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Joshua Feb 9
how you grow
with violent tremors
and subside
with gentle laps
how you shape and determine
how you steer my path

take me away from your sight
i will cut you from me
i will drink you from me
smoke you from me
i make this my only commandment
to rid myself of you

i will drink into cold embrace
i will cough up my blood with pride
i will forget my time
i will forget my days

when i remember nothing else
when all memory fades
and distorts
when my mind is not my own
and a husk of itself
i will kiss the sunset
and place myself
on a pedestal to oblivion

how you will whimper
a drop of water
in an ocean of

my liver will burn
my lungs will ache
but when i can no longer breathe
i will be free
Joshua Jan 6
The dawn sun
peaks through the ***** glass
to catch a small parting glimpse
of what Luna gave light to.
Tangled sheets, fragranced by sweat
clothes strewn to a grave on the cheap carpet,
and two bodies lay enlocking.

How jealous Helios must be,
to never catch sight of a true ceaseless embrace
For all the eternal majesty of the infinite flowing Aether,
compares not in the slightest to a gift fit only for the senses.

In entering the pearly gates of passion,
one is shown the altar of time
for here a moment is an eternal sacrament,
and for each moment more a new heaven.
With love as a guide an act so heinous
it shys from speech, can become
an offering to lustful gods.

As lips shimmer wet with salvation
and hips draw forth a primal urge
eternity colliding before you
rushes away like a *****.
Two souls kiss,
two worlds collide
and reality breaks into miracle.

The Book of life opens it's pages
to receive this holy message.
The fruit of true passion,
and the seeds of sacrifice.

The ecstasy of life,
bares a new creation to all.
A moment not to be remembered,
but an experience worthy of a little death..
Joshua Oct 2018
I still hear the ringing of the bells,
the closing call to another layer of abuse.

I smell the summers end, and the new house
and I feel my foot kicking your lantern,
the glass snow flakes
my foot bleeding.

I feel the burning,
my inferno on the stairs.
I rained punches after falling halfway up
fist after fist into those steps.
Burned is the vision of my mangled hand.

The holy ecstasy of Oxycontin for my sacrifice.
Joshua Oct 2018
One small pill and the world slows to meet me,
in the opportune glow of the fading light.
Forgiving embraces shared, we slip into the tall grass
white in the morning and kissed with dew.
Held in moment by the frost.

I stop to breathe,
the sky exhales back
together we are in harmony.

To lay in the grass,
hidden from laboured speech.
The primal fire glows through all,
and as the heavens open their eyes,
red seeps into their formation.

The grass embraces me now,
lost in the jungle a metre from my door.
I crawl forward ever vigil,
hiding from the playground of the Gods.
Joshua Oct 2018
The third house on the left,
hidden away from the highway's roar
a fake brick exterior, crumbling under pressure.

My parents painted the walls sky blue,
and trims dark, almost navy.

They spent their days like chimney stacks,
**** and cigarettes in hand.
I was ignored...
Like trees encircling a factory, I laboured to breathe.
*** and cigarettes mix, to create a toxic smog
blanketing the whole house
stuck on overtime.
My struggle to find breath, eternal.
From asthmatic child,
to brain dead teen
how many times did they leave me ******
wandering the streets?
How many times did I sit diligent
as my mind buckled under substance abuse.

Now I sit in bed,
like parents, like son.
I curse them with these bad habits
forced into my brain.
I sigh with a cough,
tar spits out
and I wince at the sight of myself.
Joshua Sep 2018
It started with laugher.
Laughter that tore at my stomach,
laughter that tore away my blank face
and carved a smile.
The halls listened bright and warm,
they replied back with tender echoes.

In this manic haze
an outfit was needed.
Burgundy pants
pulled from a heap of dirt.
They were almost purple,
speckled with black
bell bottom legs that open wide.

I stumbled down the stairs,
descending one after the other
with thoughts on mindfulness
each step rinsed off another layer.

Catholic guilt
****** Shame
Drug Abuse
Drug Abuse
A rented boy
A foundling.

Free from the steps
I flow to the garden
the grass, jurassic length.
Eclipsed to a crawl,
trudging onto ancient ground
abuse laid to rest,
the darkness erupts behind the clouds,
and the stars childishly hide their light,
giggling from behind cover.

A red light creeps behind,
dreaming away from sacrifice
a haunting warmth calls.
The embers caress the senses
and sooth primal bones.

Laughter echoed again,
a taunting laugh,
the laugh of violent fathers.
In my yearning for something
greater, I would be persecuted.
Deep and slow the laugh went on,
finally a voice came through.
The voice bellowed
it was old, and smooth
my ears cowered to the sound.
I lost my language all at once,
this new speech enthralled me
so old, so wise, so pure.
It sings into the sky,
and the sky turns red in respite.
It coils like serpent,
and strikes me down,
a price to pay
for venturing to close
to the primeval altar.

Cut in two,
Toddling along,
stumbling back up,
Mount Sinai.
Past Gods domain
and to my room above.
Tears of dehydration
a pull of the blankets
the temptation of Yehoshua.
I cry,
then I stay silent
like I was told.
Joshua Sep 2018
I was a small fat child
in a fibro house.
Paint peeling
asbestos ridden.
The small green fence outside had no front gates
they’d fallen off.
Bricks so many bricks
rusty iron
and screams ******* horrible screaming.
Day in and day out
terrible crying
and I hid
I retreated
to books
to the internet
to my
to fantasy
and here I remain
stuck in fantasy
trying to escape
the violence
bred into my family
how thin is blood
compared to rage.
***** was frequent,
*** more so.
I stole, I lied, and I took drugs
at 13, I stayed up a week after snorting
powder I found in a baggie on the floor.

I’m a fat child scared
crying in the corner
he comes in telling me not to cry
that i’m overreacting
blood pours from his hands
and now reminded of the future
the visions of me sitting blood ridden.
The bloodletting, to purify me.
Punching the stairs till my bones crumbled.
It all makes sense
I emulate him.
the mother poisoning her child
the smells of cooking choke my throat
what was food to stoners
snacks and ******* meals
raw onion tears.

The sugar the snacks the munchies
what a life to live
i ripped that fat from me
tore it side from side
i purged myself clean of their sin
and still I fall back to it
but with fingers in throat I salute
salute to the idea I’d rather die then
end up like them
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