Your getting to close
I can't deal with your blows
But I can't say no
Why can't I get the memo
In my dark room I can't feel a thing I Just want to be alone
But you keep calling my phone
Sometimes it feels like your one of my bones
But lately I only feel alone
You kisses a work of art
All I want is to say no
Why can't you go ?
I hate it but
You've become a habit of my heart
My own piece of art

You only show half of you
The half you wish everyone to see
The half that is easier to show
And when I lit the other half of you
I realised I no longer wanted to see pretty things
I wanted to see the rest of you
The half that was shadowed by my sunset glow
The beauty before the darkness

Have you ever felt a loneliness that suffocates you?
Like a demon pushing on your chest

Have you ever felt an ache this deep ?
Like a part of you was missing

Have you ever felt a numbness so cold?
Like you're a corpse

I have and everyday it tears me up inside

Like a cut that just won't heal
Forever on my soul
Have you ever felt like this ?

I put up my fortress of solitude clouding all despicable thoughts
My body wilts under your cold glare
Curling in on its self like an autumn leaf
My heart begs it not to be true
Screaming to not give in
Not to except the obvious
But my mind knows
That this is what it is
Another catastrophic
Heartbreak

Just come out of hell
My words drifting from between my lips
And the person I want to share it with is long gone ,
Down into the dark abyss

I'm her the girl everyone sees as strong
I wish they knew they were wrong
I'm the girl that smirks
But at night they don't see the water works
I'm the girl who is sarcastic
They don't see it's all plastic
I'm her the girl that hides it all
What they don't know is that I like to forget it all with alcohol

I love getting high
To inhale the thick and lust filled smoke from each kiss
To snort you infections laugh
To swallow your late night sultry whispers
To inject myself with your smiles
God I love this drug
Every time I get High on it , it's thick and lust filled  smoke blinds me
Oh , how I love to get high on a little drug called you .

Golden light surrounded her ,
It engulfed her ,
She grew wings ,
As she played on swings ,
She was always an angel,
Always his angel ,
And as she died ,
She new he'd hide ,
As she drowned in him ,
She knew this would be her last sin ,
Her last fight ,
Tonight ,
Sins were forgiven and forgotten,
As she lay wrapped up in Cotten ,
He dumped her in a river ,
As he fled with a shiver ,
Her last sin ,
Was him ,
She was always his angel ,
Always and forever.

His eyes ,
They were at first,
A daunting green that we're clouded with mischief,
They quickly became an emerald ,
That clouded my every thought ,
Then ,
Then they became a colour I couldn't recognise,
His body just became a suit for the demon within ,
His hands were no longer mapping my body ,
No ,
They were the ones around my neck ,
His body seemed to be a fragment of my imagination,
His whole existence just a ,
Dream I once dreamt ,

His eyes ,
His eyes were what drew me in ,
In the end it was his eyes that killed me,
They say the Eyes are the windows into the soul ,
Guess I should have listened.

Home
is where rain falls
sweet tears of her's ,
everlasting rain.

Home
is where green is all you see
Blood of mine ,
so green.

Home
is where one scent is held
perfume of her's ,
Never ending love.

                                    Home , Her

You’re boring
Boringly in love
With her
How boring it must be
Loving
Someone who isn’t me

I’m waiting
For you to come
And break my heart
    I’m waiting

It glides across my skin like ice
Curving intricate lines as I slice
My body a work of art
Like a map to my bleeding heart
Every line, a new story, the only thing I find beautiful
The only thing that is suitable
It's touch like a kiss of cold emptiness
You cannot comprehend it's heaviness
" beauty is pain"
What a sad saying , how can we be so vain?
And although my words mean nothing
And are sometimes simply disgusting
It's  still better than the ice
For without my words I would certainly slice and dice

You've hurt me so much
And maybe I forgive you too much

And I cry my last tear
Hoping you'll come and take away the fear
That you'll never come back
That maybe this pain is payback

But I'm not sad
I'm not even mad
Because with each word I write I remember
I'll remember this every November
I'll Remember each word, lie or truth
Because they are apart of my youth

