Samuel Dec 2018
Did you know that I love you
I wanted to make sure you knew
I really wanted to show you
How much I care for you

I let you back into my life
I let you see my core
I let you see the game I play
I even let you score

But the game you play isn't mine
You aren't the kind of person
To show yourself to me
At least not the me I want you to see

I'm not that man I pretended to be
Without the painful chest
But I wasn't able to keep it up
I was never good at chess

Why did I let you in again
Why did I think you could be better
Why, oh why did I ever believe
That you were full of anything but pain

Pain that I drowned myself in
When I ripped you open
And now my chest is full to bursting
With emptiness and yearning

But I can't ever have you
A fact that we both know
And now the curtains have come down
On our worst and final show

Forever to be a herald of you
Of what you do to good men
You break them down and eat them
Never to be seen again

But when the sun rises on the new day
And when it shines upon me
I'll show the world what I've become
I'll be the one that got away
This one ended up being kind of long and strayed off the path, but I still like it
Samuel Dec 2018
It feels like you're crushing my chest

It feels like a knife in my back

It feels like a long sprint after a long lonely winter

It feels like I haven't breathed since we met

I know you so well, and you know me too

I know that you know how much I want you

I know that you'll never truly understand

How much I have hurt; How much I can stand

Why won't the you in my head let me be

I wanted to share my heart with you

I wanted you to see

See the depth of my love and affection

All I wanted was that simple connection

The collection of feelings that I've never felt

To be loved by another despite yourself

All I wanted was to see

If I could truly make you happy

I'm sorry I couldn't.
Samuel Nov 2018
Fog
There is a fog that lies on this land
A fog so dense I cannot think
All I want is for it to fade
All I want is peace

But it will never go for long
An hour or day or maybe more
But in the end it always returns
Will it ever be no more?

I tried to fight the fog with fire and flame
I tried to fight with love
I tried to fight with substances
But the fog still lays its claim

Maybe someday I'll find a way
To banish the fog upon this land
But until then I'll ***** away
Until I meet my end
This poem is about my fight with depression, and the ways I've tried to handle it.
Samuel Nov 2018
Him
You talk about Him every day
He makes the light shine in your eyes
He makes you want to love
He makes you want to cry

I know He has some things I never could
He understands in a way I can't
Makes you believe in love
All of that I wish I could do

When you talk about Him your lips curve softly up
Your face shines like I've never seen
He has something I do not
I wish I was all you needed

When I think about that day
That day you told a story
About a clumsy girl
And her brush with closeness

When I heard about that day
All I wanted was to scream
I pictured it in my head
It's now become a constant stream

I wish i could just cut it out
The thought of you and him
I wish I never awoke
On the day I first laid eyes on you

But to me has this curse been bestowed
To want you evermore
I don't know what I'd be without you
I wish I could close the door
A lot of my peoms are about one person in my life. She means the world to me, but I nothing to her.
  Nov 2018 Samuel
arian
I've been trying to erase you from my mind,
But I'm scared now that I almost accomplish my goal.
I miss seeing your face and hearing your voice.
Samuel Nov 2018
What is the price I pay for health
The price I pay for this is wealth
In the late night hours I think and dream
So that in pain I may not scream

What should I do with my precious life
Frought with pain; Fought in strife
I want to be the best I can
I want to be a better man

But how can I make my dream so
When all I know is what I'm told
Can I bring myself to live
Until I'm gray and old

I want to live; Don't want to die
I want to see ahead what lies
But can I with this awful style
I can't seem to even smile
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