the thing about heartbreak
is that it doesn’t really stop
hurting.

you feel it when you
see their face in the
halls.

you feel it when you
find a new lover who treats you
right.

but they don’t text the same
but they don’t talk the same
but they don’t feel the

same thing happens
when you see them for the first
time.

it’s outside your favorite coffee shop.
they’re walking towards you and you keep
going.

now the coffee is cold
and it’s bitter and you can’t drink
it.

don’t make eye contact
don’t make eye contact
don’t make

i sometimes see his face on the
empty milk cartons with “missing”
print.

i sometimes hear his voice
singing the lines to my favorite *******
song.

i sometimes feel his touch
though i only felt it once against my
thumb.

warm and light
warm and light
warm and

light only seeps into my cold
heart again when i finally
sleep.

my eyes shut and my
breath goes steady like a spring
morning.

my body and brain
relax and forget about the cruel
work.

you are the forgotten
you are the forgotten
you are

the thing about heartbreak
is that it doesn’t really stop
hurting.

Every time I get comfortable
Without you
You show up again.

Every time I get used to sleeping
By myself
You crawl into my bed.

Every time I fall in love
With you,
You leave me again.

and i don't even know if i want to kiss your lips or just your skin
because i'm
     falling
       falling
         falling
           falling
         falling
       falling
     falling
but i don't want to hit the ground again.
are you sure your arms can hold the weight of my love when it's wrapped in wet clothes?
and are you sure it's the best idea to take this where the wind goes?
i'm not yet sure if love is a real thing
it's just a
   beautiful
  fictional
deadly
play,
and you still kiss me like i'm sane
but i know it's all just another game
so don't be surprised if i refuse to participate.
and you're like a
         cynical
           patronizing
             inconsiderate
           impartial
         callous
song,
but your vicious words still gently drag me along.
and i'm not sure if you're really toxic
or it's just all in my head.
because
i love you
love you
ove you
ve you
e you
you
ou
u
or maybe i love when you're in my bed.

What do you do when you miss someone you’re not supposed to miss?
When the feeling often suffocates you and stirs up your insides,
When your conscience seems to be blindfolded by the undying need of a second chance
When the flashes of memories came back all at once,
as you find yourself so eager to reach them

Although you know deep in your heart
that he’s not coming back,
not even a thought of it
ever crossed his mind,
in his vast, busy life,
and in no way affected by your absence

You are fully aware
that he broke you.
He’s the faulty one.
But you also realize that
deep inside,
you would wholeheartedly give him
a second chance,
wrapped in a heart shaped box,
with knotted bows,
and a message,
an ode,
for him to come back
in your arms.

— t.a.
12/31/17, 1:58am