts a cig to his lips. 'that's what i tell myself every time.'

vii.
she can't love you back. she can't afford to.

'tch. what a melodramatic explanation. plenty of people disappear.'

viii.
you always meet her in that field.
the cracked earth and solid toned sky a background to your memories of her. they're a part of her, in your mind. you go there to think. the field is part of you, too, now. it feels empty. you feel empty.

ix.
'the thing i don't like about this world is that she will never return to me, or love me.'

x.
she's in the field on a spring sunday and it feels like worlds are colliding when you see her face. you go to the beach and you wade out hand in hand.
title references the EDEN song. I was half asleep when I wrote this tbh
432 · Dec 2014
No Explanations(For Now)
Argentum Dec 2014
If life was an equation
maybe I'd know someone smart enough
who could explain it
to me
But maybe
life's a physics concept
only geniuses even know about
and even our brightest minds
only vaguely understand it
Maybe life is
actually a massive machine
that runs on the fuel of passion
generated by endlessly
running people
on hamster wheels
Maybe life
is an elaborate lie
created by
shadowy figures behind
the scenes,
intangible shadows
never seen,
never heard,
never touched.
I could sit here
all day
and think of reasons why
life makes no sense to me
but it won't make me
one
       iota
closer to understanding
life.
431 · Dec 2014
One
Argentum Dec 2014
One
one
girl biking
                home
Past the track,scratched in the dirt
the lanes for races
Three
         Two
                                           One.

number one in the race,
and one going home
                                /alone.

in fencing class,only one victory
on bad days

Bad days meant
that
she became
that one girl at school,under the desk
growling and snapping
then she was
that one girl outside the
counselor's door
waiting silently to see
the one who would listen to her but only because she was paid to
                        
but
good listeners are good listeners
--and the one who listened listened
until
that one awkward silence when there's
nothing left to say

and that one girl was happy to be lonely for the first time

(she missed one period)

one click from her bike
as gears shift
pedaling on,
she carries herself away out of sight
to the one place
she's alone, but not lonely

pedaling
away from that girl under the desk,
growling and snapping
away from that girl outside the door
away from the one who listened
pedaling towards
home

Above,the damp grey clouds hang
from the sky
weaving into a
mesh of secrets
guarding the moonlight
from dark tarnished humanity,
/below where the trillions of oblivious stars are one/
down on earth,
we humans are shattered
into minuscule pieces
and the stars would weep to see us shattered(like this)
and that one girl biking home
is only one piece
in millions of pieces
of
one.
427 · Aug 2015
Break
Argentum Aug 2015
Men might someday break
the boundaries barring us
in our bubble of
Oblivion,but we might
go and shatter ourselves too.
410 · May 2016
layers
Argentum May 2016
of worlds, distorted and tinted with lies and memories by perspective .  the layers alternate between true and false, but no one knows which is which.  all they know is that each is stranger than the last.

(what if all of them are false?)

(what if all of them are true?)

(what each layer is neither, but a muddle of self and circumstances and fog?)

each layer is a labyrinth of time that tunnels in and out of itself like a knot.  people wander through blind and dazed, carving years of verse and murals into the walls in layers, layers and layers of words and swirling scribbled sketches. that's all we are and all we leave - graffiti.  everyone dies in the labyrinth. no exit exists, just another labyrinth with new graffiti. there's no getting lost, at least, when the path you choose is your path and therefore right.
Freewrite of sorts
407 · Dec 2014
What's Wrong With You?
Argentum Dec 2014
I hate people like you,
people who judge and insult,
you pore over everything
and point out
every
little
flaw
and your victims can't rise above the hate
but sometimes you don't seem bad
and you and your victim become friends
but sometimes you're the **** you always were once again
and your victim remembers who you
really are.
your victims go through hell as your friend,but you still throw them aside
when you discover a flaw.

and worst of all,
you never realize how much damage
you cause.
Other people ****.
407 · Feb 2015
third degree idiocy
Argentum Feb 2015
how am I supposed to be witty
if I must rhyme in lines of three
these poems are idiotic,third degree
This is what happened when my 6th grade English teacher made us write triplets.
403 · Jan 2015
Bottle
Argentum Jan 2015
My brain is like an empty glass bottle
Once it burst with ideas,spilling over the edge and
becoming poems.
Now my mind is dry
Hit it hard enough,
It may shatter
Now all I can do is cry--
--scream,really--
and wait for my angst at my
writer's block
to fill the bottle again.
394 · Aug 2016
1.
Argentum Aug 2016
1.
“They say people want to be like who they admire, become the people who've touched their hearts. People also say a lot of things about teenagers. Especially those that write. They’re naive. They’re blind to cruel reality. They’re all dreams and no backbone. You wanna know why? They read. The books they read reach into them and draw pretty pictures on the walls of their hearts. Suddenly every other kid is chasing after these larger-than-life dreams of worlds to be built and stories to be told, naive, blind, dreaming, stupid kids reaching for the stars even though those pinpricks of light are older and farther than you could comprehend.

