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Oct 6 · 147
My passion got lost
Xaela San Oct 6
My passion got lost
I don't feel it anymore
I'm trying to take it back
Now I'm lost
I'm trying to find my way back.
The pandemic got me so bad. I think I'm lost now. I don't feel the same passion I love before.
Jul 26 · 369
--
Xaela San Jul 26
--
Take every step slowly but surely while enjoying the journey.
Apr 29 · 489
Untitled
Xaela San Apr 29
I ask the ocean a question
The ocean waved back
I said thanks
Then walked towards him
Waved my hand
Now am finally noticed.
I won't be noticed if I don't let my presence felt right?
Apr 5 · 309
Someone I like
Xaela San Apr 5
BOY

Walking
I saw you
I began to stare for a while
In your book, black hair
Sitting in your favorite spot

My heart skips a beat
Nervousness hidden in a smile
Sweating, hands are shivering
I am unable to speak

But I wonder, what you're reading
I wonder what page you're now
I took a deep breath
We finally said Hi

I don't mean to stay distant
I am unable to move
I fear you'll see through me
I might melt in this space
When I hear your voice


GIRL

Reading
I saw you
I began to stare for a while
In your black shirt, black jeans
Walking through the door

My heart skips a beat
Face hidden behind a book
Redness, enveloping my cheeks
I am unable to speak

But I wonder, what face you're making
I wonder how's your day been
I took a deep breath
We finally said Hi

I don't mean to stay hidden
I am unable to look
I fear you'll see through me
I might melt in this spot
When our eyes meet

BOTH

I might not be able to say it
I might be someone, who'll not know
How our hands feel, intertwined
But I would like to try

I might not be able to say it
My eyes might say otherwise
I am someone who likes you
I wish I could be someone you like.
Another story in the boy's and the girl's perspective.

I wish I can sing....
Jan 20 · 327
Bees and Flowers
Xaela San Jan 20
THE SUN GOES UP

AND THE FLOWERS
FACES THE SKY

WHILE THE BEES
SWARM WITH THE BREEZE

BRINGING NECTAR
IN THEIR LIPS

COLLECTING POLLENS
IN THEIR WINGS

BRINGING SPRING
IN THE HIVE'S FEAST.
I missed going outside where I can see nature.
Sep 2020 · 165
Start smiling
Xaela San Sep 2020
Erase that frown
Draw that smile
You'll become
A beautiful
Piece of art.
Smile because that looks good on you
Jun 2020 · 176
Man vs Man
Xaela San Jun 2020
Man is the greatest
enemy of Nature
But
Man's greatest
enemy is Man
Man vs Nature
Man vs Man
Jun 2020 · 447
Reminiscence
Xaela San Jun 2020
Tranquility in the silence of the evening

A maiden walks in the garden with her night gown

Illuminating moonlight touching her bare face

She reminiscence her almost forgotten past

While thinking deeply, her thoughts influenced her mind

As stories of the past unfold before her eyes

The unreachable past can be felt in the heart

Chapters of her life, feelings hidden, resurfaced

Sweet as a nectar from blooming flowers of spring

A story where tears are evidence of sorrow

Memories serene like the quiet winter's night

Joy and sadness she experienced made her now

This brought upon a faint smile in her once frowned lips.
~Who else randomly recall memories at night?
~Does reminiscing the past makes you nostalgic or sad?
~Does it help you sleep or makes you stay up all night?

The silence of the night helps me remember something in he past that either makes me happy, laugh, cry, sad or feel nostalgic. Sometimes thinking deeply makes me stay up late but also help me learn from my past actions. The regrets, the mistakes, the decisions, the reasons, the joy, the disappointments, the sorrow: It made me who I am now and put me to the path I take today. I guess it made me: Much stronger and better than before. XS

{12-syllables by line}
May 2020 · 98
Dried Ink
Xaela San May 2020
Worry not

My ink is dried

No more poems

Concerning you
Feb 2020 · 237
House
Xaela San Feb 2020
Our home can be our house,
but a house can't always be our home.
Does it make sense?
Feb 2020 · 188
Home
Xaela San Feb 2020
My home is slowly becoming nothing but house.
Feb 2020 · 487
Walking Together
Xaela San Feb 2020
I'm willing to walk a hundred more steps
Just to be with you even for a short moment
Just to spend a little moment alone with him.
Feb 2020 · 246
Attachment
Xaela San Feb 2020
It's hard to disconnect oneself
from the attachment of familiarity
one has built through the years.
Everything in college is overwhelmingly new. I found it difficult to adjust to another environment. New people. New place
.....

