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1d · 32
Unspoken Rule
"Make yourself small
become invisible
until you are needed
don't take up space
starve yourself so that we find you appealing
cover and smear away
at your blemishes"
is the unspoken rule

Our bodies are not pitstops
for ravenous men
this flesh
these limbs
this ***** is a gift
and can be taken away,
just as it can be given

When they want you
docile and unassuming
seen but not heard
climb through the bars
of the prison you built
to please others
and make something of yourself
for in you alone, lies the power.
Esther L. Krenzin
Explaining myself
is an privilege
and I do not owe it to anyone
not even the ravaged girl
born of glass and mirrors
whose cutting stare picks me apart
even from the realm
of reflections and lies.
Esther L. Krenzin
2d · 38
Becoming
I am becoming
awakening
stirring the flames that I subdued for you
cultivating the embers
that ate away at my innards

When did I allow
my fangs to produce honey
when venom was what I needed
to stand up for myself?

Too long I’ve tarried
in the shadows
shedding one skin only to don another
caught between a disguise of who I am
and who they want me to be

Esther L. Krenzin
3d · 88
Bloom
Placed in earth
corroded with poison
they expect me to bloom
as the other flowers do.
Esther L. Krenzin
Roguesong
3d · 99
Before it's Time
I'll crumble to dust
if you lean on me
any longer
I am but an sapling
that was forced to grow
before its time
a flower that bloomed
out of season
and withered before it
could blossom.
Esther L. Krenzin
Roguesong
7d · 85
Unravel
Cave in
my heart
in the end that's all you are good for
come loose at the seams
fray and splinter
fall through my fingers
that failed to hold on
failed to protect you
when it was needed most.

Esther L. Krenzin
RogueSong
Jun 3 · 43
Hold Me Up
Hold me up
I can't stand on my own
don't let me down
when I need you now.

Esther L. Krenzin
Roguesong
May 31 · 248
Wallflower
I fear I am an wallflower
ethereal
pianissimo to your fortissimo
head bowed
malleable as clay
molding
stretching
shaping my tongue to be silent

You took the beast within and
removed it's claws
it's fangs
any defense it had
I smiled all the while
baring the pink of my gums
the shade of welts
and a soft flowers bloom

To you, I am the wrong note
in a roaring crescendo of a
symphony
nevertheless, stirring embers come to rest
in the corners of my mouth
and I like them.
May 29 · 54
Great Grandmother
Such an fierce yet kind-hearted soul
you grew your own little world
one made of flowers and ferns
that responded like the unfurling wings
of a butterfly
straining for sunlight and warmth

You've touched so many hearts
held so many hands
mother
daughter
sister
friend
you've claimed your spot in our lives

Even as I stare ar your face--
so worn from burdens
so lined with laughter--
a glimmer of the woman you were
peeks through the cracks of your eyes

Squeezing
clenching
gently grasping your hand that so lovingly
tended to your own
an mere murmur of your former glory
remains

Loved ones flock
shaking under the weight of your death
distant beeping of machinery
mocking our attempts to hold on to you
if only for a little longer

"Don't leave," I inwardly beg
your lashes flutter
as if in response to my plea
I clench my fists but it's no use
you choke but never falter
my mother singing while you gasp

Red lights
whirring machines
as you
breathe
your last
I taste salt
it lingers in the air
and I think
it always will.

Esther Krenzin
Roguesong
For my Great Grandmother.
May 28 · 174
Fall to Pieces
I don't think I'll ever get accustomed  
to seeing your lifeless corpse
every nerve screams for me
to shake that frail frame

For a moment
I let myself
envision your eyes opening
and smiling up at me
but they remain closed
and all I can do is watch
myself fall to pieces.
Esther L. Krenzin
Roguesong
For my great-grandmother.
May 27 · 106
Your Presence
I saw the birds this morning
and couldn't help
but feel your presence
and I don't think I was alone
shoulders curving inward
our starving gazes devoured
all the fragments you
left behind.

