Oh well we’re here already again huh?

Sure didn’t take you long.

Have you ever thought about how maybe there’s other people in the world maybe your life is not torn between these two guys that are kind of the same but in different ways:
maybe maybe just maybe you are the scissor and they are opposite sides of the string and all you really need is a fat ******* blade.

It’s not like the Spice Girls said at all

never was

they just did that for popularity.

I want a boyfriend who’s going to read my poetry!
I don’t want him to be mean
At least he never is to me
But I’m happy he has thoughts
About my poetry
About the giant baby taking over my bed
About her dad who fights for the space in my head
About the job I barely have
It’s two jobs it’s two jobs I barely have

He’s 50/50

I don’t want him to be mean
At least he doesn’t seem so to me
I wish he’d read my poetry

I’m sorry if it misunderstood you
I’m sorry if it hurt you
It never meant to

I wish you would read my poetry

the thing about the day is
that it always caves in
around you and you're buried
by its walls
but me, you see,
i've dug a grave
so there's no ******* way
i'll live to see them fall

so here's my messy bundle of words
syllables and vowels that never come out good


oh, and just to be fair..
i know you don't care
there's no way you could

From Spring I gained
a little bird - born
From a chill of
Cold - and now he's
All I Know

A lily grew
Right next to me
Serenity and pleasantries
Sat first row
At our show


your small laugh
is the applause
i so long
to hear
your small grasp
is all i ask
to hang and say
"keep me here"


Where is that swollen princess?
Could've sworn I left her near
somewhere (it's unclear)
beneath the palm trees (what's fair?)
and the rocks - (over here!) -
piling over the years.
She must be lost - oh!
Who's surprised?
Never been one to consider much time


Now we're left
Here always bewildered

I was numb to
everything you
said or did
almost like I was
drugged or something
the time I got to your house
she was there before me
and I
should've ****** you
right there in the driveway
her sad crazy eyes
watching

instead you left bruises
from trying to keep me

at my dining room table
a different language is spoken
everything is sweet
and nothing is broken
legs are crossed at the ankles
smiles hang in frames

these people from pictures
they're not yet burned
I've not yet heard

Oh, no, thank you.
Well, maybe a drink.
I've come a long way.

we don't seem so different anymore
breaking through the walls
floating down the steps
and crashing down the hall
they bounce around from ear to ear
or so I think
until they're here

I climbed that tree today
“That one we loved?”
The one we’ve always been a part of
I smell charcoal grill till the squirrels come home
and see the rocks you never let me straddle

I wrote a poem today
“The words I never fathomed?”
I grew them from our seed and I babied the roots until they brought me something forthcoming

But I saw you disgusting and rotting like fall weather will do
I had hope I gave love like a summer sun subdues
Seasons are seasons and like seasons we flee
Unbecoming unknowing unpredictable seeds
Roots do flower and we can’t blame them

Your back arched against my nose
The softness of you melting into my bones
I'm sure you're alright, I'm sure all is well

I wish you could tell me where you go at night
The morning light would be much more sweet
Without the worry and curiosity
Of your whereabouts and moral ambiguities

You and your bones are stretched across my bed
My black cat in the afternoon
Careless, magnificent loon
I could have sworn

If you could just tell me the truth
I'd have something to work with
But
A
Lie
Is
So
Isolating

whose life and love deserves to be held in my palm?
the trail i leave behind stains of you and mine
the heart is not a fragile glass,
it is a miscalculated bomb

alongside us,
the stars kiss the reservoir
inaudible thoughts
you press on the clutch
and gears start shifting
i am
the great white moon
you see
his wet wavy reflection

when something grips and takes you over
a fleeting thought of remembering
a post-season bird misplaced and depressing
one word they said that triggers your next
whatever it may be,
look at me
look at this place
look how hard i am trying
for sense to someday make

inevitably you are lost,
like a flower in the snow
but my darling, can't you see?

don't you know?

love is ticking
love is finding
and deactivating

I've never seen such peace
As that which follows him
Transparency blurring
Stillness beckoning
"Follow me"

"There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure
but I don't know many of them."
Sylvia Plath

Unfortunately for me
I don't have a tub
Just a shrinking shower
Reminiscent of a coffin
It can be enough
If you put some music on
I let my little miss jam on the keyboard
More like slamming out a tune
Something my mother
Always encouraged me to do
But I never did
I had a bathtub then

my words:
a parachute,
over your
Earth of
problems -
deflated and
tethered long
before landing

I know how to tell a story, spin a web of half true truths
Catch a thousand flies with each and every ruse
Not wanting to tell a story to you, I have to find a way to say..
Last night after you left,
I hopped out of bed and got dressed
Scribbled on some eyebrows and lips
Went on my way with a guy I just met
Stumbled back into bed around six
Brushed my teeth when I woke up at ten

This is what I planned to say

Today,
You came over to shoot the ****
and I lied to your face about all of it

Maybe we can go back
Try undoing the past
Where is the thrill of
Anticipation?

