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Oct 4 · 23
shocked
Regan Oct 4
wow, i’m in awe.
a boy who truly likes me.
he cherishes each little cute thing i saw
and takes it to heart.
this is a foreign concept,
a guy who ACTUALLY cares for me,
and not just for my appearance?
i am truly amazed!
Sep 22 · 67
Don’t touch me
Regan Sep 22
if you put your hand on my leg one more time
i’m going cut it off
to let you know how it feels to have no choice.
if you touch my belongings one more time
i’m gonna smash yours
to let you know how it feels to be less fortunate.
if you make me feel small one more time
i am going to scream
to let you know that you don’t have control.

so if you decide to do any of these things,
i will simply do to the same to you.
shout out to the boy in my geometry class who’s about to get yelled at by an angry girl who’s had enough.
Sep 4 · 85
burn me
Regan Sep 4
crisp.
surrounded by the flames
that reflect my loneliness
wrap me in this hot blanket
of sadness and emptiness.
the constant ringing of nothingness
tears my ears apart.
the shell of my body remains
but slowly is torn apart
by the knifes of suffrage.
i can feel the singe
of self love disintegrate.
through this torture and evil,
i still feel nothing.
this has to stop,
but why hasn’t it?
I’ve been stuck in this
off and on place
of numbness.

“Are you okay?”
a realization,
the things constantly replaying
in my sad mind
reaching to the bottom of my heart
to find the two words
that retrieve my loneliness,
“i’m fine.”
yeehaw school is awful
Jun 23 · 55
do over
Regan Jun 23
i want to take back mistakes.
i want to try it differently but in fact there’s no way to correct what has happened.
you can’t take back what you said
i can’t take back my reaction
i can’t take back that relationship.
you can’t go back and not break me
you can’t go back and not hurt me
i can’t take back a small sentence
even though you’ve hit me with a thousand words.
but i still would brush them off
take ten seconds
take two steps back
and carry on.
but in fact i probably would do the same thing
if given the impossible opportunity to
i would continue to let you know that you are no longer allowed to hurt me.
i do not consent to your pain
i do not consent to that friendship
i do not consent to you hurting me
i do not consent to the way you act.
but you can ignore that
because I built up walls
and put fences around them
but you built a plane and flew over.
and that terrifies me.
Jun 23 · 48
tired
Regan Jun 23
it is 2 a.m.
everything is dark.
my room is hot
but i shiver when i’m not surrounded by my comforter.
i don’t know why it’s hard to breathe
or hard to move
or why the tears won’t stop.
why do i feel stuck in my room?
why do i crave it when i leave?
why do i want to leave when i’m here?
i just want some air and some reassurance that i’m not loosing it.
i just want my arms to stop shaking while my skin is so warm.
i want my pulse to calm down.
i want my mind to stop thinking.
i just want to sleep.
Jun 18 · 57
happy
Regan Jun 18
the sky is a gray-yellow
and the thunder fills my empty mind as
the storm surrounds my room.
the rain pitters and patters on the roof,
i watch as water runs down my window.
my favorite songs playing and
filling my room with my favorite shade of happy.
my whole room is reflecting a yellow shade along the walls.
my pillows are puffy and warm and my blankets are surrounding me.
yes, i am alone, yes, company is fine,
but how can you learn to be alone with company always around.
i am happy even if i’m alone.
i’m still living and thriving
putting myself back together
but still happy.
Jun 3 · 82
LOVE AGAIN
Regan Jun 3
AWAKEN.
This thing you call love,
Is not love!
This is pain
This is unhealthy
This is abusive

GET OUT.
You do not need them
You are smart
You have been blinded
By what your heart replaced
in your brain

BREATHE.
Your troubles have died down
New days are coming
New ground is below your feet
Time can stop rushing you
You can stop

DO NOT FORGET.
You are not fragile
Do not let them treat you
as if you are breakable
You know better
Do not let your heart fool you.

LOVE AGAIN.
Find real love
And filter out unhappiness
Stay true to who you are
Do not let negative influences
In your life.

Live again
to love again.
Jun 3 · 52
#6
Regan Jun 3
#6
Oh, so you liked her?
but did you forget you are with me?
Oh, it was just a mistake?
A mistake leading to a conversation
about your future.... with her?
What am i?
I guess I'm just a filler
another name to add to your list
of girl's hearts you have rejected.
Why have you put yourself on this high horse,
awaiting a perfect girl, who is not me,
even though you are just as flawed as everyone else?

