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Nina Nguyen Oct 2018
If my depression hits
The darkest depth
Then I’ll be in the Mariana Trench
If my happiness gets to the top
Then I have climbed Mount Everest
And there’s no sign of stop
If you spark my fire, there’s nowhere to go
I’m at the boiling point
I’ll  erupt like a volcano
My personality’s never what it seems
I’m sad and I’m  happy
And everything between
I’m hit by emotion
No matter what road I take
I’ve got too many feelings and there is no escape
915 · Sep 2018
Desert vs Ocean Windows
Nina Nguyen Sep 2018
I got scars on my wrists
Cause there are scars on my heart
Held together by seams
That are falling apart

I see the crimson pain
Fall on the floor
There is still no feeling gained
And there’s a knock at the door

I wipe it away
I pretend and I play
To be just fine
Just so I can hide

My friends aren’t what they seam
Because they’re letting go
My heart starts to go numb
And my death is feeling slow

You say your heart is numb
Because there’s no desire
But mine is not the same
Because it’s filled with fire

I feel every little spark
When you poke and **** my heart
When I am faced with hate
My mind is set ablaze

Your rivers are frozen and dry
But mine are flowing through my windows
It doesn’t mean you don’t cry
But I have soaked my pillows

Your empty desert eyes
Are different from this ocean of mine
But neither one matters
Because we both wave bye from inside
622 · Aug 2018
A
Nina Nguyen Aug 2018
***
Annoying
I find you very annoying
Because you are so much better than me
In every single way

You are a better singer
You’re smarter
You’re more athletic
You’re happier
You’re prettier
You have more friends
More guys like you
And you always steal my attention

Which by the way
I almost never get
Even on my birthday
You somehow find a way to outshine me

So yes you annoy me
Because you’re a better me
Better than I’ll ever be
329 · Sep 2018
Reflection
Nina Nguyen Sep 2018
Sometimes when I look at the ocean
I can see my reflection
The deep blue illuminated
By the pale moon

I look and see myself
But something is different
I can’t tell if there are ripples in the water
Or if my facade can not be mirrored

First I look at  my eyes
As normal as can be
What most see as sparkling
I see as empty

Then I gaze my lips
Pretty plump and round
Everyone sees a smile
But all I see is a frown

At last I try to study my heart
Everyone thinks it’s a diamond
But I know that’s not true
Because it’s actually just coal
Waiting to be burned
And turned into ash
264 · Sep 2018
Some days
Nina Nguyen Sep 2018
Some days I am invisible
Some days I am seen
Some days my friends don’t notice me
And some days they are mean

Some days people look at me
When I say something weird
Some days they don’t listen
And some days they don’t hear

Some days people judge me
On everything I wear
Some days they don’t look
Because they don’t even care

Some days people say
That I need mental help
But I bet that they won’t stress
After I’ve killed myself
So if you’ve noticed that I’ve been writing a lot of suicidal poems lately, don’t worry. They are not about me and I don’t personally feel those things. But I have many friends that do so I write these poems to try and understand what their thought process is. I am completely fine.
250 · Sep 2018
Suspended in a Snowstorm
Nina Nguyen Sep 2018
I hug my shoulders tight
While I’m standing  with no light
My hair flies in the freezing air
While I’m screaming at nobody there
I’m paralyzed in the cold of depression
My happy smile has made a recession

I’m slowly disappearing
Into a stone cold stare
I  see all the things I’m fearing
I see my monsters everywhere

Im hearing laughs but they aren’t mine
And slowly I start to cry
My heart is breaking I don’t know why
Stuck in the dungeon of my mind
I think I might die

Cause they pull on the chains
That are pulling me apart
Frozen to the touch
They’re wrapped around my arms
Holding me tight
Cause no one else will
Lost the urge to fight
So my body stands still
238 · Nov 2018
44
Nina Nguyen Nov 2018
44
44 ways that you have lied
44 reasons why I cry
44 ways of suicide
44 reasons I wanna die

44 months full of hate
44 tears falling down my face
44 apologies way too late
44 times you cursed my fate

44 calls never received
44 times I told you to leave
44 occasions you said you loved me
44 chances I couldn’t see

