as i sit in a place of mental darkness
I force my hands to raise a weapon.
A weapon raised with a trembling arm,

I try to be steady, to be accurate and aim.

My arms wreak of guilt ridden lines dripping with a burning sensation.

But my pain hasn't been taken away.

This weather brings out the worst in you, all the pain and misery came from hibernation.
The gold that lasted in yours eyes and that I've grown to love, disappeared right along with the sun's warmth.
Something died my love, something is dead indeed.

This is it..
No more gasping for air no more reaching out the water.
No more.
I am alone.
All of my stars that dazzled for me night and day have dimmed and disappeared.
But I don't have any more hope.
All of your gazes terrify me
All of your comments are horrid.
And here, I stand frozen in place
Dripping in self apathy because
I am useless. So,
This is it.
No more gasping for air
No more reaching out the water
No more.. I am alone.
Anger swells up in my hands
It tingles on the tips of my fingers
And sends vibrations up my arm.
It's last destination... My heart.
My cold, black heart.
Not black from lack of caring.
No, I cared far too much
And you all didn't care for me enough.
Maybe that's how I ended up here.
So this is it.
No more gasping for air.
No more reaching out the water.
No more.
I am alone.

Months go by since I saw you last,
As the memories fade.
You gave me a kiss that I thought about for days, but now I no longer can see the image.
It's been months since you last made my heart race, gave me butterflies, or said something so sweet I questioned was it really you.
It's been months since I went to sleep with you on my mind, dreaming about every touch from you and every conversation.
It has been months, months without my love, my happiness, my world...
It was months ago when you left... yet it feels like it was just yesterday.

You killed me with your words, each one happened to shoot my spirits down.
Those "I love you's" bled out from line to line. What is pain? What is agony? Where are you to take those feelings away?
Black and blue lips spoke in harmony between us two. Bless it be the calling upon our wretched souls.
Don't speak, don't shoot- I surrender my love. Please take it away, lock it in a cage.
Tame this beast that we call love.

Broken and battered from the battle field of a lonely soul, emerged a yellow bud.
Beaten to death, it cried out- please.
Please tell me I'm pretty.
Please tell me you love me.
Please be here when I need you..
Grow on your own, bud. Stand on your own.
Grab hold of what's yours and hold it tight.
Dance little bud.
Dance with passion.
Were you broken and battered?
Little yellow bud, budded ah'see.
Look, little yellow bud is gone. Oh,
But here comes a shiny golden flower.