I must leave now
I must See the wild
I must fall in love
And lose it all
I must do what great poets do
I must live

My addiction
My addiction
My addiction
It's a funny sentence
My addiction
Im not sure sadness
Can be an addiction
But if it can that it's mine
The way it fills my bones with nothing
I like the emptiness better
Than the cold that burns hotter than hell
My addiction
My addiction
What a funny way of putting it
An addiction
My addiction to sadness
My ....

An arrangement of seductive lights
Illuminating every one of our nights
A selection of your finest wine
But this time with no fine
Speaking nothing but words of love
Looking at the starts up above
I close my eyes and remember those nights
Looking up at the northern lights.

She wasn't afraid to be herself
So when everybody said " be a lamb"
She showed her fangs , and became a
                          Wolf

The windowsill,
A perfect picture
Thin dark and dainty pine leaves frolic
Swaying to there restless friend
This friend moves at its own accord
Whispering secrets to all
Blowing strangers hair out of there perfect conditions
And casting its dark tranquility over these friends
Is the mornings lover
Both tragically parted
Longing after the other
And mingling with these friends are the lights that illuminate every street giving guidance to the lost
In this god forsaken town
And accompanying all these friends is the tears of god
Sending his damnation in the form of new life
So as I sit at the windowsill I realise I am so very jealous of these friends
At least they have a home
Even if it is in utter damnation
So I sit and look upon the friends and lovers
Contemplating this Perfect picture
In this ******* perfect town
Wondering when it is I will become perfect

Blue, what a funny colour
It reminds us of the sky
Open,beautiful,careful and powerful
It reminds us of the sea
Free,wild,restless and mysterious

That was the first colour I imagined I saw
A blue clearer than any sky
A blue deeper than any sea

Blue, it’s the colour of your eyes
Must I say more

She didn't feel the same .
Not anymore ,she was different once

Now shes like a watered down version, pale and thin
She slips through the cracks , unnoticed
She fades into the background, afraid of saying the wrong thing    
She grows sharp edges and wont let anyone close to her.

She doesn't know how she came to be like this ,
How she ended up here
She only remembers the way she used to be - Wild and Reckless
                               Bold and Unapologetic

She wore a troubled past like wings
She had been through hell ,
And although no could see her demons
They could all see
The face that
Conquered them .

-atticus

I love getting high
To inhale the thick and lust filled smoke from each kiss
To snort you infections laugh
To swallow your late night sultry whispers
To inject myself with your smiles
God I love this drug
Every time I get High on it , it's thick and lust filled  smoke blinds me
Oh , how I love to get high on a little drug called you .

Purple bruises
Purple scars
Purple ink to heal hearts
Purple minds ,shaded in black a perfect purple bliss
Purple eyes illuminate the dark
Lies float around broken homes in a purple glow
Purple your favourite colour
I'm purple
I guess it isn't your favourite colour anymore
Cause other wise why would you go and brake my purple ,lilac heart?

She is the girl that listens to sad songs
She likes the way they comfort her
Soothing her tired and broken heart
Filling the empty spaces in her mind

At night they lull her to sleep
Her life an endless track of sadness
A sadness she had grown fond of
A sadness she cannot live without

For with out her sad songs she would be lost
She is the sad song girl
She once hated her sadness
Now ....
Her sadness is something she has grown fond of
For without it she would be alone
And that is something she can never be fond of
She is the sad song girl

He smiled the way lucifer did when he fell
Becoming part of hell
He laughed the way a witch would cackle
Leaving my heart in a ramshackle
Taking souls to the inferno
Your touch as cold a inverno
All quiver and wonder what nightmare you came from
Thinking about you makes me squirm
You are lucifer formly known as my lust lover
You have too many secrets to uncover
What a tragic tale of pain
For a world so mundane
Every crime you commit makes you sicker
You are my sinful lust lover , known as  Lucifer

A little raven haired girl sat alone
Throwing stones
Repeating a mantra
Amare est delere et amari est deleri 
With tears down her face fighting a tantrum
I pondered how a girl so young
Could speak in a different tounge
her body seemed so pale
And extremely frail
Yet she gave off an aura of a warrior
An aura that contradicted her exterior
She said her mantra like a soldier
Would each time becoming bolder
It was then that I realised what it was
And what it meant because
It was something I learnt as a child
To stop me from loving so wild
amare est delere et amari est deleri
To love is to destroy and to be loved is to be destroyed
And I knew I must help this child and fill it's obvious void.