44 ways I’m messed up in the brain
44 moments I went insane
44 times you tried in vain
44 ways I caused my own pain
227 · Oct 2018
My Masked Dark Knight
Nina Nguyen Oct 2018
My masked dark knight
How you make my heart flutter
Your piercing blue eyes
Cut through me like butter

Even though we are separated
Through the unfair hierarchy
My love calls out for you
Though always  silently

My masked dark knight
Everyone loves your light
But your friends are like shadows
Who leave you at night

I’ll be your light
To save you from the dark
But I can only shine
If you give me a spark

I’ve seen your oceans
Your thoughts so deep
I dare not share my feelings
So this burden I keep

My masked dark knight
I will leave you alone
I think you won’t like me
So I wrote you a poem
200 · Nov 2018
Untitled
Nina Nguyen Nov 2018
I don’t care if I’m in second place
I just want to see your face everyday
I don’t care if I’m your lover
As long as we care about each other
I’ll be okay
I don’t need you to kiss me
I just want you to miss me
In some way
I  want to be in your life
Even if it means I’m not your wife
It’s okay if we’re just friends
I just don’t want our kinship to end
174 · Oct 2018
My Fair Lady
Nina Nguyen Oct 2018
My fair lady
I hope you won’t hate me
But something about you
Has caught my eye lately

Even if I am broken
I’ll travel for miles
And will not have spoken
Til I see your sweet smile

My fair lady
It’s my heart that you keep
Beating quite loudly
So you’ll hear from the streets

Your eyes like sunshine
Your honey lips
I must save my money
For your golden kiss

My fair lady
I hope you feel the same
If I don’t have your warmth
I’d drown in my rain
169 · Nov 2018
Tomorrow Never comes
Nina Nguyen Nov 2018
I can't wait until tomorrow
Tomorrow my troubles go away
Tomorrow I'll have fun and play
Tomorrow my happiness will stay

I can't wait until tomorrow
Tomorrow it won't rain
Tomorrow there's no pain
Tomorrow I'll be sane

I can't wait until tomorrow
But I have to
Because tomorrow will never come through
The present is chasing me
And tomorrow must run too
I CAN'T wait until tomorrow
154 · Sep 2018
Goodnight
Nina Nguyen Sep 2018
Goodnight lover
Goodnight mother
Goodnight father
Goodnight brother
Goodnight goodnight
Goodnight friends
This may be the end
Goodnight it’s time to sever
All of our ties
Goodnight maybe forever
Goodnight
And Goodbye
123 · Jun 2018
Masks
Nina Nguyen Jun 2018
Everyone wears a mask
It might not be all the time
But at some point in your life
Somewhere in that closet of a brain
Hangs a mask

But what kind of masks are out there
Well, you can hide behind a smile
Or a book, maybe a pencil
Some wear make up
Others wear clothes

You can also hide behind your friends
Or a fake personality
Some by jokes or acting cool

But there is a mask that should be forbidden
One that can hurt
One that is the most deceiving
One of the most detestable and maybe even cowardly

A mask that has the power to ****
Whatever you do
Whatever mask you try on
Don’t ever hide behind a lie
99 · Sep 2018
Can't live
Nina Nguyen Sep 2018
I cry, tears fall and I cry
They fall and I cry
Everyday I cry
But I don’t know why

I don’t know what the problem is
I just know it’s something I can’t fix
I don’t know why I’m feeling this
Just that me and happy don’t mix

I always feel sad and alone
So I sit by myself at home
Looking at everyone’s happy lives
And thinking, I want to die

I think of everything
Everyone
Every moment
That has made me sad
Everything that made me feel bad
My hearts beating like a drum
Ba dum
Can’t live like this
Ba dum
Can’t live like this
Ba dum
Can’t live like this
Ba dum
Can’t live
This poem is not about me. Just making sure no one is alarmed.
82 · Nov 2018
At Dawn At Dust
Nina Nguyen Nov 2018
At dawn the sun rises
It cascades it’s bright warmth upon the earth
It lights up the land
And shines a bright glow
Over the crystal mountain peaks
At dawn life starts
Nightmares end
Eyes open to the wonders of the world
New beginnings and potential take place
At dusk
It sets
What’s been done today stays
It can’t change anymore
Hopes and dreams fall with the sun
Lives have ended today
Thousands of minds have dimmed down and darkened
At dusk my eyes awaken
And I’m the only one left to see the horrors of the night
65 · Jun 2018
Love like dirt
Nina Nguyen Jun 2018
Think love
Its silky smooth
It flows easily
From me to you

