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1.0k · Oct 2017
Red
Leah Oct 2017
Red
Domestic destruction
Detonation
Dehumanization
People are breathing their last breaths
But we will call it
civilian casualty

Bullets ringing like bells through the air
Bones cracking like the whips we have "long since" retired

A terrorist without the skin tone
Or the turban
Is called
troubled

We keep the death toll
Like keeping score

Pointing fingers
But never at home team

The flag is colored
Red with our blood
White like our pride
And blue like our sorrow

And you boo when people kneel
Seeing them pushed down by the weight of the injustices we perpetuate
****** you off

Because people died for that flag
Like the unnamed slaves-turned-soldiers
Who never had a choice when bullets littered their backs
Dying for a country they didn't ask to be in

The taking knees
Doesn't honor that proud history
It doesn't fit the status quo
The picture of
America the brave
And home of the free(d)

The freedom of speech
Our favorite card to play
Until someone has something important to say

So build the wall ten feet higher

We gave children dreams
now we ship back the dreamers
To a land they never dreamt of

Ten feet higher

We shot unarmed kids in the back
Blaming the bullet
Not the blue who pulled the trigger

Ten feet higher

We marched with swastikas held high
Alt right
Neo ****
No, sorry
White Pride

Ten feet higher

Add a foot for every black life that didn't matter enough
Add a foot for every white ****** that walked free
Add a foot for every family ripped apart
Add a foot for every terrorist that came from inside this country
Add a foot for every hate crime left unnoticed
Add a foot for every transgender person who can no longer serve
Add a foot for every injustice that will never be addressed
Add a foot for every life we could've saved in Puerto Rico

Red with blood
The flag is red with the blood we wiped from our hands.

Be aware
Be angry
869 · Jun 2017
Love you
Leah Jun 2017
I love the stubble on your chin
The storm in your eyes
The beating of your heart
I love the salt in your tears
The gel in your hair
The smell of your clothes
I love the lilt in your smile
And the curl of your lashes
And the way you breathe before you sleep
But most of all
I love the way you love me
Even when I can't love myself
415 · Jan 19
Hornets Nest
Leah Jan 19
dead air hangs heaviest on phone calls cut short
the static hummed like an ancient hornets nest in my head
deep imprints left from landline buttons on my cheek
i thought if i pressed hard enough
i could pretend plastic resembled the feeling of his face against mine
i thought if i pressed hard enough
i could pretend the static sounded like his voice in my ear

he told me once that he liked my skin
but what he meant is that he liked it better on the floor
i would have never guessed how quickly hungry hands could eat me alive
but i wanted their starvation to be my salvation
i always knew i was a better window than a wall
but I didn’t know how easy it was to see through me

seven syllables like bee stings
my throat began to swell like his words themselves were anaphylactic
and as i began to see stars i pretended i was in shock
he left me like a bullet exits a body and i guess that’s what i get for loving a loaded gun
but I’ve always been known to be the first to pull the trigger
roulette was just a way to pass the time between waking and sleeping

i was a phantom of longing and lament
i missed his hands even when they were around my neck
i wasn’t a woman
i was shades of blue and violet and unwarrented violence

the perverse pleasure of pain
left like a malady in my mind that spread across my nervous system
and seeped its way into my bone marrow
the only chemo i could find were empty beds and dark rooms
indiscriminately i handed myself to the radiation of sterile hands and nameless faces
i wanted them to rearrange my molecules
or at least help me shed the skin he had liked so much

etched into my eyelids in glowing persistence were the words he left me with
i hung onto them, i gripped them tightly, white knuckled desperation i clung to the sound of your voice rattling like a chain link fence in my mind
“you will never be enough”
i wanted so badly for you to be the cure i made myself love-sick
**** and limerence felt like love even when the landline went dead
i realized that corpses have a funny way of staying just alive enough to get through the day
183 · May 2017
I overwater my flowers
Leah May 2017
Self awareness they say
is a gift

Is it a gift to know that you love things to death

If the sky were self aware do you think she'd like to stop the stars

If the sea were self aware do you think the undertow would pull a little harder

I don't think it's a gift to know you have a heart like a tsunami
and be unable to stop your waves from destroying the architecture you built

I am sitting in a pile of my own wreckage
and watching the rushing waters
**** my flowers.
179 · May 2017
Immigrant
Leah May 2017
We traded freedom for fences
And called it liberation
Forced smiles as the space around us shrunk
And we called it our future
I get to leave behind memories
Like a snake shedding its skin

Forests I used to explore
Are cut out of my heart
My limbs turn to lumber
When I try to run home