Esther L. Krenzin
Roguesong
For my great grandmother.
May 27 · 33
"If I had just..."
I wasn't lesser
no
that was never how you said it
there was just nothing more to me
that met the eye
You singed bridges
cut ties
left me alone with nowhere to run
when I left myself bare to you
naked
wholly exposed
and you took my brokenness
and threw it at my feet
Yet,
I blame myself for your absence
"If I had just..."
I whisper
"Than we wouldn't be right here.
We would be happy."
But happy, is not a word I understand
and sometimes
I think I never will.
May 27 · 32
Through it All
Crimson skies
ducks wind their way
wading through the hues of
chiffon
lavender
marigold
the croaking of frogs sink
into my bones
a sea of tangled brush
and marsh
stretches to encompass a little
kingdom in its own right
through it all
I think if you.

Esther L. Krenzin
Roguesong
For my great grandmother. An avid nature-lover who loved to surround herself in beauty and watch the ducks fly in.
May 21 · 133
Ataraxia
Vertigo
beneath the moons shadow
rough rope gripped
between trembling fingers
spinning stars
silence
a solitary wind teased my face
toes brushed dew-gilded ground

I leaned backwards
as if folding into the silky embrace
of darkness
eyes closed
the nearest my wingless form
could get to soaring

Slipping back to earth
I took a flying leap
throwing myself onto the
mere slip of a swing
breathless
weightless
the world tilted like an axis off kilter

There, in the stillness of the moment
I feasted my gaze on the way
the trees reached upward
as if they too, were searching
for something

Reality, right then, felt fragile
I dared not blink
for fear of breaking the spell
nothing existed outside
blinking fireflies
the wind as it enfolded around me
and I
gorging to gain the weight
my soul had lost.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Ataraxia: the state of bliss and serene calmness.
May 18 · 51
Beleaguer
I hiss and withdraw
lacerated
to the core
retreating behind my thicket
of thorns
fangs bared against
beleaguered attempts
to shred the serendipity
I've fought relentlessly
to nurture.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Beleaguer: to exhaust with attacks
Serendipity: finding something good without looking for it
May 18 · 64
Rainbow
Plants, like us
require sunlight and dew
in the midst of droughts
when the sun is barely a glimmer
they shrivel
diminish
but hope hope is around
the corner
for those who seek with hands
that fumble and quiver
for what is beyond them
and after every storm
when the sky has caught its breath
there will be hope
if only in the form
of a rainbow.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong/
May 15 · 73
No
No
I don't know how to say no
I never have
no to me is unacceptable
so even at the price of my wellbeing
I'll push myself
striving to be strong
when all I want is to bury my head
in my pillow
I don't know how to admit
that I'm not invincible
so I keep going
unable to stop at the red lights
even as my limbs tremble
turn to lead
and quake
Because in the end
I'll put others needs before mine
in the end, I convince myself
I'm not worth it
that I never was
and never will be.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
May 15 · 147
Dreamer
We are all dreamers
in a world of slumber.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
May 15 · 143
Blues and Grays
What is this heaviness that lingers
in my bones
take it away, God,
if you're even there
grant me reprieve
or at least
a chance to breathe again
I called out to you
in the depths of my despair
but was sequestered
in the blues and grays
For just as the trees respond
to an exhale of wind
I expected a answer
from you
forgetting for an instant
to don my leather regalia
and so I payed
the price in full.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Take away that which weighs against my strength. I am waning. Fading. And I will crumble away in the breeze.
May 15 · 145
Daring to Brave
It is not weak to yield
nor is it courageous
to rely on subterfuge
Speaking your inner truth
comes from daring to brave
eye rolls
shaking of heads
and mouths that smile yet
form cruel sentences all the same
You'll bleed
dripping perspiration
oozing all the love
you cannot find
Just when it seems as if
the sun is obscured by clouds
you get to your feet
tense muscles unclenching
utterly at the mercy
of all the light
you are just now starting to see.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Speak your truth. Live your dream. Act on your word.
Apr 29 · 188
Kiss of Death
Brick by brick
stone by stone
I have built myself up
denying the inevitable
that all things
great
and small
fall
when it is their time
that mortality is the flutter
of a moth
so brief and sudden
fleeting even
an elusive thief we avoid
until it robs our home
and there are no riches that can
buy the hand of death
it strikes as it pleases
reaps those who sow
and sows those who reap.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
There are times
when I wish
I was blind
so I would not have to watch
loved ones
fall
and
break
and
stumble
so I would not have to watch
the world crumble
around us
like the howling before the storm.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Apr 27 · 143
Stagnant
The wind will whisper words
of healing
for those ready to hear it
It does not wish you to remain
stagnant within yourself
So breathe it in
and receive the gift so freely given.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Apr 27 · 251
Atelophobia
Don't discard me
like a seashell
with a blemish
yes
I'm cracking
of course
I'm crumbling
no amount of polishing
will sand away the bits
of me
you'd rather not deal with