“What those books never show you is all the wannabes, washed up and jaded. ‘You were so close but so far.’ But all these almosts is all I see, and now I'm afraid to even dream of the stars. It's not like I’ll ever see them, right? The sky is smothered by all the hands reaching toward it.

“I’m afraid to dream, [omitted]."

“Don't be. Won’t do you any good.”

snort. “If only it was so easy.”
Sorry for being gone
384 · Mar 2016
wishful thinking
Argentum Mar 2016
I started listening to music that reminds me of being someone else

I wish I could be wires and gears or at least calmer; a little apathy could do me some good

I wish I was better at liking Physics.I tried at least

I will never be the engineer my parents haven't groomed me to be yet wished for. my grandma took care of me and fed me words and now I'm a writer

whatever poetry is worth nowadays it is still not enough
I don't know anymore
383 · Jan 2015
Falling Stars
Argentum Jan 2015
everyone around me shines brighter
bigger,more ambitious than me
their dreams are infinite;
they form a giant
shimmering
cloud of hope
our fallen brethren say,
"It's too far away!
You'll never reach your destiny
before you burn out."
still they disregard all the warnings,
their unfiltered confidence blinding
photons racing through time,
straining upward toward someplace better,brighter
reaching toward a dream too high
burning bright until nothing's left
burnt up in the atmosphere
of someplace better than here
wanting a ground beneath their feet
wanting some love to hold them up
wanting somewhere to belong
long after everything burns to ashes
and everyone heads home
I'll still be trapped in this vortex of
depression
waiting for a loophole out.
378 · May 2016
Invention
Argentum May 2016
You set out without a clear intention. You jot down vague sketches,
plans for prototypes.
Each iteration is
a little better
than the last.
It grows. It develops
into something familiar, yet
completely different.
Something new.
The gears fit better together.
You make it smaller and more compact.
Each prototype gleams with pride.
look.
it says.
I am special, I am beautiful, I am
a marvel of engineering and metaphors.
Look.

It is ready. You let it out, watching as
your machine, your invention
revs its engine and zooms off
into the night. It will plant itself
into people's minds and make them
Think, make their
gears fit better, make
them familiar but
completely new.
it is a poem. a machine called a poem.
369 · Mar 2016
runaway paradigm
Argentum Mar 2016
I don't even know what to say anymore about life. I don't know how to put this into words, because the world changes and grows and elopes like a starry-eyed young girl delirious with dreams and young love. Words don't change, whether in print or spoken aloud. No matter how many times you blink it still says "'wars are not for winning ,' Koschei said.'They are for surviving.'" I don't know why Koschei the Deathless would need to stress the importance of survival when he has no issue with survival himself. I don't know.The meanings of words change, and context change, but "The Hollow Men" always ends not with a bang but a whimper. Life goes on, turning and turning like the root structure of a tree, going in circles to avoid bedrock. I read the same old books and dream the same dreams, then whip around in a gust of 6/8 time to discover new books, which grow old again.
Too much homework
366 · Mar 2016
written emotions
Argentum Mar 2016
every day,
I rewrite myself.
infinitive fingers and sinewy syntax for muscle,  bones of good solid prose as a frame.  my hair stays the same-- always five syllables long and inky black.
attitude slicker than Bill Shakespeare
sometimes a grin like Lewis Carroll
or an enigmatic e.e. cummings glint
in my eye is thrown in.
I always write in something I haven't written before.

maybe if I revise myself enough
I can overwrite my mistakes ;
just remove a stanza and
swap synonyms,
and I can start anew.

that would be nice.

but not all mistakes can be fixed
in the next draft just like that.
you've gotta bleed for your mistakes and you've gotta bleed for your words,you hear me?
I slapped some words together and made them vaguely coherent
365 · Jun 2016
underwater
Argentum Jun 2016
frozen in time, stuck in place. a machine,
a puppet moving along the path I always go
in circles
I always go in circles,
on repeat
on repeat
on repeat
on repeat
on repeat
I always go in a circle go in a
circle, beating around the
beating around the
bush the bush
the bush.
trying to reach inside myself to
find the words
to find the words
to say
to say
to say
to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say to say-

Digging deeper and deeper. I search for courage for inspiration
inspiration
inspiration
but all I find is silence,
heavy as a stone.
my
back
my back bends beneath
the beneath the
beneath the weight of it.
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