I can see Cecily's ****** bars.
Sammy can see them as well.
After he speaks
I keep catching him peek.
She knows that he sees, I can tell.

Bailey has smoked too much **** again.
He's dribbling over my shoes.
He acted all jokey
And tried out smoke me.
It went without saying he'd lose.

Tom's on the floor by the table.
We don't know if he's alive,
Hugging Joe's feet,
Who is slumped on the seat.
I don't think they're due to survive.

Chris had a couple of pills.
Ethan a tab or a few.
Toria's tweaking,
Max is just peaking,
Matt's throwing up in the loo.

I'm on the sofa while writing,
Louie beside me in tears.
We may have our issues
With drugs and their misuse,
But **** it, it gives me ideas.

Whisky, I neglected you
For mushrooms and amphetamines.
For ket and **** and LSD,
And Mandy too, to name a few.

Needn’t I have looked so far
To be the greatest of cliches.
The drugs and raves led me astray.
For writers, scotch is more on par.

Half your bottle drank away,
Half full in my state of mind.
Every sip; sublime and kind,
Every **** a harshened spray.

Now I’m stuck, a drunken haze
Has washed and swept the ways of rhyme.
In its tide is also time,
As by the sun, the night decays.

Whisky, polished, final sip.
Like the bottle, I am dry.
So, I tried, to write not high.
This poem *****. I’m off to trip.

Death may have taken you separate,
But once more you two are now whole,
Buried together, from ashes to ashes,
Particles plenty but singular soul.
Maybe there's comfort in thinking
That death we could someday undo.
For now though, you both sleep in silence,
And live through the roses above you.
He cried as he watched her get lowered,
In hopes from her grave she may climb.
Death may have taken you separate,
But now you are one for all time.

If my life, within my eye,
Should flash before me as I die,
Pain and doubt will turn a blur
As I recall my time with her.

Of all life; devoid and cold,
Onto just one thing I’ll hold.
Though I’ll lie in disrepair,
Fear will fade, for she is there.

Bodies are strewn, one by one, round the room.
All that remains of the casualties here.
All of the victims, perverts and vixens,
Which fell to their instincts, desires and beer.
Recently music had filled air with rhythm,
Masking the retching and ******* the same,
Though rising with sun was the silence, begun
As horizons were setting to flame.

Wading through bodies to go make a drink,
A 6am ***** to freshen the mind.
You scramble and struggle, ignoring the couple
You caught in the kitchen, enjoying a grind.
A smile and a wave, with such sweetness, they gave
And, kindly, they offered some cider.
Approaching the man, you take a warm can
Whilst hoping its not been inside her.

Back to the sofa, a girl has rolled over,
Aeons from sober, you try nudge below her,
Quickly, then slower, with hopes no one knows her,
The types to come over assuming you'll ***** her.
But everything's fine, the coast is all clear.
You soon commandeer, till she falls among beer.
***** turns to smears, but too ****** to hear
Or try interfere, the room sleeps, cohered.

The wait is now on. The coke in your nose
Beginning to burn as you drool on your clothes.
You smoke and you smoke while you cough and you choke,
But it seems with each minute, the time passing slows.
You wack out a notepad, scribble some words,
Draw a few ***** with wings like a bird,
But mostly you sit. Sitting in quiet.
The last one alive in the midst of the riot.

Going through the motions,
A corpse on puppet strings.
Showing no emotions,
Too wooden for such things.
One day I'll be locked away
Inside my wooden crate.
Till that day I'll dance and sway;
A much more awful fate.

Hang me from the rings of Saturn.
Beat the stars into my eyes.
Make my screams a supernova,
Spreading over twilit skies.
Grate my skin on lunar craters.
Drown me in the milky way.
Do whatever you deem fit,
Just promise me you'll stay.

Many hundred aeons travelled,
Over many days.
Though I know, with certainty,
Just where all my love stays.
Like a bee to pollen, it is
Instinct, finding you,
As, if somewhere else it went,
All life would turn askew.
So give me all your nectar and
The usual clichés.
Pollinate, repopulate,
Until the end of days.
I promise not to sting you
If you promise not to *****,
For when it comes to both our love
No honey is as thick.

As someone as pervy as I am,
Never did it come to mind
That ***’s allure
Can be murky, impure
And to some degree, best left behind.

As a depressed individual,
I’d never thought it could be
That I would become
So disgusted and numb
By the wonderful drug; ecstasy.

But furthermore, music, I miss you.
Once you were more than just racket.
So, surf rock, I plea,
Won’t you please unleash me?
I’ll ride on your waves till you hack it.

