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That which weighs down your soul
set it free
Those who push you away
let them go
When the storm comes and you can't escape
breathe
And when the silences becomes too much
release.
Take care of yourself.
My body goes to such lengths
to part the waters and reveal
the war I fight against myself
Cruel words and battle scars collect
storing themselves in muscles
weary from strain
The typhoon building in my heart
has rose to a crescendo
pummeling against my walls
again
again
again
Suddenly, I long for solace
for blood to spill
and words to form
But whatever is within
locks itself away in my throat
lingering like a afterthought
Beaten and preyed upon
by it's own command
my body decays as my
mind runs
rampant.
Esther Krenzin
Roguesong
Sometimes it's easy to feel ever so small. And even when you store it away, it demands to be felt one way or another.
Sometimes I can't be anything but sad.
I don't want to find a reason, or try
to find the light,
I just want to feel,
and allow the truth of reality to sink in.
I'm scared of what the future will be,
and what else I'll have to go through.
I'm exhausted, tired of enduring,
pushing on,
surviving.
I feel old, ever so old,
centuries lived, centuries weathered.
The intensity of it hits me hard,
and I gasp from the sheer feeling of it.
I can't breathe, can't move,
only let the sobs pummel me again,
again,
and again.
I only let it out when I'm alone
with my shadow,
No peering eyes, no sympathy,
just me and my sorrow.
And as I sit there, I wonder what I'll be
like years from now.
Still broken?
-Esther Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
Its okay to cry
they say
again and again
But no matter how many times I hear it
it never feels true
Because I can't show that vulnerable
part of me
This raging salty storm within
gets caught in my throat
and words cannot form
So I grit my teeth
clench my fists
and bite my flesh until purple bruises form
Anything to make it go away
anything to keep the tears
swimming in the depths of my eyes.
Remember that have to nurture your own light
before it can shine
Even if you are empty
even if there is no one to hold your hand
You'll find that a different kind of strength
comes from what you go through
alone.
You are strong. You are brave. You are here. It will be over soon.
Hold yourself until the tears dry.
Hold yourself until you feel your soul gain some of the weight
it lost.
Sitting alone with the stars
I wait
For the last minutes of today
to fade into tomorrow
Turning what felt so precious
to memories
I remember the nights spent on the rooftop
caterwauling to the stars
and ache a little more
Everything reminds me of when we
had sock races across the slippery floor
Danced in the sky
fought battles with swords of leaves
Lay underneath a ceiling of blankets
and got tipsy on caffeine
That which cannot be tangible
feels like a knife to the heart
And as I wave goodbye
to the retreating light
tears start to pour from unblinking eyes
I stare motionless as it disappears
into the night
Numbly waving as my body shakes from the cold
I cannot feel
Life is full of goodbyes it seems
and nothing lasts forever
But just this once I wish it would
just this once I would turn back time
To have a few more minutes of oblivion
even a few seconds
But time waits for no man
and no man waits for time
That is what you would say, isn't it?
They say that time has no beginning
and no end
But this feels final
this feels like the end to something
I will never have again.
To Michael, my dear, dear, friend. Who was always there for me, who I cared for so deeply. Thank you for the many laughs we had together. And the many memories we made. I shall treasure them always.
Stars fall like dreams
that have lost their shine
Collecting like dust
in the distant skyline
From afar they glow
with iridescent light
But sputter and wink out
when brought close to sight
Molten silver
more precious than gold
From the stars that fell
mere fragments of old.
-Esther Krenzin-
-Roguesong-
I think the stars may be what I hold dearest in this world.
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