I miss my friends. The memories. The laughters... I miss their company...
If only I can always be with them
But this is life. Life must go on. We have our own paths. Dreams and goals in life.
Feb 2020 · 308
Smile
Xaela San Feb 2020
I found it easier to lie
To just smile
Pretending to be fine

Than to explain
What I truly feel
To people who won't listen
When they speak I listen, but if it's my turn they won't.
Feb 2020 · 574
Company
Xaela San Feb 2020
I want to talk to you
but I don't know what to say
maybe I just want your company?
I might really need some company???
Jan 2020 · 115
Knowing me
Xaela San Jan 2020
I thought to be able to know myself
I should be able to hear it
from other people's mouth
and that's where I am wrong

Because knowing "me"
is my responsibility to discover
Not the other way
I always wanted to know what other people talk or think about me behind my back because I thought I would know myself better
To somehow answer the question I constantly ask myself
Who am l?
Jan 2020 · 210
(Im)Perfections
Xaela San Jan 2020
As a girl
I have my own version
of a Prince Charming
Described as perfect;
Tall, handsome, flawless man

Yet as I got older
I opened my eyes to reality
And I saw him
Never like the perfect
Prince Charming
A little girl would dreamed of

He was flawed
in a beautiful way
And somehow broken
because of life

Just like that,
I like him the way he is
And who he is

The little girl I once before
would judge me now
She was naive and ignorant
But now she knows:

To love someone
One is required to look
passed the imperfections
And must understand
them wholly
To truly be able to love them.
Jan 2020 · 202
(In)Validate
Xaela San Jan 2020
Invalidating one's own feelings
Doesn't makes one stronger
It'll only hurt oneself.
Jan 2020 · 1.0k
Pretending
Xaela San Jan 2020
Pretending that your feelings doesn't exist is one of the worst punishment a man can do to himself.
I thought I was throwing away those feelings but I realized that I, myself was only burying my feelings and emotions deep down. Pretending everything didn't exist in the first place.
I caught myself making up excuses that I shouldn't feel those things. I made my own reasons. It's sad because I didn't realized I was hurting myself.
Jan 2020 · 306
Confession
Xaela San Jan 2020
If I'll tell you who I like then it will be a confession.
One sentence story
Dec 2019 · 173
Front
Xaela San Dec 2019
Spend a little more time looking in front than on the side
You might see something more beautiful than the things on the sidelines
Another realization
Dec 2019 · 133
You
Xaela San Dec 2019
You
You gave me a reason
to love myself a little bit
more than how I used to.
In fact it made a big impact on my confidence.
Dec 2019 · 312
Dear diary
Xaela San Dec 2019
I think
I've found love from an unlikely source
I've found it from something simple

I've found it from a simple laughter
I've found it from a simple brush of our arms
I've found it from a simple good morning
I've found it from a simple curve of his lips

I think
I've found love from an unlikely source
I've found it from the way he acts

I've found it from the way he looks my eyes
I've found it from the way he hold my hands
I've found it from the way he walks slowly to match my pace
I've found it from the way he talks to me

I think
I've found love from an unlikely source
I've found it from how great of a person he is

I've found it from how he can remember the things I've said before
I've found it from how he can be strong in times of pain
I've found it from how confident he can be
I've found it from how caring and loving person he is

As cliche as it may sound  
I think I've found love from an unlikely source
I've found it in his flaws and
He's a great person, he doesn't know it yet.
"I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming "Get a grip girl"
-I Won't Say (I'm In Love)
Alan Menken, David Zippel
Nov 2019 · 1.7k
Nalilito
Xaela San Nov 2019
Kung kaibigan pa ba turing ko sayo
O pag-ibig na itong nararamdaman ko
Nov 2019 · 438
Truth and Lies
Xaela San Nov 2019
They made-up truth

