Little girls in my opinion aren't little

Im little but im too big to be little 
I have to deal with big girl bites but i can't have my binkie 
Little girl 
Little girl 
Let me touch you
Be little but have a big mind too

My mouth must be innocent 
My thoughts clean
But i have to deal with dark things 

Sleep in a princess bed you make yourself 
Too short to reach on the shelf 
But im a big girl so i have to get it myslef

I fell off the latter 
"Well why didn't you ask for help?"




Im a big girl but im too little too...

Kiddie pool adventures and...

Adults
Adults in red lab coats
They make jokes
Saying they want your eyes cause they look like eggs
Adults like yolks
They talk funny too
They call themselves folks
What I would give to be an adult
I could drive to see some people
Picture day and more
No more boring girl galore
But before I grow up I want kiddie pool adventures and dances in the mirror
Kitchen clean up from pancake disasters 
I want to run faster
You start slow 
Speed up and slow down
I want to fall down 
Get lost on a bus somewhere
Make mistakes
Fall in love 
More than once
Sit in silence
Have my own rock concerts
I want to live and become an adult
Then I'll live some more

Nooses are nice when they're around your neck
Doctor our patient is dead
She choked on a load of pens
Words written around  her throat
Ink clawing at jaws telling teeth to let go
Click yout tongue against your cheek
Let the black bomb flow freely
A fantastic explosion of emotions would **** them all
So we dont say anything at all
No words
Not even ones that are small
Skin dips as nails dig in
I didn't lie when i said i scratch at my neck...
Flesh under fingernails looks pretty
So i dig harder
My teeth gritting
Why doctor
Another girl lost
She was caught up in her spiderweb she called thoughts
She sees herself dying and asks what's wrong
Why couldn't i be a normal one
So she puts that song on
The one that calms her down
Looks at her feet in an attempt to avoid the now
In the bath
Choking
...she drowns
Alone her already dim light is put out

I am a young woman with a body below average in a world full of super models and good looking people. I don’t know why I can’t just accept the fact that im unattractive and move on… try to live a happy life. I obsess over every little space… every crevice.. every centimeter. Anything that is me i cannot enjoy. My mind is an ugly gutter filled to the brim with words like knives that dig in. I would never speak the things i think out loud. Never would i ever say something so nasty to someone i care for… not even someone I hate because i know this constant stream of lyrics i sing to myself could be enough to push anyone over the ledge. Brush it off at first. It didn’t really hurt. But every day filled with self inflicted pain.. mean mind games. It can ****. Why have guns when our mouths are perfectly capable. Shiny uglies and crippling kisses goodbye don’t count as ******… it was just a game to play alone. How many calories can i not eat? Im so ******* unhappy.

There's something beautiful about the rain. The sound it makes as it hits hard surfaces. The way it slides down the windows. The smell of the earth... clean. The darkness of a grey sky. It calms me down. It makes me feel alright.

I love you more than children love candy stores
I love you the way pig men love ******
I love you more than coffee house maids love cigarettes
I love you more than addicts love their cold sweats
Loving you more than lovers have loved each other
I love you more than babies love butterfly kisses and white milk bottles
I love you the way being lost feels so satisfying
Because you know there's no where to go but up
I love that you love me
saying the word love makes me feel free
I love you more than I love the rain
Id live for hot days if you'd do it with me
Love isn't enough
I adore you my dear
Can't you see...
I love so much more than i could explain

I hope for more
But i know there will only ever be less
Inside out im a mess
Emotions stuffed too deep like my fat finger down my throat
Im vomiting sadness because I crave starvation
It makes the circles under my eyes look like grey moons
I was always told that the moon was a beautiful thing
Like hip bones
And something about the darkness makes me want to sing
Ill scream about the days i couldn't stand myself
You see... you aren't heard in the night
So we tell our secrets to nothingness in hopes we can accept
But black holes don't make exceptions
still... i hope for more.