But her love
Feels like dust
She walked away
And left it to rust

She dug a whole
Of chalk and dirt
She built a grave
And filled it with hurt

This love like dirt
So easily swayed
It turned to dust
And blew away
This poem is kind of hard to interpret. I was trying to imply that her love was so bad it felt like dirt. And then that love died, hence the grave she built herself.
59 · Jun 2018
Hello Poetry and Goodbye
Nina Nguyen Jun 2018
Hello poetry
Good morning to you
When I’m deathly  bored
This is what I do

I write down my feelings
So they won’t ever escape
But I make them look pretty
All wrapped up in lace

I etch out my thoughts
Where they will always remain
But when it comes to me
I don’t think I can say the same

Goodbye poetry
I’m saying goodnight
I hope you’ll see me again
If I’m not out of time
No this is not a suicide note but one might look something like this. So if you see any poems with this nature please contact the poet and make sure they’re alive and stable. If they do have certain thoughts. Please try to change their mind.
Nina Nguyen Jun 2018
She’s gone
I know it hurts
But things
Could be much worse

I know you miss her
I understand your pain
But you’ll miss other things
If you don’t stand again

She’s in the back of your mind
But she’s  still there
You must throw her away
And show you don’t care

If you’re always stuck on memories
You’ll start to run out
Cause you can’t make new ones
If she’s still around
55 · Aug 2018
E
Nina Nguyen Aug 2018
E
Extra
You are so freaking extra
Extra doesn’t even sum it up
You are extravagant

For everyone but me of course
It’s your friends birthday
So you decorate their locker
Give them a present
And tell them how much they mean to you

Well I guess I should stop looking
In the dictionary for my name
Because to you it means nothing
So I get nothing

You invite all your friends to hang out
And I’m just looking at my phone
Waiting for you to answer that text
From last week

I look on your social media
At all the fun you’re having
How pretty you are
And how I’m not in a single photo
How I’m not in a single memory
54 · Jun 2018
Anti depression poem
Nina Nguyen Jun 2018
You mean a lot to me
So please do not leave
You are the apple of my eye
And all fruits would rot if you die

You may be running out of breath
But that shouldn’t lead to your death
You might be dripping tears from your eyes
But that doesn’t mean it’s time for goodbye

If you feel empty I’ll fill you with love
So you won’t float away to the above
I’ll wrap you in a big warm hug
To keep you from this grave you dug

So if you ever feel alone
Just look back on this poem
If you ever feel suicidal please talk to someone. A friend, parent, counselor, trusted adult, sibling, lover, child, anyone. You could even text me. Even though I don’t know you, I still don’t want you to die. Because everyone matters in my life.
51 · Aug 2018
(Not) Perfect
Nina Nguyen Aug 2018
Pour the abstract water
Into a sculptured mold
Freeze it so it stays there
In a timeless hold
I can make you shiver
Down to the bone
You can’t break my heart
Cause it’s stone cold
But if you want the art
Get rid of my statue
You’d have to thaw my heart
Just don’t burn it too
51 · Jun 2018
Reverse Poem
Nina Nguyen Jun 2018
I’m holding on
That is why
I’m such a fool
It hurts me
Which is why
I’m letting go

Now read it from the bottom up
This was my first reverse poem and it’s not that good but I tried very hard. Hope you liked it!
51 · Jun 2018
Chained to her rules
Nina Nguyen Jun 2018
For all of my childhood
I had constricting rules
Rules that were supposed to hold me together
And keep me up right

But instead they bound me
Trapped me
And if I moved
I would fall over

When I losened it’s grip
Thought I broke free
Took a breath of fresh air
And stretched out my wings