These, I had thought, were in nature
The typical things we enjoy.
Euphoric, complete,
With a strong rhythmic beat,
And the feeling of girls, or of boys.

Though cravings for these are all vacant.
No ***, meds and no poetry.
A sensation drought,
From searing to burnout.
A ghost of a long deceased me.

In your breath are magic spells
Which wisp and curl on every word,
And as they waltz, your rhythmic voice
Becomes the sweetest sound I've heard.
There is such phonetic grace
In every phatic word you place,
But should your lips eclipse my name,
And let it slip with warm acclaim,
Or better yet, in passions flame,
Should you, with love for me proclaim,
Then science, to its knees will fall
As air will hold no oxygen,
Nor argon, neither nitrogen,
But beauty, magic. That is all.

When you're hooked on skin,
No drug holds its power.
All the seeds of sin within
At once begin to flower.

Desperation spreads.
Self control is fleeting.
Every ***** thought is led
Through fantasies repeating.

Soon the pressure peaks.
Strength begins to taper.
Every gush of passion leaks
And soils the tissue paper.

The weight of life is reduced to a cloud
As raindrops of lysergic acid run free.
Their pitters and patters equally loud
As all of the colours that melt around me.
The womb of the universe beating its drum
And setting a pace for the flowers to bloom.
A force with such strength that all nature succumbs
As peacefulness floats in kaleidoscope flumes.

Empathy blossoms, arousing a smile,
That creeps from my lips to the end of the room,
Searing itself on a cosmic denial
That beauty like this shouldn’t gestate from gloom.
Floating, not unlike a dandelions seed,
Thoughts of anxiety flee to the Earth.
They carry but vapidness with the sweet breeze.
In nebulous nebulas they are dispersed.

Now what remains as a warm neon cloud
Is beauty profound and purpose pristine.
Unwanted, the ego is left disavowed
Dancing in memories of amphetamines.
Left in its place was the beauty and I.
Climbing like vines as it forces the walls.
Pushing them down with an ******* sigh,
Revealing a cosmos that rhythmically calls:

‘Freedom is such a deplorable word.
It offers ambitions too fruitful to take.
Though comfort or not,
As with fictitious plot,
It’s only as real as it’s fake.’

I can recall, in the past, with my mother,
How every street was so ripe and alive.
How every sight, every smell, every thing,
Would shimmer and brim and dazzle and thrive.
So, now I ask, as I sit in the dark,
Surrounded and shrouded, unable to see;
Did something change, has something happened,
Or does the problem reside within me?

Orchids bloom in unison, erecting from my brain.
Pounding impulses take hold that nothing could subdue.
In this life you've painted floral all boring and plain,
So I would like, in return, to paint you floral too.
Cryptic, like the night sky, are the bruises on your chest.
Burning galaxies of bites now light your new-found skies.
On the ground are teeth marks planted, bear traps set to rest.
Keeping guard of what is mine that hides between your thighs.
Red rose petals on your lips, romantic stains of blood,
Made more vibrant with each kiss that I'll force onto you.
On our tongues we taste and share in your ******* flood.
It fizzes in its ecstasy, mollitious honeydew.
But best of all, the syzygy when you and I are fused,
The two of us and love itself all where we need to be.
Now the impulses you've forced have left you worn and bruised,
Painting you in love and lust and ownership by me.

I don't mean to scare you
But could we make a deal?
I would like to wear your skin
To know how beauty feels.
Maybe pop a couple eyes
And test your lovely brain.
Admiring the intellect
This mind of yours contains.
Possibly your lips and nose,
Your fingers, knees and feet.
You'll be my perfect exosuit
Of pretty skin and meat.

The sun never shines, the moon never sleeps,
Beneath the sky's blanket the earth is still.
Irises blossom and irises weep
And narcissi thrive in the uncertain chill.
Radiant colours have painted the fields,
Green of the gammas and epsilon black.
Change is a force only nature can wield,
Grief is a certainty nature brings back.
The sun never shines, the sky's never rich.
Cursed with a greyness of which it won't shed.
Monchromatic and bleak and eldritch,
Stitched to horizons with lavender thread.
Spring, in my youth, was a beautiful sight,
Desolate land would be painted anew.
Now that I've aged I can see through its sleight,
Engulfed by despair as the grass is by dew.

In silence and heartache,
The air has turned dire.
Our smiles were combusted
By miseries fire.
Its smoke has enclosed us
Within our own sphere,
Though soon you'll be leaving.
Leaving me here.

For long I'd accustomed
To being alone.
No need for direction.
No need for a home.
But one day you found me,
Your hands full of love,
And lips full of comfort
Which smiled just above.