Which created lies
Nov 2019 · 389
Movie
Xaela San Nov 2019
If this was a movie

We'll end up together

Happily ever after
Nov 2019 · 118
Glass
Xaela San Nov 2019
Shards
Of
Broken
Glass mirror
Spread across the floor
And the crimson blood flowing through
Letting out the unspoken words she carried before
1,1,2,3,5,8,13 syllable
Nov 2019 · 140
Denial
Xaela San Nov 2019
Such
Pain
Of the
Broken heart
I carry within
For my heart assumes you're alive,
In reality you're buried six feet underground.
1,1,2,3,5,8,13 syllable
Nov 2019 · 487
Forest
Xaela San Nov 2019
If
Trees
Have voice
You'll hear cries
While the forest burns
Killing everything to ashes
Due to human ignorance and greediness for wealth.
1,1,2,3,5,8,13 syllable
Oct 2019 · 778
She and Mirror
Xaela San Oct 2019
She saw her face

In the mirror

Reflecting her flaws

She looked away

If only she's beautiful

She thought.
Every time
Oct 2019 · 270
Healing
Xaela San Oct 2019
Shadows of unknown

Her demons she supposed

Slowly walking away

Footsteps becoming faint

She smiled

They're leaving her

Because she's healing.
Oct 2019 · 232
The mind and heart
Xaela San Oct 2019
The mind
wants to
know
the truth

But

The heart
can't take
the pain
with it.
Jun 2019 · 145
Tempest
Xaela San Jun 2019
I think there is life after the windstorm
Where the wind allow the dried leaves blew out
Into the distance, leaving a clear path
For life to continue growing on land

I think there's life after a tornado
Where the violent winds uproot dead trees
Giving plants opportunity to sprout
And life will inevitably remain

I think there is life after the rainfall
Where rain allow the seeds to be moistened
Letting the seeds in the ground to flourish
Into trees the animals will call home

I think there's life after the thunderstorm
Where it's lighting and thunder cools the air
And maintain earth's electrical balance
Enabling plants and animals to thrive

I think there is life after a rainstorm
Where the rain filled the body of waters
Replenishing aquatic habitats
Allowing aquatic life to prosper
Nature's beauty has been inspiring me lately
Jun 2019 · 154
Wilderness of Nature
Xaela San Jun 2019
The land, where grass prettify Earth in green
Is filled with wild greenery that gives life
Which it came from the fruits the trees offer
To the dwellers, inhabiting the land
Providing food to populate its kind
And sustain continuous growth of life

The sky, where the eagles fly for freedom
Is painted with passion in hues of blue
And in the night, it's painted in darkness
With twinkling constellations of stars
Filled with wild dreams of the ambitious and
Gentle wishes of the meek in spirit

The ocean, where whales call the water home
Like the sky, it's described in hues of blue
Beyond its alluring sound of wild waves
Lies danger of drowning into the deep
Where predator and prey gamble their life
To survive the pressure underwater
This poem is written base on my perspective about the nature
Jun 2019 · 143
The King's Love
Xaela San Jun 2019
Lost in his thoughts as his grieving heart cry
The King gazes upon the heaven's light
Praying to the illuminating moon
To let the sleeping lotus flower bloom
One more time under this late midnight sky

Longing for his sleeping Queen's safe embrace
His Highness hopes his love can return time
When the flowers still bloom along the path
The birds sing no grieving songs in the air
And the sun still shines in its golden rays

Time spent alone living in this  lifetime
Only sorrow continues to bring life
In the garden his heart remains to beat
Longing for his sleeping Queen's sweet breathing
His Highness hopes his love can return time

Yet, the King's sorrow grew with the season
Even the light cease shining and comes night
His sorrow, never withdrawn from his mind
And in his dreams, grief remained to remind
The reason to keep on living is gone

Lost in his thoughts as his grieving heart cry
His Highness hopes his love can return time
When the flowers still bloom in the garden
The birds sing alluring songs in the air
And the moon still shines in its silver rays

Longing for his sleeping Queen's loving heart
His Highness hopes his love can awaken
His Queen, his love, from her eternal sleep
Yet, the King's love can't bloom the dead flower
There, death remains to the lotus flower

Lost in his thoughts as his grieving heart cry
The King crys upon the heaven's moonlight
Gazing to the illuminating light
To let the sleeping lotus flower bloom
One more time under this late midnight sky
Xaela San Apr 2019
In a far distance land, away from humans
There you can see a great forest of beauty
A dense forest with moist green moss
And mighty trees stand proud in its green leaves
Under the warm breeze of the summer season;

