My toxic mind is my escape
I confuse pain for anger
Anger for pain
I invest, but never earn
I ask myself: will I learn?
I already know.
My hopes turn to dust,
When death whispers no.
I wish... I become optomistic...
I tell myself don't.
Sometimes I feel as though I want to live
I can not hold on,
When there is no rope.
I have fallen down the wishing well...
I have fallen in a hole.
Vitriolics follow me and I,
Can not see my life through a bigger scope.
I look at all the stars and know
I am the daughter of the sun itself
I am not the center just the product
Of perfect hell.
I ask myself: will I always be afraid?
I look through my clear tears
They burn my eyes
I forgot about the oil & salt.
Soap could clean it up.
Yet I wonder, who cleans the soap when it is filth?
I want the dirt to disappear
I want to swipe away the dust
I want to rid myself of disgust,
For whatever I broke inside, me.
How can I forgive when you're the reason I do not want to live?
I have been dying
I would give in
I would crumple
At this point I am not even sure how,
I wallow and swallow down my pain.
I drain myself of all mistakes.
I still drown.
Right when I am on the brink of peace
My mind reminds me:
There is nothing I can do to escape
I am still in myself, at the end of the day.
Everything that allows me to be free and to imagine holds me captive. Everything that was pure is still my mind, just coated in black ink. I am myself but I am unclean. My inner self is my only purity. And even she was ****** away in a tornado.