I am the inexperienced poet
Who has loved only a handful of times.

Some would say that I am naive,
But ignorance is bliss, and my life is anything

But blissful. I am the inexperienced poet,
Who knows only of unrequited love.

I am the dark haired girl, who has been
Kissed too few and far apart

To count having been kissed at all.
She loves too quick and falls too hard,

For this she has broken bones and fading scars.
I am the inexperienced poet.

Smoke inhabits my throat. My friends,
Intoxicated, are complimentary –
They say they wish their aesthetic was mine.
My lips, painted baby blue,
Hold loosely onto the Marlboro cigarettes.
I think of a boy, who I don't truly
Know, and I wish he'd attended tonight,
Although he was not invited.

I think in depth of social circles,
And of how circles are impenetrable –
They go continuously round with no edges
To break. I begin to realise that
That is the reason you aren't mine,
And never will be. However, can't
Circles overlap? Why should we not be
The arcs that meet? You are not here,
And I wish you were. What would you
Think about me taking a draw,
****, more than one? I said to you
Once that I would not become another
Teenager, another statistic, who inhales.

I guess I lied.

I think of all this –
As they take ***** shots,
And I distract myself from you
For a moment, by asking why
They'd drink it straight.

Seasons have weathered
left footprints passing age
yet something is spared
to draw her in my gaze!

It's not as pink as first crush
nor red as primal yore
but white residue of dried brush
that makes me want not more!

I wonder if she knows it
when hold her in my gaze
not slowed a bit this heartbeat
my eyes don't see her age!

She wonders if I know it
when steals on me her look
the pages left are still sweet
love stays an unclosed book!

spoke to me in welsh,
i answered him in english,
gave him 10p change
eventually.

taught me to say,
four pound fifty, so
we shook hands.
i showed him my accent.

laughing, told me to
go to the devil, while
i blessed him in his
native tongue.

from Mostyn, been
to a funeral.

sbm.

Stay alive.
Deep breaths.
You're calling me a hypocrite, I know,
But darling,
I'm not worth as much as you.

Your beautiful smile lights up the room,
Your words paint a picture, captivating everyone.
Your arms embrace so many,
Their pain are scars on your wrists.
Stay alive.

Live on for me.
You're calling me selfish, I know,
But darling,
I'm not worth as much as you.

The lives you've touched multiply daily,
They all talk of the one who gave them light,
Who looked at them with love, not spite.

You're crying,
Calling me stupid, I know,
But I wasn't worth as much as you.

It's 3 a.m and I'm still awake,
I pick up the pen and put it to the page.

With every word I gain some feeling,
With every line, I look for answers.
The scratch of the pen meets the beat of my heart,
The hideous scribbles trying to be art.

It's 3 a.m and I'm still awake,
I pick up the pieces of myself that keep falling,
Pick them up to keep from breaking down.
With every scratch of the pen,
I only break more.
Every wall broken down,
Every facade shattered,
And everything under the carpet is swept out the door.

It's 4 a.m and I'm still awake,
I put down the pen and rip out the page.

It's only 12:31,
But it feels as if I've been up forever and a day,
I tried getting some help,
But all I got was doors in the face...

I need some help,
But all I get is thrown on the ground,
I'm lost for words and I don't know what else to say.

I know I let you down,
But I was just so scared to be alone.
After you left,
My heart was locked up,
Too afraid to let anybody in.

For years it rested so comfortably on my sleeve.
Year after year,
Little by little,
I was torn, broken and bleeding.
Everyone it was ever trusted with, left.

No my little heart is tired,
Tired of crying out for help,
Tired of being left.
So just know,
You were the last...

I'm not the one you used to know,
I'm the girl that was left out in the cold.
Nobody cared,
And if they did,
They never said so...

I tried so hard to numb the pain,
But you can't really do that and expect to stay the same.
Nobody knew how much was really wrong,
So I laughed and smiled and played along.

Whenever I tried to reach out,
I was left grasping in the dark.
A million doors in my face,
So I turned to the window,
Only to find it painted shut.

Trapped in my own unhappiness,
Alone in the emptiness that is my soul.
I'm not the one you used to know,
Left out in the cold.
If you care,
Please say so...