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Najwan R M Jun 2018
Young 20 year old, eyes low and sad
they wondered why he chose music
it became his passion, it was all he had.
He turned to near-death experiences to lessons
and become stronger inside and out.
His songs?
Like tunnels, deeper and deeper
hitting you hard like heavy bricks
inspiration swelled in our chest
and us, your fans screamed
"IM STILL ALIVE BECAUSE OF X!!!"
June 18th came along and you have ripped away,
that bullet that hit you tore holes in our hearts.
Who could we turn to for depression help now?
Who would fill our hearts and minds now?
With fresh tears in our eyes and sadness swelled in our chests,
we put your music on and listen to build new inspiration
and show people your vision
*DEDICATED TO XXXTENTACION*
Gone but never forgotten, I forever love you
May 2018 · 210
Us
Najwan R M May 2018
Us
They say we are toxic to each other as you lace your fingers through mine
&
When I look deep into your eyes I can tell that they are right
You are the drug that I can't get away from.
You lift my spirits but as soon as your gone, my mood crashes down
Our disagreements turn into petty arguments and fists fly
The speakers of our voice boxes burst open and ears are covered.
The acid pours out our eyes and drips onto the floor
And one of us walks away,
Usually, it's me first.
The floor beneath you starts to melt, and one look back to you makes me stop walking away.
Your scent pulls me closer and our fingers are entwined again.

The acid starts dripping from our eyes again .
But this time they fall on our hands, melting us.
Us together
May 2018 · 78
"Don't"
Najwan R M May 2018
Everyone keeps saying "Don't
But I do it anyway.
Because I love you
May 2018 · 59
It's Always You
Najwan R M May 2018
It’s always you

When we break apart and start to move on, my heart tells me no.
It’s always you and I didn’t know that you affected me that bad.      In their eyes I see you
    Holding their hand is useless cause my fingers to ache for yours.
And when I cry, it's you who I want to hold me tight.
Lying to myself is easier than admitting that I need you.
Because every corner I turn, I half expect to see you there.
When I look at him smiling, it's because my eyes have played tricks on me and I see you instead.
You are MY drug and I’m addicted
No rehab will not help.
Therapy cannot erase our memories.
This new guy can’t love me like you can
This new girl cant either.

I’ve been saying “I love you” to these new people hoping that they would pass the message onto you.

So when will you realize it?
#love #heartbreak #pain
May 2018 · 844
How we Apologize
Najwan R M May 2018
Instead of arguing about the “L” word,
We argue about why the refrigerator door was left open,
Why our clothes smell like cigarette smoke,
Instead of arguing about the fact that we barely see each other
We argue about social media posts,
Then we clash and hurtful words are said.
While tears run down our faces, one of us always walks away.

So then one of us apologize.
With a motion of a hand, we call each other over and offer a small smile.
Our lips read “I love you” as we pull each other closer,
Your wrap your fingers around mine and respond with a kiss.

The usual “I would do anything for you” is spoken out loud, and as people stare at us making faces, we don't care.

We kiss again and all is forgiven.
Apr 2018 · 78
Thoughts
Najwan R M Apr 2018
Understand that I can love you to death & never speak to you again‼️
Apr 2018 · 84
The Love Triangle
Najwan R M Apr 2018
I looked at her and said; "Of course I love you with all my heart, but I'm starting to love her too and I dont know what to do..."
Mar 2018 · 277
Your Candle
Najwan R M Mar 2018
When needed, you took a lighter and lit me
           When my scent filled the area,  you kept me close for hours
&  Whenever I got too hot
           You dared to bring yourself closer to the heat...
           So close I could feel the tension from your fingertips
           Your skin melted from the touch of me
           Your eyes grew wider as I got hotter

           When needed, you lit me so you could relax
            I sat while you leaned your head back and closed your eyes
            I bought a special aura to your imaginations, your dreams
          
            Then it became draining and painful
            I was too suffocating for you to be around


           So you blew me out and closed the lid
                                                             & never lit me again...
Feb 2018 · 86
Thoughts.
Najwan R M Feb 2018
How can I say I love you when the thought of you makes me cringe and my heart beats wildly from fear?
Feb 2018 · 113
Insanity
Najwan R M Feb 2018
Waking up to loud voices in my ears,
Wild thoughts swimming in my head.
"Do it, do it!" the voices seem to shout in my ear.
I want to die but I also want to live.
I have cut my skin open and turned my blood into gifts for you and everyone else.
The air has been ****** out my lungs and into the mouths of those who begged for air.
My eyes are gone, they were taken to be used to see the good in everyone else but myself.
It's draining seeing my bones broken and used for tools to carve engravings.
My sacred place sitting in between my thighs being used as a rest stop for those to feed themselves until they are full
My heart being put together just to be broken apart like a puzzle.
At certain moments my feet are dragged to a place surrounded by water and I'm tempted to jump.
"Jump, why won't you jump?"
"**** yourself, why won't you do it yet!?"
The 30 pills all piled up in my stomach, my heart rate slowing down.
I pass out but soon I ******* wake up.
I let myself sink to the bottom of the pool, but someone saves me.
One bullet left in the gun, but its snatched away and the last bullet is wasted in the air.
30 more pills are separated into 15, a final effort to stop me.
It still hurts sometimes to feel the light healing scars on my neck from the cords.
Tears are permanently painted on my face.
Disconnected from the world
Disconnected from the human race
Disconnected from me.
Nov 2017 · 95
HER
Najwan R M Nov 2017
HER
She'll never see this
but,
I'm falling for you.
There's something about you that makes me want to live a little bit longer.
You got a past but despite it,
you're still standing strong.
You're the reason why I'm still hanging on, even though I was supposed to let go a long time ago.
I'm being honest, I've never met anyone like you
Nov 2017 · 257
the HEART puzzle
Najwan R M Nov 2017
I was given a puzzle to complete.
but..
The pieces aren't staying together anymore.
They keep falling apart.
As soon as one gets placed, another breaks off.
It hurts as I keep forcing pieces together.
Just as multiple pieces break I feel pain.
The pieces are dripping red like blood.
My white shirt is now stained red.
On my chest where my heart should have been is now a hole.
I grit my teeth.
I am determined to finish this puzzle.
I feel my air being cut short as I press hard.
Pieces forced into place as tears gush like a river down my face.
My lungs are giving up.
My stomach feels tight.
My fingers dripping with blood.
As the last bit of air is freed from my lungs,
I push the last piece in the center.
I look down dying as I look at what I put together.
Every piece has a memory plastered on it.
The shape is a heart.
Mine.
The middle piece glows and suddenly the hole in my chest is restored.
I can breathe again.
Najwan R M Nov 2017
My eyes tear up at every thought of you.
My skin burns from the self-harm inflicted over you.
Rivers of endless tears are created when photos of you are brought to the surface,
but I was told I didn't really love you.
If I did,  I would have let you go be free.
I would have opened your cage when you started pulling away.
The pain you brought on me, I should have known.
You wanted to be free.
And I apologize.
I wanted you all to myself.
Your smile, your laugh
The stars you created with your looks.
I always heard that if you really love someone then you would let them go.
I didn't.
I love you way too much.
Even though you are gone now, swept up it the clear mist.
I am still holding on.
Holding you deep in my heart.
Every time I try to explain why I can't let you go, they just shake their heads and say;
"You was not really in love."

— The End —