Jan 17 · 29
ok
R Jan 17
ok
I"ll be ok,
I always end up ok
R Jan 17
Tuesday, January,16,2017

And suddenly I lost one of the most important people in my life,
At the time.
Once best friends.
Now enemies.
But you made us that way,
I was trying to be civil and mature,
You took the opposite approach.
You were mean, cruel, hurtful, disrespectful, petty,
you are just trying to hide how alone you truly are.
So you hide behind cruel words about me posted so everyone can see.
I did the same for only 20 minutes though
I apologized like a kind person should.
I just did that because it’s something you could never do,
Be kind I mean,
You never really understood how to.
The actions that you preform are just to put on a show.
Im still in shock,
On how quickly you turned on me.
In the end you lost a lot of things,
In the end you lost me.
For him.
Dec 2017 · 1.5k
She fell
R Dec 2017
And finally,
it happened,
she not only fell in love with herself,
she fell in love with him.
But what was important,
was she fell in love with herself first
R Nov 2017
November 16, Thursday 2017

I’m just making new friends. Friends that treat me a little better than you. Yes we were best friends but you started to treat me like shit without noticing or caring. All you say is “what can I do to fix it, just tell me” I have tried,  but you want specific examples I don’t have specific times I just have specific feelings that were not good, feelings that made me feel like crap. I honestly don’t know what I want. I told you to not talk to my ex yet the streak is getting higher and higher. You betray me behind my back you say things that aren’t true, you agree with whatever anyone says and will do whatever anyone wants to do. You make fun of me and I tell you I don’t like it, but you just say “it was just a joke, we are all just kidding, stop being so sensitive” I can’t not be who I am. There have been so many things you have done and I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want a fight to start cause I know exactly how it would end with you saying “it’s not really a big deal I don’t know why you care so much.”  Some people can be great friends but not great best friends.  I told you I didn’t like him so you just try and separate time with me and time with him. But I don’t like that. I have been there for you right when you need me and when I need you, you just take your time to finish what you are doing no matter how much I need you. Yes you have been there for me through a lot and I do and always will appreciate it. I’m done letting you walk over me and me being ok with it. In the past when I tried and say how I felt you just threw something back at me which made me feel even worse. He has talked utter shit about me many times and the only time you have stuck up for me that I know of was when you knew I heard it, yet you still brought him to hang out. When I told you I was having panic attacks and we were with my ex you were like “Ohhhhh your ‘panic attacks’ sureee” like I was lying. I feel like you have changed, which you have. So maybe with change comes separation. I still want to be friends and still want to be close but maybe just not as close. Cause no matter what I say today you will make it seem like you are the victim and that I am being unreasonable. But I am not, I am just realizing that just like with boys I deserve friends who treat me good. So what happens, happens.
Nov 2017 · 169
Video Games
R Nov 2017
October 4th 2017
I have been through shit,
Trust me.
I know how it feels to have all the feels
I know how it feels to be unnoticed and feel unloved
But I also know how it feels to be the person
that doesn’t feel anything back to the person who is flying as high as a kite because they are so in love.
Neither feeling is great,
  we all feel the pain and the gain and the loss.
Since I’ve been through hell and back,
I know what I think I deserve.
Wanting someone who gives me more than you do,
But still falling for you,
Even though im with you
I know that someone could make me feel
happier than the happy I am with you.
You say im your queen on one day,
Then you go back to treating me like the maid.
I have given you warnings that you need to level up your game
Because we started this level together when I was weak
Now im strong and getting stronger
And with strongness comes realization,
Realization of how I have changed.
I am not the ugly duckling anymore
I feel as though im now the swan.
I know now that I can do better
  It’s hard because I love you
But I feel as though we are stuck at this level
Im trying to go higher but you are still repeating the same level not gaining any experience.
I just don’t know what to do
Should I start a new game and end ours
Or try again to help you level up
In the end I started a new game,
A game with out you.
R Nov 2017
October, Friday, 13th, 2017
I put all the memories of you in a red bag
I got all dressed up so you could see what you’re leaving behind
You said you wanted to talk.
I waited,
sitting on the table at the park waiting for you to talk
  all that came out was “what are you doing today”
I replied with “hanging with a friend”
when I should of said
“going to try and forget about you and cry till my eyes dry out”
I asked you if you had anything else to say.
Hoping and praying
you would say sorry and at least let me have some closure,
something I have never had.
But once again,
I gave you the opportunity to say something sweet but you let me down.
This time it feels different when you let me down.
It feels worse.
I think,
I know this is the last time I will be let down,
by you.
You text me after “I can tell you one thing after seeing you, I still like you”
(....)
“as a friend.”  
You wouldn’t know what it is to like me as a friend.
We were never friends.
Nor will we ever be.
I cannot go from loving you,
thinking about you and wanting to be with you all the time,
To just being friends
I want nothing to do with you,
but I just want you,
but that’s not what I deserve
I deserve someone who treats me like im their world
And loves me like I love them.
That wasn’t you.
You had the chance
To end everything on a higher note.
But you didn’t,
you played the lowest note possible.
Oct 2017 · 134
Goodbye
R Oct 2017
October 16, 2017
Im not going to lie
I cried
All the nights
Since I saw you
For the last time.
The last time
I saw you
Before that day
We were happy together
I was leaving your house
You called me back
And gave me a kiss
And said bye
I said I will see you later.
Little did I know,
That was the last bye
From you
The last bye you would say
With love in your voice
And in your heart.
I still say bye with love in my voice
but now it is not to you
R Oct 2017
July 11, Tuesday, 2017
I’ve never met someone quite like you before.
I mean,
I have met boys who do stupid shit like you,
And say the most random stuff like you
But never have I ever,
met someone who makes me feel this way.
We haven’t known each other long but I feel like  
I’ve known you since Adam and Eve felt,
how we say we feel.
You make me feel safe,
when you have your strong arms around my waist
You make me feel safe,
even when you just look at me,
when you think im not paying attention.
I feel like I will never be hurt
You bring me such a safe feeling
when my head is on your chest
I hear your heart start beating faster,
I smile knowing I am part of the reason
your breathe gets heavier
when I start tracing lines, stars, and hearts
with my nails lightly touching your warm calming chest.
I never thought in a million years
That a girl like me,
A girl who has been so broken from others,
would ever find a boy
who makes me feel whole once again.
When I tell you that when I look in the mirror im disappointment
You tell me that the only thing you see
is a girl
as pretty as a full moon.
When you tell me you think im pretty
It’s different,
even though those words have hit my ears from others lips before
when it comes out of yours
I actually believe it.
God the things we could do…
Oct 2017 · 191
oh well
R Oct 2017
October 10th, Tuesday 2017
Well it finally happened,
You broke my heart.
At first I was shocked,
I drowned my sorrows in creamy cold desserts
That started to taste like salt
Because of the tears dripping down
From my puffy eyes
Onto the spoon that goes to my lips that you once kissed.
But not anymore
You will be starved of my lips and my body and my brain and my laugh and my eyes that you once said kept you alive
I guess you might die.
At least you didn’t cheat,
Instead you lied.
I told you how I needed to be treated like royalty
You acknowledged my words
But never took action
You spoke sentences of words which at the time meant so much
Time has passed now and they are slowly meaning nothing.
You promised me actions that you never took upon yourself to do
And I stayed believing you for 3 months
It was fun.
It’s over now.
You finally closed our book.
Im trying my hardest not to reread the pages.
I’ve conquered worse situations
And dealt with them strong
This is just making me stronger.
You said “I can’t treat you the way you deserve”
I obviously already knew that information but you said you were willing to change