If you go deeper unto the green land,
Beyond the tall trees and silence of the forest
You'll see a wondrous place a city can never offer
Because you'll see what nature's true beauty is;
There you can see diversity in animals and plants;

Somewhere into the forest, a creature can be seen
They are free to roam around in their own habitat
And as nighttime comes, they retreat to their homes
Into their own dens for shelter, protection and comfort
As they sleep and wait for the sun rises in the morning;

I honestly say they are truly a majestic creatures
Called Grizzly Bear also know as Brown Bear
They are species of mammals with interesting behavior
For they hunt and mate in the warm breeze
And hibernate in the cold winter season;

Grizzly Bear also have unique characteristics:
Because of the white tips found in their furs
Especially in the shoulders and back part,
It creates an illusion of being grizzled;
Hence the name Grizzly bear was given;

Grizzly Bears are omnivores, a plant and meat eater;
They are large, they are hunters, they can fish salmon;
They enjoy eating berries and nuts in the forest;
They are brown and huggable creatures
But don't dare hug them;

A Grizzly Mother Bears are great parents too
Like any devoted mothers, they teaches their young;
Mothers taught cubs to dig and hunt with their claws
Also how to stand up tall in their two legs!
Like how a adult Grizzly Bear living in the forest should be.
This is a random poem that is about Grizzly Bear which was a request from a friend. I hope you enjoy reading! And you can also comment any advice to make my writings improve :-). Because I'm still practicing my writing skills :). Thank you for reading!
Apr 2019 · 209
Superhero
Xaela San Apr 2019
He's not just a man
He can fly, he can fall
He can run, he can protect
He's a superhero

He fly, he's on the top of the world
Touching the white clouds
With his hand unto his soul
Feeling the cold spring breeze

He fall, he's covered with mud
Like any man, he can stumble and fall
But he didn't mind the cold mud
And continued to walk with life

He run, he's faster than speed of light
Though it's hard to believe
It's true he can run on water
Everything happened like bullet shot ahead

He protect, he's an invincible man
Like any other super heroes
He's strong and will protect any one
To make this world a better one

Because if you're in danger  
Like dust flying swiftly in the wind
He'll come to your rescue
And bring justice with his pride

He tries harder and harder like crazy
Fighting with effort to save the nation
With his blood, sweat and tears
He deserves a praise like of a Superhero

Though he's unaware of the realities he does
He's living in his own sweet nightmare
As he continues to bring out the best of him
And continue to save the people around him

Yet, beyond his own utopian world
Comes out the truth of his existence, he's no superhero
But he's a man, someone who can't fly
But a man that can stumble and fall

The people around him can't deny anymore
As they look into his eyes, there they knew
Everything's wonderful, but never true
And that he's held captive to his own illusions

They saw beyond his superhero behaviors
He became someone nobody knows
He only knows himself through his perception
Because he's held captive to his own illusions

Like a maze where no one can get out
He'll remain there without help to escape
If not helped, someday it will bring his end, because He doesn't need someone to save but himself.
Apr 2019 · 762
Legendary Yielders
Xaela San Apr 2019
Heroes born as history makers yield the past
With conquest to invoke for the present;
Though they died as reluctant heroes
Yet with those sacrifices brought legends in the future.
Heroes who thought to die in vain
His name shall be remembered as legendary yielders
Who with every blood he bleed, and tears he cried
Shall be a proclamation of our freedom of those chains
For the future we hold today.
I wrote this a long time ago and just discovered this along my files.
Apr 2019 · 732
Darling Marionette
Xaela San Apr 2019
I can feel in my soul tonight's cold again
In this household he builded
When he's the only one in control

My mind is going crazy
My pride, my dignity, gone missing
To the oblivion of his heartless body

I can't breath, I can't move,
I'm held frozen in his emotional prison
and physical trauma

I'm addicted to the feeling of freedom
I've created in my mind;
Wanting for more when he chained me
In his lustful embrace
Bruising my soul in every touch he made

I remember the rhythm of his breathing,
With the smell of drunken breath;
He whispered in my ears;
Closing my eyes;
Pulling my hair;
He said, "Oh darling, be a good marionette
to your husband"

