Your Breakthrough is not to be left in the hands of others.
Your Breakthrough is not to be dwelled on in despair.
Your Breakthrough is Yours and Yours Alone.
Work on Your Breakthrough until what you yearn Comes Through.
Life: We must Grow Through what We Go Through- That’s the true Breakthrough.
In the beginning, I was me
I had opinions and I made decisions
I was a person
I married him and instantly
Became less not more
Not even a person
I learned to not speak out of turn
I made no decisions
I lost all my opinions
My friends and family disappeared
Still there but out of my reach
I was no longer theirs just his
All the things I once loved
Now had no place in my mind
This mind was controlled
He controlled my appearance
He controlled my words
He controlled my actions
He controlled my very thoughts
In the end, I was not a person
I was what he wanted me to be
The me I once knew was gone
Deep breath in, long breath out. Inhale, exhale. Breathe in, breathe out. These are the words I repeat daily. A constant cycle in my head. A reminder of why I’m not dead. The ability to breathe each and every single day. Honestly, I don’t know how to breathe now that you’ve gone away. I tend to gasp for minutes at a time. I spend hours trying to think past fine lines. Again, the tightening of my chest. The pain I get even when my mind is at rest. If you can’t breathe, then why can I? How I can fight to live and survive? Here we go, breathe in and breathe out. A daily reminder that I am here for a reason. A monotonous obstacle... I must breathe through another season.
When you lose a part of you, sometimes you forget to breathe through the process of grief. Exasperated by numbness and pain. Knowing nothing will ever be the same.
Sun is shining, birds are singing, my life feels complete. Clear skies, butterflies, love and I finally meet. Hold me tight in between your lips and don’t let me go. Kiss me passionately, caress me deeply and suffocate me with your tender words. Your body an abyss for my happiness, your affection filling all my voids. Tender smiles and inevitable laughter enter my world once again. Living each day to its fullest. Breathing easily forever more. Love has made an appearance, it’s prescription aiding my desires. Wishing to overdose on this feeling, for loneliness is no longer for hire.
Have you ever wondered the why’s to your Life? Why me? Why not me? Why us? Why them? You know, the constant why’s that linger on in our minds. I constantly contemplate the why’s and I wish I didn’t. I wish I could erase all the questions that perturb my existence. If only we can simply be and not have to question anything. You know.. just be okay with Life as it is no questions asked. We complicate things with all these why’s. Maybe one day I’ll shut my eyes, and when I don’t awake someone else will wonder why?!
They say the eyes are the souls reflection and she knew what she saw in my eyes. She stared at me deeply and lovingly but what she saw was no surprise. She said, “Mommy, please no more tears. No more sad words. No more bad thoughts.” Oh sweet child, you shouldn’t have to endure my pain. It hurt me more than I could ever imagine to know she could feel the angst I had inside. She felt my worries, she felt my grief, she felt the loneliness and the heartache. This misery we’ve been living that I couldn’t do anything about. She knew I was shattered, broken and completely torn apart. How can I be the strength, the matriarch, the role model when all I could do was cry. My tears filling an abyss of all I held inside. I told her, “Don’t you worry, everything is going to be okay. Mommy will be fine. All we need to do is pray.” So here I am, praying that my eyes don’t reflect my souls reflection. Praying time will heal the wounds. Praying my little girl will feel the comfort in my words and knowing our prayers will be answered soon.
Sometimes, all we can do is pray.
One day at a time. One breath at a time. One second at a time. My life, your life, our lives all revolve around time. Treasure every moment.. for one day it will only be but a memory in time.
Life is too short to not appreciate our time and that of others. How I wish now that I could turn back the hands of time and stand still in the Happiest peaks of my life.