God,
I can’t believe I thought that you would.
You were my first everything
Oh well
Having my heart broken
Oct 2017 · 223
Dressed to the Nines
R Oct 2017
Thursday, September 7th, 2017
She might’ve dressed to impress
She dressed to the nines all the time
But can’t you read between the lines
Couldn’t you see the signs?
And see the way she shines when she,
Gets that feeling,
The feeling when she looks in the mirror
She doesn’t give a shit about anybody’s opinion
She doesn’t want to be one of the world’s minions
Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you
You say she’s a slut, she says she doesn’t give a fuck
But underneath her bones are breaking from the sticks and stones,
Her heart is hurt from those words that were supposed to not hurt
But when you fuck with her, you fuck with me, and trust me
In the end you will have wished you never called her a slut
You,
She has problems of her own
She doesn’t let them show
She doesn’t want to seem weak, so she doesn’t speak
But on the inside she’s crying, and that shine is dying
The feeling of looking in that clear mirror
But in the end
You called a dead girl a slut
Sep 2017 · 1.9k
Ok so....
R Sep 2017
Wednesday, May 17th, 2017
Ok, so.
Ok so here we are
You at your house, me at mine
Sending pictures back and forth
But not those pictures, like the ones I used to send,
Which made me feel less like me and more like all of those girls.
We are sending pictures with our faces and sentences that make me smile because I love your sense of humour.
Ok so the things you do
The things you do, well…
It’s hard to say exactly how I feel about those things
I don’t agree with all of them
Like the smoking you do
To be honest it makes me jealous,
Jealous of that cigarette because it’s the one that gets to touch your lips instead of me
Your lips, hmmm im not sure I want those lips on mine
Because the smell of smoke makes me sick
But then I look at your lips and it makes me rethink.
Ok so the music you listen to,
The music you listen to tells a story
Unlike the ones which are just boring
Your favourite song the one you told me about,
Remember?
The other night when we were sending those pictures with our faces and the sentences that made me laugh
The song was about taking your life
I wondered if it was a sign that you were in a fight with life
I don’t say anything but you know how I struggled with that problem

