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1.2k · Mar 2018
Dad
Sienna Mar 2018
Dad
I enter a dark room
I search all over
Can't find my innocence
Can't feel any sober
I see him, sitting on the couch
Directly in front, I begin to slouch
"Hello dad" - words I'll never say
As he decided, that was the day
In the dark, he played a game
"If you leave, I'll blow out my brain"
No one to protect me, I gotta get away
Don't touch me daddy, I will never be the same
Leaving the house, closing the hidden door
I hope I never witness the gore
375 · Dec 2018
Whiteboard
Sienna Dec 2018
Grey pavement
watches me walk
The world
listens to me talk
The same old nothing
whose **** fault?
I wonder if I got myself here
giving up to sulk
Breathe in the dusted chalk
where white words leave stinging salt
In wounds that are normalized
A heart once together comes apart
289 · Mar 2018
Bottles
Sienna Mar 2018
A bottle in your hand,
Slurring, shouting, and sobbing as loud as a band.
Making scenes, and dramatic land.
Spending and losing over a grand.
Putting your whole life into the bottle, never gave a minute towards the sand.
Pick it up, watch it run through your hand.
A fool you make yourself, squinting all you can.
Never understood why you thought that fear made you a man.
216 · Mar 2018
Change
Sienna Mar 2018
Light a match, watch it burn
Don't you know there's so much to learn?
Cross here, and take a turn
Dreams can die, end up a urn.

If you're careful, make a mural
Use the ashes, to paint a fern.
Show it growing, see it yearn
Sprouting there, with no concern.
202 · Dec 2018
Dreaming
Sienna Dec 2018
Adrenaline pumping into my heart
False hallucinations in the dark
Dread and haunt fills the air
What is that over there?
Half asleep, I can't stay awake
My eyes should've for my sake
My dreams take me by the hand
And throw me into a horrific land
The fear built on possibilities
And instilled in realities
Sleep paralysis joins in too
I'd rather be sleep deprived completely, wouldn't you?
201 · Mar 2018
"In the green light."
Sienna Mar 2018
In the green light,

crashing down

In the green light,


   can't make a sound

In the green light,
  

    walking all around

In the green light,


pity a pound

In the green light,
          

     want to leave town

In the green light,




                            haunted by the shroud.
A poem about the green light that glares in my grandmother's kitchen at night when all lights are shut off. The bulb is green and all is silent. Here in this kitchen; this house, so much has happened. I've seen things I wish I never did. There in the green light. A window at the entrance is where I used to look through all the time and think about running away. For the last part of the poem, I am referencing my grandfather who passed away in this house. His bed is near the kitchen and his presence is still eerily felt.
192 · Feb 2018
Abyss
Sienna Feb 2018
In your weakest moment
it escapes the depths of hiding and engulfs your being;
the vulnerable will be reaped.

As presence does not hinder,
It hovers over the soul
reaching out to touch
coming to collect it's belonging
in a pursuit of descent.
192 · Nov 2017
Absence Retained
Sienna Nov 2017
Loneliness encasing me
And closing all around me
Falling into the depths of great defeat
And no one can hear me
Mistakes being made are those of a weaker mind
And a weaker heart
Or so told in the dark and made into art
Here is the product
Of a time long lost
A battle never defeated and memories not gone
A clock to be heard ticking away
But all silence is remained
A tear receding into below
Yet once was a glow
And learned is the fact
You cannot outrun the past
Hiding in your own cave
The past is the present now made
176 · Mar 2018
On Nights Like These
Sienna Mar 2018
Months ago
Feels like years
Remember nights like these
Where we would talk about anything
Nothing in particular
You'd go on and on
And I'd listen
On nights like these.
I never would've thought
Right then, in that very moment
That one day
We'd no longer
Share nights like these.
161 · Mar 2018
Arrival of Decline
Sienna Mar 2018
Cold washes over
descending lower and lower
I grip onto my own being
but rejected again, I can't stop seeing
please take out my eyes, take out my mind
Shaking and bending
No concept of time
The sore returns, replacing my spine
I beg and I plead, give me a sign
I cannot seem to get out of my mind
But despite it all
I'll still manage to say,
"I'm just fine"
145 · Dec 2018
The Currents
Sienna Dec 2018
The crowd rushes fast