I found it
All the courage I needed
I realise now
That I may be broken
And that may be Beacause of you
But atleast I can heal
What about you ?
Do you really think you can ?
Cause I realise now
I have a heart that can heal
But you
You have no heart to heal
All you do is take others
And put them in your jar of hearts
But mine?
You'll never have mine
Not in your jar of hearts
Never again

I wanted him in the simplest sense
I wanted it to be intense

I wanted him in the way the sea wants the shore
Right down in my core

I wanted him in the way the trees want the leaves
That's all I wanted to achieve

I wanted him in the way the sun longs for the moon
Waiting all afternoon

I wanted him .....
but you don't always get what you want

However crazy it is
I'll always want him
No matter what

It hurts  
So bad
Why? Why ?
Why me ?
I ask over and over
My insanity has crept in
Like a demon in my shadow
Do they realise what they've done?
Cause I think I lost myself
I feel so numb but there is still an ache
And it only comes in the lonely hour
My screams are blood curdling
My tears glisten in the moon light
And my nightmares come ......
Then I wake up
I put on  my mask
Till once again the lonely hour comes

Lilies for a mother ,
Lilies for a wife ,
Lilies to placed at the end of a life

Lilies for those with wild hearts
Lilies for those who  cannot be tamed
Lilies for those who's minds are inflamed

Water lilies atop a bewitching pond
Tiger lilies used for a crown
Lilies of the valley to match a delicate gown

Lilies give me solace for the day
In a place that is awfully grey  
In a world that is darker than what is within me
To brighten my day just simply give me a lily.

You know sometimes I close my eyes
And pretend everything is alright
But my imagination isn't working and I can't pretend anymore
No matter how much I try

Open,open,open
Quick ,quick,quick
Don't let them hear
Lean over
Light , light ,light
Flame burns , nothing but a lighter
And a pack of cigarettes
Cigarettes,cigarettes,cigarettes
Food for broken souls
Food for those like me
Food , food ,food
Broken,broken,broken
Take my ash stained hands
Take my cold ,cold heart
Take my bitter lips
Warm it , clean them ,sweeten them with your love
Cause that's all I need ......
That and a pack of your finest cigarettes.

I'm sorry to my almost lover
That there is nothing left to uncover
I'm sorry that I can't believe , that anybody ever really starts to fall in love with me
I'm so sorry hear my plea
I'm sorry I was so blind
I really thought you wouldn't mind
And I'm sorry that I wanna hear your voice
But you left me no choice
And I'm sorry that I ever thought there was no other
Cause in the end we are just almost lovers .

I am a forgotten photograph
Forever stuck in time
Never moving
Never changing
A constant
Reminder that
Dreams are the abundance of silence
I am a forgotten photograph
A memory long since passed
Pick me up and remember
Your dreams lost in this insanity
We call reality

Waking up from a dream is like , falling in love ,
You slowly loose the imagination,
You drift in and out of reality,
Your dream slowly falls away ,
And reality sets in ,
Love is in  many ways like a dream catcher ,
It catches bad dreams ,
Love catches bad thoughts ,
It suppresses the inevitable,
We all have nightmares,
But after a while you realise ,
Nightmares are just your dream catchers  way of setting you back ,
Into reality ,
It let's you know we're not infinite,
We only have a certain amount of time,
So we'd better use it .

I dont know how to tell you
But this is true
I'm hopelessly in love with you

My soul is old
Yours has grown cold

I'm a lonely traveler
Your a haunted passenger

Two souls searching
Forever hurting

You were my companion
Hauntingly handsome

I was your healer
Your guardian angel , a dreamer

Two souls that walked the earth
Awaiting the rebirth

Two lives completely separate
Looking for there soulmate

Two souls one old
One cold
Two hearts forever intertwined
How could they be so blind

By the willow tree
That's where we first met
It was hauntingly ancient
Like our souls
It's branches looked like dainty balconies for faires
The moss was over grown
It engulfed all that dared step upon it
But we never minded
Do you remember the days there ?
Time seemed to move differently there
It felt like silk passing over our bodies
Soft to the touch
The leaves layed carelessly
Like dead soldiers under sophisticated soil
Now we are like the leaves
Buried 6ft under
Right
By the willow tree

You are my own sin ,
All we do is run ,
Isn't it fun?
I feel you in my veins ,
It electrifies everyone of my cells,
My drug ,
Better than ******* ,
Better than heroine,
But when I wake up ,
Where are you ?
Sometimes I doubt your even real,
Then you come back ,
My drug,
But when I hear the door close ,
I know this time ,
That your not coming back ,

At least that's what I tell myself ,
But deep down I know ,
That I can never quit you .

