She can not understand
how much a heart can desire
something it never had.
Those little hands and little toes
soft coos and a tiny, button-nose.
Wrapped in white, an angel sleeping,
peaceful and drowsy,
with all the angels waiting.
With hands that don't know how to stay
and cries are all to communicate,
a darling angel grows and cleaves,
relying on one for all she needs.
And wherever in Heaven she may be,
your lonely mother waits for thee.

I think you're the smartest man ever,
With wisdom that knows no end.
You bring forth victories of life,
And to your guidance, I  gladly bend.

To you, no challenge is too daunting,
No obstacle too hard -
With your intellect and will,
You make the impossible come undone.

You bring light to the darkness,
And healing to the pain.
Joy to the misery,
And rainbows in the rain.

With your brilliance, you inspire,
Leading us to a brighter tomorrow.
You're the beacon of hope and knowledge,
A guiding star amidst pain and sorrow.

true love is mighty yet delicate. it effaces doubt yet stirs up great throes. it is gentle but moving, always diffusing, filling, and staining. love leaves a mark, yet is as soft as a whisper. it is truly the most magical paradox to exist.

Heavy is the heart
That only knows how to love
Heavy is the heart
That gives without end
Heavy is the heart
That weeps in silence
Heavy is the heart
That bleeds for peace
Heavy is the heart
Separated from its other half
Yes, heavy is the heart
That through this, still manages to laugh.

There's nothing more beautiful than a big, strong man, sleeping all soft and cute next to you.

This is the paradox of women.
Women want,
a strong and soft man,
a wise and goofy man,
a harsh and gentle man,
a wise and humorous man,
a passionate and composed man,
a quiet and chatty man,
a fierce and patient man.

But if you give a woman, all the qualities on the left, she will be uncomfortable with the man.

And if you give her all the qualities on the right, she will want another man.

So you see, you can't be one way or the other with a woman, the way they tell you. Neither does a woman expect a man to be everything at once.

But when a man really loves his woman, who he is becomes everything she needs.

I whisper to the sunset with a smirk,
"He is prettier than you."

It took strength to come out
Of death’s cold grip.
Not the death of the body
But of a lethal trip.
The fading of your soul,
All the essence that you own-
The death of your love,
Life and you mourn.
It took strength to transition
Back into momentum,
The eerieness and sadness
That makes your body go numb.
But there was strength in
Believing that sunshine doesn’t burn.
There was joy in knowing
My spirit could return.
There was strength in believing
Words that were left unsaid.
There was strength in the words
Yet to be said.
Through all the brokenness,
I learnt something new,
It was always and only
Strength that flowed through.

For many, August slips away
in a moment of time, weary and heavy,
A dull December. Not everyone
sees Tishrei is next on the calendar.
Let September be September, a new beginning,
turn the narrative that every start is also an end,
And this doesn’t always have to be burdening.

She stares at the window
Streaked beautifully with raindrops
And traces her finger along
As they race from the top.
Its been a minute since he left the table
But no streak of sadness is seen on her
For a woman knows how to do both:
Unfurl and be a container.
So she sits and smiles
At the dear rain,
That she loves so very much,
As it washes away her pain.
And he stares at her from a distance
With eyes filled with love and longing
He wished he knew better, he wishes he’d be better
But to then comprehend
What stroke of fate made him so lucky
To have this woman by his side
Who’d never leave when times get dark and heavy.
That she would stay and wait
For as long as the storm would take
And set herself on fire, to give him some warmth.
He knew the bounds she’d go to,
To make sure he’s winning and happy
But what was in it for her? Was she just as lucky?
Some people know how to hold a heart in their hands
And the others, are well, a little fearful,
They’re clumsy and the heart falls and breaks
Or they clench it too hard out of fear,
And then there are those who hold it
And can’t stop the tears from falling
There’s no explaining why
But it's scary knowing what happens when
the heart stops beating.

One day a child will cling to me
pressed against my heart
I hope. With hands of warmth surrounding
him, the one who will save my soul.

