Please don’t scold me.
I do that daily.
Tell myself everything that’s wrong.
Point out all my flaws and hate myself heavily.
Please Don’t tell me your disappointment.
I am my worst enemy
& broke my own commitment.
Please Don’t Be so angry..
Showing Hate Just makes me Want To Do it all Again ..
What can you feel ?
Whatever you need to .
I just ask for you to not shame me disgracefully..
Don’t show me how upset you are.
Yes I’ve fallen more than once.
I know it’s wrong but
understand I use to run.
I promised myself il fight harder.
Think around the situation
for a solution that will solve it.
I have beat the battle.
I lose when it’s
too many to handle.
It’s so frustrating.
Drugs is the easiest solution
& in the moment I just want to forget everything!
Please understand..
Most triggers are caused by unsolved events in our past.
You created & added on to all the thoughts I dwell on.
Please forgive me ..
As I cannot forgive my own self.
Yes I used, Again & Again.
I’m aware I’ve fallen
multiple times.
Once again, Temptation beats me.
Weakens my mind ..
triggers my brain
with the good times I’ve spent.
My point Baby..
I’m not hurting you.
For you to be in rage ..
I did not cheat or Betray .
I’m faithful till this day.
I Relapsed.
I’m hurting myself.
Damaging my insides
& messing with my own head.
Please don’t be furious ..
I’d understand the sadness if the reasons for my use weren’t related to you ..
I Don’t Want To blame you dear,
Although I do believe you play a big fault on my low self esteem.
Constant Mesmerizing Sadness.
Of the way you treated me &
how I the fool
allowed myself and still gave you the keys to my heart.
How even then
you still played me.
I can’t forget, forgive or let go.
Only on drugs have I made it possible, then they came back worse.
Hold me when I’m coming down
I just need a hug & love .
My mind races of  negativity
Repetiting I’m so worthless

I’m Addicted To
You Didn’t think it was that serious did you. Something minor like a *** head who’s just considered a stoner. Probably didn’t cross your mind how harsh the drug is and how deep in the puddle I’m in.
I’m bi polar
You didn’t think it was a big deal.
Couple mood swings, nothing to severe. Didn’t think it was a problem or ever cross your head how that was going to cause confusion and frustration .
Both combined?
Nothing to be worried Of.
You must have thought I just had problems like everyone Els in the world.
Rapid changes in my mood.
My attitude has you confused.
Now your re considering our friendship.
So much drama you weren’t awaiting.
You figured out im crazy.
Arguments within my head is affecting us daily.
I’m sorry baby..
I don’t function like the normal
Forgive me baby
I am better when I’m not delusional
Wait for me baby
When I accomplish Sobriety I’m truly amazing ...

If I Use
Tears Appear in the eyes.
Disappointment sinkins the heart.
Love, Turns to Anger & frustration.
A thousand thoughts create As you breath heavily.
Speechless, you weaken.
Clueless on what to do next.
words Blur Out ..
“How could You?” “I can’t believe this” “ are you happy? You must be” “look at you fool! Pathetic “
“I’m tired of your ****” .
So upset , I’m Looked as the enemy.
So hurt, I’m Looked as the Bad Guy.
So Disappointed, you want me out.
So furious, I’m seen as a mistake.
I’m Careless In your brain.
I’m evil and Cruel.
How could you use? Abused the ones around you.
We are the victims !
Apologies allowed to only you ..
I’m the Villain, I’m the bad one.
I did wrong , I sinned strong.
As if I purposely fell ..
like scribbling on walls.
Why do you think I want to do this?
Yes I planned. I chose. I proceeded.
I don’t want to deal with My reality
I want to escape everything
& start over.

I Don’t Want this life.
I’m tired of coming back..
I don’t want to be sad.
I don’t want to feel less .
I don’t like to go numb then return feeling 2x worse.
Yes , I Say I want to be on.
I talk about dope like it’s my love.
I write about feeling nothing & Getting on my level till I drop.
Believe me when I say it’s not the life I truly want .
I want to live and smile.
On Dope I can’t even laugh .
What is it that keeps me dreaming
The First High feeling, lifting off the first few minutes.
It all changes after that.
I get stuck trying to feel amazing
I lose track of time feeling nothing but frustration.
Sitting Down Focused on The glass pipe.
I don’t want to hit this Nomore