Again
and
again
I am picked up
examined
and thrown away
always falling short
never the right shade
or shape

Forlorn
in the sand I await
unable to unsee
everyone
but
me
being chosen

One day
as the sun sets
I let myself release the childish
dream
that I was enough for
them
that they were enough
for
me.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Atelophobia: the fear of imperfection. The fear of never being good enough.
Apr 21 · 222
Dad
Dad
With just a few words
you crush me to smithereens
taking and taking without giving
anything in return
Even as something in my chest
collapses
Even as I feel my walls crumble
nothing can halt the sting of hurt
that follows you
You handle words like a double-edged
blade
a prodigy in the art of inflicting
pain
Spitting acid into the air between
it collects beneath my flesh and
eats away at me from within
So I summon shields of wintery smiles
and icy eyes
in the futile hope it will ensconce
bandaged bruises
I make myself stand tall before you
unflinching
unrelenting
and unexpecting.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Dad, you can be so hurtful.
I am what I fear
I am my own demise
the very force that splits marrow
and thins blood
I am the choking that comes
with the clash of sorrow
and brine

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Apr 21 · 162
Hearts
Some people wear their hearts
on a string around their neck
while others cut that string
and shove it into their pockets
to pull out
and put away
as they please.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Apr 21 · 101
Slipnoose
Light my fuse
I won't refuse
when drowning in hues of blue
Don't accuse
this ain't a ruse
just diffuse this abuse
I will unloose
from this slipnoose
get rid of your flimsy excuse

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Apr 21 · 121
Thistles and Thorns
I am the girl who brings the rain
I am the girl of many floods
so be wary
for
I don a cloak of thistles
and thorns when
provoked.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Apr 21 · 75
Cripple
My friends call me a *******
laughing all the while
they think it is amusing
because they do not know it
to be true

So I laugh along with them
"How did you know?"
inwardly hoping for them
to look closer
see clearer
past the veil of my own design

But
they
don't
so we carry on with this ruse
and even if the words were dusted
in sugar
it would still sting

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
I know that I am broken. I know I have the soul and the body of a old lady. But please treat me as you do your own.
Apr 19 · 256
Mom
Mom
Who cares for you Mom, when you
cry alone?
You give and you give
so much
to your children
and to all who are fortunate enough
to cross your path

But what about you, Mom?
Who holds your hand when your shoulders shake
from the strain
of getting up
and moving on
even when all you want to do is curl up
and have one more minute
before facing the day

Its okay Mom, sit down for a bit
take that breath you needed
you don't have to be strong all the time
why should you, when your in
the deep end
flailing for peace
clawing for acceptance
and fighting to find the meaning
behind
every
blow
that's dealt

Your dreams, something to cherish in
quiet moments
have been shoved to the bottom of your
starving soul
for so long
you cannot hear their screams anymore

What I would give to heal your wounds
and take away the heartbreak
for you deserve to sing until
like a balm
it soothes away internal festering

"Chin up," they say, "You are brave."
Well I say, "Head down, dear one."
"There is bravery in the strength it takes
to show that you are hurting."