Why do you crave female attention?
When I am your girlfriend,
I am here to give you my time, my love, and my dedication,
yet you are not amused.
Your love isn't authentic
it is dull and a liar.
You lied that you were not interested in her
You lied that you loved me
You lied that you craved me like i craved you
You lied.
You lied that I was #1.
But you had many others
and I was #6.

I blame myself for being unaware from the beginning.
But why did you keep me around?
Is this a sick game you play?
Does it bring you pleasure?
Does it fill your head with a high when other's suffer?

Because all your face reminds me of
is a
#6.
Jun 3 · 138
Fine
Regan Jun 3
I am fine.
I can admit it.
Although I dedicated 7 months
to find out you're not the one for me.
I wasn't top pick.
I wasn't the one you longed for.
Yet, you kept me around,
because you knew i'd do anything you asked.
But here I am.
I stood my ground
I took back what was mine,
my dignity,
my happiness,
and most importantly,
my life.

I'm sorry you wasted my time.
May 23 · 251
goodbye.
Regan May 23
memories
feelings
tears
smiles.

after tomorrow, they'll be gone for a while.
as summer returns
and my main focus is not to learn,
i'll be alone and older by each day.
don't worry, we'll talk, they say,
but summer returns
and my loneliness yearns
for someone to talk to
but I don't want to bother you.
until august comes back
and my head goes whack,
will you speak to me,
you're not a real friend, can't you see?
I'm sorry that we didn't talk
and I feel as if I hit bedrock,
you'll act nice
and i'll think twice
about letting you back into my life
when it's filled with strife.
but i'll fail and become sad
then i'll drive you mad
until you leave
and i'll greave
until august returns.
last day of school tomorrow. sad. surviving finals.
May 6 · 38
what? no more?
Regan May 6
hey so i guess i have to figure out
how to be alone again
because it took me 7 months
to learn to love again
but breakups
aren’t the end of my world
because me and myself
have a special connection
and a secret support system
of my own.
the things i’ve conquered
while those have turned the cheek
are far more mighty
than you would think.
but goodbye to you
and thanks for your time,
for I have learned a lot from you
and won’t forget our memories.
Apr 12 · 47
How dare you!
Regan Apr 12
how are you so
heartless
that you can
break someone entirely
shrug,
and walk away,
like you’ve done it...

...a million times.
Mar 28 · 104
dreaming
Regan Mar 28
vivid
but forgotten so quickly
Mar 25 · 145
user
Regan Mar 25
hurt me a little more
if it makes you happy.
Mar 24 · 69
leaky faucet
Regan Mar 24
seconds
minutes
hours
days.
insanity creeping
with little droplets

plink..
.....plink...
.............plink....

nightmare­s
churn through
the dark thoughts
while listening
to the droplets

plink..
.....plink...
.............plink....

you tighten the bolts
the echo repeats
in your head,
the drops keep
dropping rhythmically

plink..
.....plink...
.............plink....

screaming and ringing
in your ears
become louder
and sync with the droplets.

plink..
.....plink...
.............plink....

yelling and groaning
at this faucet
pushes you over the edge
with the hammer in hand.

plink...

but you realize
the droplets
weren’t the problem

it was all in your head.
guilty or just impatient?
Mar 22 · 204
addiction
Regan Mar 22
i crave you
as if you were nicotine
i want you
even if you poison me
i miss you
though you disregarded me
you’re like a drug
i can’t stop craving
even when you hurt me
i just need another hit
to resolve the pain
of your absence
i was nothing to you
i never understood
but now you’re gone
and i’ve moved on
but the emptiness
still lingers
i miss the touch
of your fingers
but yours do not
miss the touch of me.
Regan Mar 20
Rolled up in a fluffy white blanket
recalling the day you bought it.
just imaging your smooth skin
wrapped around me.
my dreams filled with thoughts
and mostly those of you,
because my love for you
reaches from life to my dreams.
a feeling on safety and protection
from this blanket you bought me
just because you got it for me,
without it i would tremor
with fears from those who haunt me.
but right now in this moment
i can forget those fears.
i can pretend you are here
even if it’s forbidden
because i love you dearly
and you always appear
in my dreams.
Your smell lingers
in clothes you give me
to remind me of you.
so i will never forget
my love for you.