Like a cold river stream

Watch it glisten and gleam

Or so that was a dream

The water's actually dull from what I’ve seen

And in view is slowly disappearing

I can’t keep up, I hear no cheering

Weight of words and isolation is instead what I’m hearing

Nobody no longer stands in the window peering

The last fades out of sight, which is what I was fearing

I’m all alone, burning eyes become searing.
141 · Nov 2018
Birdy, birdy
Sienna Nov 2018
Birdy, birdy fly away
Please keep going to see another day
When the sun rises above
and the children are out to play

Birdy, birdy flap your wings
Don't be a sad little thing
Keep on going on
and sing another birdy song

Birdy, birdy breathe in and out
Please don't die, don't let me pout
I love you so
My heart is draining, leaving a drought

Birdy, birdy in my arms
You were just here, where have you gone?
Please wake up, don't take long
I hold you now
but I don't feel strong

Birdy, birdy my little baby
The warmth has left you
So I'll leave a daisy
I don't want to let go,
I don't want to look down
I don't want to listen to this soundless sound

Oh birdy, I can't put you down
My heart is a drought but my tears make me drown
I want you here, I want you now
you were my little birdy baby, and now my birdy is in the ground
139 · Mar 2018
I told you no
Sienna Mar 2018
I know it was not needed
I know it wasn't wanted
I longed to be farthest
Inside it had turned darkest

"No" hit the atmosphere,
it had echoed about
As their feeling drought
Sought to hold me down,
leave me powerless
Get off of me, I feel showerless

It hurts both ways, please don't touch
why won't you listen to me?
Mom, why do you watch?
Help me here, I've been lost
I feel *****, worthless
and I'm all I've got

I told you no, I fought for freedom
1, 2, 3 is a kingdom
ruling over
I'm controlled
When you finished
You left me alone
Yet the scene and image
Hurts me over and over

I told you no, you held me down
The touch was not pleasured
My screams were the sound
I hate you all
I hate myself
Nobody listens when I drown
134 · Mar 2018
What Becomes
Sienna Mar 2018
Surrounded by loss
People no longer there
A promise remembered
"I'll always be here"

feel the shake,
and feel the shiver
of the coldness
as it comes hither
as you lay down on your side
and decay into wither.

And a pool of memory

Forming around

A mess made
Including thyself

Lost but not found.
134 · Mar 2018
Fade
Sienna Mar 2018
I feel the fade
coming on
I feel the panic
sing a song
My heart beats fast
can't stay for long;
can't breathe right now