So Mom, when you are struggling
to deal with a unending sea
of pain
close your eyes
breath in
and out
wade into the dark waters
and let
the healing
begin.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
To Mom. Who is the strongest woman I know. Who has faced death, and pain and loss. Yet she is still standing. To all the brave mothers out there.
You are seen.
You are appreciated.
And you are loved.
Apr 17 · 336
I Promise
I promise its okay to let your head hang low
some trees have to bend
so they do not break
We are human
and our chins cannot stay up
forever
And Dear One
you are precious
do not let them fill you with the ache
they too are feeling
Remember that you have to fall
before you can rise.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
It is okay to break down. It is okay to not get back up immediately.
Apr 15 · 540
Empty Cup
Sometimes I think you look at me
and see an empty cup
lacking in every quality
you desire to see
So you pour from your own
trying to fill mine to the brim
what you don't realize is that
I'll never
be full in your eyes
there will always be a drop
or three missing
so don't waste your precious water on
me
I'll never
be enough
to satisfy
you.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Will I ever be enough?
Apr 1 · 381
Renegade
I have been unmade and made anew
bolts loose, screws askew
metal stitches holding jagged words abrew
Light a match, no make it two
don't smile at me
I know its true
don't construe my issue
with you
respects not owed and its not due
don't feed me lies
my trust you blew
spooned shards of glass
masked subterfuge.

Don't cast me out
don't look away
I'm a stowaway
renegade
castaway
what makes you think I will obey?
I know the face that I portray
like I'm asking to be betrayed
but cut some slack, bits of leeway
I'll scrounge for scraps
don't make me pay
you cut my tongue, I won't soothsay
the odds for me will soon outweigh
just watch I'll drop this masquerade
and I'll cutaway
to counterweigh
this disarray
replay
this wordplay
display of
swordplay
'cause I'm a stowaway
renegade
castaway

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Mar 20 · 355
Unflinching Strength
Some strength comes from pushing
your own head
to the surface of the raging current
Without a helping hand
to pull you out
Some strength is in the form of fists
clenched and brimming eyes
unflinching
And some strength is in the
heavy silence
That returns at every crack breaking
across the surface of your heart.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
I am strong. I do not need them. I can stand alone and forge my own path.
Mar 20 · 365
Armor
Armor can
stop knives
but some things
cut deeper
than they ever could.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Words hurt more than we let on.
Mar 20 · 154
Rough Edges
I don't need much
to be content
And sometimes when my
heart is fraying
A simple glimpse at
the stars
Smooths away the
rough edges
Stills lips that tremble
and quake
From holding back brimming
storms.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
There are small needs that are often not met. Take time to fill them. You deserve every last one of them.
Mar 20 · 1.1k
Dry Land
Why is it so hard to breathe
with feet planted on dry land?
What chains itself tight in
our throats?
Can you flee until your limbs
snap?
Can you run from the raindrops
before they fall?
Maybe one day the sun will shine
on a candid smile
Maybe on day we won't feel as if we
are tossed about in dark waters
And maybe, one day, we will feel at home
on dry land.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
This earth is such a foreign yet familiar place.
Mar 20 · 385
Forgiveness
When someone breaks your trust
you'll never forget
But if you let it scar
if you let it toughen
your edges
The only person you'll hurt is
yourself
So even though it stings
even though its hard
Forgive
And be wary against further bruising.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
I know its hard, but holding grudges is hurtful to both you, and others.
Mar 16 · 230
"Like Calls to Like"
I catch a glimpse of myself
in everything
a miniscule glimmer
a tinkling whisper that floats into
my consciousness
I see it in wild beasts
who flash a feral grin
I see it in the wind
as it tears across the trees
It is even in the sun
when it folds into the horizon
"Like calls to like"
Some say
and believe it to be true
Clenched fists
choked laughs
trembling lips
A ravaged piece of me contracts
at the aching heart I know
is within that beautiful exterior
Perhaps, deep down, our soul is sewn
of the same material
Perhaps there is a single stitch
that binds us together
And all it takes is a single
snip
to cleave it in two.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
What brings us together?
What tears us apart?
Mar 14 · 188
Move Onward, Dear One
Does the past stalk us for a
reason?
Or is all this turmoil just a
season?
Eyes turned inward to what's
now behind
Adversity won over in the pull of
time
Dwelling on imprints of paths long
walked
Move onward, dear one, no need to
balk
Those days are done, those suns have
set
Take steps forward, don't live
to regret.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Mar 14 · 231
Scales
Shall I shed my skin like
a snake?
Who would I be then?
Would you still hold my hand?
Or,
once you saw my true colors
would you flee?