I can’t breathe
Rising to the top
Only to sink further down
Deep
Deep into an abyss
Surrounded by
An empty kind of
Loneliness

Wanna know what really ****** me up as a kid ?
It wasn't so much the anger and pain
It was that my parents aren't always like that
They could be nice and kind
And sometimes I'd drive myself crazy
Not so sure that it was real ,
Till it happened again
That ****** me up

I lost trust in my parents and especially my mother
She'd tell me we'd leave and we'd be happy
" don't worry little one " that was a lie
She'd just crawl right back
I guess I can't blame her

I sometimes don't think that I have it that bad
Cause maybe I dont
So I just tell myself I'm just an overreacting teenager
But then my mother my protector
Goes and gets wasted she falls
I carry her to bed lulling her to sleep
Another time she wishes me dead after falling in public
I got the stares I hated it

It makes me angry that I have no one to trust
One one that cares enough
And that's what really ***** me up
Guess I'm just a ****** up kid
Nothing left to say
Except that I'm sorry
Maybe I could have done better
But in the end I'll only be a ****** up kid
Can you really blame me ?

He had such pretty eyes
They were greener than any forest
They drew you in
They were the kind of eyes that you could get lost in
And I suppose that's just what I did

Why am I hear ?
Why must my body endure this ?
I know what I must do
Shut it all off
Become emotionless
That's what I must do
What i always do
And I'll do it
For forever

I keep staring into space
I feel lost
Usually my mind is everywhere
Now I can't find it
It's gone
Just like my emotions
Just like my humanity
Forever

The mind of an insomniac Is
withered
It's restless,always searching for more
It's mouth is always filled with a dark and bitter liquid
Igniting every nerve ending
Bringing them to life

It's bitter taste soothes
Flowing warmth into bodies
Bringing corpses to life
Our very own frankenstien

The life of an insomniac
Is only thinking of previous smiles
As sleepless nights take a tole on the body

The eyes of an insomniac
are always cloudy
Filled with memories and lost thoughts

This is insomnia
It's bittersweet

It whispers sultry words into your ear
Making you believe sinful lies
All the while it's slowly killing you
It wears away ones body and soul

You can't close your eyes for a second
For you are the sailor
And insomnia is the siren
Dragging you deeper to your death
All the while you have a happy little smile of your face .

His eyes ,
They were at first,
A daunting green that we're clouded with mischief,
They quickly became an emerald ,
That clouded my every thought ,
Then ,
Then they became a colour I couldn't recognise,
His body just became a suit for the demon within ,
His hands were no longer mapping my body ,
No ,
They were the ones around my neck ,
His body seemed to be a fragment of my imagination,
His whole existence just a ,
Dream I once dreamt ,

His eyes ,
His eyes were what drew me in ,
In the end it was his eyes that killed me,
They say the Eyes are the windows into the soul ,
Guess I should have listened.

Slipping through dreams
Is like falling through water
It moulds to your skin
Becomes a part of your soul
I never figured out why I'm afraid of the dark
I think it's because deeply I'm afraid once the lights turn off I may never return to reality
Always stuck drifting
A lonely wanderer

Wings of darkness,
Wings of light ,
Both are the same when cursed by fright,

Though darkness spreads,
And light faids,
This angel of darkness,
Feels no pain.

Caramel eyes close in anticipation
Feeling nothing but elation

Ebony hair now cut
Symbolised a new beginning, a door shut

Bags packed
Clothes all very compact

Body sways to this new beat
Whizzing past each street

Up above , a view for angels
So beautiful it's almost painful

A swirl of colours unrecognisable
This feeling of pure bliss is undeniable

Music flows out the mouth like honey, each a different cover
Because guess what ?
Here comes summer !!

Maybe magic is real .

Maybe it’s is everywhere
Maybe it’s nowhere

What I call ‘magic’ is what some call religion and what they call religion is what some call fate and what they call fate some call coincidence and what they call coincidence is what some call karma

We all have a name for it
And maybe that’s ok
Because how else could we comprehend something which is neither good nor evil
Neither just nor unjust
Neither here or anywhere

How can we begin to comprehend something that just is ?

Maybe I will never have a piece of that ‘magic’
Or maybe my ability to understand I cannot obtain ‘magic’ is my gift
Maybe ...

But how wonderful is it to understand that this is the secret of the universe and beyond ?
That it is something incomprehensible , undiscoverable

Maybe that in itself is what ‘magic’ is

Maybe ...

