wow, i’m in awe.
a boy who truly likes me.
he cherishes each little cute thing i saw
and takes it to heart.
this is a foreign concept,
a guy who ACTUALLY cares for me,
and not just for my appearance?
i am truly amazed!
if you put your hand on my leg one more time
i’m going cut it off
to let you know how it feels to have no choice.
if you touch my belongings one more time
i’m gonna smash yours
to let you know how it feels to be less fortunate.
if you make me feel small one more time
i am going to scream
to let you know that you don’t have control.
so if you decide to do any of these things,
i will simply do to the same to you.
shout out to the boy in my geometry class who’s about to get yelled at by an angry girl who’s had enough.
surrounded by the flames
that reflect my loneliness
wrap me in this hot blanket
of sadness and emptiness.
the constant ringing of nothingness
tears my ears apart.
the shell of my body remains
but slowly is torn apart
by the knifes of suffrage.
i can feel the singe
of self love disintegrate.
through this torture and evil,
i still feel nothing.
this has to stop,
but why hasn’t it?
I’ve been stuck in this
off and on place
“Are you okay?”
the things constantly replaying
in my sad mind
reaching to the bottom of my heart
to find the two words
that retrieve my loneliness,
yeehaw school is awful
i want to take back mistakes.
i want to try it differently but in fact there’s no way to correct what has happened.
you can’t take back what you said
i can’t take back my reaction
i can’t take back that relationship.
you can’t go back and not break me
you can’t go back and not hurt me
i can’t take back a small sentence
even though you’ve hit me with a thousand words.
but i still would brush them off
take ten seconds
take two steps back
and carry on.
but in fact i probably would do the same thing
if given the impossible opportunity to
i would continue to let you know that you are no longer allowed to hurt me.
i do not consent to your pain
i do not consent to that friendship
i do not consent to you hurting me
i do not consent to the way you act.
but you can ignore that
because I built up walls
and put fences around them
but you built a plane and flew over.
and that terrifies me.
it is 2 a.m.
everything is dark.
my room is hot
but i shiver when i’m not surrounded by my comforter.
i don’t know why it’s hard to breathe
or hard to move
or why the tears won’t stop.
why do i feel stuck in my room?
why do i crave it when i leave?
why do i want to leave when i’m here?
i just want some air and some reassurance that i’m not loosing it.
i just want my arms to stop shaking while my skin is so warm.
i want my pulse to calm down.
i want my mind to stop thinking.
i just want to sleep.
the sky is a gray-yellow
and the thunder fills my empty mind as
the storm surrounds my room.
the rain pitters and patters on the roof,
i watch as water runs down my window.
my favorite songs playing and
filling my room with my favorite shade of happy.
my whole room is reflecting a yellow shade along the walls.
my pillows are puffy and warm and my blankets are surrounding me.
yes, i am alone, yes, company is fine,
but how can you learn to be alone with company always around.
i am happy even if i’m alone.
i’m still living and thriving
putting myself back together
but still happy.
This thing you call love,
Is not love!
This is pain
This is unhealthy
This is abusive
You do not need them
You are smart
You have been blinded
By what your heart replaced
in your brain
Your troubles have died down
New days are coming
New ground is below your feet
Time can stop rushing you
You can stop
DO NOT FORGET.
You are not fragile
Do not let them treat you
as if you are breakable
You know better
Do not let your heart fool you.
Find real love
And filter out unhappiness
Stay true to who you are
Do not let negative influences
In your life.
to love again.