A poem a day
Keeps the demons away

A voice chants to me
"Wake up"
"How do you feel?"
"Wake up"
"Please wake up"
In the most monotone way I could possibly imagine
"Please hold"
"Please hold"
"Please hold"
"Wake up"
"Wake up"
It makes me not want to
open my eyes
to the bright light
That is,
My lamp.
I know I'm alone, and nobody is here
So why does that voice still talk to me?

The familiar tune shoots me back
into the past.
I can't help it
If i resist it,
I know it'll get worse.

The vague and broken memories
Reach out to me,
Like a hand in a burning house.

I'm afraid to trust it,
I can't recognize if the hand I'm seeing
Is myself,
broken, beaten, buried.
Screaming a song of beautiful pain
A plead for help.

Or if its myself,
Evil, envious, empty.
Looking to pull me back
Into the trauma, the house
That still manages to haunt me to this day.

Every morning I wake up and I think, ****, how lucky am I
No short poems,
No short messages;
There are no words,
Throughout the whole world are nearly enough to describe the feeling I get.
When the dawn comes and shakes my shoulder lightly,
So that I would wake up
Slightly before you do.
A few hours, sometimes a few minutes before our alarm.
But I came to realize,
It's never enough.
There's never enough time to admire you, my darling.
That's why I'm so happy to have my whole life,
Excuse me, our whole life,
To keep waking up in the morning,
And think,
****, how lucky am I.

It's been a while
I hardly recognize this song of art.
Not that it matters,
I know it's still stored deep inside my heart.

That's  right
step on  my  feelings
Tell me  everything  that's wrong with me
I beg of you
Hand me the  hatred  I deserve
Enlarge the  self hatred  I already have.
Don't care if I cry
Be busier
Don't pay  attention  to me
Punish me
For the inevitable,
For something I couldn't change even if i wanted to
I beg of you
Ruin me  before I do
So that I have someone to blame

The gentlest movement of his soft hands
Create waves in the ocean,
Purely because of the passion they emit.
The way that he talks to me
Makes me feel like I'm gone,
The way he sounds makes me want to stop,
And admire the present moment.
Oh, tell me
What am I supposed to do
Without you?

Four black walls
I feel like I'm dying

Writers block creeps behind me,
I find myself not writing for weeks.
The disappointed sigh that I exhale whenever I sit by my laptop
Seems to be a whole routine by now.

I miss seeing notifications pop up on my phone
A little message from an old friend
A little birdie on my screen.
Holding a letter from the other side of the world.

5 minute poems
I don't think about them.
But they're magical
The purest expression of thoughts and feelings.
No fancy wording,
No fancy rhymes.
Just simple thoughts.

Little do you know that your little gesture
Of putting the second earplug in
Even if I wasn't talking
Hurts me
Maybe I'm just overthinking

Hey baby,
How are you doing?
I know I'm right beside you
But it seems like I'm flying away.
Won't you hold me please?
I feel like I'll disappear

I'm losing pieces from me
And I'm suffering.
I can't get them back
I can't remember.
Are all the happy memories I made,
Just a waste?
I won't be able to remember them anyway.

Red pill, blue pill
What will you take today.
To face all of your failures,
Or look forward to the tomorrow, that'll be just the same
As today.

There's an ocean of silence between us,
And i feel like everytime we get closer,
We just drift further apart.
And I want you to know,
That right now I just want to fall asleep,
So that you wouldnt have to see me fall apart.
I know I said that I was afraid of dying,
But what if i was just lying?
Your threats mean nothing anymore,
An empty sound,
A gruesome cold war.
Innocent promises,
Dad,
Your rottenness is prominent.

Morning thoughts fog up my mind,
And I can't feel at all.

There's a though I have to let out
A beast, trapped in my mind.
Going wild.
It won't let me sleep,
Won't let me eat.
I've became sick,
I face my reflection,
And I don't recognize the person in front of me.
Sick, thin,
A sack of bones.
Hollowed thighs,
Bloodshot eyes.