I fade,
off and on.
132 · Mar 2018
I am here, but I am not
Sienna Mar 2018
Drifting away
in a day
can't focus now;
can't seem to stay.
Dissociating when it's not okay;
people everywhere,
yet the feeling isn't sought.
I'm shaking in past,
feeling distraught.
I am here, but I am not.
100 · Nov 2018
New Mindset
Sienna Nov 2018
He no longer thinks for one, he thinks for two
An immediate thought of me and you
Without hesitation, singular becomes plural
In this sense of new
As "I" turns to "us", and comfort to trust
This uncontrollable love growing is a need, a must.
92 · Dec 2018
Red Light
Sienna Dec 2018
There’s a woman in the streetlight surrounded by reddish dark
Her body feeling numb, her body feeling stark
As she waits for a man to come and leave his mark
No father or dreams nothing to believe
Sold into this life, her mom is the enemy
And her tears and body are its currency
No point to beg or plead
The lonely men are satisfied when she bleeds
She gives them all and everything
But they continue to feed
Some get careless and leave her to breed
A baby on the way but the world it’ll never see
As the red on her legs triggers tears to the sink
Again she starts the cycle
Smoking a cigarette, sitting under the light pole
Dreading the next man to take her to bed
Knowing sooner or later she’d be left for dead
But the feeling won’t register anymore
As mommy had done this to her
Mommy had made her a *****
And now she’s only wanted nothing more
Then to go to a home and open a door
Without fear of being pushed to the floor
While her body is seen as just another lure
She never asked for this or the ***** kiss
Never wanted to feel it forced in
As her body grows tired and gets fragile and thin
Wishing again and again for a better life as another tear rolls off her chin
And joins the others in the puddle of unwanted sin.
Sienna Dec 2018
Dear future daughter or son
I love you so with all my heart
That you'll know as soon as life's begun
I’ll never hurt you on purpose
Here I promise I’ll give you my all
Even after you stand confident and tall
I am someone you’ll be able to turn to when in need
If your heart is broken just come to me
Mommy will know best, and I’ll help you heal
Never will you be alone or forced to kneel
You’ll go somewhere in life, far to where your dreams call you
Like I followed mine to have you
I hope my suffering and pain has been plenty to rid you of yours
Take this and watch all the opportunities and doors
They will open wide with possibility and life
As my arms open wide with nurturing and love
Watch the sky, study the clouds
They move at their own pace and still get around
Listen to trees whisper among each other
They stay close but grow independently, as did mother
See the night sky bloom with stars
And the planets find their destiny from Pluto to Mars
See the waves kiss the sand
You can be whatever you want, whether woman or man
Disparity is a virtue even when you won’t find immediate clarity
It’ll bring hardships but prosperity
Where you won’t find solidarity you’ll eventually find popularity
From your attitude and mind’s wise unfollowing of the technicalities
Don’t be afraid my baby, when your thoughts run wild and free
Taming them isn’t always a necessity
Just learn who you are and hold it close at heart
Take all the colors of your personality- paint now with your art
You’re going to be unrelenting, brave and strong-willed
Do what you must, even when tough times call for the swallowing of a bitter pill
Keep going even when people cause you to fall ill
Run, my honey, run and run
Run, run, run to where you need to go
Run, my darling to where you know
Run and keep running to the lights beautiful flow
As it casts on about and lets out an astounding glow
It is where you’ll find your home, and let it be so
Let these words guide you through life
One day you’ll be born, and my letter you’ll set sight
I love you future daughter or son, you’ll know wrong from right
And I’ll love and love with all my might.
I will treat my future daughter or son much better than my mother treated me.
37 · Dec 2018
People
Sienna Dec 2018
Tell me again
Your words repeated
People are broken records
The promises are not needed
When you cannot keep them
In a dim light
Cast into a dark night
The truth of people just might
Find itself by this
People come and go
Leaving here and leaving so
Leaving broken hearts and broken bones
With somewhere to go and someone to see
They’ll replace you and leave you be
Find yourself walking those same halls
Walking that same walk
Alone one day, accompanied the next
Don't hold your breath
The cycle will always remain the same
But hold your strength and stay sane
Where did they go?
Where did they go?
A place I do not know
Leaving my feeling unknown
Where did they go?
Where did they go?
They come to feel the waters
Leaving ripples and the daughters
Where did they go is a question inferior
To the one asking about your own interior
Who am I?
Don’t lose yourself
Rolling off an unbalanced shelf
One must steady themself
In this sea of temporary visitors into your life
That leave no new lessons and hurt like a knife.
19 · Dec 2018
Dissecting Man
Sienna Dec 2018
Look inside and you’ll find no depth
Only the same kind of repetitive
No originality or charm to admire
The monotony of human beings this poem’ll inspire
Leading no revolutionary life, going down not higher
It’s hard to connect in a world on fire
Burning and crumbling with no left desire
For change, only greed
The end becomes nigher

— The End —