And I don't hate you
Please believe that as true
And if you ever come back
Just give my door a whack
But for now , you know how I feel
And that's a good enough deal

Maybe in another life
There will be no strife
Maybe it could be different
And everything else will feel insignificant

But for now
This is all that will be allowed

You'll be my lonely apollo riding from dusk till dawn bringing and taking the light from my world
Forever apart of my dream world

We're like the edge of a blunt knife
That is perhaps beautiful and sharp in another life

The mind of an insomniac Is
withered
It's restless,always searching for more
It's mouth is always filled with a dark and bitter liquid
Igniting every nerve ending
Bringing them to life

It's bitter taste soothes
Flowing warmth into bodies
Bringing corpses to life
Our very own frankenstien

The life of an insomniac
Is only thinking of previous smiles
As sleepless nights take a tole on the body

The eyes of an insomniac
are always cloudy
Filled with memories and lost thoughts

This is insomnia
It's bittersweet

It whispers sultry words into your ear
Making you believe sinful lies
All the while it's slowly killing you
It wears away ones body and soul

You can't close your eyes for a second
For you are the sailor
And insomnia is the siren
Dragging you deeper to your death
All the while you have a happy little smile of your face .

I put the role of death between my lips
And ignite it ,
Sending death my way
I put the knife to my wrist
Beating death
I lay cold and unloved
A tragic set of events my life
I contemplate all as I lay
Daydreaming in pitiful memories
Coated in a thick ,bitter layer of regret
I breathe in death once again
Pressing deeper
Letting death fill me
Till I am nothing
But a distant memory
Till I am forgotten
Till this blood runs cold

The water crashed and churns
As it leaves my body and then returns
The wind tosses and turns
As it gives me sweet kisses that burn
The smoke escapes my lips
Sending a warning to incoming ships
The wild calls
Telling me to jump , no matter the fall
The adventure awaits
Deciding all our fates

It's like you've been underwater for too long
That you start to drown
It happens slowly
The water filling your lungs
Pushing the air out violently
Leaving angry red marks down your throat
It's like a demon pushing down on your chest
Clawing at you
It's like when you've cried for too long that your throat starts to close up
It's like sleep paralysis
Your whole body motionless
A fear that fills your whole body
That's what it's like
My aniexty

It's like when the sea meets the shore
It always comes back for more
It's like when the flowers intertwine with the grass
The time seems to pass
It's like how the stars illuminate the night
Our only source of light
That's how I loved you
When I told you this you said get in queue
Cause in the end I always loved you more than you did me
That is true

I wanted him in the simplest sense
I wanted it to be intense

I wanted him in the way the sea wants the shore
Right down in my core

I wanted him in the way the trees want the leaves
That's all I wanted to achieve

I wanted him in the way the sun longs for the moon
Waiting all afternoon

I wanted him .....
but you don't always get what you want

However crazy it is
I'll always want him
No matter what

I want to believe I do
I want to say it's true
But how can I ?
I'm not used to this , but I'll try
I want to believe and hold you tightly
I want to believe you were sent by Aphrodite
Because I feel an absence when your not here
Especially when your not near
I feel for you deeply
So for now I'll let you keep me
Because your smile
Is something I haven't seen in a while
And I do love it so
I know what I said was low
I can't help it
But for you I'll commit
Because when your not here I'm blue
I guess I know now it's because I am truly in love with you

I found it
All the courage I needed
I realise now
That I may be broken
And that may be Beacause of you
But atleast I can heal
What about you ?
Do you really think you can ?
Cause I realise now
I have a heart that can heal
But you
You have no heart to heal
All you do is take others
And put them in your jar of hearts
But mine?
You'll never have mine
Not in your jar of hearts
Never again

Life
Such an ineffable concept
Long yet short
Beautiful yet heartbreaking
Although we live short lives
We live long in the minds of men ( and women )
So in actual thought perhaps it’s is not such an ineffable concept
Life
Perhaps we are not immortal in body
But we are immortal in soul
And that in itself is to live

Lilies for a mother ,
Lilies for a wife ,
Lilies to placed at the end of a life

Lilies for those with wild hearts
Lilies for those who  cannot be tamed
Lilies for those who's minds are inflamed

Water lilies atop a bewitching pond
Tiger lilies used for a crown
Lilies of the valley to match a delicate gown

Lilies give me solace for the day
In a place that is awfully grey  
In a world that is darker than what is within me
To brighten my day just simply give me a lily.