To the boy who manages to pull me up,
Every single time I fall.
Don't you know
That those lips,
Kiss,
Simply magical,
Pure bliss,
It's not only this.
That makes me miss,
Every part of you.
To that boy,
Don't you know I love you?

I threw everything out,
I broke everything,
Including hearts.
Today is the day I leave,
Leave all the tear filled eyes behind.

Like the most lovely stars,
Your eyes shined the same
I hope that you would....
You would just set your gaze upon,
The person,
Who adored you most.

Darling just stand a little bit stronger
I need a little bit longer
To sort out everything
Feelings
Dreams
Imaginations
Stay with me a little bit longer
I swear I'll get a little bit stronger

Avoiding looking at people in the eyes
Because I know that when I smile
I'll feel bitter after laughter.

His laugh lights my world up.
And I know I want to say,
That the brightest stars pale in comparison to him
But somehow I can't bring myself to.

He's busy,
I mutter to myself.

Feels like we're worlds apart,
But here we sit in the same room.
Our eyes meet.
Art to art,
Pain to pain,
And we recognize the same kind of agony in each other.

I don't have any thoughts to share,
I'm sorry.
It's only my experiences and dreams.
They say poets are dreamers after all.

Today I went out.
For a 5 minute walk to the store.
Not looking specially pretty,
no-
That's a lie.
I was wearing pajamas.
I was scared for my life.
I got called upon, not once
But twice.
Today I went out,
Feeling unsafe.
Not the first time,
And definitely not the last.

Why do I need to be scared of going out after sundown, no
Why do I need to be scared of going out?
Does my womanhood intrigue you so much, that you long after invading my personal space
To try and get a hold of me?
Why do I need to watch out what kind of shoes I wear when I go out?
Because if I get assaulted  I can run quicker?
Why do I need to think of all these things?
Im only 16
why?

My hands trembled as I gripped the remaining pieces of me.
It's not like I wanted this.
I didn't ask to be broken,
I didn't ask to be left behind.
My legs shook as I tried to stand my own ground.
Only to get pushed down.
Kicked and cut,
Touched
And left to die.
Tell me,
Am I *****?

Dear mom,
I'm so sorry.
There are so many things I want to say to you.
So many things that I should've told you.
I'm sorry, mom.
I'm scared-
no, terrified.
This world has become a scary place.
I don't know who to trust.
Who's good or who's bad?
Please don't let him touch me-
No,
please dad.

I'm tired,
I can't focus.
My eyes are heavy from all the tears I hold back.

I'm sleepy,
I want to sleep.
My mind won't let me relax, or simply not think.

Face it,
Scream as much as you want.
Look at my face,
I'm emotionless.
I'm stone.

Dear stranger,
I have yet to find out your name.

You said we live in different worlds,
but look at us stranger,
Our realities collide.

I remember you,
Only slightly.
The soothing voice that read me bed time stories,
Remember that, "stranger"?

The one who tucked me into bed,
When mom thought you were out.

Well, stranger.
I wish you all the best,
Although I wish to never see you again.

I wish,
For us, once again
To become strangers.

I have nothing to say,
Nothing to write.
My hands work and I sit back and watch.
I watch what THEY come up with.
Delightful it might be,
It's like the angles took my hand,
And started writing my own feelings out.
Letting my blood flow
Like silky red wine.
Letting my flesh be visible,
Along with my feelings that hide a bit deeper than flesh.

The pure focus his expression holds,
I can hear the wheels turning in his head.
Click clack, click clack.
His hands against the keyboard.

My voice speaks up,
Just slightly,
Maybe overly politely:
Can I have a kiss?

All the focus towards the screen in front of him vanishes,
And pure bliss surrounds me.
He turns around,
And in the silence,
He kisses me.

All these thoughts are taking over my mind,
And none of the happy songs are big enough to hide behind.
I try to keep it positive,
But as soon as I think of the future, I see what's the causative.
Happiness, laughter, magic, luck and charms
None of these could keep out the alarm
Blaring in my head,
Simply screaming to take the lead.
In this moment I turn to poetry and music
Creating a new world, but I know it's just a punic.
Or my family,
But I hesitate, because I know they're fighting their own agony.

