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Apr 20 · 192
Samuel Apr 20
I wonder if you think about me, how many times your beautiful mind brushes the idea of mine.
I think about The Times we spent laughing over things no one else would understand, talking to each other about things no one else got.
I wonder where your mind goes when you're drifting off to sleep, do you think of what we could have been or what we could still be. I want you more than ever now, I can hardly sleep. But I know that I can never have you.
Dec 2018 · 212
Samuel Dec 2018
Did you know that I love you
I wanted to make sure you knew
I really wanted to show you
How much I care for you

I let you back into my life
I let you see my core
I let you see the game I play
I even let you score

But the game you play isn't mine
You aren't the kind of person
To show yourself to me
At least not the me I want you to see

I'm not that man I pretended to be
Without the painful chest
But I wasn't able to keep it up
I was never good at chess

Why did I let you in again
Why did I think you could be better
Why, oh why did I ever believe
That you were full of anything but pain

Pain that I drowned myself in
When I ripped you open
And now my chest is full to bursting
With emptiness and yearning

But I can't ever have you
A fact that we both know
And now the curtains have come down
On our worst and final show

Forever to be a herald of you
Of what you do to good men
You break them down and eat them
Never to be seen again

But when the sun rises on the new day
And when it shines upon me
I'll show the world what I've become
I'll be the one that got away
This one ended up being kind of long and strayed off the path, but I still like it
Dec 2018 · 352
Samuel Dec 2018
It feels like you're crushing my chest

It feels like a knife in my back

It feels like a long sprint after a long lonely winter

It feels like I haven't breathed since we met

I know you so well, and you know me too

I know that you know how much I want you

I know that you'll never truly understand

How much I have hurt; How much I can stand

Why won't the you in my head let me be

I wanted to share my heart with you

I wanted you to see

See the depth of my love and affection

All I wanted was that simple connection

The collection of feelings that I've never felt

To be loved by another despite yourself

All I wanted was to see

If I could truly make you happy

I'm sorry I couldn't.
Nov 2018 · 116
Samuel Nov 2018
There is a fog that lies on this land
A fog so dense I cannot think
All I want is for it to fade
All I want is peace

But it will never go for long
An hour or day or maybe more
But in the end it always returns
Will it ever be no more?

I tried to fight the fog with fire and flame
I tried to fight with love
I tried to fight with substances
But the fog still lays its claim

Maybe someday I'll find a way
To banish the fog upon this land
But until then I'll slave away
Until I meet my end
This poem is about my fight with depression, and the ways I've tried to handle it.
Nov 2018 · 267
Samuel Nov 2018
You talk about Him every day
He makes the light shine in your eyes
He makes you want to love
He makes you want to cry

I know He has some things I never could
He understands in a way I can't
Makes you believe in love
All of that I wish I could do

When you talk about Him your lips curve softly up
Your face shines like I've never seen
He has something I do not
I wish I was all you needed

When I think about that day
That day you told a story
About a clumsy girl
And her brush with closeness

When I heard about that day
All I wanted was to scream
I pictured it in my head
It's now become a constant stream

I wish i could just cut it out
The thought of you and him
I wish I never awoke
On the day I first laid eyes on you

But to me has this curse been bestowed
To want you evermore
I don't know what I'd be without you
I wish I could close the door
A lot of my peoms are about one person in my life. She means the world to me, but I nothing to her.
Nov 2018 · 112
Samuel Nov 2018
What is the price I pay for health
The price I pay for this is wealth
In the late night hours I think and dream
So that in pain I may not scream

What should I do with my precious life
Frought with pain; Fought in strife
I want to be the best I can
I want to be a better man

But how can I make my dream so
When all I know is what I'm told
Can I bring myself to live
Until I'm gray and old

I want to live; Don't want to die
I want to see ahead what lies
But can I with this awful style
I can't seem to even smile
Nov 2018 · 282
Samuel Nov 2018
What is this love I so often feel
How do I know that it's even real
Will it be there when I wake from sleep
Or will it be gone, never mine to keep

I wanted to love you so
But you had other plans
You betrayed my trust and broke my heart
All for another man

I thought you were the one from my dreams
Our humor matched just like ripped seams
But in the end you were scared off
You left me here to scream

I don't know why I thought I loved you
I guess I was just lonely
But when it came right down to it
You really were just phony

I know I didn't love you
Not in the way we needed
But at least we had our fun
Neither of us pleaded

Now you're right back in my life
And I've fallen once again
All you want is someone other
I guess we'll just be friends

Please tell me why I am cursed so
To live this life without another
All I want is you to love
But you always seem to love another
This is about my experience with relationships
Nov 2018 · 299
Samuel Nov 2018
Why am I always in pain?
I leave a stain on the world I'm in
A stain of red so bright and bold
It might just block out this heart of gold

When did I become so broken?
So numb and insecure
I guess when my soul was shattered
By one I thought I could trust the most

How was I supposed to know
You were so cruel and mean
What was I to do
But find someone to be

Someone who thought they couldn't be
At par with all the rest
Someone whose life meant nothing more
Than one simple passed test

Someone who could love the broken
The bruised and insecure
But one who could not be loved
By those he holds so dear

So take this gift I give
A thought in a small story
I feel that's more than you deserve
For making me so gory

And for my battered broken heart
Still pumping flakes of gold
Remember all the good in people
Don't stop until you're old

So old you can not even talk
So old you can not think
And even then please don't forget
This worlds' pure heart of gold

— The End —