There is a little girl
She is all alone in a room
And she just doesn't know
That all I write about is about her
That little girl in the mirror

Wonder wonder little girl,
How the world can be so cruel ,
Your no cover girl ,
But your a fool ,
Always stuck in your head ,
How far will you go ?
One day you'll end up dead ,
So go with the flow ,
Your gonna learn ,
The shadows are not your friends ,
People look at you with concern ,
You need to make amends,
If not ,
The devil awaits ,
You fought ,
But they dominate ,
Wonder little girl ,
The shadows hide you,
Demons snarl ,
Do you know what's true ?
How long can you hide,
Before you loose who you are ?

I sit solemnly on my windowsill
Thinking of the right words to say
To describe how I feel
Yet there are none
I've never had trouble with this before so why now?
I feel as if I'm missing something
Or maybe someone
Maybe it's my poetic mind
Always craving more
But I crave something
And what or whoever I'm missing would probably make the happiest person alive
It feels as if I'm missing a limb
So I can't walk or function properly
Whatever it is I need it
That is what's so scary
Having to need something so much
Either way
If your what I'm looking for
Please don't let me be lost forever
Don't let me be lost
As Alice was in wonderland
Bring me to reality
Be my little white rabbit
Guiding me through our little wonderland

Maybe one day I’ll love someone
The way I loved you

I close my eyes thinking of a love long lost
A couple who were once star crossed
Now they are as cold as ice
Giving there body out , no more than twice
Why must it end so tragically?
It happened automatically
How could they not see
That there life has become ******
But no
Maybe they like putting on a show
Maybe they like the attention
Maybe they need some satisfaction
I'm not sure
I know there life is hard to endure
They are at amis
Because I know now I never want a love like this .

Loving you was easy
You made me feel loved even though you were ******

Loving you was timeless
Our bodies forever ageless

Loving you was so painful
Everything you said was disdainful

Loving you was like breathing
An eternal healing

Loving you was all I had
Isn't that sad ?

Cause all you ever did was love
Love  HER

He smiled the way lucifer did when he fell
Becoming part of hell
He laughed the way a witch would cackle
Leaving my heart in a ramshackle
Taking souls to the inferno
Your touch as cold a inverno
All quiver and wonder what nightmare you came from
Thinking about you makes me squirm
You are lucifer formly known as my lust lover
You have too many secrets to uncover
What a tragic tale of pain
For a world so mundane
Every crime you commit makes you sicker
You are my sinful lust lover , known as  Lucifer

Beautiful darkness
Come, harmonise with my sadness
And create a perfect melody
To a lullaby for a broken heart

Two bodies intertwined
Doing sinful things to unwind
The look in there eyes
Looking at each other like a prize
Bodies under covers
A pair of lustful lovers

Maybe I'm just over reacting
But what she just said
Seemed so despicable
Telling me to end my own life
As if it were that easy
It was the way nobody blinked an eye once it was said
Like it was nothing
That was what made me the saddest
She said it so normally
As is she we're saying her own name or talking in her sleep
It wasn't the slip of the tongue
It was normal
That is what makes me hurt
But hey maybe I'm just ......
                Over reacting
It's not Like I'll die ...........
                  Oh wait
But maybe ......
                             Just Maybe

I've always wanted true love
I've never seen it
But maybe that's why I'm so quick to fall in love as I am to fall out of it
Cause I know In the end
I'll be the one to brake it

A way to describes us would be
Tragic
Relentless
Unrelenting
Restless
A way to describe us would be a set of words formed into a structured mess
Were hoarders
Keeping stacks and stacks of memories
We constantly relive them
It's the only way we can talk to each other
We are hoarders of memories
Of lost photographs
Of forgotten trinkets
We are hoarders of feelings and past hopes

