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#6
Regan Jun 3
#6
Oh, so you liked her?
but did you forget you are with me?
Oh, it was just a mistake?
A mistake leading to a conversation
about your future.... with her?
What am i?
I guess I'm just a filler
another name to add to your list
of girl's hearts you have rejected.
Why have you put yourself on this high horse,
awaiting a perfect girl, who is not me,
even though you are just as flawed as everyone else?

Why do you crave female attention?
When I am your girlfriend,
I am here to give you my time, my love, and my dedication,
yet you are not amused.
Your love isn't authentic
it is dull and a liar.
You lied that you were not interested in her
You lied that you loved me
You lied that you craved me like i craved you
You lied.
You lied that I was #1.
But you had many others
and I was #6.

I blame myself for being unaware from the beginning.
But why did you keep me around?
Is this a sick game you play?
Does it bring you pleasure?
Does it fill your head with a high when other's suffer?

Because all your face reminds me of
is a
#6.
Regan Jan 21
i want a little love
the kind you dream of when you’re a kid.
late night trips around town
with tired grins and sleepy eyes
full of adventure.
swinging on swings
when you’re both adults
without a care in the world.
weekend trips to the mountains
or to a lake we went to as kids.
i want a little love
that requires no effort
to love one another.
a guy who knows my intentions
and understands my complex self.
someone who remembers little things
i say and do.
i want a little love
that has flaws
so we can fix them together.
little arguments we can
laugh about later.
going to the movie theater
so we can sneak candy in
and laugh together.
i want someone who
knows how to love me
and cheer me up.
i want a little love
that doesn’t seem so little.
i want something that’ll last a lifetime.
i want memories to pass on.
i want to be that old couple
everyone aspires to be.
maybe this little love,
isn’t that little after all.
Regan Feb 5
Our coughing laughs
seem endless,
though we know our ends are near.
A puff or two
off the cigar
under muffled breaths.
A smoke-filled room
and memories
afloat.
Old times
and old pals
reunited with these puffs.
Memories from long ago
when times were simple
and life was vibrant.
Now it seems as if we’ve
completely forgotten
what it felt to be young.
Young and smoking
a meaningless cigarette.
Older and breathing in
a cigar,
like it’s the last one
we’ll ever have.
Time truly
changes
us.
:)
Regan May 2018
I wasn’t done.
I couldn’t fix you.
I wasn’t helping you.
I want you still.
I hate that I let myself keep holding onto you.
I wasn’t obsessed with you
But it hurt.
It hurt as bad as a sharp knife
Into clean skin.
I know better,
Than to be hung up over someone,
Someone who hurt me the way they did.
I was foolish to believe something could last,
And it didn’t.
Not even close.
You are my true heartbreak.

© Regan
Ugh boys, I’m dumb.
Regan Mar 22
i crave you
as if you were nicotine
i want you
even if you poison me
i miss you
though you disregarded me
you’re like a drug
i can’t stop craving
even when you hurt me
i just need another hit
to resolve the pain
of your absence
i was nothing to you
i never understood
but now you’re gone
and i’ve moved on
but the emptiness
still lingers
i miss the touch
of your fingers
but yours do not
miss the touch of me.
Regan Jan 13
i’m hurting myself, without realizing it...
again.
Regan Sep 2018
I am Alive.

Even when the world turns.
Even when my heart breaks.
Even when i’ve had enough.

I am Alive.

God help me on the days I just don’t want to be.
why do I feel like things would be better?
Show me why this world means something.

I am Alive.

But I forget what i’m grateful for.
Loosing people to death, is normal to me.
Why do I feel this way?

Even Though I am Alive.
Regan Jun 2018
Fix this emotion
Many things cause this pain
It sneaks up on me.

© Regan
Haiku
Regan Nov 2018
the love i possess
feels like it will never change,
do you love me too?
<3
Regan Jun 2018
Let my body drift,
Amongst the ice cold water,
Forget about me.

© Regan
Haiku
Regan Jun 2018
Driving through an untouched place,
The modern era has kept it’s distance,
Mother-nature has taken over.

We arrive to a grassy area,
Only the trees to provide shade,
We strike a match.

We walk aware of the beauty around us,
We walk in an unmodernized place,
No shops, buildings, and factories.

The urban areas have purpose,
But sometimes, just sometimes,
Rural feels more like home.