She only wrapped them tighter
More chains added on
Cutting off my circulation
Suffocating me

Now that I have grown
The chains no longer fit
She realizes she has to let go
But not before she cuts my wings
Making me crawl on the floor
Begging for her help to lift me up
With her cold icy chains
49 · Oct 2018
Down The Rabbit Hole
Nina Nguyen Oct 2018
I start the day happy
My head in the clouds
But then I realize
My feet still touch the ground

I float in the ocean
Looking for my missing link
But my empty heavy heart
Slowly makes me sink

Now I’m here at the core
Where I’m caught in a storm
Wondering why I have to be
In this distraught form

I make it to the other side
Admiring the stars
I've burnt out and exploded
You can tell by my scars

No matter how much light I devour
Darkness takes over in a matter of hours
Then I end up feeling empty
Cause there’s a black hole inside me
48 · Jun 2018
Seven (7 words per line)
Nina Nguyen Jun 2018
Seven reasons why I don’t  love you
Seven reasons why our love is true
Together it’s fourteen reasons I’m a fool
47 · Aug 2018
V
Nina Nguyen Aug 2018
V
Vexatious
You are so vexatious
Because you steal all of my friends
All of my thunder

You play the innocent girl
But you make these subtle
But extremely snide remarks

You play modest
But you succeed in almost everything
And when you’re just a little bit off
You whine and whine

And I’m just here
With my low accomplishments
Thinking, if you think how you’re doing is bad
Then what about me
47 · May 2018
The Whip
Nina Nguyen May 2018
***** goes the whip
As it slashes my heart
The distance between us
Stretches too far
I can’t reach out any longer
Or I’ll start to break apart

My cries are drowned out
In the winter wind
Drowning in the traditions
Of the discipline of kin
Blood and tears fill my soul
And you have committed another sin

The hollow whispers
Of sweet nothings
Create a mirage
For the shouts and screams
The rage and fear
The fury and wrong

***** goes the whip
As it slashes my heart
I know every strike
I remember where they are
It repeats in my memories
As it leaves a painful scar
47 · May 2018
Minnesota
Nina Nguyen May 2018
Frozen falling freezing flakes
A land of over 10,000 lakes
Blanketed with fresh white snow
I wonder where the wind will blow
It’s so cold even the land itself shivers
Lot’s of water from the lakes and rivers
In the summer the sun blazes
In winter it’s foggy hazes
Other states might feel inferior
Because we have Lake Superior
The gusts of wind as fast as light
Great clouds of snow block your sight
Whoosh goes the wind into a breeze
It’s what makes our waters freeze
I’m so glad to call this my home
If you wish you were here, you aren’t alone
44 · Jun 2018
My Descent
Nina Nguyen Jun 2018
There are many paths to walk
Beautiful scenic routes
And cracked rocky dirt trails
Some of them are dull and dark
Or bright and beautiful
Downhill and uphill
But it’s much easier to fall down then climb up

You would need support
Like a rope
Most people need a hand to climb mountains
And that’s what friends are for
However some of us don’t have a safety net
Our friends aren’t strong enough to climb the mountain
And shoulder us along
So we slip
And plummet into the deep valley

Why do we fall?
We fall because the burden of our emotions
Is too much
They weigh us down
And gravity does the rest
And the only way we can pull ourselves back up
Is if we relieve the pressure
If we let it all go

That’s why some of us write poetry
We write it all down
And trap our feelings in the poem
Feelings deeper than the ocean
They come in waves
Wave after wave after wave
And we are swept up in the tides
Pulled and dragged
Until it lets go
Until we let go.
Nina Nguyen Nov 2018
In a sea of red roses
I see one that is dark
Covered in thorns
Yet I feel a spark

It’s been struck down by lightning
But it still stands tall
No matter what it goes against
I don’t think it’ll ever fall

I see this dark rose
A little isolated
I start reaching for the petals
But I know my heartbreak is fated

Because as I reach closer
Preparing for the thorns
I never reach the flower
And I know I’ve been scorned
40 · Jun 2018
Remnant Memory
Nina Nguyen Jun 2018
My frozen tangled hair hung over my shoulders
The warm lights inside shone on the short, bulging, fiery, monster
The frosted grass set the cold mood
The dark woods as lonely as me
And the leaves trembling in the cold wind
I could see it all