Now loneliness taunts me
Whenever you go.
You take with you more than
You ever could know.
My happiness follows,
Forever it's yours.
In silence and heartache,
In rises and falls.

I've dragged and I've yanked with my fingers.
My efforts, however, in vain.
Try as I might, to pull backwards the night,
I shan't live that day once again.
The moon gives my fingerprints frostbite.
It's barren and cold with despair.
I wish to return where the sun gently burned
And made glimmer the red of your hair.

The autumn's scent has now released
As air is crisp and rife with chills,
But cold like this is far from bleak
With all these trees where crimson spills.

Orange leaves that catch the sunlight,
Skeletal, their frames are showing.
In their shades of death they give
A final dance from breezes blowing.

The prickling tickles fingertips
To stiffened, numb monstrosities,
And you could swear your blood had froze
To cause such harsh viscosity.

For it's now that summer weeps
A solemn, meek exhailed despair,
Which whistles in among the leaves
And dissipates in frozen air.

The autumn's scent has now released,
The orange, red and yellow shows,
The rigid fingers point away
As summer sighs, and summer goes.

When I hold your hand I can see that I’m half.
A half of a whole that’s much greater than I.
Whenever we kiss, and our chemicals mix,
Our atriums beat to harmonious sighs,
Widened in eye with no how, what’s or why’s.
Our love is an answer, a chance and a glance
Of the fact that our lives can be more than survival.

You, with your touch and your loves electricity.
Fertile and fierce, you’re my warm neon rose.
Vicious, your glows, which had soon overthrown
The darkness and evil I trapped deep inside me.
I can’t ignore it, my limerence foresaw,
It’s orphic, and it knows that you are for me.

Moulded by clay to a boring design,
Potentially scraped from the factory floors.
I’ve the conception that my own conception
Was callous and fallow, lazy, fugacious,
But mostly redundant, with one small exception;
As all would have meaning if I could be yours.

Caroline to Byron, Beatrice to Dante,
A muse can induce art much greater than I.
It’s quite right when I write I lose sight of sense,
As when I write of you sense need not apply.
My amorous love, my glamorous drug,
My muse of all muses, my honey soaked hug.

Well, that's it, my brain is now rotten.
Lost in its fungus are feelings, forgotten.
A spur may occur, on a scarce blue moon,
Of energy telling me I'm back in tune,
But really it's vacant and harsh little lies.
Synapses shooting a brain as it dies.
Misery fruiting on mould colonised
From grey matter, shattered behind fading eyes.
Now just a hollow man, left with no bang,
Merely a whimper with such little whim.
Watching as slowly the old me is lost
While filling the blanks with a bad pseudonym
And sealing them over with mushrooms and liquor,
Though quicker and quicker the struggle gets bigger.
Sick and then sicker, from fluid to rigour.
Stuck in the mould, now forever disfigured.

*** and drugs and rock and roll,
Hurts the body, frees the soul.
Lose your thoughts, absolve control.
Find the freedom others stole.

They say you please women with flattery.
The truth did however quite shatter me.
For words have their power,
When trying to 'wow' her,
But less so than double A batteries.

Deep inside, and petrified,
Within my soul is cyanide,
Sitting, waiting patiently
For chances to escape from me.
For this reason it seems decent,
Fit to logic, moral reason,
That I keep my soul contained
And every single part arranged
Behind a face I've froze in place.
Dull of sense, of thought, of taste.
Trapped inside is where resides
My awful soul of cyanide.

We were destined to fail.
From the start we were done.
We were Russian Roulette
With six shells in the gun.
That's one shot for me
And for you there's one more,
And should we survive
There's a spare extra four.

It has turned to autumn now
But that's not what I see.
Where the leaves are brown and red
Is black and white to me.

Yes, the frost as gripped the air
As summer bids adieu,
But I was cold in mid July
So tell me what is new?

Soon the lakes will glaze with ice
That's carried in the breath
Of the autumns genesis;
Exhaling gelid death.

So, another season comes
Another season goes.
All that's dead remains as such
And all that's living grows.
All that's cold in self and touch
Will some day decompose.

She’ll steal the heart you thought had died
And breathe her life into your soul.
A soul that you had never found,
But not without you having tried.

She’ll trace her fingers on your skin
And wear away into your pores
Until within your blood she is,
To overdose adrenaline.

She sinks her teeth, expands her eye.
Encapsulating childish grin
Of innocence and sin intense.
She captures all that pass her by.

With every song, it seems, today
I'm dragged, while kicking and screaming, through time.
Slipping between every crack in dimensions,
Feeling the slap and the burn of each rhyme.
Almost nostalgic, but colder.
When goosebumps had formed, it all became clear.
In days long passed, you had shown me these songs
That steal my mind whilst my body's stuck here.

