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And in black holes beneath  the sun is where silence lived.

I clung on to every bit of life it had left.  Mirrored its steps and consumed its pain until one day, it cried out and said to me, “Go away, I don’t want you anymore.”

In the end, even I made silence want to speak.  Want to cry. Want to leap out of its skin and shout.
Kayla universe May 2019
My mother says that when she was was younger, she was scared of the lord.

More scared of the lord then her own parents and  I, I am desperate for my mother’s approval and I am scared of her truth.

More scared of her truth then slowly slipping away into a dark place in which I may never return.

I am terrified.

Terrified of the chaos buried beneath back of my terrible brain.

I am terrified.

Terrified of admiring my own shame and maybe I blame this shame on my mother for never telling me that *** was ok, but it’s still shame and that’s all that matters.

For years, I never thought that I mattered. That maybe, the world would be a little less violent, people would be filled with a little less silence if only I was gone. Disappearing into space like I never truly existed.  

But I have never truly existed, have I?

I walk around with terrible secrets strapped to my chest like they belong there.

If only I could say, “ mom, I like girls. I like the way they look sometimes even more then I like boys.”  

And if only I could speak. If only I had a voice to preach and It’s a shame that young girls feel the same!  

My mother says that when she was was younger, she was scared of the lord.

And I, I am scared of something that can actually be seen. Of something that you don’t need to look in a book and read. Of something that doesn’t seem that far away.

Me
Kayla universe Dec 2018
Today, I arose with the black sun and flung into space crying out with space dust filling my deflating my lungs.

And as I clawed against the narrow edges of an unknown place full of dark matter and all my terrors, I cried.

I cried for the times I wasn’t cared for and all the times I could’ve died with Jupiter’s rings tied around my throat.


Today, I arose with the black sun and started to fade to illuminating dust.

I was no longer atoms or the empty space I had longed to go away.

I am bright. I am radiant.  I am something you cannot  touch. I will slip through your fingers when you try to break me and claim it was love.
Kayla universe Dec 2018
The universe is trying to tell me something.
She’s locked away in this golden brick cage and the walls are chipping; falling towards bay.

Her muffled screams are parting the seas. You see it’s a mistake I always made; trying to love that wild thing.
Kayla universe Jul 2018
His fingertips were dripping with honey and he danced through a pool  of milk on weekends.

Yet on one Saturday afternoon; grey and gloomy, he swooned and drowned in that same pool of milk.

I  could not save him so love letters sat waiting, buried at the bottom of that ivory white tub when drained.

He was waiting on  me.

His fingers bled and left the pages sticky when writing. His fingers bled with honey and my eyes began to fill with tears.

He told me all his biggest fears yet I never listened.

showed me all his darkest secrets and scars but I never looked.

And now those love letters, sappy apology notes from something he never did wrong wrapped it’s fingers around my wrist made scars as deep as his and now it’s too hard to  read them.

You know, cuz it’s covered honey and drenched in milk much like my ivory white tub is now.
Kayla universe Jun 2018
I lay here in this tiny white bed and let the monster slowly take me.

Wrap it’s hands around my throat.

We’ve both been on this boat before.

But I could jump of.

I could disappear.
Kayla universe Jun 2018
At a young age, they learned to run away

I learned how to suffer in silence.
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