Darling puppet boy,
His makeup all smeared.
The tears his eyes held back,
Continued to pour down,
No matter how much he held is head back.
Around his neck,
There was a chain.
"Where are you puppet boy,
Come,
Don't you like the pain?"

A sweet sense of magic,
Is hidden in his hand.
A teardrop of green,
Hidden in the gaze towards his land.

Morning laziness
Outdated happiness, oh!
What a sweet delight.

With eyes as black as the midnight sky,
And touch as soft as feathers.
You blocked the train of thought passing by in my mind,
The one I would've jumped in front of.
You brought my attention back to reality,
Yet I was still stuck in a dream-like daze.

I sat on the balcony of innocence,
Observed the Sun warming my delicate skin.
A glass of pure red wine sat in my right hand.
Everything seemed picture perfect.
But I was restless.
I was waiting for the Moon.
I was waiting for the sweet drug it handed me,
The intriguing feeling of flames dancing upon my body.
As for the sun wasn't enough.
I was waiting for the Moon,
On this summer afternoon.

The sun rises over the horizon,
It's early morning.
I look over the clouds,
I feel my body missing.
Suddenly it falls down,
Into the black abbeys of nothingness.

It does seem inviting,
Warmth, comfort,
Never wanting to leave.
All alone,
Turned off phone,
Nobody can reach me.

I fell down too hard, with nobody to support me,
Or did I just choose not to grab those reached out hands in front of me?

I guess this was it,
The last drop,
My breaking line.
Not even looking at those hands,
Not even when they survive.
It's hard for them too,
Being down here.
But sadly this is my reality
I hope you enjoyed your stay.

One day i got recommendations,
I should read some of my creations.
Friendly woman with the heart of gold,
Passed me the confidence,
The will to make me grow.
People surrounded me and everyone was happy,
Although the underlying reason for the things happening
Started boiling.
I started falling,
Losing myself.
Never ending, always on the road.
Pretty mama, where'd you go?
This is a blank canvas.
Just show, don't tell.
That all the scars you put on yourself,
They are all just theft.
Of feeling, of emotion, of living and of life as the one who's always
The last left.

Dark mind,
Lost thoughts, don't hide
Believe in yourself, little girl
In the shadows you lurk, you're left behind
Never wanting to change
Too scared to accept the fate,
That you'll always be alone.
Embrace it,
Question it.
Are you heaven or hell?
The hellish taste but the sweet heavenly sensation drags me under.

Here I stay,
Waiting for the rain
Embracing the pain,
Not being able to get up
The thoughts in my mind
They feel like the heaviest chains
They fill me up
Drag me down
Scream at me,
Don't let me escape
When I don't obey them.
I have to leave,
Leave my body
Leave my mind
Just let me rest
Maybe in peace.

The power is out again.
"Calmly exit the building"
Repeated the same old voice.
This has been happening often,
These days the power just shuts down.
The rocks, with which the kids broke the windows with
Were enough to trigger the outage.
As calmly as the electricity dissapeared, the fire started.
I proceed to walk out of the abandoned and scarred building,
Looking back at it, I wonder,
Why does the renovated place always end up being the first to burn?
We have tried rebuilding it countless times,
With and without help.
I shiver as I see a huge chunk fall off.
Looking around,
The streets are empty, nobody is here.
I'm the only one standing with the helpless building.
I guess I won't get any help in rebuilding it again.

You're lost
You can't find yourself
Yet I know exactly where you are
In my mind, you reside.
Man-made distance
Rips us apart.
What will you decide?
To cover yourself and hide?
Or will you blossom?
Like a fragile flower,
A little need for sunshine
Not a huge problem.
I can find you.
I can heal you.
Let yourself go darling,
Fall into my hands
I'll help you regain control.
But,
You're lost
You can't find yourself.
I know where you are,
In my mind, you reside.
Maybe even until the end of time.