No wonder this one turned out violent.
If you take an innocent child
and hit her, and scream at her,
you drown the angel within
and the rusalka rises from the mud.
No wonder this one turned out wrong.
But of course, it isn’t your fault.
Maybe it was the school. Maybe it was the friends.
Maybe it was the TV and the internet.
Conveniently, it was not the poisonous ideas
about total obedience, and angelic femininity,
and a special place below
for people who do not fall in line
to march to their death.
No, we were never angels.
Never had wings that could save us.
But at some point, we were human.
Now, we are aliens,
peacefully drifting through space
until something greater stirs the heart.
And with Jupiter’s wrath in my wings,
I rise.
Now see,
my teeth shining with blood and gold
and hate.
I hope you are afraid.

The hair on your forehead is soft umber wheat
with a cerulean sky behind it,
the dent on your cheek is deep-
enough for me to rest in it

You are the emerald mountains
and the tranquil rain,
that calms me down
and hands me pain

You are jazz and blues
and if yellow ochre had a sound,
Lying in between our smiles,
was a place that you found

I miss you
and the little church in Lisbon,
across the lone bench,
with a stick that you relied on

In the back of my mind,
how could I ever?
When I've never met you
and I've never been to Lisbon

a.r.

The shadows creep into the corners of my vision
Cave in and surround me
as I let out a silent scream,
a final plea for the help I know I will never receive.
I bury myself in blankets,
lose myself in words,
dull my mind with glowing screens.
And yet, the darkness still draws near.

As my puffy eyes fall closed for the first time
in so, so long...
My mind slows and calms, the barriers falling
the guards leaving at the end of their shift
before the horrors arrive.

It's not long before I can feel the snake
slithering into my slightly parted lips
And sliding down my throat.
Red-rimmed eyes shoot open
and my gaping mouth chokes for air
as it smirks, eyes glittering with pleasure.
The monsters twist around my gut
nibble at my heart
lick their lips with delight
and eye their new victim's soul with desire.

They gently caress my stomach with their claws
leaving red gashes oozing with blood.
And just as I think I've found relief
in your worried blue eyes,
the puppeteers twist my face into a smile.
I feel myself nod and say, "Yes, I'm all good"
as I beg for somebody to hear me,
to stop this pain.

I'm answered with the infiltrators,
now massacring my happy thoughts
and filling my brain with fears.

"Useless"
"Failure"
"They never liked you anyway"
"They wish you were dead"
"Just leave already"
"Leave"
"Leave"
"Leave"

A chant,
a mantra
buzzing at the back of my mind
like a song on replay
always on the radio, no matter
how many times you switch the station.

Thoughts are spiralling
Kicking up the dirt
covering the casket
already set in the ground for me.

And on the tombstone,
"Death by a merciless enemy --
anxiety."

Ive lost all motivation on loving you
Being with you is tormenting
You drag my soul made blue
And you've made me hate loving

Anger corrupts my heart
As beautiful awakenings disintegrates
You enabled my introvert
Now depression reincarnates

I'm so blue it has become evil
No remorse can be tamed
Everything seems vile
It appears I am chained

Loving you felt so euphoric
Until you cursed it for fear
Now I stand disorientated
As everything is unclear

See that girl over there?
black hoodie? ripped jeans?
with her black lipstick,
you call her different
but if you looked behind the scenes...

then you'd know that all of it...
is just a mask that she wears
to keep her hands from shaking
so no one sees her breaking
cuz she feels like nobody cares...

and that boy in the corner?
who always sits alone?
he doesn't sleep most nights
and gets in a lot of fights
but if you saw how things were at home...

then you'd know that all of it...
is just part of how he deals
with the anger that burns deep
and doesn't let him sleep
and the pain & the heartache he feels...

still, you continue to judge
when you don't know all these things...
like the scars that she's hiding
the demons he's fighting
or how they ache to spread their wings...

you don't know the battles
that they go through every day
with the monsters deep inside
and the people in their life
who they wish would just go away...

and if you don't know...
then maybe you shouldn't treat them that way
you never know... the battles they juggle
or the way that they struggle
might be yours to go through someday...

Sitting here alone with
a deck of cards
makes me wish
i had accepted your offer to learn solitaire
or
that you were here
and we could go to war
or maybe
i could build houses of cards
and we could
rule
a kingdom
together