I watch the reflections of colors
Reflected in your twinkling eyes
Your arms loose around her waist,
confident, not afraid to lose her.
We used to dance around each other
A flurry of worries and many sorrys
Too scared to upset one another
Or step on toes that had already been hurt before
The heat hasn’t left my heart
It sparks when you look my way
The warmth between my legs
is what I wish the most would go away
But here in this moment
There is no stoking the fire between you and I
I’m content just watching head tilted high
A couple humans watching the sky come alive.

And I remember thinking—
I wish someone would look at me that way.
As if they had battled it for a lifetime,
Through seasons and snow and sun -
Across cities and oceans and mountains
In innocent youth and wearied age,
As if they had finally surrendered and had no choice but to look.

In the way it takes all a person’s will and strength to look away
And they have been worn down, beaten, bruised
To the point of weakness, of giving up.
And now, all they are left with is their truest self, exposed down to the bone
& no strength to battle the inevitable
Draw of their eyes to mine.

I want someone to look at me as if I am their lifeline,
And their death-bringer.

writing and scribbling and scrawling down my all thoughts,
each and every
dark and sinister alley twisting in the curves and
    crevices
of my mind.
dusty, hidden corners filled with filth -
hidden by the shadows of my
    weighted self.