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Just One

I wonder what it would be like
to tip over backwards
off a high place
a puppet with all its strings cut
to feel your body twirling, twisting, dropping
falling out into space

for one sweet moment

I wonder what it would be like
to drag a knife
over warm skin
a paper man with ripped edges
to feel your pain itching, bubbling, growing
washing away your sin

for one sweet moment

I wonder what it would be like
to sink deeper and deeper
into pools of blue
a burden too heavy to bear
to feel your lungs searching, gasping, screaming
your veins bleeding through

for one sweet moment

I wonder what it would be like
to swallow a bottle filled
with relief
a closed window forced open
to feel your mind whirling, struggling, fading
a needed respite from grief

for one sweet moment

But I do remember what it was like
to be filled
with unmatched hope
a lit match beneath an active volcano
to have felt my heart flutter, calm, and break
unable to cope
as thunder rained from skies above
for I have endured the worst of all
I have fallen in love
and what's more
I came back alive

And though it did not last for long
you don't need many moments to be free
**Just one.
How dare you go
To war when we need you here.
How dare you run
Away when we want you to stay where you are.

How dare you make
A choice of your own accord.
We will control you.

How dare you live
And die on your terms.
We will rule you.

How dare you sail
Upon the open ocean.
How dare you cross
The places that we told you not to go to.

How dare you think
All by yourself.
We will control you.

How dare you love
And hate who you want.
We will rule you.

How dare you burn
Our country to the ground.
How dare you search
Through the ashes of this run down town.

How dare you want
Something just for yourself.
We are all one mind.

How dare you wish
For more than what we give you
We are all one mind.

How dare you be curious
How dare you insist
How dare you think for yourself
How dare you not desist
How dare you tell others
How dare you hope for more
How dare you ruin our rules
There is no more.
I can't go on without you,
But you're not by my side.
I feel the energy draining
From my fading life.

You're not by my side;
I don’t know what to do.
My life is fading fast;
I'm nothing without you.

I don’t know what to do
When I'm all alone.
I'm completely lost without you;
You made me feel at home

Don’t leave me all alone,
I can feel my energy drain.
You made me feel at home;
I can't go one without you.
I'm falling fast
I don't know which way is up anymore
It's all so complicated
And I'm not sure I want to hang on anymore

I feel alone
I'm surrounded by people but I'm still lost
It's all so real
And I don't know if I want it to be

It's all a game
A charade
Who can keep their mask on longest

And I'm losing
I don't want to smile everyday
Every minute
I just want everything to be okay
For my friends
For the people that I love

I'm criticised
The ones I want to help won't accept it
It's all so fake
We're just hiding from the world in lies of steel

They can be broken
And they will be

I've hit the floor
And it's just too much to take down here
It's all so hard
And I just want to make it through this game

This charade
Of who can keep their mask on longest

But I'm losing
I don't want to feel this weight around me
But I'm scared
Of what will happen if I show myself
To me
To my world

I don't want this to end
To fall apart
I want us to stay strong
In our worlds
But I'm losing
The media blew you off as a tortured soul,
When your wife found you hanging, like a flag,
Tied to the kitchen pole.

People romanticized you as some sort of saint
And all meaning of yourself was lost.
People went to your gigs to see you dance and shake,
And to see you be carried off.
You were a child, once,
But then you made the wrong decisions, grew up
And now the cynics call you a dunce.
You had a daughter, but you never held her,
Was it because you didn't feel worthy to?
I wonder now, if she wants you to hold her, even though she's much elder.

They say you were brilliant,
The ones who viewed you through a microscope.
Of course there were the cruel ones,
Who said that your heart was cold,
But maybe, maybe, you could have grown old.

You'd wake up with a kiss from your wife,
Who'd lumber her aged body out of bed,
Or maybe, you'd have a different life.
One, far far away on your own,
But you'd have developed,
You would have grown.

Now, only indie teenagers visit your grave,
Put Joy Division and New Order records by your tombstone.
Write you messages, which rant and rave,
With conditional love for you.

You weren't some heroic legend,
With a poisoned inner core.
You had your struggles,
That had haunted you long before.

So maybe one day I will be an indie teenager, and I will visit your grave.
But I will not give your death,
Such romanticizing the others gave.
Under all the messages that read "LEGEND", for your suicide,
I will write: "MAN".
Because that is what you are.
  Oct 2014 Rodrigo Raimundo-Ramos
You're a fighter,
Got that fire,
When they thought you'd fade away.

Hold a fist up,
As you get up,
Feeling stronger everyday.
Oh. It seems I'm all alone.
It seems that there's nobody else with me.
When did I get left behind?
When did you all leave?

Oh. It seems that I'm not with you.
It seems that you have gone like all the others.
Where did you go?
Where could you all have gone?

Oh. It seems that all the days are cold.
It seems that everything is wrong.
When did this all happen?
When did it all change?

Is it so wrong?

Oh. I remember when we were together.
Then you left, you left.
You left me.

Oh. I remember when we used to be the same.
Then you changed, you changed.
You went away.

And now.
I'm standing here.
It's sunny, but all I see is rain.
And I've just realised that you've gone again.

Oh. It seems I won't be found.
It seems that there is no one left to look.
When did I get pulled away?
When did I lose everyone?
One by one.

Oh. I used to laugh just like everyone else.
I used to scream and shout and smile and cry.
But now you've all been taken by your need to be somewhere.
But not with me.
Oh, not with me.

Oh. It seems I'm all alone.
It seems that there's nobody else with me.
When did I get left behind?
When did you all leave?
Oh. But does it really matter when?
You left.
I'm all alone.

Oh. It seems there's nothing left for me to be here for.
It seems that everything I loved is gone.
Why did I get left behind?
Why did you all leave?

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