My head aches.
My heart aches.
I want one thing.
Just one, and it, of course, has to be laced with stigma.
And I can't find anyone else like you, in a more innocuous place.
No one else that meets my conditions.
Professing for one period
of five months.
Then you won't be my _ _ _ _ _ _ _ anymore.
And yet still, with an easy game of hangman out of the way.
There is still the gap,
I don't care, I couldn't care less.
I just want you, and it is legal now.
And I'm not in it for a grade, and I'm not in it for any benefit other than my heart's.
I don't want it any other way.
At that age, you are unlike you will be or ever have been, at any point in time.
This is why I wish I could have met you under different circumstances.
That will be the first question, the first denial, the first wall.
Unless you are completely insane, no, you've worked too hard to get to where you are.
I don't want to take that from you, but please, hear me out.
Tall, thin, white, handsome…
Yet still, bright, alive, youthful.
That smile of yours stole my heart, the way you laugh as you do your job.
My face hurts from being so happy.
1 hour and 30 minutes, two days a week is not long enough.
If you'll have me.
If there is no one else.
I want to be in your lap, my lips on yours, my hands soft on your face and in your hair.
I want to show you my raw passion, my age fools you.
My only fantasy, I don't love you, but perhaps I could.
And if you don't want me to, I won't.
But for one night, please.
Rejection is one thing.
But rejection solely because the stigma surrounding your position will leave me looking like an idiot.
You would not have even thought of me, of us.
Fear will grip you before anything else.
And the pain of that is worse than the pain of a thousand rejections.
And so, I wonder whether or not to ever tell you, to ask you.
If I will even be given a fair chance if I wait until the last day?
If not you, I fear I will never have my fantasy with anyone.
And my heart will ache until my time is up.
And I get around your age, my friend.
I think I made my dilemma pretty obvious. Do you understand?