Ok

Ok before,

Better with.

But I don't know that I'll ever be Ok after...

So much put into such a temporary thing.

And now I'm left to think about what was,

And to fail repeatedly at trying to heal

I don't think I will ever be Ok... again.

Life of a $&%!#*-%^3(!&

Whispers,
Screams,
Conversations,
Music,
Demands,
Preferences,
But never silence.
Dear god there is never a moment of silence.
The things they say,
The things I see...
The things they make me feel.
As if there are eyes burning into the back of my skull.
Watching...
Waiting.
For the perfect moment;
When I'm sad,
Mad,
Lonely,
Vulnerable.
To catch me at my lowest,
So I will obey every word they so elegantly whisper
From the back of my own mind.
Ultimately my own twisted thoughts,
Paranoia,
Fears,
Anger.

Life of a Schizophrenic

Mixed Emotions

Pt. 1
It's not your fault

I'm sorry.  

I wake up every morning with a hope of death some time throughout the day.
I go to bed at night with dreams of never waking.
I walk across the street at night in black clothing
Without enough care to check for oncoming traffic,
So in the case there is someone coming,
I don't have to end my life with the knowledge that I did it on purpose...
I just set up the perfect accident.

Pt. 2
I want to fall in love again.
The way I did with you.
I want to fall in love so deeply that I haven't had a clue
about the world around me and the things that others do.
I want to fall in love again
I want to feel it true
I want to fall in love so that the greys can turn to blue
and all things pertain to you
and all my problems minuscule,
because I've shard my life with you
I want to fall in love again
But I can't replace my you.

Ironic isnt it?

how a writer could say 'words can only mean so much.'

As a writer you understand what words could truly mean.

the passion,

the sadness,

anger,

joy,

love.

And yet so easily could a writer lie.

Think about it though, isnt it so perfect?

Creating a story out of real life?

And a good writer could really cover their tracks

their lies would be so drawn out and intricate, there's no way they just made it up...

Right?

Blue
And White
Much like my mood
But sometimes Grey
And Black
That's what they say
At least
See the Sky is a funny thing
For its one of those things thats Constantly changing
One of those things That is very misleading
Much like a word
For words can mean many things, as the sky can
And if you dont understand how the word is put together
Then you will never be able to see the big picture
And if you dont understand what the Sky is saying
Then you wont be able to tell if the weather is rainy
So with that I tell you to be careful
You see the sky is quite touchy
And one false word may create a bigger storm than you can handle.

Teenage Love is Stupid
And that’s coming from me. 

A 16 year old, hopeless romantic 

And I know a lot of you wont agree 
unless you’re at least 23 

But hear me out, pretty please?

See we go through life begging

to find the one that makes our life worth living 

and then we think we find them.

We promise that we’ll be there

and we could never find another. 

“I love you”
we always say, to our teenaged lover 

And then one day its just not true anymore. 

You pack your bags and out the door. 
There goes number 1. 

See as teenagers we fall in love for fun 

we dont know this at first
but trust me its true 

We fantasize about about
finding that one 
person
that we can accurately compare to the sun 

and then ****
with the sound of a gun 

runs
all of our feelings, 
away from us.

Please dont misunderstand what I’m trying to say

I do not believe teenagers dont know what love is, 

I simply do not believe we truly kno what it feels like.

In which case we spend all of this time devoting our hearts
and minds 

to this person
that we swear we’re so lucky to find

and
after a couple months everything just
 stops 
and feelings are nowhere to be found 

Hearts are broken
and we dive back into the crowd 

to find our next
“one true love”