My wailing cries echoed into the night
Drowned out by the howling of the wind
The slammed door still in my ears
My pounding knocks on the locked gate
And my sniffled begging to be let back inside
I could hear it all

My fists against the big smooth doors
The cold concrete against my feet
My soft sweater hanging off my shoulders
And my soaking tears as they fell
I could feel it all

The shuddering breeze stung as I inhaled
The faint waft of meat escaping through the cracks
The stank of damp oak made me cringe
I could smell all of it


I was locked out
As I tasted my salty tears
I could finally taste the memory
36 · May 2018
I Try
Nina Nguyen May 2018
I try
I really do

I try to stay calm
But sometimes I panic
I try to be happy
But sometimes I cry
I try not to be annoying
But that’s just who I am
I try
I really do

I try not to break down
But I can already feel the cracks
I try to stay strong
But sometimes I’m weak
I try to be who I am
But I don’t know who that is
I try
I really do

I try to be loving
I try to be nice
With all my heart I try
But sometimes
I can’t keep up
Can’t keep up with life
With friends or family
I try
I really do
But sometimes
I can’t keep up the charade
28 · May 2018
Waiting
Nina Nguyen May 2018
The pounding never stops
Ba...
        Dump...
                              Ba...
                                      Dump...
It’s always there
Especially when you are
But if it ever leaves
There will be a replacement
Silence
So quiet
Yet so loud
Silence drives me crazy
It would eat me alive
Swallow me whole
Until my heart restarts
But until it comes
I’ll deal with the pounding
Of my eager heart
Waiting
For your answer
25 · Jan 9
No More Shadow
Nina Nguyen Jan 9
Your shadow
Dark, cold, and empty
But it’s not as empty as you think
For it holds all the magic in the world

All that love
Creativity
Passion
And emotion

Trapped in a hole
Not able to reach the sun
Never seen next to the spotlight
Never hated but never loved
Just there

And every time a tear drops down
A little magic leaks out bit by bit
But never enough to come out completely
It just slowly disappeared

You hide behind nothing
You pretend to be nothing
But you are something
You are everything this world needs

In the night
There is no more shadow
Just you and the magic
So when it’s day
Become the sun that has no shadow
24 · Oct 2018
You’re a Murderer
Nina Nguyen Oct 2018
You cut me open
Now I’m all exposed
Tears of blood drips
All over my clothes

I wanna text you
Please hit up my phone
Cause I’m just waiting
All alone

You’re a murderer
You ripped my heart
You’re a murderer
You tore me all apart

You’re a murderer
Crushing all my words
You’re a murderer
My emotions can’t be heard

You cut our ties
You tell me lies
You cut my wings
Now I can’t fly
Now sitting here
I want to cry
But I ran out of tears they’re dry
I’m not suprised
You let it die

You’re a murderer
You killed our love
You’re a murderer
You killed our love
24 · Nov 2018
I Thought
Nina Nguyen Nov 2018
I thought I was dark and brooding
But it turns out I was just an angsty student
Now I’m cute and innocent
They say I’m just like a saint

Thought I was the devil
But it turns out I’m the angel
Because I help and heal
Instead of hurt and strangle

I thought I needed help
I guess I’m not who I used to think
Thought I needed to fix myself
But it turns out I’m the shrink
21 · Dec 2018
Please don’t leave me
Nina Nguyen Dec 2018
Please don’t leave me
My heartstrings crave for your presence
Theyve latched on and won’t let go
And if you go they might break
They might rip from my heart
They might unravel into shreds
And tie me up by the neck
Please don’t leave me
Because I know my heart will follow
And if it’s gets lost
It can’t come back
Then I’ll still be here
In the dark, broken, empty, and alone
And no matter how furious my water falls flow
They will never fill the deep hole
Please don’t leave me
I need you
You are the air in my lungs in and out
But if you leave
You’ll take my breath away
And I’ll be speechless
I can’t even scream your name
Please don’t leave me
Don’t leave me all alone again

— The End —