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Aug 2020 · 90
a while
Vaniexe Kafka Aug 2020
for a while there,
i thought you could see---
the shackles on my feet,
the tape on my mouth,
the cloth on my eyes
the truth behind the lies;
the noose on my neck,
the cotton on my ears,
the ropes on my wrists,
the hand pulling the strings.

for a while there,
i almost believed,
but you're just another
false prophet
turning me into a puppet;
using me for your agenda
trapping me into an illusion---
illusion of euphoria.

for a while there,
i thought you could understand:
the truth behind my
coarse hands,
dry throat,
tired eyes,
bulging veins,
hunched back,
parched skin,
pale lips,
and bruised heart,
and shattered pride,
and broken dreams,
and endless tears.

for a while there,
i hoped:
you could listen
as i speak;
you could speak
as i lose my voice;
you could fight
as i lose my courage;
you could upend
the triangle,
as i was stuck scraping
the bottom of the barrel.

sigh---
for a while
there, i saw the sinister
eyes of the bourgeoisie
failing to mask
your avarice,
failing to hide
your dark desires.

for a while
there, i saw the truth
behind your lies:
how you're on the other side
with all the false sympathizers,
mingling with the puppet masters,
holding millions of lives,
toying us in your palms,
treating us as pawns,
as if you are gods
deciding the fate
of us pitiful humans.

for a while
there, i saw it;
the light diminishing,
the shadows expanding,
the hope extinguishing.

for a while
there, i felt it;
the air suffocating,
my body shivering,
the blood flowing
on the ground.

in just a short while,
it ended;
just as how fast
a bullet reaches the head.
Jul 2020 · 137
dear child
Vaniexe Kafka Jul 2020
Under the haze of reality
"You're lazy"
Echoes in your ears
When everyday
You're worse for wear
Toiling the lands
With your coarse hands,
The callouses so thick
Still you remain meek
Against the landlords
With their noose
Around your neck
Tightening
Gripping
Clenching
Until you can't breathe
Gasping for air


The blood, the sweat
The tears as your eyes wet
They can't see
The struggle
How you juggle
Taking care of the lands
And of the family you left home


When will it be your turn
To be taken care of
By the mother you love so
By the brothers in the capital
Saying we're all equals
As they fool people
With their jargon
With their orders and sections
Rules and regulations
Disguising their intentions
Schemes so evil
People end in peril


When will they give you
Time to rest
Time to voice your distress
Time to stand up for your rights
And finally see the light
Of day
The day you become equal
Not only in mere words
Or campaign spiels
Or posters and flyers
Decaying as they hold power
For years and years
As if you're just a stone
They've stepped on

Dear child, it's time
Time to say enough
Time to call out their bluff
Time to not be afraid
Time to stand up and fight
Dear child, fight for your rights.
Jul 2020 · 202
living with my mother
Vaniexe Kafka Jul 2020
the worms crawling under my skin
as i heard that woman laugh
it reminded me of
schadenfreude
as she watched
the chaining of the media
the illogical killings in the streets
the death of thousands of sick people
the starvation of families
the objectification of women
all because she hails a ******* dictator
Jul 2020 · 751
Diyan ka Magaling
Vaniexe Kafka Jul 2020
Busalan mo pa!
Nang manahimik
   ang mga sumisigaw--
Pilit inaalingawngaw
  ang nag-uumapaw
  nilang mga hinanakit

Matagal nang umalis ang Diyos
    dahil sa mga panatikong
Sinasamba ang kanilang Poong
  iniidolo rin ang isa pang
  anak ni Satanas
Kasama ang kanyang
   mga apostol
Hudas sa taumbayan

Busalan mo pa---
Ang iyak ng sanggol,
   nanghihingi ng pagkain
Ang ungol ng babaeng
   pinuputa sa tabi-tabi
Ang hikbi ng magsasakang
   mamamatay na lang
   hindi pa sa sarili
   niyang lupa
Ang tangis ng manggagawang
   tinapon matapos
Malaos
Na parang
Makina lang sa pabrika


Sige patahimikin mo!
Tutal katutahan
At kaputahan
At kaputanginahan
   ang doktrinang
   isinisiwalat mo
Na parang hindi mulat
   at wala sa ulirat
   ang mga panatikong
Sumusunod
Sa bawat buklat
  ng bibliya

Lalong pumupula
ang paligid;
Kitakita na lang sa bilibid
   kung umabot pa
   ang bangkay
   ng nag-ingay

Sige langoy!
Hindi man sa dagat ng basura;
Pero sa dagat
   ng dugong dumanak
   ng mga pinaslang
   ng bibliyang
   ginamit mo
   para umaalipusta
Sa nanghihingi ng kalinga;

