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Shannon Soeganda Jun 2020
Autumn of 2017 united them;

and they happened.

She met her true love;

the other one did too.

They found home in each other,

albeit the universe conspired against them in the end.



"She is now a song I can no longer sing."
Home has been lost.
Shannon Soeganda Dec 2018
She said,

“See? I knew you’d be back.”

And he said,

“We’re home; finally.”
A conversation between Harmonious Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine; integrated into an Alchemical Union.
Shannon Soeganda Mar 2021
As within, so without---

As the universe, so the soul.

And so it is.

I'm done.

With my life (path).
I humiliate my self every time I manifest things wrong. The Universe conspires against us all, not working on our behalf.
Shannon Soeganda Aug 2021
Neri Oxman once said:

"You have to go away, to come back home.
You'll never truly have a sense of home,
until you leave home."

Such discontentment over the thought of home
can never carry the despair that is just so wary.

Henceforth; I bemoaned of home---
only to wander far away from it.
Only to never come back home.

Because in truth, my "home" had been lost.
My "home" already went away.

New one, old one---
They depict such distinct disparity

But then again... this is as good as it can get.

Yet, bemoan I still.
How discomforting it is, to accept what had been lost, and all the could've should've beens.
Shannon Soeganda Jun 2019
How do we skip our life to death?
Where no one would ever mourn for us;
Nor to yearn for our mere existence?
I don't plan to wake up after I write this.
Shannon Soeganda Nov 2018
Maybe, I’m just not that compassionate,

or perhaps, I’m just not that enou—

**** it,

I’ve had enough that I’m not good enough!
We are enough for the one that’s meant for us; for we will never be enough for the one that’s not meant for us.
Shannon Soeganda Nov 2018
Embittered.
Worn out.

The soul yearns for its long lost counterpart,
only to find itself undulating
on the waves of uncertainty.

The soul has had enough.
Shannon Soeganda Nov 2019
When you smoke a cigarette;
have you ever
tasted the tar
far bitter than your life?
Life is pretty.
Pretty onerous, I mean.
Shannon Soeganda Jul 2022
Would love to meet you again
After all these years

But for now,
I need you to know—

that I have always loved you,
And I always will,

It’s just that,

I don’t trust my self enough
to see you the next day,

or any day after.
It’s excruciatingly painful to be fine one minute and gone the next.
Shannon Soeganda Jan 2021
Beseeching words
genuinely rooted from
the wounded, rotten heart

whispering
to the cold, thin air of
"I have nothing left to say---"
Thank you for putting up with me, dear self. For teaching me to make peace with my demon; not to get rid of it.
Shannon Soeganda Nov 2020
She is always my ghost, enshadowing my trail---

Wherever I go,

Whatever I do,

Whoever I am with---

She is but a name I can no longer speak.

In her brown eyes
I can't help but drown my self
For I have realized that

at the end of the day,

I'm nothing but an entity;
something illusory
for the ocean of her incoherent thoughts,

of the what-ifs,
the could've been,
the should've been
regarding us both.
Off you go; heard you're at your happiest state with her. I am happy and humbled to know that you guys are happy together. Long last, guys. Stay sane, and stay safe. I believe you're in good hands. She nurtures you better than I did.

P.S: Nevermind, you pathetic liar.
Shannon Soeganda Dec 2020
Tell me,

what are the things that fascinate you most?

Things that make your eyes sparkle aglow,

that soothe your awry, unrest, stirred soul.

Some are fascinated with their fiery, burning passion of life,

and some others are fascinated with their own death.

I am one of the latter.
Since you're too heavy, it's almost a joke to hang yourself, Shannon. Find another alternative.
Shannon Soeganda Nov 2018
“Can you do me a favor?”

“Yes?

“Could you please stop existing?”

“B-but, why?!”

“No one really loves you. I mean, they do, but only if it’s beneficial to them.”

“How—“

“**** yourself. Begone. For good. Nobody needs you, after all.”

“I thought I’ve loved my self well enough? Which part of me is still not good enough!?”

“Who cares? No one cares about you. They need you to stop existing. Go die and begone. For good.”


———————//———————


Alas, that’s how she ends her complete existence. For good.
You read what you read. Misinterpret it for all I care.
Shannon Soeganda Sep 2020
I already did my part in coming back home to God.

So can we come back home to each other now?
I'm sick of the thought of being homeless. Never had any home to begin with, anyways.
Shannon Soeganda Dec 2020
Isn't it a pity that,
what she and I have
might be a
foretold; untold tale?