In the last grade of
Elementary
They allowed us
To sign our
Virginal names in
Blueorblack ink
I was ten, I
Had already written
My script then
I did it in
Permanent pen

There was no time to erase

Mother wasn't excitable
some days, she was
She tore up my script
My script after script
Every idea
To her
Just ****
And I'd begin
Again in pen

Do me this favor
Just for nowwon rof tsuJ
You don’t have to stick around
But just be by me through this
I’m fragile -not for much longer-
But for now

I wish you could see the words, silken like skin on muscle, on bone, on soul
So much more than what we know

Chew them like lunch
I’d like to take them out

I imagine a stairwell
Twisting sharp and cold
A song we don’t quite know
Downstairs you find
those who never say goodbye
Outside the dirt keeps drying

My mind is waging a war
With the old girl next door
She's full of joy and hope
Sunken in quick sand
Too thick to reach out a hand
And grab onto her rope

Life's little beauties
Have the power
To astound me

Life's little horrors
Have the power
To paralyze with anxiety

and
*I'd rather just feel nothing

The water in the sink is an ocean
To be conquered by explorers
The explorer is You
Deep sea diving for lost treasure
Pots, pans, a cup for measure
The soap and I will conquer you

Oh I store my food like
The hummingbird
Living 'neath a hawks
Radial safety

I throw caution to the wind
But not without observing
The chances of survival
Should I take this opportunity...
Not without
the careful consideration
I've thrown humanly to the wind

I am not the United States
I am the mountains
We are all seasonal things.

oh boy i*
fight so hard to stay awake
as your fingers trail across me
you make my skin shudder and shake
you see my day was long and muddy
i can't quite wash it all away
liquor didn't rinse it either
but please don't turn away cause

i can make your earth quake
disrupt precious soil and tear patterns in the roadway
a tornado to the heavens and a free fall down on me
i won't let you regret coming home tonight

baby
please

we spend our childhoods dreaming
really envisioning
what we'll become

maybe it's that childish thinking
that's kept my life so easy
maybe it's just me but I know
true happiness is not an impossibility

trouble comes and trouble goes
right out the door it goes
keep it there or soon you'll find
you've left your life and love behind

it's that easy.

I lost me when I had you
Hadn't moved an inch when you
Came back around
Underneath the porch steps
Small enough to fit into
Cracks in the pavement
I'd of done anything you asked

Flirt with me, come with me
I want to hear your voice
I want to touch your face
Try and fill an open wound
Leave feeling displaced
Never forget those eyes
Burning sunsets in my mind
I think I'd let you in
Again, again, again

You can give yourself so foolishly and recklessly -
you can’t -
you can’t just abandon yourself at the side of the highway and take your shell of a body -
hitchhike into the backseat of a car and the car looks good from the outside just like you are on the inside -
it’s all right but that doesn’t mean you were meant to be
that doesn’t mean you should just dive in headfirst jump into the backseat it doesn’t mean that at all -
all that it means is -
you look good from the outside and you’re warm inside too, just a shell of the body even you misconstrued

Like a shark I
Strike at the first sign
Vulnerable, innocent blood

I will make it all your fault
I'll make you wanna quit your job
Make you wanna pack a bag
Huff a chloroform rag
Just to get away from my setting sun
You'll crawl back to me
Riddled with anxieties
About all the wrong
I made you think you've done
When, truth be told,
It was me all along
Cheating, lying sneak

she takes her sun and she goes
woah
this was for you and not for me
from the beginning for eternity
i never amounted to anything
she takes her sun and she burns slow
but not to me
now what were we but heaven sent
hell bent on getting it
polished, restored back
to congruency -
repetitive distant make believe

electricity
lights her face
at an alarming rate
the thoughts of you swarm my memory

i shut the door and here i am
on my own in this room again
this light makes me look so *****
you know this time it didn't feel that good
a rocket took off and crash landed
no it never reached the top
wasn't good enough
couldn't fill the cup
like the elevator operator got beat up
and when we hit the bottom,
he drowned in his own blood
i missed the spot so
when i was woven into polyester couch cushions at the end,
and you didn't give a ****,
well i couldn't blame you after all it was my fault
you're in bed, you're sick as ****
i'm trying but still
"there's nothing you can do
this is it"



now for whatever reason
i've been starving all my demons
till the changing seasons
cease
and there are no more lesions
on my heart of recent treason
oh i love the feeling of completion
but there is a girl
a little ways down the avenue
solid and tortured looking
like a statue

in a red hat
with a red nose
and a red back
she counts her bills - ego altruistic
for the fear

let me try and recreate this
there's so much more here
than what you're getting
and what you're getting
is so insubstantial
that its adding
up to nothing
I didn't want to see that I am

An animal* at the core
what are we doing?
a  mindset of love and honesty
a reality of lies and insincerity

Santa comes in the middle of the night
to take your heat, purposely
he has no better interest
than himself
Just like all else
every degree costs him money
Money money Money

there is black in my lungs and
still it is about
"How much is this costing me?"
until you free from the nest
for your own "better interest"
it's hard
to be perfect these days
I know all I can give
is my best just like the rest of

us, who gives a ****
about what's best?

I'm watching myself,
watching you, watching me
and I'm thinking to myself
god, please
god, God, GOD!?
get me out of here
that's all I'm asking,

just

Girls with mermaid tails wear lipstick
Know which mistakes to fix
And fix them
They laugh at easily entertained boys,
Never care about butterflies
And swim faster than the fish
I
Broke out of a cobweb town
Bought a princess crown
And lately been trying
Not to lie and never be afraid
Life is not a stage and I want to tell you all
Play no predestined role
Fear is a wall that you can demolish

Gray cloud laughed heartily at my naivety
In a whirlwind of weather, of changing minds
Drank whiskey that day to warm my plans
My last dollar was spent long before
Your name was forged by my hands
Drank whiskey that day endangering
My properly operating chemistry;
Then a hero appears
To save me, or the day, either way
He's here, laughing