"... I am sunkissed,
Dropped from the sky above like a raindrop
I shine like a star
Made out of what was once nothing
I am the reason light exist.
I am the lonely uncertainty
That sits within darkness.
I cry out to my opposite,
Longing to attract it."
M.O.E. - Meaning of existence
Please fill me with love before I flatline
Filtered and withered,
Masks are a cancer flooding my blood stream
Staining my skin
Leaving me philosophizing
Over why I'm still living
It feels like I have to end me
Because nothing will mend me
I tried to speak, but the ambivalence outstretched to my throat before it could connect
The message to your screen
Drifting from myself
I won't scream
I only know how to suppress
I've been submerged into thoughts of depression
Due to all I have been neglecting
This is the pain express
Toot my horn and come aboard
If you have the qualifications your reward granted
Is beyond explored
You'll wield power beyond any galaxies in space
Knowing what exist and how to get to what is sick
In order to remedy it
I stopped carrying life the second you dropped that glass
The vacancy poisoned my plasma to vast degrees
Attempting to finally earn a little more than lack of words from the past
The bruises are firm but the alert fluctuates in my brain
While I wait
To find a cure for what I hate
Oscillating between extremes
I'm not sure who I want to be in this story.
I wanted to give up writing, but the things I create seem to be the only constant I control. Seems like everyone in my life is painting me as the bad guy. I'm not.
My soul seeps through the floor boards
I pray to the lord he'll take me with a flaming sword
The chords have wrapped around my wrist and feet
My fingers bleed like mold dripping from my missing ceiling
There's not a scream left in me
Not a voice
You drown it out when you create voids
Digging past my surface planting hurtful words and poisoning purity
I took all the mirrors down
They reflect the mildew of grief
Reign of anger and hate
I mourn for what was torn out of me
I cannot write what is intangible
I just want to forget what's happening
Which is why I'm done writing
I can't speak so I can't use words to truly express anything
The chords around my wrist and feet are on my throat in my mouth
Vocal chords vibrating from the shaking of cold rigid fear
Fear I find when I awake mid-night crying out for
No one and nothing... nowhere.
You can not cure my intoxication
If all you know is CPR
You're trying to do the heimlich
I'm not even aware of where we are
And to think you think you can help
Ignites the rushing blood in me
I swallowed all the poison
So I would not see
As it pours out my mouth
And my life is choked up
The sun rises over the bay
As my eyes flutter I know
I will never have to see her again
That's all that matters
As I lie on the ground
And feel the cold earth I will join
I cannot speak
This is the most my pain has ever been worth
One tries to save me, but it's too late
I ate off the feasting plate
I ate at the queen of the festivals table
I love her and long to be able
To be in the moment once more
I know it won't happen.
So here's my reaction
My action to the action
Of her death in my life.
I dreamt of that rat every night.
My heart is a calamity containing calidity
I condone my situation because of what I view as justification... validity
I commence in feeding an ego that soon will be too immense for my own body
To lobby for draining more of who I was to satisfy a condition that should cease in existence...
(Who I am)
Has no point.
It's chronic to my health and as I continue to comment
I wish a cosmic allotment would hit me
I close my eyes and fade
Hoping to capture my reveries, but instead
I capitulate to the reality bleeding through my eyes
My insides dwell under a crimson sunset sky
How can the sun dare to shine on a place frozen over?
Ineffable and sublime
I attempt to open my eyes
Stopped by my bride, clinomania
She lies next to me in bed
I'd try to get out, but the only thing left is my head
Even then the dessert sand interior never fails to blow right through my hands
Binding my bones
Paralyzing my stance
I might be on Mars
That was never the plan
Yet, here I stand
Tongue in hand
Heart full of blood
Why is nothing ever enough?
And everything you have done is more than enough
To make me wish you were dead
Everything amounts to nothing because ...
All the love I gave,
You threw back in my face
And I fell from such a force onto a platform, I prayed would be you
It amounts to nothing because ...
You're just another person who helped ruin me.