In this moment all i can think of
is the extent of infinite love
i have for you—
though these objects are not you
they sure do keep the memory of you
close to heart.
Mar 18 · 6.5k
Sunflowers
Regan Mar 18
Bury me in the
Yellow Flowers
As my thoughts
drift away.
this is my first poem to hit the top of front page! thank you all for the support! <3 :)
Mar 6 · 82
youth
Regan Mar 6
a shot of *****
home alone
cries at night
when you’re alone
stealing cigarettes
and burnt up matches
slim smiles
tired laughs
burning daydreams
mind of fire
long days
late hours
missing love
wanting more
maintaining youth
with society’s
corruption
sad ideas
and no love
not a call
from heaven
above
fearing nothing
scared of
everything
acting tough
needing love

it’s hard being a kid
when society pushes
you to grow up.
i want simpler times back
Mar 6 · 113
quirky
Regan Mar 6
i don’t strive to be beautiful
but i find beauty in humor.

i’d rather charm you with my personality
instead of a face i paint on.

i’d rather see you smile because of me
than to flirt without boundaries.

i’m different and i want you
to love that about me.
Mar 6 · 65
stupidity
Regan Mar 6
i cling to those who hurt me most
and those who don’t care about me.

i’d let someone take all of my happiness
in exchange for a second of attention.
Mar 5 · 46
progress
Regan Mar 5
i went from smiles
to sadness
too fast.

i saw my glow
become dim
and disappear

but i was a stranger
to who i am
now.

9 months ago
and today -
i’m a different person.

though my smile
still turns sad
i’m better than i was.
Feb 22 · 57
searching
Regan Feb 22
once you stop
waiting for love
and searching for a partner
they tend to show up
at the right moments
Feb 5 · 142
a talk over a cigar
Regan Feb 5
Our coughing laughs
seem endless,
though we know our ends are near.
A puff or two
off the cigar
under muffled breaths.
A smoke-filled room
and memories
afloat.
Old times
and old pals
reunited with these puffs.
Memories from long ago
when times were simple
and life was vibrant.
Now it seems as if we’ve
completely forgotten
what it felt to be young.
Young and smoking
a meaningless cigarette.
Older and breathing in
a cigar,
like it’s the last one
we’ll ever have.
Time truly
changes
us.
:)
Feb 2 · 94
funny
Regan Feb 2
Guess what is funny?

I'm not even sure if I loved you in the first place.

I honestly can not remember.

Those emotions are stored in a box

that I have not opened

since I closed it last.

I am sorry

you are meaningless

to me now

and stored away

in a box.
Regan Feb 2
The brightest light is shining through
hand sewn curtains
coming from a street-light
that stares me down while
I try to sleep.
The little red dot on my TV
stares me down
as insomnia carries
my weightless body
back to the thoughts of yesterday.
My thoughts are pointless
at 2 a.m.
worrying about what I'll wear
or what people will think of it.
The walls hold me in
a cage of senseless perception
as I try to escape
to my far-off land
of dreams.
The monsters under my bed
and the ones in my closet
snicker and giggle
at my brain that is
fearing if I'll ever drift
into sleep.
What I've realized is that
the monsters under my bed
are not there,
but in my head.
I've been listening to a lot of the '50s lately. Digging it.
Jan 21 · 94
a little love
Regan Jan 21
i want a little love
the kind you dream of when you’re a kid.
late night trips around town
with tired grins and sleepy eyes
full of adventure.
swinging on swings
when you’re both adults
without a care in the world.
weekend trips to the mountains
or to a lake we went to as kids.
i want a little love
that requires no effort
to love one another.
a guy who knows my intentions
and understands my complex self.
someone who remembers little things
i say and do.
i want a little love
that has flaws
so we can fix them together.
little arguments we can
laugh about later.
going to the movie theater
so we can sneak candy in
and laugh together.
i want someone who
knows how to love me
and cheer me up.
i want a little love
that doesn’t seem so little.
i want something that’ll last a lifetime.
i want memories to pass on.
i want to be that old couple
everyone aspires to be.
maybe this little love,
isn’t that little after all.
Jan 13 · 80
my words
Regan Jan 13
let me touch your mind
with my words
i want to twirl them
around my pinky finger
and give them to you
i want to inspire
your actions
through beautifully
thoughtout speech.
i want to sprinkle
each letter
with a sliver of my heart
just so you’ll know
i mean them.
i want my words
to reach into the depths
of your soul
and touch each part of it
in a different way.
i want to give you
all my happy words
in exchange for
any sad words
you possess.
Jan 13 · 70
again
Regan Jan 13
i’m hurting myself, without realizing it...
again.
Jan 13 · 57
control
Regan Jan 13
I’ve lost control of my own body.
the sadness and despair that has shown up
has decided to stay.
my words don’t feel like my own
the slashes in my wrists
aren’t what I want
the burning in my soul
is flameless and smoky
I didn’t want this,
i want my control
i want MY control!
it’s my body,
but my brain
lost it’s reigns.
i’m scattered and messy
and i can’t do anything about it
the lack of motivation
to the lack of sleep
turned my normal life
into a living hell.
why has my life
become a hassle,
where is my control?

