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you loved me in your thoughts
and thought that you loved me
for all i was a mere thought
that could never become your reality
so you bled on these pages
tore through your cages
and wrote and wrote and wrote
rowing your sinking love boat
merrily down the stream
living a ****** nightmare
you oh so lovingly called a dream
and now you think you want me back
but all you want is the idea you've had
of a girl with broken wings
of an angel who sings
but i ain't no angel baby
i am the devil you don't want to see
who'll never ever fall for you
i am a lie that'll never be true
so ******* and your make ego
for you'll never be my story's hero
i am the main lead of my tale
a peak that you'll never be able to scale
to all the guys who thought they loved me
no, you never did
you simply liked the idea
you created in your stupid little head
of a soft girl who needed you to fix her
but that was never the case
i never led anyone of on
you did it to yourself
thinking you could tame the fire that burnt me alive
thinking you could give me a reason to survive
so fuvm for loving someone who never existed and trying to become better men
Påłpëbŕå Dec 2021
and as the year ends
nights and days blend
into this beautiful place
where we shall trace
a new art
through our hearts
and welcome with sheer
joy and love this brand new year

~from me to you
a very happy 2022 :)
well, i know it's too early for a happy new year poem, but c'mon i couldn't stop myself from writing it........2021 has been an experience, but then every year is.....i've fallen, i've risen only to fall again and this page has witnessed each of those moments.......i've found people and lost people, i've learnt so much and yet felt pretty empty on so many days........but you know what kept me going? that i'm not the only one.........yes, you pretty reader, if you're still reading........then i must tell you this that you too have survived and fought and came out a stronger and better version of yourself.......this isn't a mental health speech or something because i personally don't believe in all that stuff.......self-help is helping yourself in the best way you can and for me it is writing whatever and however i want.......i don't create literary pieces here, but blurt out the first thing that comes to my i hope you have an amazing year ahead and just be whoever the hell you want to be........

Påłpëbŕå Dec 2021
i don't want feel this anymore
i wish this from my very core
how i try to act normal around
lonely as hell in these crowds
one look at me they see
how different i breathe
in this inferno i seethe
of agony, guilt and loss
seeking forgiveness from the cross
yet here i sit
in this dark depressing pit
and pray to be just like all
easy to love and for fall
this stubbornness of mine
keeps me from being fine
the thoughts in my head
make me twist in my bed
these images from my past
in my dreams and screams last
and make me want
to stop this haunt
yet helpless i lay
writing away
all this pathetic pain
******* again and again
i wish i could just let go
just set myself free
i am that chirpy bird
who has lost her beak
Påłpëbŕå Dec 2021
i am *****
i am flirty
i ******
i deduce
no man out there
will ever be aware
of how i play them all
making them fall
with texts and calls
that go on and on
heartless was i born
i am the worst kind
making them all blind
i'm the evil you write about
whispering in your shouts
how i broke your stupid little heart
toying with you from the very start
but one thing you said was right
making you feel is a pure delight
i am the fiercest flame
so today i take the blame
i betrayed the one friend i made
making him devoid of all his shades
i am wicked and nothing more
-your beloved attention *****

P.S. i never wanted your warmth......i am too cold for that.
Påłpëbŕå Nov 2021
i wish i could be
a bit more like you
because being me
is simply too blue
i followed your steps
went where you did
still could not prep
to reach where you did
you've been that star
i've witnessed from afar
and all i have been
is an ugly scar
you don't even think
or will ever blink
in my direction
and today
this thought
makes my heart sink
i  don't know what it is
the guilt, the regret?
or simply a chance i'll miss
because my demons won't let
or ever set
me free
and in this ocean of me
i'll drown
going way down

-to the muse who'll never know that i wrote this for him
i don't even know why i'm writing this
Påłpëbŕå Nov 2021
is depression
lack of expression?
a friendly shove
of long lost love?
too much pain
numbed yet again?
loss of your sister?
a cheating mister?
broken trust?
past pretty unjust?
no more affection?
no chance of resurrection?
lack of will to live?
or nothing left to give?
no more words left to write?
long lost will to fight for light?
too much darkness in your eyes?
no truth left untainted by lies?
bleeding heart that can't pump blood?
an impending tear-flood?
abused and bruised for way too long?
you can't find where do you belong?

depression is everything yet nothing at all
it is the rise that doesn't happen after the final fall
i really don't know
Påłpëbŕå Nov 2021
you think you know heartache
can distinguish between real & fake
but you don't-not until
it stills your soul and kills your will
it guts you alive making it hard to survive
it makes you bleed and difficult to feed
it makes you your worst nightmare
an eternal scare
and all you think is why did you care
why couldn't the world be a bit fair?
so much pain you try hiding
want to end up confiding
but you can't
simply can't
because it keeps you going
keeps you from showing
what you really feel
so don't you reveal
pretending you care no more
even when you're nothing like before
oh reader you're changed yet the same
-wild emotions tough to tame
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