Tu es mon meilleur ami
Je suis très désolée
Mais je ne sais pas pourquoi tu aime moi
Peut être tu es soif pour quelque chose nouvelle
Peut être il est vrai, ton sentiments
Ton mots

Je m'en fiche du passé
Je sais que tu t'en fiche l'un ou l'autre
Mais je suis malade avec mes décisions

Pourquoi je suis le criminel
Pourquoi je suis coupable
Je ne devrais pas existe

Tu es très spectaculaire, génial, magnifique
Mais je ne peux pas continuer avec toi
Avec nous
Avec la planète
La terre n'est plus ma maison
Je n'appartiens pas ici

Je suis désolée
Très très très désolée
Mais il doit être fini

Au revoir mon meilleur ami
Mi amour
Mon amour pour toujours
Au revoir lune brilliant
Et toute ta beauté
Je aller me manquer ton façade

Je reviendrai
Pas bientôt
Mais éventuellement
Quand tu ne m'aimes pas plus
Et je peux être libre de moi

Mais rappelles toi
Je t'aime toujours
D'une autre façon

En amitiée,
Ton copine
DISCLAIMER: French is not a language I am very good at so some of my verbs and tenses and such are definitely wrong. I know I go from past to present to future in a grammatically incorrect way. I apologize. I just wanted to see the extent of my language skills. Thanks for reading!
As terrible as it sounds, I can’t imagine living a long life
I’m sick of it
My existence is a mere blip of what has been and what could be
I am a drop in the bucket
I wonder somedays if it’s worth getting up
Worth going to work
Worth any of it
I wonder if I cross the street a little too late
A little too slowly
If that transit bus will strike me just hard enough to end it
Because at least that way I’m not hurting my family and friends by killing myself
Not directly at least
I’m kind of tired of it
Life, that is
I mean, what’s the point?
My own mind and I can’t even be cordial
What a waste of space
If my sheer presence in the universe wasn’t such a monumental miracle, I’d give it up
Because sometimes
In these moments
I realize
Living is a fate worse than death
I am not your Sunbeam the way you thought I was.
I am not your light piercing the clouds.
Instead,
I am the cumulonimbus hanging in your once blue sky.
I am the rain that keeps you up at night, tossing and turning.
I am the shit you step in on your way to an important business meeting.

I am not the budding flowers on your windowsill.
Instead,
I am the pain in your heart and the tears caressing your cheeks.
I am the grass stain on your white khakis that is too stubborn to go away.
I am the detour that makes you late to work in the morning.
I am the snowstorm that strands you in a far off ditch in the middle of nowhere.
I am the under cooked steak that gives you food poisoning.

I am not the bread and the wine.
Instead,
I am the cross and the nails.
I am the feeling of anxiety that bubbles within you.
I am the change in consistency.
I am the silver spoon that falls into your soup bowl.
I am the 'out of order' sign on the only bathroom in the building.

I am not the warmth of the sun.
Instead,
I am the hell fire that burns your skin.
I am the melting of your wax wings as you plummet to a watery grave.
I am the boulder you must push up the hill.
I am the eagle pecking at your liver.
I am the iron bed.
I am the reflection that drowns you.
I am the hunger in your stomach that drives you to madness.
I am the foot of Sinis.
I am the Riddle of the Sphinx that you happen to get wrong.
I am the eyes of Medusa turning you to stone.

I am not your wildest dream.
Instead,
I am the nightmare you wake from, screaming.
I am the corner you stub your toe on trying to get to the kitchen.
I am the blind spot on your car causing an accident.
I am the broken window letting all the winter air in.
I am the candy bar stuck in the vending machine.

I am not the blissful sleep of a Saturday morning.
Instead,
I am the bark of a dog at 2 a.m.
I am the high pitch coming from your broken speaker.
I am the ice that you slip on, breaking your tailbone.
I am the change in pressure that collapses your lungs.
I am the snag on your favorite pants.
I am the call you get, delivering bad news.

I am not your happy ending.
Instead,
I am nothing more than a fleeting desire.
I am nothing more than the search for something new and different.
I am nothing more than a waste of your time and breath.
I am nothing more than someone I thought you loved.
I'm sorry I ruined your life
Changed your relationships forever
With your kids and your wife

I'm sorry I put you through Hell
I can't take that away
My own Satan spell

I'm sorry I hurt your heart
That was not my intention
I want to restart

I'm sorry for this roller coaster of emotion
I want you to know
For you I have infinite devotion

I'm sorry for all that I've done
It will haunt me forever
You didn't deserve this, not one bit, none

I'm sorry I couldn't be better
I'm too immature
The best I can do is this letter

I'm sorry my rhymes are choppy
I want you to see what I mean
But the way I show it is sloppy

I'm sorry I can't make you stay
It means nothing now, but
You're my Sunbeam on a dark dismal day