© Regan
I can’t find my retainer and I’m kinda scared so I wrote this poem instead
Update: it was in my couch.
Regan Nov 2018
delicate complexion and
precisely lined lips;
a kind of beauty
that catches everyone’s
attention.
curly hair
and a button nose;
that everyone
adores.
a cheeky smile and
a slight blush;
can blow anyone’s
breath away.
a kind soul and
a happy heart;
is truly stunning.
beauty can only do so much,
because looks fade,
and wrikles appear.
someone’s soul
is much more
appealing
to the eye.

~•~

don’t forget
that kind
of
BEAUTY
:)
Regan Oct 2018
i have these blue curtains.
these blue curtains have changed me.
before, they were gray,
i always felt tired in their presence,
and my moods were worse.
now my curtains are blue, but not just
any blue,
they’re turquoise.
they change the color of my room
from white to blue.
they soothe my thoughts
and hold me close,
when no one else could.
these blue curtains have seen, well—
everything.
they’ve seen me cry,
they’ve seen my innocence taken,
they’ve seen me laugh,
they’ve seen my life,
but most importantly,
they still mean everything to me.
Regan May 2018
Cold beer
Bonfires
American flags soaring above
Motorcycle gangs racing on a dark highway
Laughing, drinking, but most importantly, living
letting a summer’s breeze fill their lungs
Cigarette and old alcohol reside in the air
Careless 50’s vibe in a modern era
Bandanas hold back unbrushed curls
Living in a blue-jean America

© Regan
Regan Aug 2018
Cobalt, periwinkle, turquoise, baby.
Name a color and I have been it.
Some days it’s more pastel,
others’ it’s midnight.
short
Regan Jul 2018
I have skin wrapped around me
Like a present.
This is really short. It was a draft from a while ago I decided was funny enough to publish lol
Regan Jun 2017
Take one slow breath.
Breathe through your nose.
You are overreacting, it's just change.
"You don't understand!"
I am leaving everything and everyone I've ever known.
The streets I've walked.
The bruises I've gotten from your hands.
The broken-heart you've given me.
I can't just breathe.
Not even a breath.
You see, you've lived everywhere, almost as if you've never had a home.
This has been my only home,
the only place I can tell you the streets like the back of my hand.
You can't forget your hometown, unless you've never had one.
The people.
The small bakery on the corner.
The library across the street.
Those are some of the things I will never forget. Don't tell me to take a breath,
when you have never been through this.
You hypocrite.

© Regan
Just a little thought I turned into a poem.
Regan Nov 2018
take a deep breath—
relax.
watch as the hills curve
as you’re riding in a car,
watch the waves
pull the sand back in.
watch as the snow
falls softly.
feel how amazing
the wind is in your hair.
take a deep breath,
you’re almost there.
Regan Jun 2018
Can you fix me?
Why do I have these feelings
For something I can’t find in myself.
Am I truly broken?
Why do I feel like I’m running off of a battery that has run out of energy?
What am I missing?
My screws are unscrewed,
My bolts are missing.
I guess I am just broken.
And I don’t feel as if I have
Enough hope to keep going.
Maybe someone will find my missing bolts and give me new batteries.

© Regan
I’m empty
Regan Aug 2018
i knew a boy with brown hair
like flowing locks of a mare.
we talked and talked
i was the one he stalked.
we grew close
until we both became morose.
he changed his hair to black
and let my feelings crack.
he stole my joy,
and i let a boy
change me so much
by just a simple touch.
naive is what i was
and that is ‘cause
he changed
and deranged.
I was left alone
i even tried calling his phone,
but nothing would work.
he passed my gloomy face with a smirk.
now i know
to keep my feelings low
so a black haired boy
will not turn me into a toy.
Regan Sep 2018
I have a desire to burn things.
I want to feel the heat of the flames
destroy what’s around me—
no i’m not psychotic.
I want to feel the burn against my skin.
The sizzle of wood in a fire,
ignites my passion to forget my feelings.
The red and orange flames fuel
my anger and hatred.
I want to see the burn
and feel the pain within.
The burning makes me feel like i’m dying,
but dying is the only time i feel alive.
The flames hurt me,
but take away the pain i’ve been feeling.
I’ll let the fire burn me,
until there is no longer pain.
Let. Me. Feel. Something.
Regan Sep 4
crisp.
surrounded by the flames
that reflect my loneliness
wrap me in this hot blanket
of sadness and emptiness.
the constant ringing of nothingness
tears my ears apart.
the shell of my body remains
but slowly is torn apart
by the knifes of suffrage.
i can feel the singe
of self love disintegrate.
through this torture and evil,
i still feel nothing.
this has to stop,
but why hasn’t it?
I’ve been stuck in this
off and on place
of numbness.

