i see you in my dreams endlessly
how silly to believe
in something that cant be real.
hoping and praying on everything that you become a reality

A certain calmness came
with the claustrophobia of love.
A sense of knowing the unknown
and knowing that it was not for me to know .

I cant bare
not loving you,
it drives me positively mad.
So sometimes I make myself
believe I never stopped.
That you were here
beautiful as sunlight,
the perfect sunny day , ruined
by the inevitable rain .

Childhood, far too short
in my opinion
At what point does a person
Put away childish things
And dreams
Store them in crates and boxes
Memories to look upon
But never understood again
Never am I more envious
of a child then now ,
while I put away childish things

You took the breath
snatched from my open mouth
fortified my dreams
with your easy sense of peace
wisdom watered down with youth
in utter sympathy
you loved what I believed
was unlovable.

Home
is where rain falls
sweet tears of her's ,
everlasting rain.

Home
is where green is all you see
Blood of mine ,
so green.

Home
is where one scent is held
perfume of her's ,
Never ending love.

                                    Home , Her

Rome burned
in a red iridescence
the houses burned
as did the ruins
And everything seemed perfect.
For Rome burned
in sunlight
and reminded us
of everything we were
and promised
to us
everything we will be

To fall in love isn’t to run carefree
Yes it may start in erratic tumbles
But it ends in slow dances
Calm movements
The winds hands stroking you’re hair
Affectionately  
The calm of the water breaking tide

To fall in love isn’t assured
But it is all the same
Wonderful

To be honest
If that’s what I am
Then I am never truly honest
Because for it to be true
I must be without flaws
And to be without flaws is
To not be human
And that is something
I am undeniably

Rome burned
In a red iridescence
The houses burned
As did the ruins
And everything seemed perfect
For Rome burned
In sunlight
And reminded us
of everything we were
And promised to us
Everything we will be

I am raw
Broken
And bent
I am as honest as a poet can be
In an age of brutal honesty
Wrapped up in pretty silk
A doll to be played with
Manipulated

I can’t breathe
Rising to the top
Only to sink further down
Deep
Deep into an abyss
Surrounded by
An empty kind of
Loneliness

You’re boring
Boringly in love
With her
How boring it must be
Loving
Someone who isn’t me

Sometimes I wonder if you’re waking dreams
Are about me
Because my wondering thoughts always
Wonder their way
Back to you

I don’t need you’re love
Lie to me
If u must

Tell me you won’t leave
I’m a child reaching for something unobtainable
You the unobtainable object

Way out of reach
I will never be tall enough or strong enough to reach you
But I’ll never stop

I’m young and stupid
Naive
And in love

My love is yours
Take it
Break it
Or keep it
It doesn’t matter

I’m a child
But so are you
So let’s be children
In love

Paradise on the ground
Stars exploding
That’s how I wish to live my youth.
Filled with love
So heartbreakingly tragic and beautiful.
My youth belongs to you and me
A strange bedtime story
To tell my children full of chaotic beauty .
A story to explain my youth.

I am the dreamer
And you my unattainable dream
But that’s ok
For I see you and me
In my dreams
For I am after all a dreamer
And you
My fading dream

Things are better
This way
Apart
Separate
But don’t you wonder ?
If things could have been better
If we were more
Together even

But it’s better this way
Apart
Separate
Lonely

Read me poetry
Under the sunset
Fill my head with beautiful metaphors
hold me
Capture me the way u capture people with your words
Love me
The way poetry loves nature
From afar and in awe
Read to me

Life
Such an ineffable concept
Long yet short
Beautiful yet heartbreaking
Although we live short lives
We live long in the minds of men ( and women )
So in actual thought perhaps it’s is not such an ineffable concept
Life
Perhaps we are not immortal in body
But we are immortal in soul
And that in itself is to live

I must leave now
I must See the wild
I must fall in love
And lose it all
I must do what great poets do
I must live

I tried to love you
The way the sunflower loves the sun
Hopefully.
Patiently waiting till it’s grows enough
To touch her lover

But I’m not patient or hopeful like the sunflower
I am as delicate as baby’s breath wrapped up in poison ivy
Beautiful yet poisonous

Nobody will risk the pain
That comes with me
The blistering rash that follows my touch
But won’t you try ?
For me ?