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Mar 9 · 121
Claw Me Open
Claw apart my flesh
to reveal a bleeding heart
Peel me open
to show what is falling apart
Stoked flame burns
brighter than trampled coals
Turn me to ashes
to crumbling charcoal
Once drowning
now buried in storms
A star shines brighter
fractured light reformed.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Feb 22 · 190
Pick Me Clean
If I succumb to the current
of the raging river
would it take me home?
If I let it wash away my tears
would it cease my restless wandering--
when endlessly I roam?
Could I ever hope to drown in
stormy depths?
When I claw and I poke
at things I wont accept?
So I plunge in
awaiting the beasts that shall pull me under
Split me apart
pick me clean
and tear me asunder.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Feb 22 · 120
Stars Born from Darkness
An icy storm howled and groaned about me, whipping the trees to and fro in its insatiable wrath. Sheets of rain poured from the murky sky, a torrent of water and wind pummeling my aching body.
I felt so small as I stood in the midst of the raging storm. So small and useless.
What was I but a mere ant, an insignificant worm in the face of this world? How could anything as small as I carry a ripple?
The world would still wage its wars, blind to the evil it was; injustice and oppression practically embroidered into the fabric of existence. Rulers would still dictate and control. The poor citizens would suffer in their poverty as the higher up drowned in their riches. Those who stood up and spoke out against the nobles were persecuted for questioning authority.
And so it seemed to me as if nothing we ever did would make a difference.
Lowering lashes glimmering with dew, I let the rain wash over me.  It seemed an ironic time for a storm, and I wondered if maybe the world was crying—lamenting over what humanity had come to.
“Why are you standing out here amid the rain?”
I took a ragged breath before turning around, blinking water out of my eyes. Eleanor stood behind me, leaning against a jagged pillar and studying me with an inscrutable expression.
“I thought I’d find you out here.” She said and pushed herself off the rock to face me. Her curly dark mass of hair was plastered to her face, and her fierce hazel eyes glimmered with condensation. “Moping won't get you anywhere you know.”
I shook my head at her. “I’m not moping.”
It was easy, easier than it should have been to slip on the masquerade, to look as if there was not a care in the world. The recent ordeals had left me drained and numb.
Eleanor threw her head back and laughed loudly. “I know moping the moment I see it. Now, spit it out.”
I clenched my fists in the pockets of my thick coak. “I am simply debating the best course of action to take from here.”
She grinned humorlessly. “You little liar. I see right past your guise down into your soft little heart. You can't-fool me, Flynn, I’ve seen more in this harsh world than someone twice my age.”
I tried to push the smoldering anger away, but her words sparked an inferno. She had no idea, no idea, of what I have gone through. How dare she make rash assumptions off of her own feeble experiences?
“You know nothing of what I have endured,” I said quietly, eyes flashing as I met her gaze.
Eleanor took a few steps closer until she was nose to nose with me. I could count every freckle on her bronze skin, every eyelash.
“You don’t sit around waiting for things to get better, you do something about it.” She whispered fiercely. “The world won't change itself, things won't just automatically get better. Everything that lasts takes time.”
Eleanor turned around and faced the setting sun; the sky lit up with the hues of the sunset. Her silhouette composed an impressive figure against the horizon, glistening with raindrops from the dull drizzle that now swept over the distant mountains.
“Someday,” she breathed, “you won't have to hide.”
I stared at her, enraptured at the quiet strength that overtook her features as she gazed out into the distance.
Eleanor twisted around again, her face somber. “Someday the world will accept you for who you are. But don’t wait for that day, don’t wait up for them—beat them to it and accept yourself now.”
A small beam of trembling sunlight entered into the suffocating darkness, thawing away at the ice that had slowly taken over within. I felt something I had not felt in a long time.
Hope.
Overwhelming in its promise and almost tangible to the imagination. I knew it was far away, farther than the length of the stars and back. And though everything was against me, though I would be met with opposition and suffering—would anyone else raise their voice for change?
I opened my eyes and found them full of the sun. “To an new dawn.”
Eleanor flashed her teeth in a voracious grin, her eyes full of promise. “To a new future.”
I held my breath at the words I would say; terrified my wish would disappear once uttered aloud. “To a world where those born of darkness, can shine just as bright.”

