She sits down in the chair,
And opens the tub ever so slowly.
Her hands shake a little as,
They gently remove the content.    

Each parcel is precious.
Perfectly wrapped in silver foil,
That shimmers in the rooms dimmed,
Lights. She stares at them with perceived admiration.

Or maybe she is just admiring herself?
Her brain refuses to remove their case,
She doesn't think she needs to,
Although she craves their warmth, the taste, everything is left unopened.

She can do without.

She is better than that.

Stronger.

The tub is thrown in the trash,
And she seeks satisfaction from the
Delayed reaction,
of her peers. Who's heads turn away
Before she,
Has taken a bite.

I am the one who cuts the strings and,
Then ties them back together.

I am the one engulfed by tears and,
longs for a forever.

I could never,
blame you.

For this knot containing,
tangles.

Giving up on me is the only answer,
To those questions never asked.

You tried (once or twice) I do remember,
I'm the one who remains masked.

And,
I could never,
blame you.

For the things that go,
unseen.

I expexted you to be a little more like
me.

I expected you to look inside and,
delve deep into the sea.

But you did not.

*For that I cannot blame you

He is the inconvenient truth,
And always goes unnoticed.
I guess it's for the better,
I would hate to be ****** into,
His heart he hides,
Under the vacant smiles.

He is the boy who tells white lies,
And balms his good intentions.
I want him to tell me so,
I hate the fact he doesn't.
His mouth just seeps sugar,
What he thinks I want to hear.

He is a constant misconception,
And prides himself on his demeanour.
They think of him as nice, or kind,
I hate the fact I see the latter.
His delusions of how things should be,
Will never cloud my judgement.

For what I hate the most about him,
Is that I know who he really is,
And it's sad,
he wouldn't recognise reflection.

"This is nice?"
You stated nervously, as if it where a question you shouldn't be asking.

I nodded.
- Cringing at your lack of confidence

"Yeah it is, Thankyou."
- for teaching me how to be fake.

"I'm glad your having a nice time"
You said, fiddling with the zip on your jacket pocket.

I could not reply, I just smiled numbly.

You smiled too.
- numbly.

This was when I realised I was talking to myself.

Taking to someone who's thoughts, where so similar to my own.

Talking to someone who was always asking.

I had caught a glimpse of what it was like to be around me, and hated it.

- I hated me.

I hated my unsteady heart beat, my constant need for reassurance.

I hated that I craved acceptance and would do anything to receive it.

I hated that I was so scared of disappointing him, like you where scared of disappointing me.

- I hated the fact I was fragile

Your fingers slowly brushed against my palm, I guess you where asking if we could hold hands, but I moved away.

You where so shy and so sweet and so good, I knew that, but I also knew me.

*- I couldn't hold into something that I knew was going to break.

You tell me,
I need to breath,
As you watch,
My rib cage heave.

There's comfort,
In your clouded eyes,
But I ignore,
Your feeble cries,
It's pity lined,
With bitter lies.

You tell me,
I need to breath,
I hold my breath,
And watch you leave.

*you tell me,
I need to breath,
And suffocate,
My self belief.

I miss you,
More than the infinite,
Timeless number,
Our hearts cannot define.

I miss you,
The waves of efficient,
Self worth you gave me.
The feeling of clarity,
You stretched out,
across the shore.

I miss you,
Now the wind has changed,
And you no longer,
See me as who I know,
I could be.

I miss you,
Being your namesake sunshine,
Now I blend,
With the greyest skies,
And you just lie,

You just lie.

Where has the tide gone?
Why does it no longer,
Form a pool around my feet,
And send my aching body,
Into a fragile glass like state?

Where has the rain gone?
Why does the water,
Not fall from the parting clouds,
And crash down upon,
My broken bones?

Where has the wind gone?
Why does it no longer,
Wrap it's wrath around my core,
And wind so tightly,
Around my vacant soul?

Where has the sun gone?
Why am I left alone,
In the absolute darkness,
Unable to feel warmth,
Diffuse across my skin?

Why can't I feel pain?

Why am I so numb?

You say "I'm an open book",
But you're as closed as your eyes.
Trapped inside your sleepless slumber,
It came to me as no surprise.

He will never,
Fill your lungs,
With sweetness.

He will never,
Hold your,
Aching hand.

He will never,
Mend the,
broken pieces.

He will never,
Learn to,
understand

I could only watch,
As you trundled into,
Your ever draining,
Sleepless slumber.

I could only watch,
As your swollen red eyes,
Clouded over with,
A tearful mist

I could only watch,
As your blank complexion,
Grew darker than,
The blackest night.

I can only watch,
Her take hold of your heart,
And crush it,
Like a bulldozer.

Don't worry darling,
When I push you away,
I promise,
You won't feel a thing.

I'll be the one,
To burn in the fire,
The smoke,
Causing my eyes to sting.

I know it's for the better,
I'm a burden,
Don't you see?

I promise I won't blame you,

Who would want to be around me?

She waits for you,
Under a blossom tree,
Nestled in the furthest corner,
Of her floral mind.

She waits for you,
Throughout the winter,
And let's the cold,
Seek shelter within her icy veins,
Rooting her limbs to the frozen earth.

She waits for you,
As the rain falls through the wilting leaves,
And is thankful that she,
Is not the only tearful heart.

She waits for you,
Even when the storm grows violent,
And she grows fearful,
That the wind will break her fragile bones,
And tear down her vacant foundations.

She waits for you,
In the summer warmth.

She's waiting for the flowers.

*but they will cease to bloom

You can't conceal,
Those darkening blemishes,
Laced upon your skin.

Where's the fabricated necklace?

Was the knot too weak, too thin?

But he is imprinted,
upon my heart stings,
and they sound,
the most beautiful melody.
                                             A sad song,
I would never wish to forget.