To be everything a child
Looks up to
In moments of joy and despair,
With tears and laughter too.
Is all that I can hope for today
For what else should I look forward to?

One day these hands will hold a child
Tucked softly and safely within
To cherish and enjoy and nurture them
Knowing true love lives herein.

Where have you gone
Where have you strayed
Where are you lost
By whom are you betrayed?
Where is the song
Your heart used to hum
What has the sparkle
In your eyes become?
Why are you hurt
By things unknown
Where are you now
When will you come back home?

He has my heart
And knows it too.
He is my strength
And fortress too.
He is the light
That never fades
That gleams and glows
And chases the shadows away.
And if in exchange for him  
you were to give me the earth
I’d choose him over and over again
For that’s what he’s worth.

It's just a phase and
It will pass too
Just a matter of time
Before I am with you.

If I was against your chest
Away from my head
Pressed just against your heart
The world would fade
With all its pain
And every breath
Would feel so right.
I’d slip into the bliss
Of just being in your arms
Safe and sound and
Soft all around.

Break me open
And empty me whole
Clean the corners
And patch each hole.
Heal what’s broken
And damaged and blue,
Fill me with light
And make me anew.
Rekindle the spark
And let the flame burn
Love me again
And I’ll love you
twice as much in return.

Slow down so that the world
doesn’t go by too fast.
Anything that is hurried
Will almost never last.

As a man,
Who would you be
Without the soft touch of a woman,
With a loving gaze that melts your heart?
Who would you be without her playfulness
And the love of your sweetheart?
What would your body feel like,
Without the graze of her fingertips?
With a smile and an uplifting cheer
And tears that fall and miss?
Who would you be
Without the softness and warmth, she brings,
The comfort and the chaos,
And everything in between?
By you, she is forever undone
In ways, only the divine can comprehend
She falls and flies and is born again
By your love, made anew.
For she was made from your rib
To be for you, by you,
Who would you then be as a man
To reject this divine truth?

My inner child shrieks and cries violently
As if we’re in a car that’s going off the cliff.
I sob as all the words I can tell her are,
“If this ends,
All the pain ends today as well.”

I have loved you since I first met you,
I don't think anything can change a love like that

Today will pass
And so will the days that follow after.
It will not be the same,
But it will be okay.
The pain stings, numbs, and sometimes
Leaves a stain,
But you have to make sure
None of this is in vain.
Don’t meet it with eyes that analyze
And try to quantify the pain,
There’s only so much you will discover
All to your disdain.
Sometimes it feels as though you’re not worthy
Of making good things last,
But that’s why the present is the present,
And the past, is the past.

Oh come to me my beloved
how long shall you stray from me
perfect love drives out fear
and I long for your heart to be opened to me
Let me fill you with all my love
to be your fortress and strength
let me nourish you from the depths of my being
that you may prospoer and be king,
for what is a woman without her man
how is she to be his helper
when he is afraid to seek her help.

You deserve a slow and peaceful life
You deserve to breathe and live calmly
To live in such safety and security that
You can stop to listen to the leaves rustling in the breeze
And stand basking in the sun
Without the thought of someone disrupting your order
Even crossing your mind.
You deserve to sleep in still and quiet
Not worrying about the chaos one would strike
Just as you gently wake up.
You deserve to move in joy
To know you return home to love and more joy.
To have people that genuinely care
And will give you the truest peace.

I see it in his eyes,
I recognize it too,
The love is back
And it's oh so true.
How I missed his loving gaze
And the softness in his eyes
A gentle smile of warmth
Of laughter and fun too.
There’s wonder and joy and magic
Something I thought we outgrew
All it took was patience
And we’d see the rain through.

I sway my legs
at the table he built
the wood smells fresh
and it's about to rain.
I've waited for this
and now it's true,
just hold on to love
and see it through.