Ok,
Now im sitting here thinking of all the things I said,
Wondering if it’s really worth the risk
So I make a list in my head and starts it with
Ok so…
Liking someone even though you shouldnt
Sep 2017 · 151
Hate
R Sep 2017
Thursday, December 8th, 2016
Builds up inside of you waiting to break out of the jail that is your mouth,
Biting your tongue so the prisoners wont escape and cause trouble.
You can see others opening the cell door with no trouble, no pain, just with ease
in fact its not even a cell its more of a joke book with every opening of the book others laugh and smile
Wishing i could be like them but instead i try and keep my jail doors closed not letting out the prisoners that have hurt many before but they come out anyways
The prisoners force me to open my phone, i beg of them to not make me but they do it anyways.
The letters my very own fingers are typing are turning into horrible words but i cant stop
then the leader of the gang comes in like the evil queen in snow white, the worst of the worst, feared by many.
It goes by the name of Hate
Hate takes over your life
He comes and takes your happiness piece by piece until you are left there not knowing if you should live or die
He makes you want to cry,
Cry until your tears form a river and carries  you away from your problems, your friends, your family, your everything.
Hate has no regrets he makes people do terrible things.
He let the prisoners in my mouth out to terrorize others and capture their voices.
People let hate consume them till their body is filled with pure rage.
Hate did this to me
Hate made me say this horrible things, he didnt even give me the courage to say it to your face
Hate made me hide behind a screen and hurt you
Hate made me do it so that he could take over you as well
This is my side to being cyber bullied. Im trying to think maybe he didnt mean to hurt me, maybe he just couldn't control it. Also i preformed this poem of mine in front of everyone in my school, including my bullies.
May 2017 · 171
Here it comes again
R May 2017
Wednesday, May, 17th , 2017
Here it comes again
that hit in the heart with all those feelings that I don’t know what to do with
do I like you, do I not
my stomachs in a knot when I think of how you smoke pot
im not sure if I care for you or not
the pots not the problem because you wouldn’t do it around me,
would you?
Oh lord help me.
You do these things that aren’t right
but when I see you my heart takes flight
God, what is happening to me?
Im trying not to get attached
But it’s really hard when you wear that hat.
Its like that feeling when all you want to do is push that big red emergency button that you aren’t supposed to press
But my hearts in an emergency so pushing that button might be a big mistake but maybe
it’s a mistake I should take
My friends say that it’s up to me
But I think they secretly disagree
I don’t blame them,
the things you told my friend you have done,
I hope you don’t find it fun
my question is why my friend and not me?
Is it because you don’t feel comfortable enough to tell me
or because you feel something
for her and not me
why am I doing this to myself overthinking this mystery
The mystery of my brain and my heart
Which one is right
My heart is telling me to go ahead, who cares that he’s not wanting what I want right now, things change, why can’t people,
right?
My brain is in fright
The decisions he has made have not been the best
But maybe he will take a rest
Here it comes again
the thought of how I could be either happy or in misery
It hits my body like a million bricks
But you know so many tricks to make me melt
The way you say those things that half make me sad
but the other half is in awe of how you made that sound so sweet
I wish I had the receipt so I could return these feelings
and I could be healing
my heart and brain are in trouble
this boy is making me see double
Here it comes again
The feeling when you dont want to fall but you might have already fallen
May 2017 · 242
You left me for a stranger
R May 2017
November 2016
We were the best of friends loving and caring for each other since day 1
We used to have so much fun
But then he came along
And you left me
You don’t know about the power that you have on my emotions.
You walk away with him,
Leaving me confused while you go along careless and carefree not thinking about the consequences that it will have on me
I walk to where we always hung out
Talking about something that didn’t even make sense but made us laugh hysterically
You choose him over me even though you’ve known him for a few days
you’ve known me for a few years
but that doesn’t seem to matter to you
I feel as if when you walked away with him you went past a garbage can and threw away all we had, all we had made,
For him, a stranger in OUR world
OUR world, oh the good old days
Now OUR world consists mostly of me trying to put on the mask of happiness that I once had when we were together
But now all my real feelings are in that trash can you walked past with him
You barely know him but are making out with him and you don’t even have the time to say goodbye
because apparently you have plans with him
I don’t want to hurt you
I am happy for you
But this, this is not ok
You’ve changed
Not because of life but because of him
He does bad things that I know you would try because you fall so easily
You fall and im trying to move the obstacles that are making your journey hard
I tried to move this one but you,
You wanted it to stay, you were ok
Ok with it
I don’t really think you thought about it
but I warned you
So this time when you fall im not going to be there,
I will want to be there for you but
Im not going to,
im going to let you move this obstacle by yourself
I love you

— The End —