Yes, you have some parts of me
And yes, I know it’s true
That every single part you have
Belongs only to you.
I gave up my identity
And did away with pride.
I let myself be disembowelled
By waves from your loves tide.
But even when the storms hit
Or blue sky turns to black,
I’d sooner crawl home incomplete
Than take my pieces back.
Yes, you have some parts of me
And yes, I know it’s true
That every single part I gave
Will now fit only you.

I am day when it’s night in my mindset.
The dark has no power on me.
I inhale the stars ash with no thought,
And exhale the moons rays from the sea.
With a smile I could bleed the nights darkness,
And burn all the clouds from the sky.
It’s always in the days that I struggle,
Always in the nights that I fly.

The rose has been a symbol for
The joys of love, romance galore,
But could a rose be picked as fine
As you appear in eyes of mine?
See, I expect the red to pale,
The stem to curl, grotesque and stale,
The thorns to fall in ones and twos,
As tears, perhaps, inspired by you.

The cold groped my skin with a harsh lunar grin
But too busy was I too see,
For out in the cold my desire grew bold
For Amy, the girl of my dreams.
So, against all that’s right, I set foot in the night,
For Amy was all I did need.

At her window I saw what I’d come searching for.
I climbed so her first touch may grace me.
Now unappealing, sensation and meaning,
Unless from the girl of my dreams.
Anxiety fluttered amongst all that stuttered
For words held no weight on her beauty.

There we stood glowing, the world left unknowing
Of what we had found in this scene.
No longer enamoured by lies and their glamour,
I need but the girl of my dreams.
Our hearts were in tune with the spin of the moon.
She brought back the rhythm I grieved.

Now cold had no place up against loves embrace.
Her affection sparked heat deep inside me.
There’s no room for the past when beside her at last,
With Amy, the girl of my dreams.
Though as happiness grew the night slipped too soon
And morning brought end to my dreams.

That April departure, not one thing was sharper.
It pierced me so effortlessly.
When turning my back I was drained from the lack
Of Amy, the girl of my dreams.
The moon that once guided had cruelly decided
To bring forth the end of my dreams.

Now left with her scent, was a tortured descent
Where loneliness mocked so cruelly.
There’s no purpose to find when I’ve left her behind,
My Amy, the girl of my dreams.
So alone evermore, knowing one thing for sure;
That happiness lives but in dreams.

I have put myself through hell,
And, God forbid, my mind as well.
The drugs and *****,
The ‘What’s to lose?’
Reductive, simple attitudes.

I can say though, with no doubt,
Regardless of the ***** I spout,
Admiration,
Adoration,
No drug beats infatuation.

So, to her, I’ve one request.
For me to put my mind to rest,
To clear desire
I must try her,
God knows she will get me higher.

Lucid thoughts of loveliness.
Red rose blemished skin.
Palpitating hearts which ******
From cages deep within.
Melodic is the essence
Of your moans of satisfaction;
Butterflies of sighs that fly
Too fast for me to catch them.
I am yours and you are mine,
Lips entangled, hips entwined.

It's often the birds and the bees
That teach us how *** is a breeze,
But had they before
Said it's all metaphor
I would still have my pet parakeets.

Slowly I have noticed that
My days are spilling into one.
Colours started fading out
And now my sense of taste is gone.
Painted circles on my eyes,
From endless hours of restless sleep,
I wear them like a war paint,
My battle cry; a sullen weep.
Now it doesn’t hurt as much
As it has done for many years.
Creeping numbness took ahold
Now even death knows not my fears.

Somewhere gorgeous, beautiful.
Somewhere with concinnity.
Send me to a land afar,
Ripe with pure divinity.
Pick me from this land of men
Like a scab on putrid skin.
Send me to where all time ends or
Where the end of time begins,
Where this mortal folly dies,
Broken down by natures wrath,
Shaming human arrogance
With its final floral laugh.
Somewhere gorgeous, beautiful.
Somewhere with concinnity.
Somewhere from this concrete mess
Could you please deliver me?

I would like to tear your chest
And rip it open with my hands.
Grabbing, pulling at your heart
And freeing it from muscle strands.
Holding like a baby bird
I'll kiss it, beating on my lips.
Watching as with every thump
Your teardrop blood escapes and drips.
Full of love I'll kiss each day and
Full of lust I'll lick each night.
If to you, this all seems wrong,
I'd hate to be within the right.

I found, between the cosmic doom
And manic laughing states,
Is where no more than boredom floats
And unfulfillment waits.