I tried to love you
The way the sunflower loves the sun
Hopefully.
Patiently waiting till it’s grows enough
To touch her lover

But I’m not patient or hopeful like the sunflower
I am as delicate as baby’s breath wrapped up in poison ivy
Beautiful yet poisonous

Nobody will risk the pain
That comes with me
The blistering rash that follows my touch
But won’t you try ?
For me ?

I suppose I’m not for most people
I grow better without the sun
Without blinding love

I’m am not like the sunflower that much is true my love
For I’d rather wilt
Then wait to be picked up and thrown away

I close my eyes thinking of a love long lost
A couple who were once star crossed
Now they are as cold as ice
Giving there body out , no more than twice
Why must it end so tragically?
It happened automatically
How could they not see
That there life has become ******
But no
Maybe they like putting on a show
Maybe they like the attention
Maybe they need some satisfaction
I'm not sure
I know there life is hard to endure
They are at amis
Because I know now I never want a love like this .

Come stroke my hair
With lines of poetry
That you wrote for me
For my hair hasn’t been stroked
In a while ....

He's out there somewhere I know he is
But for now I must settle for lustful looks from men's eyes that aren't his

He's out there somewhere
I whisper to people who are not there
I store words of love like trinkets
And for what use ? I don't say this but think it

He's out there somewhere,in this dark abyss
Ready to give me absolute happiness and bliss
I say as a silent prayer
To a man I know is nowhere .

Like an open window
Like my home ,hollow
Like the darkness
Like a porcelain doll
Like a casket
Like a ghost
Put your hand right through me
Cause this is what I am
Empty

Sometimes I wonder if you’re waking dreams
Are about me
Because my wondering thoughts always
Wonder their way
Back to you

My body swirls, creating a mass of colour
They become paler like watercolours
The soft melody moves  like silk
With sickly sweet tunes like buttermilk
My lavender dress moved elegantly around me
Making me feel carefree
My ebony hair fanns out behind
Me, making my skin more defined
My pale skin and freckles
Make me look like anything but the devil
My whole demeanour gives off innocence
You do not see my insolence
You do not see my scars
You cannot smell my aura of cigars
You cannot know my history
I'm a mystery
You only see my presence setting everything alight
For I am the girl that dances alone at midnight

I thought of you in the rain
As it washed away everything

I thought of you in the sunshine that followed
Making everything sparkle and shine

I thought of you in the rainbow after
Made from opposites but prettier than anything other

I thought of you in everything
                   So
Everyday rain or shine
I sit and I think

At night I wrap myself up
In silk and Cotten
Trying desperately to find some comfort
When Infact wanting someone's arms around me
To feel there comfort
To feel there love
Although I fear
Such love, is something I cannot obtain
Not in this life time
And for this I am sorry to say
But this unobtainable love
Is what I will forever
                      Crave

She gave all she had to another love
She broke her heart for another love
She gave all her love to another love
And now all she has is another lonely night lover

Two bodies intertwined
Doing sinful things to unwind
The look in there eyes
Looking at each other like a prize
Bodies under covers
A pair of lustful lovers

Do you remember those nights like I do ?
Do you know all the pain I felt due to you ?
My life was ******* from the moment I was born
But I thought it was normal for a child to wish to be unborn
How wrong I was
I lived a lie that's just one cause
As to why I wanted to leave it all
I wanted to be happy that's all I wanted to achieve

Is it too much to ask?
For once to be able to take of my mask ?
Or must I always be subjected to wishing for the life of another
Can you blame me ?an angry father , a drunkard mother
Pain is all I've ever known

I beg them "don't "
But do they listen? No
They always shout , kick and throw
But maybe if I survive I can help others
And teach  all fathers and mothers child abuse is wrong
I know from experience, it doesn't make a child strong
It makes us cry at night
Waiting for the next words , kick or slap or fight  
So don't turn to anger and *****
Because it  is a perfect mix for child abuse
It won't make  you a man if u get angry and hit
Your child will only learn your ways and they're child will suffer it
Because you can't give up your anger and power
For my father used anger to empower
Himself , it washed him away
So start a new, keep children safe and let them live another day

Slinence , silence
Are there words to describe silence ?
I don't think there are
Cause isn't there more than one type
Like there is more than one type of loneliness

There's cold silence
So deep you don't even know if its silence anymore
Or just the devils shadow
There's dream silence
A silence filled with different stories to be told
All different kinds
All I know is that I've always had an abundance of silence
What type of silence to you have ?

Rome burned
In a red iridescence
The houses burned
As did the ruins
And everything seemed perfect
For Rome burned
In sunlight
And reminded us
of everything we were
And promised to us
Everything we will be