When I close my eyes I can see it
I can feel it again
I can feel the days in the sun
Without worry or care
No one could see me
In my neck of the woods

But like an axe splitting wood
I was forced to chop away the connection

Lush green walls
Now chain link fences
My small realm of possibility
Will now be impossible to feel again

My tree fort is burning
I can smell the smoke when I drive away
The plumes of my name overtake the sky
Dispersed from where I laid them to rest

Invaded.
A stranger sleeps in my bed
A stranger is eating in my kitchen
A stranger is smoking in my garage
A strangers hands are pushing me out

I will march towards my new shell
A soldier dutifully serving
I will cry quietly in the dark moments
I will scream silently when I'm staring at strange ceilings

My parents are trudging forward
Carrying the shattered parts of their children
On their backs

She will tell us how nice change is
And wet my fathers shirt with tears
She will tell us it will be nice to meet new people
And veil herself when she steps outside

I will hold her hand and tell her I'm happy too

I am counting down the hours
I am counting down the days
Time turns ours to yours to theirs
What once was
Never will be again

I wonder if they'll stumble over my footprints in the grass
Trip over the memories I buried there
Will they see my first kiss
Will they feel the ghosts of my childhood breathing down their necks

I see more than stains on the carpet
And dents in the walls
Their eyes will only scratch the surface
A tarnish to cover up

My tear stains are their water damage
And my chest will ache miles apart
While they scrub me away

The locks have been changed
On the door to my heart
To my home
And the phantoms inside are not the ones I left behind
Moving away from my childhood home in the woods
155 · May 2017
Best Friends
Leah May 2017
bathroom stalls are still haunted
with the smell of bourbon
and the sound of you trying to misplace the loneliness trapped inside you

i held your drunk head while you cried
and you still won't look me in the eyes
i'm sorry loving you wasn't enough
I will never stop missing you
155 · May 2017
"Love bites"
Leah May 2017
I remember the marks you left on me
You called them
"Love" bites
Black and blue on my soft skin
I wish I could scrub the feeling away

I filled tea cups with tears
When I read poetry
that made me remember your name

Hours upon hours
Of hot showers
Wishing you would wash off me

I tried to **** the feeling of you
out of my body
I let strangers hands ***** me
where you once caressed
A nauseous blur of raw skin
And ****** wrappers

Years pass and people change
But I remember being a child with you

We try to remember the bad
To deny the existence of good
To deny a time
that you were ever what I wanted

Obsession to possession
I became your wind up doll
Only to be thrown away
When my gears started to rust

The truth is
I was just as guilty
I created you in my head
You were a fairy tale

An idea that I grew attached to

You were never mine
And I was never yours
But I wanted to be
"No one could ever love someone like you"
150 · Mar 2018
You and I
Leah Mar 2018
Even in the quiet moments I couldn’t admit to myself that I missed you the way lungs miss oxygen.
I was never one for confessing my guilt, you weren’t either.
I think I found purgatory
and it exists in the space between my fingers and the send button.
I miss you texts I’ll never send, I’m sorry’s I’ll never own up to.
Seamlessly, we slipped into limbo.
Forever floating in the frantic realization that friendships fade away.
Your smile will always be a part of me, I’ll carry it with me like the change I lost in my car.
Only reminded of its existence when I’m looking for something else.
Is my laughter still stuck in your ear drums the way yours is in mine?
Am I still stuck like a knot in your spine that even a chiropractor can’t comprehend, I’m sorry I’m causing you pain, I’m sorry but I’m stuck here too.
When you wake up in the morning and there’s a sharp pain in your chest, that’s me and I’m trying to break my way out. I’m tired of being trapped behind ribs that don’t want me and being stuck like a disease in a body that resists me.
It doesn’t take much to realize we loved each other the way babies love the ****, the warm temptation of temporary.
I know I was a part of you the way a sliver is to a finger.
Risking infection instead of the pain of ripping it out.
I hate to say it but I know that even warm bodies die and I guess I just imagined it would be you and I.
147 · Nov 2018
Dreams
Leah Nov 2018
here is the blood of women
his love was the death
to her summer
a garden of worship
built from skin & screams
repulsive but better in dreams
147 · May 2017
Bruises
Leah May 2017
My heart isn't broken
it's bruised

I have bruises like a map across my skin
Across my soul across my body
Bruises like a black ocean
swallowing me whole

Where do the bruises end
And I begin
It hurts to be touched
But watch me beg for more
It hurts to be loved
But watch me try anyway

Watch my skin crawl
When you trail kisses down my neck
Look at the footprints they leave behind

Stare into my bloodshot eyes
And tell me it was my fault
Tell me I bruised myself