i can’t control
my feelings
because they’re
far too strong.
i can’t control
my fears
because fear
has overcome me.
i can’t control
my dreams
because they
left.

what have i become?
sorry i took a break from poetry because frankly i didn’t know what to write. i’m sorry. here’s one that took me a half hour to write while laying in my own tears :)
Dec 2018 · 63
certain type of sadness
Regan Dec 2018
that certain type of sadness
that makes you forget yourself.
sadness controls
every move you make
every thought you think
every tear you shed.
the sadness you can
not seem to shake.
the burning in your mind,
wanting so badly
to be happy and normal.
the icy cold tears
that run down your face
when you least expect it.
as soon as you think you’re
in a better place,
sadness reaches down
into the depths of your soul
and casts itself throughout
your entire body.
grasping your head with
fear and agony.
all the screaming that only occurs
in your mind
creates that certain type of sadness.
Nov 2018 · 207
another love poem
Regan Nov 2018
the love i possess
feels like it will never change,
do you love me too?
<3
Nov 2018 · 234
BEAUTY
Regan Nov 2018
delicate complexion and
precisely lined lips;
a kind of beauty
that catches everyone’s
attention.
curly hair
and a button nose;
that everyone
adores.
a cheeky smile and
a slight blush;
can blow anyone’s
breath away.
a kind soul and
a happy heart;
is truly stunning.
beauty can only do so much,
because looks fade,
and wrikles appear.
someone’s soul
is much more
appealing
to the eye.

~•~

don’t forget
that kind
of
BEAUTY
:)
Nov 2018 · 76
Heaven and Hell
Regan Nov 2018
loving me is Heaven.. and Hell.
my angelic mask
hides
my demons.
stick with me
long enough
and you may meet them,
my angels
and unfortunately,
my demons.

~•~

they hurt me.
Nov 2018 · 129
breathe
Regan Nov 2018
take a deep breath—
relax.
watch as the hills curve
as you’re riding in a car,
watch the waves
pull the sand back in.
watch as the snow
falls softly.
feel how amazing
the wind is in your hair.
take a deep breath,
you’re almost there.
Nov 2018 · 1.7k
oblivious
Regan Nov 2018
they couldn’t see past my smiles.
my hurt was invisible to them.
they didn’t see the blood drip on the tiles.
my wrists burning from the blades.

they saw a happy face,
but didn’t know my pain.
I would find myself pace,
with a gun rested on my lips.

they never heard my cries
or how i would scream for help
i was ready to die,
but you never noticed.

they were oblivious to my troubles
so i’m more dependent on myself.
even if the signs weren’t subtle,
i’ve moved on from my struggles.
oof
Nov 2018 · 50
lonesome
Regan Nov 2018
who’d lend me their shoulder?
who’d listen to my thoughts?
who’d wipe my tears?
if you weren’t around.
my mind would wander back
into its darkest places.
my wrists would bleed
more than before.
my already-shivering arms
would be colder.
my youth would loose its youth
and i would be older.
my sadness would creep back
until i forget happiness again.
without you, i couldn’t be me,
i’d be back to where i don’t want to be.
the stinging tears
and harmful thoughts
that only exist in my mind,
would become actions and consequences.
i’m glad i have you,
because i wouldn’t just be lonesome,
without you.
Nov 2018 · 130
suicide dreams
Regan Nov 2018
strangely—
i’ve been getting these dreams.
these dreams are about death,
but not some stranger’s,
my own.
not only is it my own death,
but it’s the way i do it—
it’s been different everytime.

my brunette locks waving slowly
as i fight the water—drowning.

tears running from my emerald eyes,
as i slice my arms open in a bathtub.

my lifeless body swinging,
whilst hanging from a rope.

tears and screams escaping,
as i hold a pistol in my mouth.

my soft skin burning,
while i’m surrounded by flames.

my realization of my loneliness,
as my heart breaks.

god help me.
“Suicide Dreams” -Regan.
dedicated to my insane insomnia
and crazy dark mind.
Nov 2018 · 867
love?
Regan Nov 2018
love is like Pride & Prejudice,
you might believe
someone isn’t the one,
but you may end up
falling in love with them.