I suppose I’m not for most people
I grow better without the sun
Without blinding love

I’m am not like the sunflower that much is true my love
For I’d rather wilt
Then wait to be picked up and thrown away

I know you hate me now
But can’t you pretend
To love me
The way you pretend
To love her

Come stroke my hair
With lines of poetry
That you wrote for me
For my hair hasn’t been stroked
In a while ....

I’m waiting
For you to come
And break my heart
    I’m waiting

Dark hair or blonde ?
Brown , blue or green eyes ?
I’m not sure that matters
As long as you look like
               The one

I want to learn how
To love myself
Without you

I just want to be loved
The way sad  love songs love
Entirely
And heartbreakingly so

Maybe one day I’ll love someone
The way I loved you

She cried not because she was sad
But because she wanted to feel
And that was entirely different

Even the scent of cigarette smoke couldn’t mask the smell of heartbreak
That surrounded her

Maybe magic is real .

Maybe it’s is everywhere
Maybe it’s nowhere

What I call ‘magic’ is what some call religion and what they call religion is what some call fate and what they call fate some call coincidence and what they call coincidence is what some call karma

We all have a name for it
And maybe that’s ok
Because how else could we comprehend something which is neither good nor evil
Neither just nor unjust
Neither here or anywhere

How can we begin to comprehend something that just is ?

Maybe I will never have a piece of that ‘magic’
Or maybe my ability to understand I cannot obtain ‘magic’ is my gift
Maybe ...

But how wonderful is it to understand that this is the secret of the universe and beyond ?
That it is something incomprehensible , undiscoverable

Maybe that in itself is what ‘magic’ is

Maybe ...

Empty
Who am I ?
Full to the brim of pain

Empty
Who do you want me to be ?
But beyond the point of emptiness

Empty
Maybe I’m not ok ?
Hold me

Empty
Is it possible to swim without becoming water yourself ?
Always ok ,always fine

Empty
       Empty

Empty
Am I not good enough ?

Empty
So who am I ?
Who am I trying to be ?

I’m hurting but don’t let anyone know
The show must go on
It shouldn’t
             But it does
So empty I remain
Because anything is better
          Better
Than this burning pain
              
         E
               M
                      P
                           T
                                Y
I’m drowning

Soft hugs
Warm and calm

Sweet kisses
Long and lasting

This is how I choose to remember us
Remember you

For without those soft hugs and sweet kisses what were we ?
Nothing but cold skin and hollow bone

Together but oh so alone .

You only show half of you
The half you wish everyone to see
The half that is easier to show
And when I lit the other half of you
I realised I no longer wanted to see pretty things
I wanted to see the rest of you
The half that was shadowed by my sunset glow
The beauty before the darkness

Amidst the darkness she found peace ,
In the solidarity
That came with death

I had a dream that when I woke you you were there
In your imperfect beauty
You were just standing  
Like a ghost watching over me
You were faded smudged at the edges
On your face was plastered a smile but it wasn’t yours
It was some other lovers
A name I’ve forgotten
Then I woke up
And I realised you were never there
What a funny dream
I whisper as a hand laid on my shoulder
Your hand
And how I longed to hold it
But then I remembered your a dream it’s fake
Your a ghost
Smudged at the edges like a forgotten photograph
With some other lovers smile plastered on your face
A name I’ve forgotten lost in the wind

Blue, what a funny colour
It reminds us of the sky
Open,beautiful,careful and powerful
It reminds us of the sea
Free,wild,restless and mysterious

That was the first colour I imagined I saw
A blue clearer than any sky
A blue deeper than any sea

Blue, it’s the colour of your eyes
Must I say more

This is the end
This is the end of my story

My lonely story
A fairy tale no child should know

I fall deeper and and deeper
Sinking
Slowly falling in an abyss

My hands and feet bound
But I take no mind to that
For I have always been bound

I do not struggle
My wrists r too raw
So I fall
Deeper and deeper

Waiting for someone to pull me out
Waiting for anything to save me

My blood runs out
Making the sea scarlet
As I become empty
A shell
Floating
In this scarlet sea

They say first loves hurt the most
And that may be true
Because you loose trust
In how they feel for you

They say first loves break your heart
And that is true
It hurts the way they call u sweetheart
Because eventually when they stop and you will feel ever so blue

