In an endless blue, I hold up a red balloon;
waiting for things to happen.
We lost something familiar in the connection,
as the nervous river of thought feeds our bodies,
in cloaks of invisibility we wish to hide.
Hands that used to wipe away our tears,
when there were monsters under our beds,
have grown away from us.
So we learnt to be unmoved and untouched.
We hide our vulnerability under our cloaks.
How can we ignite a life into a new heart
and call it an accident?
Then we are tragedies,
crashing one over another.
We are not a definition of life.
We collect pieces and dots of eternal summer rays
and flickering shadows of raindrops.
How those insignificant stains make a much more meaningful picture.
A single drop can colour a glass full of water,
before it melts away – that’s what happens when we are ourselves.

My Heart is a drunken bipolar maniac with masochistic tendencies .
My Heart does not care about your feelings,
or the fretting of my apologetic Mind.
It is ravenous and deranged;
it will devour your succulent hopes and spit out the bones.
My Heart is one mean *******;
it is a rabid wolverine with a hangover who ate razor-blades for breakfast,
and no, it does not want to go steady
or hold hands.
It wants to rip the soft white throat of your infatuation
and watch your eloquent offerings pool around your feet.

Unless, of course, you do not want me.
For met with that alluring indifference,
my unhinged pit-bull of a Heart will curl at your feet with doe-eyed meekness
and follow you from room to room in an agony of adoration
while Self-Respect and Dignity sulk in some dusty corner, thinking
"Please God, won't somebody muzzle that crazy *****?"

In seven days
six hours
twenty three minutes
and 5
     4
      3
       2
        1 seconds

I will lose you.

I will lose you,
because you will be farther
than we already are.
and we will be more broken,
than we have previously been.

We will be distanced,
by time,
and days,
and hours and minutes and seconds.

And I will lose you.

I will lose you to a world,
of higher education,
wilder parties,
and heavier drinking.

I will lose you,
to sluttier girls,
and drunken weekends,
after a long 5 days of studying.

I will lose you,
to stressful days
and sleepless nights,
and 19 cent ramen noodle meals.

I have lost you.
Physically.

But mentally,
loss seems unreal
You will always be on my mind,
and in my memory.
But in six days
five hours
twenty two minutes
and 5
     4
      3
       2
        1 seconds,
        
I will no longer be in yours.

You will lose me.

I drew you a poem
with the dripping blood from my soul,
but the tears and the sadness
draped canvases before it was dried
and when it was released
from the sheets
there was a jumbled up mess
of confused phrases and letters
where the paint should have laid

Flight delays
slight in some ways
my train is derailed
no lie
I swear the tire was flat
there was traffic
and my foot is broken
no one can walk with a broken foot!

I know you want me there and I wish I could
but you in my bed still sounds so strange  

I swear I will be in shortly
(right after I visit another
one who I know won't wake up next to me
its better that way)

I heard you the first time
and I said don't wait up for me
I'll be there tomorrow
just let me grow some wings and I will fly there
just let me swallow burning coal and the rails will carry me
just let the traffic die down and I will be on the wheel
just let my foot heal and I will walk all thousand miles

I swear I will be in shortly
I'm coming right back to you
I need to make a few stops along the way
it won't take long
they never last
and I swear I will be in by morning
if not then in for lunch
if not then we can enjoy dinner
if not then I can squeeze in a night cap
I swear I will be in shortly

I built a Berlin Wall around my heart.
Not to keep others out,
but to keep myself in.
I built the walls higher
until no light could get in
and I stayed there.
I may have been alone
but at least I was safe.
Safe from you and your sugar coated words and electric touch.
Protected from the lies that seeped from between your lips,
and god, just your lips.
I kept myself away from your impish charm and devilish smile.
I had to,
I couldn’t let you in
Because when you broke me the first time
I could hardly manage
to pick up the fragments
and build them into something that at least resembled the girl I had been before.
A shell of what it was.
I added armour.
Heavy chainmail to keep me away from your beckoning embrace.
Was it worth it?
I’m not sure.
But the over flow of emotions
that I swam through every time I saw you
was drowning me.
So I built a raft and let it take me away.
I put myself here but now I’m trapped,
stuck in my own mind and stuck in my own heart.
It’s a terrible place to be.
Trust me,
you wouldn’t want to be here with me.