~•~

and that’s the love i want.
Oct 2018 · 515
carousel
Regan Oct 2018
i watch the colorful animals
trot along my vivid imagination.
the red and white stripes,
and gold lined decorations.
around, around, around once more,
but in fact it never stops.

my bones get weaker
but my heart is eager.
somehow, the carousel
keeps spinning,
through my dull life.
the red has darkened,
the white, not-so-white anymore,
the gold just ever so slightly tarnished.

my bones tired,
my heart has lost its fire.
the carousel slightly turning.
the red is now hardly visible.
the white is stained black.
and it was if gold was never there.

i found out this “carousel”
is not a “carousel”
but a clock,
counting my seconds,
while continuing to spin,
until now—
it has stopped.
Oct 2018 · 159
freezing winter nights
Regan Oct 2018
‘tis the season,
of coldness.
my frost-bitten
figertips are sick
of the cold.
my red nose
and rosy cheeks
burning from the snow.
i wish i could drown
in the hot-cocoas
i long for.
my shivering arms
and cold toes
just want to be warm.
the darkness of the winter
makes the darkness
in my mind
find it’s way back.
spark me a flame—
thaw my cold heart
and hands.
remind me of warm thoughts,
the summer sun,
the burning of hot sand—
ugh, there’s only
snowflakes and frost.
i guess i’ll deal until
the warmness
finds its way back.
Oct 2018 · 334
sand and sorrows
Regan Oct 2018
it’s painful,
extremely torturing,
that the ocean,
is 657.7 miles away.

the only place
that fills me
with such honest joy
is the beach.

it’s spiritual,
being in a gorgeous place,
filled with hot sand
and cold water.

instead of being
in the most wonderful place,
i’m here,
stuck in my room.

my room,
even if it’s just kentucky,
is filled with nautical
decorations.

it all just reminds me
where i’d rather be.
i’ve surrounded myself
with the ocean.

~•~

god i miss the ocean
Oct 2018 · 57
records
Regan Oct 2018
victrola
the needle spins
on my records.
the cleanest sound
produced from it.
the sounds
echo throughout
my room.
my jazz music
ringing in my ears.
my tears fall with the beat
it spins
and spins
and spins the sounds.
the music chimes
not even a scratch on the records,
but it plays as if it was the first time.
i love the sounds on my
victrola.
Oct 2018 · 194
hurt
Regan Oct 2018
you know what really hurts?
being in so much pain that you forget
what hurt feels like.
it’s like being on fire,
but you’re immortal.
you’re stuck with the pain,
but it all feels the same.
you’re stuck on an elevator
that is always falling
but never goes anywhere.
hurting is necessary for growth
but sometimes i question
why i have to go through it.
what did i do to deserve
this awful feeling?
what did i do to make this
my state of mind?
why am i in so much pain?
Oct 2018 · 85
blue curtains
Regan Oct 2018
i have these blue curtains.
these blue curtains have changed me.
before, they were gray,
i always felt tired in their presence,
and my moods were worse.
now my curtains are blue, but not just
any blue,
they’re turquoise.
they change the color of my room
from white to blue.
they soothe my thoughts
and hold me close,
when no one else could.
these blue curtains have seen, well—
everything.
they’ve seen me cry,
they’ve seen my innocence taken,
they’ve seen me laugh,
they’ve seen my life,
but most importantly,
they still mean everything to me.
Oct 2018 · 456
charmer
Regan Oct 2018
let me charm you
with my words
let my vocabulary
wrap around
your beautiful mind.
from every description
of imagery
to my sorrows and worries,
let me charm you
with my words.
ill paint you a picture
in your head
with just words
that you read.
charmer of words,
that i am,
let me feed your lack
of creativity and drive.
let me not only charm you,
but your mind.
Oct 2018 · 96
just a thought
Regan Oct 2018
what turned us from strangers
into lovers?
what made you decide
i was the one for you?
how did this
all work out in the end?
what made you
choose me over her?
why do you trust me
enough to love me?
am i the only one
you can love completely?
how did you
accept my flaws?

why did you choose me?
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