Sisid sa kailaliman
  nang malaman mo
Ang kadiliman
  ng kaibuturan
  ng bituka
**** halang

Sige gamitin mo
   ang bibliya--
Ipangalandakang sugo ka!
Panginoong namimigay
   ng lupa
Panginoong may-lupa
   namimigay
Hindi sa hindi makatayo
   hindi makaupo
   maghapong nakayuko
Kundi sa pulang watawat
   na may limang dilaw na butuin
   marikit na kumikinang
Habang unti unti nitong
   nilalamon ang bawat isla
   bawat industriya
Idagdag sa kanilang makina
   na may nabubulok na sistema
Hanggang sa wala nang matira;
Hanggang sa ang perlas
Ng silanganan
Ay tuluyan nang
Malaspag
Na parang isang puta
Mar 2020 · 250
escape
Vaniexe Kafka Mar 2020
eyes closed
    entering oblivion
        this is the only
                    time
                      i
                  don't want
                          to
escape
Mar 2020 · 386
---
Vaniexe Kafka Mar 2020
---
nais kong magpaalam sa
        kislap ng 'yong mga mata
        tono ng 'yong mga tawa
        at sa lutong ng 'yong
putang inaaa

kasi sa totoo lang,
        pagod na 'kong maghintay
Mar 2020 · 871
"I think it's fine."
Vaniexe Kafka Mar 2020
though it's not.

but i am too lazy to say anything more 'cause i don't want to be judged as a judger and my mind is so chaotic; i feel like tripping on my words and the conversation's gonna get longer and longer and i'll say another bunch of comments then you'll reply as if you're listening but then counter my argument like you've never heard it until i got tired and agreed to what you say so

"i think it's fine."
as an introvert and not really a sociable person, i have this social anxiety of speaking up my thought so i often just agree with what other people say

but in these times of crisis, i hope people speak up more and not remain passive and imprisoned with their thoughts because it do help a lot to let your voices be heard
Feb 2020 · 303
i wish
Vaniexe Kafka Feb 2020
i knew it
but still, it hurts
it's the first time
i wish you would've lied to me
Jun 2019 · 899
Nothingness
Vaniexe Kafka Jun 2019
Fighting my demons are always hard
For they have the poet's mind
That lured me in their metaphors of
the taste of the sun
or the comfort of solitude

They pull me in between their lines of
Desperation and depression
As if basking in the sunlight will make it less empty

They tangle me in the swirl of the words
Embracing me with each broken thorn of a flower,
or every drizzle of the rain, or every blanket of snow
or the feel of the breeze
As if those imagery
will make it less painful;
Written in papyrus with the ink as thick as blood and teardrops on the footnotes
As if those drops can lessen the burden that clutches my chest

They envelope me with every space
in between their words
as if letting me breathe
but then they enter
cutting the peace in between letters
but never putting a period
to end this miserable excuse for a poem
they made me

It's all a hallucination
An endless illusion
for in the end
I'm still chained,
existing with this void inside
and with my demons
Eating the life out of me

Then suddenly pressing save
for all the world to see
without even really
saving me
Feb 2019 · 303
I miss you
Vaniexe Kafka Feb 2019
You're a page torn
From my diary
Keeping all my secrets
Accepting my demons
Calming my  3 am thoughts

Inks are smudged
Tear marks are dried
You kept them all
But you were the very
Reminder of all that's ****** up
in my life

You're a page torn
From my diary
Used, crushed, messy
Still, it's my biggest regret
To cut you off
Sep 2018 · 1.2k
Her Astro
Vaniexe Kafka Sep 2018
And then he didn't come back

The summers passed, autumns faded, winters roared, and springs bloomed but he's nowhere to be seen.

As she made her way to the shore, she felt the gentle breeze and the embrace of the waves and as she looked up; she saw the moon alone in the vast nothingness of the sky with no star to keep her company.

She remembered him, thinking that maybe the stars are gone for the moon is too broken and is not as illuminated as it was the first time.

Then she remembered the first time he laid eyes on her. His eyes shone so bright, held much admiration in his gaze that she couldn't understand for she is nothing sort of a goddess the moon had blessed.

None of her poems caught the light and the life in his eyes when they first met: of how it looked silver and storm that reflects his turbulent emotions, of how his eyes reached the depths of her soul with his gaze, of how he saw her as his moon.

None of them could ever describe how his eyes demand to be stared at. None of them.

But then, he was a fleeting light like a poem you will only read once for it is blindingly painful that it hurts looking the second time.

And now, she feels a part of her is missing as she search for the stars up above.

And then she fixed her gaze, closing her eyes to the moon: wishing that when he said "It's because of you." He doesn't mean goodbye. Wishing he doesn't mean she's the reason why he's gone. Wishing that dreams aren't supposed to be just dreams for when they become reality, they take away the magical feeling.