They say you never forget your first love
But that’s not true
Because I won’t remember the way you shut me out with a shove
I’ll remember the way you made me feel
And how Much I wished for your touch

That’s something I’ll never forget
And you may try your hardest to forget
But I know you felt it too
I know you wanted my touch
To sooth you with a simple touch

So don’t lie to yourself because I know you still think about it
So don’t be a hypocrite

Because I know you loved me
And how I reminded you of the sea
Wild and reckless
I know your jealous of his hands , you feel helpless

But this is over
And  to find a love like that will be rare like finding a four leafed clover
In a cloverless field

Sometimes I wonder if you were it for me
That’s why I scream in dark places

That’s why I cry under covers
That’s why I lay here

Broken

The memories scatter in the wind
Like the ash of those forgotten

Your happiness rains down like the first light of dawn
As mine fades like the last of dusk

Our love lost in the east
Like a lonely traveler , hitchhiking on others happiness

I had all of you like the sun had all of the sky
Now the clouds have came
Washing us over
Lapping is in sea foam
Burying us
I now have none of you
Like the moon had none of the sun

And all I wish is to close my eyes and let myself be buried in memories
Of the night we met
That summers night
Fresh and humid

Now it’s summer again
But I am without your seldom kiss
That burned like a fire
Scorching our sun kissed skin

I want closure
I want to be free
I want to forget
I want you to message me
I want you to explain
I want no lies or excuses
I want the truth
I want to let go
But how can I
When all I am to you is a lost memory
Someone to forget
Someone to be left in the dust

I would give anything for things to be how they were
When you were all I wanted and that want burned like a fire

I lied to you when you asked if I’d prefer ignorance or the truth
I said truth but I was young back then and full of youth
I would give anything to be ignorant and not know
Who you are and just go back to when you first said hello

But that would be wrong  
But when it comes to you I’m not strong
I’m just not
But back then I knew naught
I did not know who and what you were  
I played with fire

I thought you wouldn’t let me burn
But u left me to yearn
Yearning for everything we were and weren’t
So here I lay fatefully burnt

Like a daffodil caught in a blaze
Scorned by your gaze

She loved poetry
Not for the complicated verses or beats
Nor for the fame or money
She loved at its rawest
Pure emotion
She loved it because it allowed you to sail in an ocean and into a new world that was completely undiscovered
It was a whirlwind that broke down cities
Broke down ignorance and hatred
Through a simple string of words
And how beautiful those words were

We may be sad
We may be messy
We may be crazy
But the best thing about the human race
Is our ability to hope
For without hope we have no life
No beginning
For without that little piece of hope
We would not be human
And to be human
Is beautiful thing

Bleed me
Brake me
Fight me
Bruise me
That's your job isn't it
As a father that's what you should do
So carry on
Bleed me
Brake me
Fight me
Bruise me
Slowly **** me everyday
With a smug smile on your face
Be you
Because you will never change
That I know for sure

It's like a tidal wave
Lost in a storm of sorrow

Speaking to you everyday makes me feel so much sorrow
And every time you tell me your falling in love with me
I ask why
And you simply say " because your everything I've ever wanted and needed "

I feel a heartbreaking sorrow then
Because I know that you aren't everything I've ever needed or wanted
I feel that sorrow because your falling for me
And you expect me to catch you
But the thing is , my feet haven't left the ground

Your free falling with no parachute
But you don't seem to care
because as you say " these things take time"
But all I'm thinking is
No matter how long we live I know I won't love you that way

That's why I feel sorrow
For something and someone who I cannot fall for

I felt as though I missed the last step on my stairs
I felt so stupid for not realising  
I was laughing at myself
My whole world felt like I was falling and I couldn't understand why till I was told the truth
And now my feet r placed on the ground
But suddenly I miss falling
It seemed to feel like I was  flying
As free as a bird
Now I'm no longer  free but trapped in a cage we call socitry

I fell in love with your every flaw
I fell in love with your every mistake
i fell so far for you that I didn't know if I would survive the landing
And I unfortunately did not

I fell hard and I had hoped that you would be at the bottom
But as I got closer to the ground I saw you flee
And you left me there
Falling down to the ground
Like I was cast down to earth by god
I realised you hadn't  been a miracle but a punishment
And I fell
Broken and restless
Like a fallen angel
I fell from heaven right into hell