This is how it will be:
I will leave, because I have to
You will stay, because you can
We will talk- often enough;
exchange words, wishes
***** ideas
I will visit- more than I can afford to-
because your bed
feels more like home to me
than my entire house,
more than this town
where I go on doing
what is so cruelly called
'living'
You say you will visit
when you have the time and money.
You will never have that kind of time
or money.
We will talk, less frequently
You will keep me up to date
on your vibrant artistic endeavours
I will have mad fits of desire
brought on by a few words of yours
Time will pass.
We will talk, be frank and honest
Chat nimbly, later numbly
about meeting new people
These words will be the knives
that cut at the seams
we didn't have time
to stitch together tightly
I will clutch, then cling, then lose my grip
be dragged down
by the weight of holding you back
You will socialize and find solace
in others, face to face
and give up on what distance denied
You will let go and move on
I will wrap myself
around those few sweet,
slippery memories
of how it was.

happiness is not inherent
nor inherited,
not passed on in a dusty family scrapbook
parents can't package it for children
wish though they might
can't slip it into a card,
like so many bills equating to birthdays
can't secret it into the corner of a care package
to arrive unbidden but enjoyed no less
friends can't pass it on
like a carefully folded grade-school note
or a free drink at the favorite watering hole
work can't substitute it, not forever
faith can play-act it, but not forever
it's left up to the one
most desperately searching to find
to find if it is
and if it is, what it is
and how to hold it
so that that unhappiness might live only
as a memory of a reminder
of a life less good

That one thing i craved for..
Only you didn't know
Always on my mind
a drug, poisoning me
A sick addiction
Cutting me off from reality

Each time you pulled me closer
Each time i felt you better
Each time you treaded me more the way i wished for
A one night stand
But the day after i didn't exist anymore

The torture of being nothing
Nothing more than a pleasure
Just a toy, what could i do
Everything was fine with me
As long as i could see you

Never an explanation
Till the day we got together
You cherished me
Like a wolf in sheep skin
And i, the sheep, was trapped
As you kissed my neck
Calling me 'his girl'

You told me you love me
You told me you're afraid i'll leave
You told me you're a selfish man
You told me you're struggling with yourself
The voices, they keep talking to you
I know you're scared
But i love you too.

Now we're here
There's nothing left
No tensity just insanity
You're The razor on my wrist
But the cuts relieve the pain
My biggest mistake but yet my happiness

Afraid to lose you
Pretending I'm fine
Exhausted of waiting
Too Scared to stand up
craving for your attention
waiting patiently till it's my time

You pull me closer to the edge
Pushing me further away from you
Just A tread saving me from the abyss
It's like waiting for the end
Wondering what you're holding behind your back.

Preparing for another day
Closing my eyes as a tear slips through my lashes
Wetting my pillow
Leaving a black stain
Trying to sleep, my thoughts keep me awake.

As i wrap my hands around your neck, holding my breath
Counting to three...
The razor cuts me again
So relieving, but still feels so wrong
I love you and With knives in my heart
I decide to give you one more chance
The last chance

Like i gave yesterday...