I'm sorry I cry late at night
This bizarre set of circumstances
Is an internal fight

I'm sorry I'm plagued with guilt and remorse
Wondering daily
What would be the right course

I'm sorry I never told you
How much you mean to me
And how I just want to hold you

I'm sorry you fell for my soul
I fell for yours too
You made me feel whole

I'm sorry I express feelings through poetry
I can't seem to find a better way
I hold to my heart my rosary

I'm sorry my prayers get no answer
I'm poison in your life
My presence is cancer

I'm sorry I fell for you too
It felt natural to me
It was the best thing to do

I'm sorry again for it all
No matter what I say
My words will seem small

I'm sorry this is goodbye
It was the best I could do
But it means nothing to try
Choke it down though you know you don't want it
Cram the calories into the bottomless pit
With stress and starvation comes restrictive cravings
Ice cream for meals and depleted savings
Feel the pain in your stretched out belly
Scarfing down peanut butter and jelly
You're a pig and you know it
But you can't control it
Your clothes hug you close
As your stomach continues to bloat
Five, six, seven pounds up
When will it be enough
When will you realize you're a product of your own destruction
If you skip each meal tomorrow you can start reconstruction
The thin girls stare and laugh at your look
One more plate of pasta is all that it took
You're disgusting and vile
Put yourself here on trial
Tell yourself to succumb to the voices
Starting tomorrow make better choices
Starve yourself daily
You'll love yourself maybe
Nothing like the feeling of an empty stomach
Your own strung up puppet
Bones through skin is a beautiful thing
It's a reason to get up on the scale and sing
Dropping like boulders with each passing hour
Making up excuses like "I'm allergic to flour"
Whatever the condition
You know your mission
Start the cycle however vicious
Ignore the foods that are delicious
Indulge in water and a baby food diet
If they ask "who wants seconds?" stay quiet
Because soon you'll be pretty and fit your summer attire
You can't wait any longer now it's dire
The flavor will fade and you'll hate yourself more
How about skip the cake and you'll even the score
Till the number's brand new
And your bones pierce right through
Don't stop till you're nothing
Put your shoes on get running
Embrace the disorder
Create your own border
Drip drip drip
The blood paints the floor
Pupils shaking at the sight of the gore
Crimson crater diverging further
Before you know it the news will exclaim "murder!"
I guess it kind of is, me killing my former self
By releasing my demons I gain insurmountable wealth
Say what you want, I've heard it all before
From "heartless bitch" down to "dirty whore"
I know I'm better than those hurtful words you spew
Yet they still hit home and taint my already clouded view
The mirror is a trick and I don't believe it for a second
You taught me not to love myself and with false data you reckoned
The bandage on my wrist is precautionary at best
I don't care who comments on my relapse filled quest
Drip drip drip
The red soaks through and everyone assumes
"Oh she's the attention seeker" fills rooms
Sorry I guess for wanting control
It's never been my place and I never play that role
I'm passive and submissive in every other aspect
I need some grip on my world even if indirect
The scars are tempting and the blood is addicting
I always slice more, never restricting
It stings like crazy but I have to push harder
If the beads don't rise next time I'll be smarter
Technique is key in the process
Like a well thought out game of chess
Drip drip drip
I can't help but sign in relief
Another successful session, however brief
My pure fair skin bears more scars than it should
I want to stop but I don't think I could
Can't say I care at all anymore
Waking up in the morning is in itself a chore
Blissful sleep is my one escape
Only in my dreams can a happy life take shape
I met a friend today
His name was Death
He smiled big with pure white teeth
And minty fresh breath
I asked him what he did for a living
Staring blankly at me, batting his eyelashes
He did the opposite of giving
What did that mean?
But the closer I got to Death
The better I understood his scheme
In his sharp black suit he won me over
I felt an irresistible draw
Like to a diamond in the rough, or a four leaf clover
He convinced me of the beauty in the night
That when the moon was hidden from view
There was nothing better than the lack of light
He led me from my lust for life
Sang to me in my sleep
Whispered sweet nothings and handed me the knife
I tried to pull away from my newly found friend
But his choke hold was so tight
On him I started to depend
The world could see me deteriorate into nothing
He held me harder and closer
With shortness of breath I stood huffing and puffing
Enclosed in the lackluster of our friendship I became numb
The emotions drifted with my vitality
I tried to retrieve them but could only attain 1/5th of my former sum
The more time you spend with a person
The more you become like them
I suppose I couldn't see the situation worsen
Collar around my neck he leashed me like a dog
I cared so deeply for him
My haze filled mind ignored the dense fog
I came to terms with my life long trap
Death circled like a satellite around my position
No matter where I went he found my place on the map
Eventually I succame to this fate
Despite his control
Death, I could not hate
I loved him too dearly to notice the signs
I couldn't think clearly
His presence was odious and it wasn't benign
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