My trust was broken along with my heart,
My lust is no more as I accepted being apart,
My mind longs that I could go back to the start,
I think back to the day that we were done, and I depart.
Time was needed for me to feel whole,
Whereas you moved on quickly just to patch up your soul,
As calm as I acted you could never know,
How much you hurt me alas I could never show,
Bottled it up and my emotions I let float,
For I couldn't shut down I just had to cope,
Despite days I spent thinking of my neck tangled in rope.
I had to be strong and I forced myself through,
And to myself I had to be true,
I could never drop to your level as a cheater and lie,
Therefore creating a barrier that you tried to deny,
I held myself high and I worked out my way,
I created a life and my health was sustained.
My life was worth more than being destroyed by you,
I'm still proud in knowing my soul and love is true.
Sometimes I cannot quiet my mind,
Depreciating thoughts and moments of self loathing compress my skull,
A sustained attack that builds and builds,
Shockwaves of anxiety course through me,
I am lost in my attempts to return to normality despite my best efforts to piece together the fractured existence,
The barrage continues as my single track mind allows my but one confused perception,
Who am I? What have I become? What does my future hold?
These questions are unanswerable yet I proceed to waste my time over what in the end of the day is meaningless,
I am not stupid and I am aware I can only decide my outcome by making positive change,
Yet despite this I seemingly cannot refuse the chance to torture myself.
This existence is cruel at the best of times,
Even in the best moments,
Doubt, agony, fear sustain themselves with their own intellect,
The all knowing insight that things will never be good forever, if you're mind will not allow it.
Aside the awaited and repetitive crash of the tide,
The shimmering glint of the the adorned moon providing the only light whilst reflecting in to the tall spires of the waves
They cleanse the earth and retreat,
As they pull away they take me adrift.
Consumed by the nature of the movement.
Dragged further in to the omnipotent essence.
For the first time the beauty of the landscape is all too real,
Silhouettes of the stark trees stab out like spears in the sanctuary of the forest.
For habitats teeming with life have never seemed so dead.
I concur with insight that the alienation of this land is merely due to being bred in the unnatural antithesis,
A man of the city can find peace and solace in the strangest places.
Safe in the knowledge nothing can be as uncertain or trivial as what has been left behind.
I live and breathe no regrets,
Even for the actions for where I hesitate.
Even for the moments a conclusion seems so distant.
I accept no regrets as my actions and my thoughts define me,
For I can only learn by my wrong doings,
For I am only strong by moving past my mistakes.
I accept no regrets as my choices birthed my morality.
And in turn arose my consciousness and with them my identity.
For I am the embodiment of regret,
Not in the sense it consumes me,
On the contrary that I consume regret,
That I can only develop through this sickening sixth sense and awaken in a new light, battered yet learnt.
As damage envisions my strength.
Silence is an ethereal beauty,
So relinquished and hated upon,
Those who do cannot recognise.
They take no time to understand the joyous warmth.
They cannot accept and allow the time to process their own minds.
For we are not adept to allow ourselves personal reconciliation.
For the silence so many see as an entrapment is in fact such a sanctuary.
To alleviate and grow.
To process and to flow.
To develop and to understand this narrative is a means to progress,
For we should not feel trapped in our own head.
Desperation, exasperation, exhaustion to disintegration, elation to devastation, relocation leads to temptation, exemption and no inclusion. Distrust damage intrusion. Castration emancipation, immaculate imagination, alleviation elevation ultimate aggravation, depression and frustration suppression of my attention, aggression is inconclusive, my lonely mind all but intrusive. Regression of this introvert, selfless, sanctified, reclusive.
Work so much,
To accomplish so little,
My will has been broken,
My mind now so brittle,
Out of time and out of place,
A veteran lost in distant space,
Eternal longing til the heart loses pace.