It's there! The pain...
Fine dining on my inner thoughts,
THEN, lounging on the sofas of my mind. It's there! The hurt...
Surfing through my bloodstream,
Splashing doubts...fears, unearthing the "WHYS"? and the "WHAT IFS?".
At times I felt dead- maybe I wanted to feel dead...
BUT only in my head.

Pain caused me to feel broken- lonely- even in a crowd.
Stifling my voice of happiness, drowning my hopeful gleams.
Killing me slowly...softly...leaving its permanent scars...
But through the pain, I now soar,
a soul painfully broken, but divinely cured.

Whoever said that we had to hurt to learn?
The only compensation I got from pain, was RAGE.
Well... I used to be angry- ofcourse until peace stepped in - His peace.
And now all I see is beauty- beauty in my brokenness.

I can now smile, though I'll never fully understand the detour.
Why life chose to break me? I may never be sure.
The pain; yes, it's still there; driving me to be more...
To be a better person than I was before...before life ***** me...before it fractured my hope, trust, dreams!
Before anger broke me!
Forcing me to be a better woman- one of strength, whose beauty blossoms through pain.

Yes! There is beauty in my brokenness,
because now I'll never be the same.
Through pain, life has taught me in a day, things years failed to...
Life happens, and we've just got to play its game.
There may be speed bumps on the highways, large potholes to go through
But if you look closely-through your tear stained eyes, You'll find beauty in your brokenness,
Just as I did in mine.

#painfully broken-Divinely cured#
(For the girl whose pain turned to praise)

I sent you a message last morning,
still waiting on your usual reply...
But I'm strucked with the dreaded news,
your confidant...your friend, SHE DIED.
Ofcourse someone must have lied
because you told me you'd be OK...

So, how is it even possible?
How can this news be real?
Dumbfounded...
Left in utter shock...
I'm fighting to breathe again,
but my airway just seems blocked.
💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
Breathing has never felt this difficult.

I keep hearing it will be ok...
But OK would only be believable if you were allowed to stay
And you weren't...
Evil triumphs now in such an unjust way
-------------------------------------------------------------­---------
What have you ever done to anyone but be Sacrificial, Understanding, Sincere, Absolving and Nonjudgemental
Yet, that never seemed enough- DID IT!
We all stood and watch you take the fall.
And Evil was only too happy, he took it all...

Now, here I sit...waiting for my heart to beat again...at its normal pace
But that seems almost impossible FOR...
Yours has stopped beating
And I've lost the comfort of your smiling face
Your warm and affectionate embrace
Your encouraging words despite your fears
Your caring hands to dry my tears

I'm still waiting to hear your child-like voice
"ah girl!" "Hanging in there."
Still waiting to see you typing...
"Gm dearie🤗..."
"God is all we need in this world"
"No matter how things seem, God is in control"
I'm still awaiting on our next church date
I know I'll see you in eternity, but until then...

I'm still here... I'm still waiting to BREATHE...

                 For Susan who left me BREATHLESS