I love him because he is the best part of me. He is someone so perfect and put together, who knows not just what they’re doing but also succeeding at. I love him because he’s smart and capable, and one of those rare gems. I love him because the chase is neverending and his taste is royal, so if he chooses me, I’m no less than royalty. I love him because I want to be the perfect love and lover and I don’t find anyone else worthy. I love him because I want to have the privilege of being loved by him and I know I can love and serve him in ways no other woman could ever do. I love him because I want to continue holding his heart in my hands and as promised will never let go. I love him because I know all that he needs is time, and if his isn’t enough, I’ll give him mine.

I want to hold your heart in my hands
I want to cherish you for the rest of your life
I want to build and stand by you
In the darkest night and brightest day
You will always be my muse
For never again will I see another pair of eyes
That has shown me who I am
Never before have I known a pair of arms
That has held me safely within
Never before have I seen such strength
That’s perfected in love and joy
And to this, I shall confess
I want to love you as dearly
As eternal life itself.

I want to fit in the crevice of your arm
All tangled up in your bones
I want to sway to the rhythm
Of divine music that never ends
Come back to me my love
I need to feel your heart pressed against mine
I want to kiss your lips and miss
And be right again.
I need to feel your warmth
Embracing me whole
And hold your love in me
Building us a home.

I promise to hold your heart in my hands no matter how heavy it gets. I still crave the touch of it weighing down on my bones. I promise to fiercely protect your heart with every inch of my being and surround it with my love. For in mine you have carved a space, one that can be filled by no other. Tell me how am I supposed to replace this breath of life with another. So I will guard it as precious as my own. It is worth more than the treasures of the Earth. Yours is the heart I want to see blossom and bloom, in rain and shine, in chaos and peace. Your heart will never be too heavy for my hands, for breath is always a kiss on skin.

The masterful stroke of an artist’s hands
Comes from broken fingers and cut wrists
Hands that have been dragged through hell
And rested in heaven,
That creates real mastery.

Let your feet direct you to the streams of life,
And your eyes lead you to see the light.
May your hands give of the fruit
Those your heart beats with compassion for,
May your ears hear the choir of angels
To soothe your mind,
To cleanse the weight
You carry in your bones.

The absence of one
Tells of the presence of the other.
The hollow teaches you gratitude for the fill,
The excess teaches you the necessity of emptiness.
One cannot exist exclusively,
For all of eternity,
There must always be a season for reaping and sowing,
For rain and shine,
For togetherness and distance,
Lest we forget the importance of their union.

I have seen the miracle of life,
There is nothing one can do to make me
Stop believing in Love.

What is the deal with boundaries
When it comes to the things we love,
Why is it inexhaustible and all-consuming-
how do we make it stop?

I am no longer running away
from what I said.
They know and I know
I am smart,
so never again will I lie saying,
"I don't know."
But God give me the strength to say,
"Yes.
No.
Out of respect for my privacy,
I do not wish for you to know."
-shevaun stonem

He still looks at me
Like I'm his Meredith. Make
of it what you want.

At the end of the day it only comes down to how proud you are of yourself. Of how you picked yourself up every time you fell. It's not about how minuscule or gigantic something you've gone through is as compared to others, rather, how only you and you alone would have experienced that magnitude. It is impossible to compare yourself to another, every human's timing is different. It's all about the determination and willpower, the fire in your bones and the steady, grounding thoughts in your mind that drove you to become softer, yet heal your wounds and to stand taller and walk with pride. It's all about the lessons you learnt from every single instance when this dreary and somewhat bleak world pushed you down. You are not a graveyard of your failed attempts, you are not a cemetery of things and people that left you alone, you are the whole ocean, filled with a plethora of potential and goodness, that the whole world gazes at and admires.

O Mother of He who is Love Himself
I run to your golden abode. Seek for me the grace
to be like you.
To love like you,
to serve like you
to obey like you.
May my mind be Heaven bound,
Seeking the good with my hands
Speaking the truth with love
Sharing my warmth and your light.
Take from me the darkness,
the weight that weighs me down
making my eyes heavy and teary.
Fill me with your light, that I may never falter,
on my path, to share the love.

but I know
just as a cat flinches
when you move to pet it,
so do I.
we both no longer know the difference between
affection and attack.