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
#book #authorlife #mywritings #character #fiction #emotional #fantasy #creative #story #darkness #drafts
Feb 16 · 270
Release the Weight
That which weighs down your soul
set it free
Those who push you away
let them go
When the storm comes and you can't escape
breathe
And when the silences becomes too much
release.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Take care of yourself.
Feb 16 · 129
Crescendo
My body goes to such lengths
to part the waters and reveal
the war I fight against myself
Cruel words and battle scars collect
storing themselves in muscles
weary from strain
The typhoon building in my heart
has rose to a crescendo
pummeling against my walls
again
again
again
Suddenly, I long for solace
for blood to spill
and words to form
But whatever is within
locks itself away in my throat
lingering like a afterthought
Beaten and preyed upon
by it's own command
my body decays as my
mind runs
rampant.
-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Sometimes it's easy to feel ever so small. And even when you store it away, it demands to be felt one way or another.
Feb 6 · 39
Centuries Weathered
Sometimes I can't be anything but sad.
I don't want to find a reason, or try
to find the light,
I just want to feel,
and allow the truth of reality to sink in.
I'm scared of what the future will be,
and what else I'll have to go through.
I'm exhausted, tired of enduring,
pushing on,
surviving.
I feel old, ever so old,
centuries lived, centuries weathered.
The intensity of it hits me hard,
and I gasp from the sheer feeling of it.
I can't breathe, can't move,
only let the sobs pummel me again,
again,
and again.
I only let it out when I'm alone
with my shadow,
No peering eyes, no sympathy,
just me and my sorrow.
And as I sit there, I wonder what I'll be
like years from now.
Still broken?
-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Jan 24 · 405
Its Okay To Cry
Its okay to cry
they say
again and again
But no matter how many times I hear it
it never feels true
Because I can't show that vulnerable
part of me
This raging salty storm within
gets caught in my throat
and words cannot form
So I grit my teeth
clench my fists
and paint my flesh with bruises
Anything to make it go away
anything to keep the tears
swimming in the depths of my eyes.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Remember that have to nurture your own light
before it can shine
Even if you are empty
even if there is no one to hold your hand
You'll find that a different kind of strength
comes from what you go through
alone.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
You are strong. You are brave. You are here. It will be over soon.
Hold yourself until the tears dry.
Hold yourself until you feel your soul gain some of the weight
it lost.
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