“Are you okay?”
a realization,
the things constantly replaying
in my sad mind
reaching to the bottom of my heart
to find the two words
that retrieve my loneliness,
“i’m fine.”
yeehaw school is awful
Regan Mar 2018
Hot.
The fire you cast upon my soul
Slowly burning what I am
Slowly removing memories,
Love,
Passion.
The thoughts I held back
The memories I tried to forget
Burning their way back into my memory
A heart lined with a barrier that used to stand tall
But turned into ramshackles
The irrational decisions
Based on following emotions over knowledge.

© Regan
Update: As I was writing this, I had no idea how much people would enjoy this poem. I’m truly shocked!! Thank you all so much :)
Regan Oct 2018
i watch the colorful animals
trot along my vivid imagination.
the red and white stripes,
and gold lined decorations.
around, around, around once more,
but in fact it never stops.

my bones get weaker
but my heart is eager.
somehow, the carousel
keeps spinning,
through my dull life.
the red has darkened,
the white, not-so-white anymore,
the gold just ever so slightly tarnished.

my bones tired,
my heart has lost its fire.
the carousel slightly turning.
the red is now hardly visible.
the white is stained black.
and it was if gold was never there.

i found out this “carousel”
is not a “carousel”
but a clock,
counting my seconds,
while continuing to spin,
until now—
it has stopped.
Regan Dec 2018
that certain type of sadness
that makes you forget yourself.
sadness controls
every move you make
every thought you think
every tear you shed.
the sadness you can
not seem to shake.
the burning in your mind,
wanting so badly
to be happy and normal.
the icy cold tears
that run down your face
when you least expect it.
as soon as you think you’re
in a better place,
sadness reaches down
into the depths of your soul
and casts itself throughout
your entire body.
grasping your head with
fear and agony.
all the screaming that only occurs
in your mind
creates that certain type of sadness.
Regan Oct 2018
let me charm you
with my words
let my vocabulary
wrap around
your beautiful mind.
from every description
of imagery
to my sorrows and worries,
let me charm you
with my words.
ill paint you a picture
in your head
with just words
that you read.
charmer of words,
that i am,
let me feed your lack
of creativity and drive.
let me not only charm you,
but your mind.
Regan Jun 2018
I close my eyes,
I see a winter scene.
White flakes, rustic winter.
I reach out, looking for someone, as I am surrounded by nothing but myself.
The wind picks me up,
My head afloat.

I close my eyes,
And I have awoken.
Back into a reality I’m stuck in.
A lonely soul,
A cold, cold soul.

My frost bitten soul,
Leaves me cold.

© Regan
I’m cold.
Regan Jan 13
I’ve lost control of my own body.
the sadness and despair that has shown up
has decided to stay.
my words don’t feel like my own
the slashes in my wrists
aren’t what I want
the burning in my soul
is flameless and smoky
I didn’t want this,
i want my control
i want MY control!
it’s my body,
but my brain
lost it’s reigns.
i’m scattered and messy
and i can’t do anything about it
the lack of motivation
to the lack of sleep
turned my normal life
into a living hell.
why has my life
become a hassle,
where is my control?

i can’t control
my feelings
because they’re
far too strong.
i can’t control
my fears
because fear
has overcome me.
i can’t control
my dreams
because they
left.

what have i become?
sorry i took a break from poetry because frankly i didn’t know what to write. i’m sorry. here’s one that took me a half hour to write while laying in my own tears :)
Regan Jun 2018
You took my shivering hands.
Led me to a dance floor crowded by couples,
Grabbed my waist,
I hooked myself around your neck.
As we swayed to the slow songs.
Smiles on our faces.

But then I remembered I was sitting alone
Drink in hand,
Swaying by myself.
Eyeing you from a-far.
I guess we can’t dance once again,
If we never did.

