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R B M Jan 2020
Sometimes I feel
As if my brain is running on a hamster wheel
And like I’m plummeting into a deep dark hole
Getting out of bed is always my highest goal
The cave I’m walking into has no end
Like all my thoughts just merge and blend
Into one big cluster of distracted sad
Like my happiness is defended by an ironclad
That I will never get through
Like I keep winding like a *****
Down through the wood getting all these splinters
And it feels like I’m stuck in long stream, cold lonely winters
I’m descending further and further into this pit
Maybe this feeling will never quit
I’m starting to think ‘sometimes’ is headed for ‘always’
To the point that I can’t get out of this mind maze
To be happy is to be lucky
But most of the time I feel quite mucky
To the ordinary eye this feeling is translucent
So I pretend to be happy just for your amusement
But it’s hard to keep up
Because it feels as if I’m about to burnup
Coming from within I feel the burning
My stomach always churning
It makes me sick to the core
Honestly I’m not sure what this is all for
But I keep fighting
But this feeling keeps striking
Knocking me to the floor once more
Beating me senseless until I’m physically sore
I don’t find this feeling fair
Because it keeps pushing me into despair
This feeling keeps me bound and chained
Leaving me drained
All I feel is this mental pain
From always feeling as if I’m as big as a grain
Compared to this feeling I’m small
As it pins me against a wall
After starting all these mental wars
It tends to lock all the doors
To the point of no escape
And the second I think I saw sign of a hero’s cape
It blinds me
And tosses me to sea
To drown in my own misery
Causing all of my mental injury
And I feel like it will never end.




Other times I'm fine and dandy
R B M Jan 2020
I am a parasite.
I benefit from your loss
But at least i keep you skimming above the bottom of rock bottom
Not crashing you
That, too, is to my benefit
Because i can continue to use you
I fail when i let you lose too much
To the point of death
Because then I can no longer use you
And my benefits disappear

I am Depression
And i make you sad and empty
I am Anxiety
I make you fear and worry
I am Stress
I make you tired and aggravated
I am a parasite
And I keep you skimming above the bottom of rock bottom
And I will most likely fail...
I'm doing decent right now, i was just thinking about how all of these mental illnesses are just parasites. Their goal isn't to **** you because then they would die with you, they just feed off of you for their benefit.
R B M Dec 2019
I could be okay by now
If I asked you to help me
Out of the grave
That I’ve been placed in
But I was taught differently

If only you let me hold your hand
And cry on your shoulder at least every once in a while
Because now when people yell at me
To grab onto something on the way down
And all I see is your hand
I can’t  grab it
Because you always told me not to

If only you let me hold your hand, mom
R B M Dec 2019
Why does anything matter?
Correction:
Why does everything matter?
Because I am still confused by this.
I shouldn’t have to care this much
I shouldn’t care at all
But somehow my brain
Is flying on autopilot
And I don’t know who turned it on.
But everything matters
Not one thing I did today
Didn’t feel the scrutiny of my thoughts
And I was left to cry about it
In the bathroom stall…

Why does everything matter?
  Dec 2019 R B M
Dahlia
"How are you?"
Depressed
Useless
Ugly
Sad
Pointless
Tired
Worthless
Stress­ed
Shattered
Annoyed
Empty
Angry
Guilty
Dead
"Fine."
R B M Dec 2019
My hands are shaking violently
I’m not so sure why
But I can’t exactly expect myself to sit still
When my mind is always moving a mile a minute
My body was bound to catch up
R B M Dec 2019
I’ve said it once
And I’ll say it again
I don’t like people
And I don’t like inserting myself into conversations
And I don’t like being expected to add my opinions
And when I’m already having a bad day
On the edge of tears
I don’t want to have to do any of this
But you make me
And I deal with it somehow
Just barely making it without crying
I don’t like being part of the loop
Socratic Circles ****
english assignment gone wrong
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