A few tears escaped her closed lids and glistened as they bathe on the light of the moon as she thought of the last poem she'll ever write to him.

And then she finally whispered hoping the wind will bring it to him:

" And maybe,
   paintings and poetry
   couldn't hold a candle
   To every emotion
   we once had.

    You
    hold a key
    when we
    first met.

    I should've known
    that that key
    is not for me

    For I
    was never
    your home. "
Entry # 2 To the Book I Will Never Write
Sep 2018 · 1.4k
His Luna
Vaniexe Kafka Sep 2018
The sun has finally set but the moon is nowhere to be seen. The smell of the sea reaches his nostrils as he walks by the bay feeling the soft caress of the wind while relishing his dreams---so lucid--- he thought it was real.

The soft waves of the sea touches his feet and as he looked down, he remembered how he was also looking down at his feet in his dreams before he saw the lady that haunted his night.

Then again, 'It's only a dream', he thought.

But, as he moves his glance up, a lady of ethereal beauty occupied his gaze, taking his breath away, making his heart skip a beat.

Her eyes, he thought, are the mixture of the ocean and lightning as they blend their colors.

Her soft eyes with a touch of danger was the very hue that haunted his every thought.

None of his paintings of her caught the life in her eyes.

And as he walk towards her, still captivated by her eyes, he finally came to realize why he always felt a pull and a need to go to the sea; to this sea.

The missing piece in his life has finally been found, knowing that the sole purpose of his life continues, more than anything,
"It's because of you."
He uttered as he sensed elation spreading,
feeling like he has finally come home.
Entry # 1 To the Book I Will Never Write
Mar 2018 · 396
Twilight's Kiss
Vaniexe Kafka Mar 2018
A peck on my shoulder,
so light like a feather---
still brings tingles
as our scents mingle
--- the mint and coffee
and a little bit of berry.

Our breaths ragged
No other words was said;
Just our bodies
Clashing like chaos and peace
Like heaven and hell
It's all too well
And no words will ever rhyme
To describe how close enough
We are to touch
how your fingertips clutch
the curve of my waist
pulling me in haste
craving my taste
While I just heave a sigh,
Your hands brushing my thigh.
Then your eyes darken,
Like a beast was awoken
Clinging to me tightly,
Your lips suddenly,
Capturing mine---
So sweet like red wine.

I hear the warning bells rang
But my God, your tongue!
Such an explorer
Tasting every corner
of my mouth,
Making my heart shout
While I fail to suppress a moan
turning you on
rewarding me with your groan.

Then your hands start to roam
under my shirt
under my skirt
As my hands took off your coat
Your fingertips wrote
the very words
I want to blurt

Then you stopped
looked straight in my eyes
as I try to look up
Avoiding your eyes
So blue as the sky
As you try to be sly
Holding my chin,
Wearing your grin
Like you win.

And all the while---
I'm wondering
What's going
On in that head of yours
and of course,
you answered this
with another kiss;
Putting me out of blue,
You said, "I love you".
Feb 2018 · 344
Lost in the Light
Vaniexe Kafka Feb 2018
Losing hope, losing faith
I think it’s because I hate to wait
I hate to wait to be better
so I just cower
in my own pitiful  silence
I just let myself get eaten by despondence
Get numbed by insecurities
Get beaten by realities
of the illusion I’m in
of how I’m consumed by sin
and I don’t know how
How to get out now.

People are trying to pull me
But it seems that my body
my mind, my soul, my entire being
no matter how they want
to go back to the light
go back to His light;
they just can’t.
They can’t because it is the unity
of myself that don’t agree
It is within me that they choose to not flee
It is within me and the evil
the devil inside that puts me in peril.

I’m losing hope and I’m losing my faith
I know how to wait
It’s just that I don’t know
If I’m still waiting
For something
Some sort of miracle that will save me
Bring me to pinnacle and tame me
then cleanse me and make me worthy
of His love again
even if it’s the last thing I’d do before my end.

Lifeless and lost
And it’s all because
I don’t know what to do
My mind is chaotic
My heart is confused
My spirit sympathetic
My soul is chagrined
My body all drained.
How to redeem myself?
Looking at the bible sitting in my shelf
All dusty and torn
Like my loss, it mourns.

Is it still possible
Will I still be able
to just come back
even if I lack
the passion and the fire
that once ignited my love
and the music of the lyre
of my heart and my faith
or will I just be a wraith
to a stranger soon
like a silhouette on the moon
waiting for my end
to where I’ll be sent
accepting my fate
without any hate
just ready to take my flight
and end me being lost in the light.
Jan 2018 · 383
Inside
Vaniexe Kafka Jan 2018
Empty, hollow, eerily silent;
That's what's inside,
And surprisingly,
It doesn't bother me.