© Regan
I guess I like to think things.
Regan Feb 2
The brightest light is shining through
hand sewn curtains
coming from a street-light
that stares me down while
I try to sleep.
The little red dot on my TV
stares me down
as insomnia carries
my weightless body
back to the thoughts of yesterday.
My thoughts are pointless
at 2 a.m.
worrying about what I'll wear
or what people will think of it.
The walls hold me in
a cage of senseless perception
as I try to escape
to my far-off land
of dreams.
The monsters under my bed
and the ones in my closet
snicker and giggle
at my brain that is
fearing if I'll ever drift
into sleep.
What I've realized is that
the monsters under my bed
are not there,
but in my head.
I've been listening to a lot of the '50s lately. Digging it.
Regan Jun 23
i want to take back mistakes.
i want to try it differently but in fact there’s no way to correct what has happened.
you can’t take back what you said
i can’t take back my reaction
i can’t take back that relationship.
you can’t go back and not break me
you can’t go back and not hurt me
i can’t take back a small sentence
even though you’ve hit me with a thousand words.
but i still would brush them off
take ten seconds
take two steps back
and carry on.
but in fact i probably would do the same thing
if given the impossible opportunity to
i would continue to let you know that you are no longer allowed to hurt me.
i do not consent to your pain
i do not consent to that friendship
i do not consent to you hurting me
i do not consent to the way you act.
but you can ignore that
because I built up walls
and put fences around them
but you built a plane and flew over.
and that terrifies me.
Regan Sep 22
if you put your hand on my leg one more time
i’m going cut it off
to let you know how it feels to have no choice.
if you touch my belongings one more time
i’m gonna smash yours
to let you know how it feels to be less fortunate.
if you make me feel small one more time
i am going to scream
to let you know that you don’t have control.

so if you decide to do any of these things,
i will simply do to the same to you.
shout out to the boy in my geometry class who’s about to get yelled at by an angry girl who’s had enough.
Regan Mar 28
vivid
but forgotten so quickly
Regan Jun 2018
I stood on the edge
Watching the water
As I was approached
By a family “friend”
He said
“Can’t you swim?”
I replied with
“No, I have never tried”
He grabbed my hair
And was about to
Push me in
And said
“Drown”

I fought the water
I fought for life
I would never let
That man be right
I flipped my legs
And swatted the water
Until drowning
Wasn’t the matter
The man looked at me
With disbelief
That a little girl
Could teach Herself
not to stand for
Death itself.

© Regan
“Drown”
Regan Apr 2018
Here I am
Looking at the edge
About to loose
The only thing
I have left
But the thought
of you
Makes me stop.

This edge will only
Stop the pain
Temporarily
Loving you
Is most definitely
Infinite

© Regan
This was originally written for a friend of mine but I altered it after writing.
Regan May 2018
Drugs! Heartbreak! Pain!
Stay away from our families
Parents who cover and sugarcoat our lives
Not letting us know about true suffer
Such as homeless, disease, death, love.
Our exposure to terrible things is limited
To make our childhood a little more bearable
Keeping us Little Ones away from the “monsters”
And the
“Bad guys”
But aren’t telling us that they’re just like you and me.
Our exposure is limited to what the world
Truly is.

© Regan
Regan Jun 2017
The look of your eyes when you look at the stars reflects so much hope. When you grab my hand and pull me closer it feels perfect, as if the stars were aligned in that moment. When you hold my hand and guide me to god-knows where, I feel needed.
The touch.
The smell.
The adrenaline rushing through our heads.
And the moment is gone. I've woken up, from a fantasy that only occurs in my head.
Gasp of morning air flows through my lungs as reality hits again.
And I know it is only a fantasy my mind wanders to every so often.

© Regan
A quick poem I wrote. Please check out my other poems once they are published.
This was my first poem and I am very, VERY surprised at my growth and improvement of my poetry.
Regan Jul 2018
As a female, you should know, the rules:

If a boy picks on you or hurts you, he likes you.

You’ll never be as strong or successful as a man.

You will be treated differently because of your gender.

Society will taunt you into having a perfect body.

You will never be enough.

For every man that says all people are equal, another woman is paid less than a man.

You may not agree with the rules,
But that is how society has brought up women.
If these rules offend you,
Now you know what it is like to be female.
“We can do it”
“Gender EQUALity”
“Fight for women’s rights”
Regan Jun 3
I am fine.
I can admit it.
Although I dedicated 7 months
to find out you're not the one for me.
I wasn't top pick.
I wasn't the one you longed for.
Yet, you kept me around,
because you knew i'd do anything you asked.
But here I am.
I stood my ground
I took back what was mine,
my dignity,
my happiness,
and most importantly,
my life.