I want to learn how
To love myself
Without you

My body swirls, creating a mass of colour
They become paler like watercolours
The soft melody moves  like silk
With sickly sweet tunes like buttermilk
My lavender dress moved elegantly around me
Making me feel carefree
My ebony hair fanns out behind
Me, making my skin more defined
My pale skin and freckles
Make me look like anything but the devil
My whole demeanour gives off innocence
You do not see my insolence
You do not see my scars
You cannot smell my aura of cigars
You cannot know my history
I'm a mystery
You only see my presence setting everything alight
For I am the girl that dances alone at midnight

He was completely different yet it seemed that he was made that way
He was sharp
All of his edges they made him stand out
He was dark but not in a bad or sadistic way
No he was the calm before the storm
He was the tidal wave before the tsunami
He was like a mirror
He had been broken in to pieces sharp yet honest
he represented years of bad luck in a pretty case
But that's what I loved
He was so different that he seemed to be made for me
He was the honest mirror and I was the victim , I had broke a mirror and paid the price

My addiction
My addiction
My addiction
It's a funny sentence
My addiction
Im not sure sadness
Can be an addiction
But if it can that it's mine
The way it fills my bones with nothing
I like the emptiness better
Than the cold that burns hotter than hell
My addiction
My addiction
What a funny way of putting it
An addiction
My addiction to sadness
My ....

I dont know how to tell you
But this is true
I'm hopelessly in love with you

Your arms wrapped around me so protective
Looking at me like a detective
Your fingers tracing every shape
I would never escape
But I never wanted to

Your favourite colour was blue
Mine was you
We watched the auburn leaves fall like dancing faeries
Then we were picking black berries
The seasons change quickly
My vision went blurry but I always saw you clearly
We grew old
Our bodies resting in the cold
You forgot everything but my name
What a shame

I still remember your eyes a cloudy blue
We had a daughter we called her lulu
She watched as we left
Almost like a theft
Big tears rolled down her tired eyes
Who knew our demise ?

My eyes opened
My body no longer broken
It was then that I realise that my insomnia had gone

I close my eyes
And suddenly a gust appears
Sending all into shivers
I light whisper and whispering follows
I feel things settle on my nose and lips
My wind goes wild
I can feel what is about to come
I open my eyes and right before me , laid at my feet is a winter wonderland
And I am like a kid again
Could This strange sparkling white stuff be a time machine
Could this solve our quest for immortality
Cause I'm feeling like a little kid again
Like I haven't aged a day
What a wonderous thing is my magical time machine
Would you like a go ?

Do you know how to fly ?
Teach me !
If I fall catch me
I know you will
I'm a broken angel
I fell long ago
Your my saviour
My wings
Carry me home

Paradise on the ground
Stars exploding
That’s how I wish to live my youth.
Filled with love
So heartbreakingly tragic and beautiful.
My youth belongs to you and me
A strange bedtime story
To tell my children full of chaotic beauty .
A story to explain my youth.

No one cares
No one wants to know
I wanna be free
I wanna let go
I wasn't trying to push you all away
But it's for the best
You may not realise it but
I'm just no good

Do you ever find yourself in a hole that you can't see yourself out of?

You used to say my eyes were what you fell for
Now all they see is you walking out the door
You used to love the way my body swayed like the wind ,to music
Now when I ask you to dance you say it's stupid
It's so confusing
You used to say love like ours was rare
You were right
Because no love could bring me such despair

We may be sad
We may be messy
We may be crazy
But the best thing about the human race
Is our ability to hope
For without hope we have no life
No beginning
For without that little piece of hope
We would not be human
And to be human
Is beautiful thing

I never knew I could love
Till I saw you
I never knew it could feel this good
It burns like fire on firewood

I never knew that it would hurt this much
When you leave me without your touch

Oh what a wonderful drug
To be paralysed by a hug
Oh what a fool I was to think you felt the same because
You never did oh what a shame
Your not someone that I can tame