It was:
     Comforting, like the
     Soft waves of the sea,
     Or the gentle breeze of the wind,
     Or the rays of the sun,
     Or even the dimness of the moon.
It touches what's within.
If there's any, that's it.

I'm feeling everything
     That I can't even feel anything
     That I can feel nothing
     Anymore.

How can someone feel so empty
With no particular reason at all?

How can someone cry
     When there's nothing to cry for---
     When there's literally nothing
     Like that someone
     Who is empty to begin with?

Shouldn't someone cry for
What existed and got lost
Not because something doesn't?
Not because of nothing?

Nothing feels RIGHT anymore.
NOTHING feels right anymore.

Empty, hollow, eerily silent;
That's what's inside,
Eating the life out of me,
wanting me to cease to exist,
Tearing me from I don't know what.

Is this something you should nurse?
     The pain for it to go away,
     Or for you to be immune with it,
     To be constantly reminded,
     That you're still alive,
     That you're still capable
     Of feeling just anything
     Even if it is painful.

Despite the nothingness
That shades your being,
Despite the tears that came after
That threatened to spill even after
You let them all out;
It just wouldn't stop, would it?
Like how this emptiness can't be filled?

The wind is lucky it has the trees
     That danced with it
     With the daisies swaying
     To the symphony of its existence.

The sun is lucky it has its light
     That shines day and night
     With its rays stretched proudly
     And its warmth embracing thee.

The moon is lucky it has the stars
     Giving company to lonely hearts
     Or longing gazes through the night
     Never minding the light years apart.

The water is lucky it has hydrogen
     And a dose of oxygen
     That it can breathe life
     Calming the storm I'm brewing.

The earth is lucky it has all these
     That made it important
     To everyone's existence
     That it's something
     One can't live
     Without.

When will I be lucky
     When I don't even know
     If I still have my soul;
     When the only thing I know
          Is that I'm becoming a shell
          With nothing inside,
          With a hollow inside,
          Like a huge chunk of me
          Was eaten by
          An endearing, savage, yet
          Eerily silent nothingness.

Empty, hollow, eerily silent;
     That's what's inside,
     But it doesn't matter
     Because people don't have the time
     To look past the soul;
     Only the outside---
     The shell of a being I once was.
Jan 2018 · 257
Save Me
Vaniexe Kafka Jan 2018
Save me, please
Drowning from this black sea
Monster clawing inside of me
Dominating my being
Pulling me in his realm
Void of light
Black in sight
There's nothing right
Always night
Where they lurk in the shadows
Disguised as mellow
Be scared when they bellow
Their voices billow
How am I supposed to stay?
I can't even make my way
Up where I'm safe
Up where I'm saved
Will you save me?
Please, I believe in Thee
I know you'll hear me
I'm pleading you
Save me, please
Jan 2018 · 436
Alone
Vaniexe Kafka Jan 2018
Suffering alone
Cracking bones
Calling home
Wish to have won
The past battle
Not left with little
Little courage
Little torn page
Little piece of heart
Making it hard to start
Start a new life
Just pull the knife
Push until they drop
Until the flow stop
Silently cry
Until eyes are dry
Until it's done
Until I'm gone
Such a fast escape
From this world I hate
Jan 2018 · 379
Unspoken
Vaniexe Kafka Jan 2018
Understand
That I don't want
To be known
But be understood how I've grown
Quiet at times
Giving birth to certain rhymes
In my head where no one
Was there to see no sun
Just the demons whispering in my ear
Dancing with the rays of my fear
How I find solace in darkness
And solitude in my peacefulness
How my nightmares keep haunting
Their promise so enticing

Understand that I pretend to be busy
To ease the loneliness inside of me
That I sleep in the middle of something
Cause it's the time my demons are attacking
How overthinking envelopes
Pushes me to slopes
Tightening the ropes
Taking away my hopes
Suffocating
Choking
Until I'm drowned in melancholia
Until I'm consumed by paranoia

Understand
That when I say I'm fine
I mean I don't want you to bother
With me and that I'd rather
Deal with this alone
Than burden you with my thorns
Thorns that chain me
Thorns that pain me
Then rip me apart
Shredding my heart
In the process
Leaving me lifeless
But it's okay
It is how I will ever stay
Lifeless, motionless, numb
Let my body succumb
To infinite oblivion
Killing my emotion

Understand
That even I can't understand
How I will survive
How I will thrive
To live and be alive
To not dive
To continue breathing
To stop from writhing
With the pain spreading
In my body taking
Over me
Over is me.

— The End —