No greater love than that of the Man who died on a cross, who even after agony and suffering, being crowned with thorns and mocked, with all of His last breath, believed I was worth it all.

Everything for the man who died on a cross, who even in his last hour, believed I was worth it all.

then tell me why have we barely touched
but your bones feel like home,
why is your aroma-
my only known cologne.

then why does your heart pace at the same rate as mine,
synchronized thoughts and breaths
bringing us back together
time after time.

i.
some days I am more
wolf than woman
and it’s hard to hide my fangs.
I’ll hiss and snarl and spit the blood
of those who trespass against my land.

ii.
some days I am more
wolf than woman
and it’s not that hard to understand.
I cannot be tamed or caged or chained,
I am the alpha of the pack.

iii.
some days I am more
wolf than woman
and there is no strength I lack,
but hiding and camouflaging
with the sheep
does not make my fur more black.

iv.
most days I am more
wolf than woman,
and you’ll find me bathe
underneath the moonlight.
in the slightest of mannerisms
you’ll discover, it’s not that
easy for me to hide.
hunting and guarding and marking
until the weary day turns to night.
in the way, that I tread the land
these claws covered by a pretty coat
and smiling- hah, no that’s the
predator baring her fangs to show you
how it’ll dig into your throat.

more wolf than woman | shevaun stonem

Still, I rise from the ashes
And pieces unknown.
Moments and memories,
Dreams and mourns.
Still, I rise like a plant
That first pushes away the dirt
Growing towards the sun
In joy and mirth.
And for the grass to seem greener,
It has to constantly rain.
And while it may seem duller,
It washes away my pain.
And I’ll rise from my remains
Like a Phoenix from its ashes,
A winner born out of
Broken dreams, hopes, and wishes.

shevaun stonem

Truth is, I let things hurt till they hurt no more.
But now fawn has turned into
Violet, indigo, black,
Birthing a whole new universe.

Black | shevaun stonem

I want to run away from you,
like running away from home
and I know you will not chase me
for a while, you’d like to be alone.
But I’m sure one day, you will
wander out too, in this world
of colour, art and pain.
And all I ever taught you,
will finally sound sane
and when you navigate this on your own
seeking out ‘you’
at every destination,
you’ll find me there too.

Find me | shevaun stonem

like a drug,
i just can't get enough
the side effects are
this numbness.
the pain of looking
your addiction in the eyes and
being reminded of how
you first died.
but there's no more
a reason to relapse,
no more season for sobriety:
so I stare at
my human addiction
in the eyes,
hoping he's also
the remedy.

shevaun stonem

After leaving I thought I knew it all,
and that’s the worst part.
Because all I ever wanted was silence
but now the silence pierces
like a dart.
And I thought I was strong to walk away
from ruins- but tell me,
does it take more strength
to walk or build, in all honesty?
And all the words I chanted to my heart
are the opposite of what I now croak
from the bottom of an empty bottle,
from the hollow of my soul,
from the redness of my eyes,
from the fullness of my mind
and every ounce of my wit
now only proclaims,
you made me a hypocrite.

hypocrite | shevaun stonem

We sit across
each other over
cups of coffee-
like we don’t know
the exact order.
like you don’t know
my favorite movie.
like I don’t know
the last time you cried.
like we don’t know
the unseen.
like we don’t know
we never truly died.

like we don’t know | shevaun stonem

it’s funny how I
write of things I
know and things I
don’t- and someone,
somewhere,
has lived
through my
poetry and prose.

poetry and prose | shevaun stonem

and every night
when you steal
seconds to glance
at the moon, I
hope you slip
into hours, days of
being reminded
of me,
running through your bones,
moving like the stars,
that maybe I was
not made to be the sun,
because, perhaps,
you are,
and all I did was
reflect to show you,
that the moon was
never second best,
just a reminder of you,
when you shone
somewhere else.

i am the moon | shevaun stonem