This writhing soul might be a fool to be

- t a n t a l i z e d -

by her honey-like scent,
with the topical rose redolence;
percolating every existing room for air
in my thickly tar-scarred lungs
from every hush of her troubled breath---

only then to realise that

every passing seconds spent

have always been a constellation of

== inane innuendo ==

to pique the lovelorn in me.
There's always something in me that's been worried of her troubled breathing. She doesn't smoke, so I'm concerned. I mean, her lungs aren't tar-scarred like mine.
P.S: I like the smell of her perfume.
Shannon Soeganda Sep 2020
This unholy libidinal gratification that we share;

lips of ours, interlocked,
strands of hairs, intertwined,
warm, shortened breaths, exchanged,
subtle moans sang; like songs of siren---

made me lock your head with these thighs,
as I squirm in ecstasy of pleasure,
while grippin' the sheet tightly,
ready to embark on another arousing journey.
S.e.x is sacral; only if we treat it with respect.
Shannon Soeganda Sep 2020
One cooked in Melbourne,
the other cooked in Jakarta.

One finished her medium-rare steak,
the other has not.

One went to wash the dishes,
the other watched her while smiling sheepishly.

They were 4 hours apart.
Little did they know---
that was going to be their last quality time
spent together

in the name of

"You and I both together.".
Lost in Melbourne, gone in Jakarta?
Shannon Soeganda Nov 2018
With all due respect,
I’d like to request.

This is not something I expect,
I don’t need another quest.

Take her away from me if You must,

but—

don’t take my minstrelsies away.
My external Hard Disk needs a repair. I hope all of the songs I’ve made and stored there won’t be gone.
Shannon Soeganda Dec 2020
Feelings,
Shown—

Feelings,
Grown.

I can’t help but to
                                fall in awe
                                                   with her
                                                             ­      idyllic astonishment;

like how the moonbeam shines its ray
to lit up the darkened night sky
amongst all the unrest souls in their
                                                           ­     (not so)
                                                             ­                  blissful slumber.

I beg your pardon, m'lady—
for I have mistaken your
                                              b e a u t y
                                                               ­    for
                                                             ­      Misconstrued Paraselene.
Something is up.
                                                           Hereby, I abnegate my all to both of us.
Shannon Soeganda Dec 2018
Fine with how you rolled the dice,
Mr. Gambler---
For I, unknowingly
have stopped gambling around with your game.

One day,
you'll sigh of my name
and I won't even bother
recalling your shady game.
Mr. Gambler is such a bothersome. Feeling called upon?
Shannon Soeganda Nov 2019
Have had enough of unnecessary mishaps;

Have had enough of the uncertainty of “perhaps”.
Perhaps, mishaps. They rhyme like a thyme.
Shannon Soeganda Dec 2018
You’re the soul to my poetry;

for my forever rests with you.
Shannon Soeganda Nov 2018
Little bunny was so adored,
Little bunny then grew up
as Peter Rabbit.

Peter Rabbit was so loved,
Peter Rabbit now becomes
Her guinea pig.

Alice was her name,
Alice in the Wonderland.
Alice liked Peter,
but treated the rabbit no better than a mere guinea pig;
for her experiment—
in her Wonderland.
Thanks for experimenting on me, b.
Shannon Soeganda Aug 2022
Never in my life would I ever want to come back to a mistake like you—

Never once,

Never was,

Never am,

Never will.

You might have all the forever within grasp,

because you’re a ghost,

and ghosts have forever.

But not everyone is you,

not everyone is privileged with any next lifetime.

Time with you is a time wasted,
wasted with all of your over-glorified ghost—

that the devil himself is scared of you,

even your only shadow leaves you in the dark.

And there you are,
there you always will be;

Cast out alone in the void of darkness for eternity—

bequeathed with eternal guilt;

for you are nothing much,

but a mere shadow;

a ghost of the lingering past

(not) worth reminiscing.
What kind of person is stupid enough to come back to a mistake in a form of a human being?
Shannon Soeganda Sep 2020
With such audacity,
she sayeth to the Lord;

"Father, in Thy name all things shalt be done.

With relentless faith, I trust Ye to performeth the impossible.

By all means,

the stage is all Yours to direct."
The Lord shall perform the impossible.
Shannon Soeganda Dec 2020
I may be foulmouthed to the core,

let alone when we have our very own

\\ tête-à-tête //

but honey---

I know my heart is genuine.
Hit me up after your Saturn Return, girl.
Shannon Soeganda Nov 2019
The Light in me is too bright to fail.