I can't breath
I wanted to scream
I can't move I wanted to run
All I can hear is my heart racing;
I'm held frozen in his emotional prison
and physical trauma

Then he walked out of that door,
The door to my only freedom from his abuse,
But I don't have the key to set me free;

I couldn't deny I prayed in the dark
Facing to the Heaven
To set me free from the strings;

As if he is a Puppeteer
and I'm his little Marionette;
In a pull of the string,
I'll be the good doll ready for his command

I can't breath, I can't move,
I'm held frozen in his emotional prison
and physical trauma.
Domestic violence
Apr 2019 · 318
Unfixable Misunderstanding
Xaela San Apr 2019
In a fragment of a lifetime history
Counted are the precise point in time
Where the past reflects the future, becoming our present
This includes the reasons why we parted ways;

It was an accordance to a heated moment one night ago
Of our dreadful argument and misunderstanding
Even the days that came, was still a raging storm;

It was travail, painful, a difficult experience
Even the weeping of my eyes can not cease the brokenheart bleed;

Until everything became still, silent like strangers meeting for the first time
And we know both this is our unexpected ending of our history.
Mar 2019 · 361
Confident
Xaela San Mar 2019
I'm not confident

For I am not the mirror

Of the people I hope to be
I'm unique but still I can't help myself to stop thinking of someone else
Feb 2019 · 326
Bluest Beauty
Xaela San Feb 2019
Looking ahead in this wonder

The sky is in its bluest glamour

Kissing the singing ocean in the horizon

As the wave dances in the warm bliss

Of the summer's fervidness passion.
My mind is filled with imagery of the ocean.
Feb 2019 · 314
Alive in my poems
Xaela San Feb 2019
Our memories

of hardships

and happiness

will be forever

alive in my poem.
Thank you friends. thank you. thank you so much for creating such memorable memories with me
Feb 2019 · 187
Uncertain
Xaela San Feb 2019
I know as an abstract idea what describes love
Through what they have told me in the movies I've watched
Yet, I'm uncertain to the fact if this feelings I possess
Is truly romantic love I'm experiencing at the moment.
I dunno. I can't explain it somehow.
Feb 2019 · 749
Reason
Xaela San Feb 2019
You're the reason

of the teardrops

on my notebook

Staining my newly

written poem of us.
Let this be a written evidence on how painful it made me feel when it all happened.
Feb 2019 · 187
Copycatting Beauty
Xaela San Feb 2019
In the quitest corner of her bedroom
A woman stares back at the mirror
Wearing the latest dark lipstick on trend
With her near perfection sharp arced eyebrows
And her three inched high heels,

She stood there amazed yet unsatisfied
Not only on her outer being but also for her soul,
Even with all the planned efforts she made;
Regardless the sleepless nights of pure thinking;
Imagining possible outcomes for her definition of beauty

Unsatisfied she started to flip from pages to pages
Of magazines of models and celebrities in their best glamour
She imagined herself in those shoes and glamorous dresses
Gradually she added jewelry unto her bare skin
And painted her pale face with pink blush and mascara

She became a silent imitator, a copycat in other people's dictionary;
An imitation derived from the motivation for beauty
She saw upon the perfect photograph of a photoshopped model on the front page;
She have become so focus to others à la mode fashion
She failed to remember her own creative manners of beauty

This goes on and on and on, it felt like forever;
Then the once creative young lady became just like everyone else
Up to date with the latest beauty trends;
Just like everyone, it inevitably sugar coats her insecurities aside
And progressively concealing her own uniqueness.
Feb 2019 · 116
Dancing strangers
Xaela San Feb 2019
She has been dancing

with him through out the years

but tonight

they are dancing strangers

in the spotlight.
Lovers into Strangers
Feb 2019 · 193
Love is a sacrifice
Xaela San Feb 2019
Love is a sacrifice

You'll either

risk a lifetime

fighting for it

Or have the courage

of letting it go

and move on.
I chose the second option
Feb 2019 · 320
Notice
Xaela San Feb 2019
In the past

she only sees

him as a friend

Now she started

to notice him

in a different way.
Friends into romantic interest
Feb 2019 · 284
The "person"
Xaela San Feb 2019
If I were to be the "person"

I've always wanted

Would I be happy and contented

Like I hope to?
It's a dilemma
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