William

William Oct 2021

This isn’t a really a poem
Just a note to say
I forgive you
And you’ll find peace one day.

William Aug 2018

*******.

******* for ever letting me think you loved me.
******* for ever believing a word you say.
Honey sweatened words escape your mouth.
Sticking to my memory and torturing my brain with hungry wasps.

******* for this self hatred.
And for the self doubt I've gained.
Just because I don't hurt you.
Doesn't mean you can't hurt me.

What has this past year been for you?
Just a blimp in your self destructive ways?
Maybe if you heard your mother cry.
Begging me to get her baby girl away. Away from the devils that keep you trapped inside.

Hate me all you want *****.
But when I pulled you from hell.
You turned back around and rung the bell.

*******.

Sometimes you can't help people.

William Jul 2018

Just Please Don't Die

Well, here I am,
Lay next to you again,
You tell me over and over in a drugged frenzy that I should let you die,
Never.

You can get as close as you try,
But I promise I'll catch you.

You say you still love me but dont look me in the eye when you utter it.
You think you don't deserve love.

You're worthy of love,
Not just from me,
But from yourself.

Don't look at me?
Fine.
Dont talk to me.
I accept that.

But I'll always get you home safe.

I heard love was big.
But it's a feeling carried by two.

Talk to me.
Scream if you need.
Just please don't die.

William Jul 2018

Noose

I used to write her poems,
When she still loved me.
I used to tell her she was perfect,
But I guess that's boring now.

"Are you okay with me",
She'd ask me over and over.
"Of course baby I love you",
Guess it was HER not okay with ME.

"I don't think I love you anymore I need time to think",
"That's okay, I'll give you time"
Why can't I breath?
"I'll see you when I'm back"
Why can't I speak, or even whisper.

Don't lead me along.
Past the trees,
Through the field,
Up the tree we kissed under,
Off the branch,
Choked by your twisted words,
Cause you know I'll hang around.

William Jul 2018

Pause Button

The anxiety is like a hunger,
But in your heart,
But no matter how much you jam in,
The amount you cry or punch ****,
All you can do its numb the ache,
You see your friends everyday just to distract from feeling anything,
Drugs and alcohol arent the answer and you know that,
But its a pause button,
A brief moment free of fear,
Then it's over,
And its back,
Back waiting to bite a bullet you know is coming,
It's four days till I bleed out,
Four days till she presses resume,
And hunger becomes starvation.

— The End —