it’s finally happening
a relationship between us
a friendship at most
long conversations as
we’re not doing anything
small smiles and cute
laughs all around
total eye contact
not turning away
for a single second
this is it
this is what I’ve wanted
for so long with you
i just hope it lasts
its almost like we’ve been made to admire each other from a distance,
never actually courageous enough to approach one another.
we’ve never spoken, but i know you feel it too;
today, i looked at you for the first time in what felt like a while,
and all i could think about is how good your lips would feel against mine.
i don’t know if we will actually end up together..
all i know is that i can’t stop daydreaming about you,
fuck, I’m even nightdreaming about you.
and in my dreams, i can call you mine
in my dreams, you are there to hold me in the dead of night,
when all of the shadows come creeping out.
in my dreams we are smiling and happy,
a refreshing reminder that that is still possible.
A stranger asked me,
"If you could be anything,
what would you be?"
My mind flooded with images of the perfect girl --
a glowing girl,
surrounded by people who saw her light.
And the world was hers,
if only she asked it to be.
But, I didn't reply.
Not a single word.
I should hate you.
I should be angry because you like her and not me.
I should be angry because of how you only gave me attention when you wanted something from me.
How I gave you my trust, love, and heart and you broke all three at once.
How you forced me onto that bed, told me to shut up, told me that I would like it - I did not.
I should be angry that you gave me hope for a future that you know I most desperately desired.
That you made me think it would happen but when somebody better came along, you left me in a heart beat for who knows how many girls.
You left me heartbroken.
But then I remember the words you said to me,
the way you made me feel when the cold weather and cloudy skies were around,
and all those horrible memories of you fade away.
My god, I wish I didn't have to like you the way I do,
but I find it impossible to stop.
It took everything in me to delete those pictures of you where we both looked so happy.
It took everything inside me to accept that you don't need me,
you never did.
You don't miss me.
You don't care about me the slightest bit.
You don't even want me.
It took me every bone in my goddamn body to not think of you when I wasn't sober.
But I realized that you were all I thought of when I'm not sober,
even when I am too.
Because my heart kicked you out,
so you just moved straight into my mind.
There was a time when all I was
depended on you.
I gave you all the power you could want.
My hopes and dreams were
right in the palm of your hand.
I wrapped everything I was around you --
So you could not escape me.
A sky full of shooting stars
and you were my only wish...
How sad is that?
Shooting stars are for me now.
I wish for myself.