So bright, that its iridescent ray ****** my soul.
Never let anyone dim your light.
Whoever they may be.
Shannon Soeganda Dec 2018
It is liberating indeed,

to be accepted inside and out for who you trully are;

being able to love who you want to love,

to choose whom you want to spend the rest of your life with,

and to live freely under your skin with comfort;

not needing to hide under layers of masks—

for life is not a masquerade.
You’re living your life to the most, if you can live your life to the fullest by being authentic.
Shannon Soeganda Aug 2020
The Empress is about to take Her Throne.

The Queen awaits patiently;

for after The Long Wait,

they both shall reunite

and reign together

in a Communion of Alchemical Union---

of two halves of a soul; from the same soul core.
2020-2022 Prophecy.
Let's see what's on menu from now on forward to 2022.
Shannon Soeganda Nov 2018
Twin Flames;
The Runner,
and The Chaser.

I will come to you,
as much as our souls will
find the way to one another.

After long gone apart,
to mature before the
Alchemical Union.

I will find you;
in Divine Timing---
with His Divine Intervention,

we will reunite.
She is The Runner and I am The Chaser.
Shannon Soeganda Nov 2018
Depression.

A battle greater than it seems.

Greater than the World War,

moreover,

greater than your doubts.
If the shoe fits, wear it.
Shannon Soeganda Jan 2022
One of these days,
I'll get to speak my vow
to whomsoever the great love of my life is.

============================

"I’m so grateful that we cross paths in this very lifetime.
Through the fire and through it all,
never really thought we’d make it this far.

With all the time we have left,
may it be filled with blessings, joy and peace;
not just for ourselves but also for others.

Because I know we are here to be the light for the world,
that our encounter was fated,
that it has always been written in the stars
ever since the dawn of time.

With all the time we have left,
I’d encourage us to create all the memories we’ll carry
to the end of time in the afterlife.

Having our souls united as one in a harmonious union
truly means the whole universe to me
and it’s something I sincerely cherish with my all.

I will always fight for us, for our lives
And I will never give up on us,
For as long as we both shall live.

Thus, I vow—
However long we’re privileged to be each other’s counterparts,
However long we’re privileged to be each other’s wives,
to fill the world
with all the love and the joy you deserve;

‘til the end of time,
to the ends of the world,
‘til death do us part,
‘til death we do art.

As above, so below,
As within, so without.
As the universe, so the soul;
And so it is."

============================
Thus, we tied the knot.
Shannon Soeganda Dec 2020
You are nothing but a pretty face---

and for all the words birthed from your soft,
pouty,
supple,
unkissed sunkissed lips---

or the ones written down with your tiny,
\\ slanted //
handwriting;

they are nothing but empty,

meaningless blatherskites.
Their kisses remind me of all these empty amens.
Sure this one won't be any different.
Shannon Soeganda Dec 2020
You dismantled my ego like how she broke my heart.

You,

your boundaries,

and your strong sense of self.

Allow me to detach from us.
It's never pleasant to work on our unhealed, anxious attachment style. I truly detest my irrational fear of abandonment. But at least I'm facing it now, and not running away from it.
Shannon Soeganda Aug 2022
Vengeance is not my jurisdiction.

So let me escape your shadow once and for all,

and please,

let me go---for good. Energetically.
Celebrate your triumph while you still can, b.
Shannon Soeganda Nov 2020
The scent of autumn

trespasses by the name

of our paths---

as our paths intertwine

with one another;

scraping its way out

to welcome the cold,

but warm, and familiar

wintertime.
Honey smells like a wintertime to me.
Goodbye Autumn, I guess?
Shannon Soeganda Nov 2018
If the meds aren’t enough,
then what shall fulfill your drive
to stay alive?

Haven’t you had enough already,
to have your insides ruptured?

Is this how you end things,
without leaving any
trace of ******?
This is not a suicide note; I suppose.
Shannon Soeganda Nov 2019
I’ve lost you twice,

I’ve let go of you twice.

So let me go.

Gone, without a trace.

Gone.

For good.

Let. Me. Go.
Been high on spiritual ******* for one year. Solemnly despise being lied upon.
Shannon Soeganda Jul 2022
Aceptar lo que es,
Agradecer lo que fue,
Confiar en lo que será.
Así será,
Así es.

— The End —