Tell me I hammered my own heart
Against the inside of my rib cage
Until the only thing left beating
Was my fists against my chest

A cheap imitation
For the beating of a heart

Believe me when I tell you
That I no longer ache for you
Believe me when I tell you
I couldn't make these bruises by myself

Every old bruise
Is shaped like your fingertips
Every old bruise
is shaped like your hands around my neck
Every old bruise is shaped like you

And when these bruises fade
New ones will take their place
And I hope they hurt
And I hope they're beautiful
131 · May 2017
Haunted
Leah May 2017
The bond we had
Was made of rust and rubble
And when we finally crumbled
There were pieces of me you stole

There was a ghost left in your wake
That floated listlessly
Into any arms that opened for her

A desperate search for unlocked doors
And empty beds
Haunting houses that will never become homes

A purgatory of names I don't remember
Hands I can't stop feeling
Even when they stop touching me
Even when I close my eyes

I thought I could be revived
If I found someone to fill me up
Even temporarily

The heat between my thighs
And hot breath gasping in my ears
Burning me alive

Recklessly, I tried
To let them push you out of me
Shamelessly, I lied
When I told them I liked it

My complacent facade
Slowly dripped off my face
I decided to make this broken heart my home

I pushed away the arms
I shed the strangers fingerprints
That were branded on my skin

I realized you can only become a ghost
If you let someone **** you
You are not the sum of your lost parts
But instead the ones left behind

There are some days when I look in the mirror
That a stranger stares back
Today I smile at her

Yes, there are parts of me you stole
That I will never recover
But the ones you took
Are the ones that I can live without
118 · Jun 2017
Street Lights
Leah Jun 2017
Fumbling in the dark
Blind deaf and dumbly
Broken fingers search for ignition
With Ice in my veins
I turn the key numbly

Gas pedal to the floor
Street lights twinkle above me
Bright beautiful alive
Polluting
Who knew stars could be so ****
109 · Nov 2018
love-drunk
Leah Nov 2018
his elaborate whisper of delirious worship
the repulsive tongue of drunk men
I must recall in bitter fashion
his mess above my passion
107 · Aug 2017
Morse code
Leah Aug 2017
I knew you
Like the feeling of autumn wind
And the crunching of fallen leaves
You were branded into my mind

I knew every part of you
Even the ones you kept tucked away
I knew how to decipher your flickering glances
And fleeting grins
Our very own Morse code

I delved into your deepest parts
Loving you with reckless abandon
You were to me
As salt was to pepper

My other half
My better half
Torn in half

Autumn always ends
The leaves will be raked away
The air will become cold instead of crisp

They tell me Morse code is a dead language
And for once
I believe them
69 · Aug 2017
Mine
Leah Aug 2017
My heart is not your home
I won't let foreign fingers
Caress my shores
Or stake flags in my hilltops
I have cast your boat from my seas
And cleaned my skin from under your nails
This heart is not your home
Nor anyone else's
The beating in my chest
Is not the beating of a drum
Do not build your melodies around the pounding inside me
68 · Nov 2018
Urges
Leah Nov 2018
Frantic men
Mad at time
Bitter in life
& death
******* for her love
Or beauty
The drunk urge of man
To always want the sun
But never the storm
56 · Nov 2018
100 degrees
Leah Nov 2018
beneath his skin
is a black sun
hot to the finger &
bitter to the tongue
men lie like they
drool and sweat
never asked for
but always let
48 · Mar 10
Deadly Sins
Leah Mar 10
I am no disciple,
I am the deity of misplaced desire.
Men often mistake my ego for exaltation.
My body is no place for expiation even as
hands press into my flesh.
Call it their providence.
Call it a gift from God.
Dirtied hands delve into my holy water,
hoping that somehow I could save them from sin.
I am their temple of temporary absolution.
The notion that women like me are just bread to be broken for communion.
Indoctrination from years forced to my knees in divine retribution
the expectation that I will break before the *****.
Unclean, unwanted, *****.
This isn’t a confession of some cumbersome contrition,
in fact I revel like red devils in the night.
Purgatory is just a name for the space between my thighs.
Penitence is what men prefer after impious action.
This isn’t faith, it’s fetish,
I am a sacrificial altar for masochists masquerading as messiahs.
Palms up they pray in demeaning doxology.
This is a covenant of crucifixes and false prophets,
filled with gnashing teeth and unhinged jaws,
hungry for whatever holiness I’m willing to impart.
Forked red tongues that cry out,
“Repent, repent repent!”
The serpent reincarnated is a Judas hidden in the anointed.
Take all that I am worth and call it tithing.
Take all that I have and call it retribution.

— The End —