Some will turn, that want relief,
To ***, or drugs, or love.
Some will find just one is weak
And take all the above.

But others have much looser grips,
And joy slips through the three.
And that can make existence bleak
For those in life like me.

Let my fingers wander free,
Exploring, mauling violently
The skin that coats your perfect frame,
Your mind of sin and soul of shame.

Let yourself indulge in needs
And open up to where it leads.
I promise you, the guilt will fade,
Like every bruise of purple shade.

Let go of your fears and cares,
Relinquished with your underwear.
Empty out that mouth of doubts,
We’ll fill it up to push them out.

Let yourself explore the urge
Where *** and danger start to merge.
So bat your eyes and beg and pout
And be consumed and spat back out.

You may not have noticed this
But when you kissed me last
Choirs sung out just for me
That your love had amassed.
In the pools of serotonin,
Scattered on the ground,
Glimmered there a mirrored glare
Of something quite profound.
In the sky was rainbow clouds
Of coloured cosmic dust,
Made not from some broken rock
But from eternal lust.
Air that had a tasteless taste
Had turned ambrosial.
Where was anhedonia
Was now an urge to feel.
From our lips our ecstasy
Was weightless, free and pure.
Glowing pink, its smoke would rise
In decadent allure.

Look at this horizon stretch
To make our lovely sky,
Wrapped up like a ribbon
On the worst gift you could buy.

To you, the one I write about.
To you, my old obsession.
To you, whose love I have no doubt
Without would bring depression.
To you, my cosmic concubine,
My supernova rose.
To you, who self-proclaimed they’re mine
Despite that no one knows.
To you, I hold the sweetest thoughts
And toast the sweetest pain.
To you, the girl who, everyday,
I fall for once again.

I’ve constructed my own heaven,
One that I deserve.
Where the glitter’s broken glass
And all the angels; pervs.
Where euphoria is sold
For money by the gram.
Find me no more there on Earth
For this is where I am.

I’ve constructed my own heaven,
Wish that you could see
How much better this is than
The hell they made for me.
Where the demons hang by neckties
Grimacing in mirth.
Where the price of happiness
Is more than what it’s worth.

I’ve constructed my own heaven
With its golden gates,
Where a hedonistic ****
Of the senses waits.
Where the smokey clouds are dense
With fumes that stick to clothes.
I’ve constructed my own heaven
Of sorts, I suppose.

Thoughts are racing, pacing fast,
Swirling like tornado storms.
Sweeping up my common sense,
Forcing it to bend, transform.
Once a stream, serene and calm,
Thinking was a simple thing.
Now I'm forced to block my thoughts
Just to stop the pain they bring.
Anxious, nauseous, broken down.
Nervous sweats, all hot as hell.
All I hope is this next storm
Comes to sweep me up as well.

Serotonin, dopamine,
Wherever have you been?
I looked for you in *** and drugs
And all that's inbetween.
I even took up therapy
To fix my attitude,
So tell me why it is today
I woke in a good mood.
Should I be concerned of this?
I feel a little fear.
I can hear the singing birds
In place of angry sneers.
I can see the colours dripping
From the sky like rain.
Comforting, it coats me in
A range of gorgeous stains.

More so than celebrities
And more so than the rich,
I would like to find a cat
Whose souls us two may switch.
No more would I work a job,
My life no longer taxed.
Never anxious, no more stress,
Just me, all fat, relaxed.
Food would come quite easily,
I'd simply sit and mew,
Knowing if no humans come
A bird or mouse will do.
In the winter, by the fire,
I would find my home.
In the summer, through the grass
And flowers I would roam.
I would feel so sorry for the
Hudbands and their wives,
Merely just existing while
I live nine perfect lives.

If you know the way you came
You know how to return.
It may be an uphill climb
With many twists and turns.
You may lose your footing once
Or twice while on your way,
As the road may seem to just
Get steeper with each day.
You will fall from time to time
And tears will follow suit,
Demons from the mountain top
Shout claims you must refute.
If you can brave the obstacles
That once set you aflame,
You will make the journey through
The way that you once came

I’d hate for one to drink to me,
It’s just a waste of alcohol.
I’d rather one be forced to drink
To quell the pain I’ve caused their soul.

But should a glass be raised to me,
With piercing glares around the room,
I’d smile and wave most gratefully
And pray that death should grace me soon.

Though God I know to be a cheat,
He never let’s me have my way.
He taunts me with anxiety
On every single ******* day.

So raise a glass, or maybe don’t.
I fear that life is just a game.
The extroverts may have their ways
But come the time, we’ll die the same.