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Raven Apr 2018
When I was little
I didn't really have friends

When I was little
I never had much fun
For I was depressed by six

When I was little
I didn't wish for ponies or dresses
I wished for protection or some way to escape

When I was little
I didn't fantasize about magical lands and unicorns
I fantasized about safe nights and days free of yelling

When I was little I wasn't scared of the monsters under my bed
For they were my friends
I was scared of the monster who I called dad

When I was little I never got homesick
I got sick of home

When I was little
I had a childhood
But not for long
April/ 22/ 2018/ 1:32PM/ 14 yrs old
Raven Apr 2018
The dark is me refuge
Even though the dark is where many bad things happen

People love in the dark

People hurt in the dark

But the dark is still my home

The dark is where some people do harsh things

Some people smoke in the dark

Some people **** in the dark

Some people steal in the dark

But the dark is still my home
Why?
Because no one can see me break down in the dark
Because when everyone else abandoned me
The dark held me in it's arms

Because even though people hurt me in the dark
It was still there for me more than anyone or anything else

So the dark is my home
April/ 22/ 2018/ 14 yrs old
Raven Apr 2018
Drowning in thought

Drowning in memories

Everyday I'm drowning
And no one seems to see
April/ 22/ 2018/ 14 yrs old
Raven Apr 2018
Finally leaving
Finally gone

My time has come
For me to leave

Not forever
For I shall visit

But not for awhile

The time has come for me to go

To go back to my mom
To go back to my brother

Finally leaving
Finally gone

Don't miss me for I shall visit
But instead stay in touch
And don't forget me

I will still need you time to time
Don't cry for my absence
Instead smile for hope of my next visit

I will not disappear
So do not fear
For I shall visit
Every once in awhile

So don't cry
Smile
April/ 15/ 2018/ 14 yrs old
Raven Apr 2018
Me
No food
No sleep
I can't let these things reach out and speak sweet lies
I can't let food call my name
I can't let sleep drown my thoughts

I shouldn't eat
I can't sleep

This is me

I am broken girl
Who can't eat
In fear I weigh too much

I am a broken girl who can't sleep
For my thoughts and memories
Haunt me too much

I am a broken girl who answers 'how are you?'
With 'I'm alright' even when I'm not even close
Because I don't want you to worry
I don't want you to fret
Over a broken soul

I am a broken girl who says 'I have been busy'
when someone asks me why I haven't done something
I have been busy just not in the way they think
I have been busy trying not to give into hunger
I have been busy fixating on how I'm broken
I have been busy
But not in the way they think

I am a broken girl who has let her demons
creep up on her too much

I am a broken girl who has surrendered
her soul

I am a broken girl who dates so she feels
worth something because I don't when I'm alone

I date because I need to depend on someone
Because I am not dependable for anyone
Let alone myself

I date so I can hear someone say I love you
So I can hear someone call me beautiful
Cute
Amazing
And so many other things
Even if I don't believe it

I am a broken girl who has lost so many relationships
Five to death
And so many others just because they left
I was no longer good enough
No longer happy enough
No longer
PRETENDING

I am a broken girl who pretends
And when I stop people leave

Because I am too broken

I am too clingy

I am too demanding

I'm just not enough

Or I'm too much

THIS IS ME

But no one sees
Until I let them

And when I do they worry

But please don't worry
Because you didn't when you didn't know
So why worry now?

I'm still the same me
You just couldn't see all the flaws that my eyes do

You don't see the way I do

I see a girl who's eyes are too big

I see a girl who isn't thin enough

I see a girl who's hair doesn't suit her no matter what

I see a girl with too many scars

I see a girl
But I don't

For all I can see now is a walking flaw

And no one knows that
THIS IS ME
April/ 19/ 2018/ 10:19 AM
  Apr 2018 Raven
Kim
We're almost touching.
we were walking side by side,
you're talking about cabs in your hometown.
I can feel the gravity of your hand, calling my fingers
whispering "it's alright."

We're touching but not quite.
you held my shoulder to protect me from the passing cars.
and for the first time in a long while, I felt so fragile.
In this world where I find it hard even to breathe,
you believed me.

I almost said it.
All I need is one ounce of strength to tell you every single thing that I have ever felt about you.

I want to find home in your collarbones.
Would you be kind enough to let a stranger in?
I want to seep in your being because I'm cold.
The world is harsh and my cracks are aching.

Almost.
Please don't ever become a stranger,
whose laugh I can recognize anywhere.
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