I'm sorry you wasted my time.
Regan Oct 2018
i’m grasping you by the hand—
afraid to let go.
i don’t want you to leave.
stay with me and hold me close.
let me explore the dreams inside your mind.
let me touch your fingertips
and look at your scars.
you have a past
with memories,
let me find out what i don’t know.
my hands are shivering
until you hold them.
my arms shake and my body aches
until you’re wrapped around me.
my loneliness arrives
until you come around.
through all my pain,
just a touch of your fingertips
makes it all go away.
oh yes, a love this deep and passionate
may be destroyed—
but i’m doing all i can
to keep this boy.
Regan Apr 2018
Covering all that you are.
It makes each and every person
We destroy our bodies
Tattoos, piercings, needles.
Why do we destroy the thing
That’s been there since day one?

What do we do?
We destroy it more.
Until we rot in our graves.
Covered in destruction
Of what we’ve always known.

From picking at your fingertips
To slitting our wrists.
Destroying ourselves
For pain and pleasure
But we all end up six feet under anyways,
What is the big deal?

Express yourself.
Get that nose piercing,
Get that tattoo.
Do what you want,
As long as you don’t regret it.
Your flesh, your story.
Eh this was a quickie that I actually put effort in :)
Fly
Regan Jun 2018
Fly
She took a step
And another
Watching birds soar above each other
Wondering why she cannot herself
She couldn’t understand why
She is unable to fly
She did some research and found out why
But gravity couldn’t tame her
She took a leap and there she went
Floating in the air
She was flying!
She was soaring!
Once you decide
Anything is possible
Go and get it
Go and fly.
Soar, sweetheart!
Regan Aug 2018
fragile is what i used to call myself.
i wasn’t to be played rough with.
my feelings and emotions
were too fragile for negativity.
the boys would tackle each other,
and i would watch them, not daring to join.
“Regan, you should play!”
“I’m too fragile to tackle.”

now i’ve noticed how tough i actually am.
my heart has been broken.
i’ve been called terrible things.
sometimes i wish i could punch something.
i’m not fragile, i’m strong.

I...am...NOT...fragile.
Regan Oct 2018
‘tis the season,
of coldness.
my frost-bitten
figertips are sick
of the cold.
my red nose
and rosy cheeks
burning from the snow.
i wish i could drown
in the hot-cocoas
i long for.
my shivering arms
and cold toes
just want to be warm.
the darkness of the winter
makes the darkness
in my mind
find it’s way back.
spark me a flame—
thaw my cold heart
and hands.
remind me of warm thoughts,
the summer sun,
the burning of hot sand—
ugh, there’s only
snowflakes and frost.
i guess i’ll deal until
the warmness
finds its way back.
Regan Feb 2
Guess what is funny?

I'm not even sure if I loved you in the first place.

I honestly can not remember.

Those emotions are stored in a box

that I have not opened

since I closed it last.

I am sorry

you are meaningless

to me now

and stored away

in a box.
Regan May 23
memories
feelings
tears
smiles.

after tomorrow, they'll be gone for a while.
as summer returns
and my main focus is not to learn,
i'll be alone and older by each day.
don't worry, we'll talk, they say,
but summer returns
and my loneliness yearns
for someone to talk to
but I don't want to bother you.
until august comes back
and my head goes whack,
will you speak to me,
you're not a real friend, can't you see?
I'm sorry that we didn't talk
and I feel as if I hit bedrock,
you'll act nice
and i'll think twice
about letting you back into my life
when it's filled with strife.
but i'll fail and become sad
then i'll drive you mad
until you leave
and i'll greave
until august returns.
last day of school tomorrow. sad. surviving finals.
Regan Jun 18
the sky is a gray-yellow
and the thunder fills my empty mind as
the storm surrounds my room.
the rain pitters and patters on the roof,
i watch as water runs down my window.
my favorite songs playing and
filling my room with my favorite shade of happy.
my whole room is reflecting a yellow shade along the walls.
my pillows are puffy and warm and my blankets are surrounding me.
yes, i am alone, yes, company is fine,
but how can you learn to be alone with company always around.
i am happy even if i’m alone.
i’m still living and thriving
putting myself back together
but still happy.
Regan Jun 2018
My heart is a bottom-less pit,
Waiting for a ladder.

My heart is burning,
From where you set me on fire.

My heart is depressed,
Longing for someone to love.

My heart is lonely,
Stuck in my lonesome body.

My heart is broken,
From the words you jabbed into it.

© Regan
:’(
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